Sadness
*Shizuma*
Speaking of my
heart, I have
had some dark hours in my life. It’s too painful to know about. But if
I must,
*sigh* I will tell you.
I once had a
normal life. I
had a loving mother. She was a lovely neko yokai but I didn’t care. I
didn’t
see any differences as a human boy. (Hai! I was born a human! Most onis
are
made, not born!) We had each other. I loved her and she felt the same
for me.
Or so I thought.
On the ban of my
seventeenth
year, Haruka led me to the mori behind our house. She said she had a
surprise
for me. Of course, I was excited. “Nani is the surprise?” I asked her
on the
path. “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise now, would it?” she
asked. I
smiled. “Naw.” I said at last. “That’s nani I thought.” she said. I
just
smiled. Haruka always played games with me like that.
We made it to the
center of
the mori. A small stream flowed there. I had been here many times
during the
day. But this place look different in the ban. Fireflies were flying
around the
area. I was amazed.
Haruka cleared her
throat. I
turned to her. She was smiling. “Do you like the ban?” she asked. “Oh
hai! I
do!!!” I said. “Good.” Haruka said. “I’m glad you like it.” I was
smiling. Next
I knew, I felt a small needle pricking in my neck. I grew tired.
Something was
draining me. “Ma…. ma….” I said at last. The last thing I saw was pitch
darkness as I lost consciousness.
In the morning I
awoke in our
bed. Was it all a dream? Then…. I realized…. Something had changed. I
looked at
my arm. It was as pale as yuki. I blinked madly. But it was true! My
skin had
its color. I grew worried. So I rushed out of bed and looked for my
momma.
I found her
sitting at our
low bamboo table. Haruka looked up at me. “Momma!” I exclaimed. “Nani
happened
to…?” Her lip trembled. She looked down. Then Haruka got up and left
the room.
“Nani’s wrong?” I asked. Then I followed her to the open window. She
seemed
sad. I slowly approached her.
“You’re dead!”
Haruka cried
out. I froze. I was lost. “Nani do you mean?” I asked. “I’m still
alive.” She
didn’t answer. I stepped closer. “I killed you.” Haruka whimpered. “You
lost
me.” I said.
Haruka sat down.
“Come and
sit with me.” she said. I complied. Momma had tears in her eyes. I
couldn’t
understand.
“You are nai
longer human!”
Haruka blabbed out. I grew even more lost. I parted my lips to talk but
she
stopped me. “I made you into an oni.” she continued. “I couldn’t lose
you to
death, this is the only way we be together!” She broke down into tears.
Then
Haruka grabbed my hands and said with big eyes: “I love you!” I didn’t
see her
as the same anymore. I was even afraid of her. I tried not to show my
fear. But
she saw it and broke down into tears. She placed her head in my lap.
In time, I got use
to my
change. I found I could do things much better than I could when I was a
human.
Such as working in the fields, racing, fishing, and other child games.
My life
had gotten better. Until ichi cruel day of truth.
I was twenty-one
when this
happened. It was a cold autumn day. I was outside fishing when Haruka
came up
behind me. I turned and saw her. She looked as pale as I was.
“Shizuma,” Haruka
said. “We need to talk.” Her tone was nani worried me a lot.
We sat under an
oak tree.
“Hai, mother?” I asked. Haruka was in tears. “I’m-- not…. your mother!”
she
whimpered out. Shock hit me. “Nani?!?” I asked. She explained how she
found me
in the dark mori and raised me. I was completely shook. “You lied to
me?” I
asked. “Hai.” Haruka whimpered. I don’t know nani to say anymore. This
neko
girl I called mother had lied to me! I could see her trembling. It was
too much
to bear. Finally, I got up and ran away.
Then san months
later, my
curse would take its effects. An arashi was over the area that ban.
(Arashi=
storm in Jap.) A satan had crept inside me. “She cheated you, Shizuma.”
it
said. “Take revenge on her! She deserves it!” Iie! This should not be
done!
But in a couple of
hours, I
was up and out of bed, with ichi of my obis in my hands. I crept over
to our
bed. Haruka lie sleeping still. She looked so peaceful. I held the obi
over
her. I was hesitating. I couldn’t do it! “She deserves it!!!” the satan
yelled.
My hands tighten and I wrapped the obi around her throat, drawing it
tighter
and tighter. Haruka gaped for air.
I strangled her
for a hour
until she lay motionless. I put my hand to her chest. Haruka was dead.
I sat
down and wept. Nani have I done? Nani have I done? My tears flooded me
with
guilt.
I buried Haruka in
the center
of our mori as respect and ran away. I vowed never to return their
again.
For years, I
wandered the
earth. I killed left and right. But ichi kill attempt would make
matters worse.
I was in nani is
now Seoul,
South Korea. It was raining hard. Nai shelter was in sight. I walked
for miles.
Then, I saw someone up ahead. I rushed towards them.
It was a lovely
young girl.
She looked injured. I wanted to help her but my killer instinct said
otherwise.
So I pulled out my dragger and tried to stab her. She disappeared and
flew up
into the sky. I looked up. The girl was really an oracle in disguise.
She
looked angry at me. The oracle placed another curse on me. Now I was
doomed as
a killer and a blood drinker.
For years now, I
have killed
and drank the blood of my victims. Grrr!!!! Damnit!!! I can’t let Yuki
die by
my hands! I love him too much for to die by me. So that is naze I must
keep him
at bay from me. I love him too much for him to die at my hands. I love
him too
much for that!!! I love him!
