"The Shit List"

Photo compliments of
Angelfire-Lycos

1. The Ghost - The kind where you feel shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.


2. Mr. Clean - The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.


3. The Wet Shit - The kind where you wipe your ass 50 times, and it still feels un-wiped. So you have to put toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.


4. The Second Wave - This shit usually happens when you think you are done shitting. You've pulled your pants up to your knees or higher, and realize that you have to shit some more.


5. The Brain Hemorrhage through the Nose - The kind of shit,where you strain so much to get it out, that you practically have a stroke.


6. The Richard Simmons - The kind where you shit so much, you lose 30 pounds


7. The Corn Shit - No explanation necessary.


8. The Lincoln Log - The kind of shit that is so huge, you're afraid to flush the toilet. So you take the time to break the shit up into smaller pieces with the toilet brush. (Not good when at a friend's home)


9. The Notorious Drinker - This is the kind you have in the morning, after a long night of hard drinking. It's most notable trait is the tread marks left at the bottom of the toilet bowl. (Also known as the "Drunk Driver")


10. The Wish - The kind where you want to shit, but all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting, a few times.


11. El Mexicano - A class of shit all its own. Usually after Mexican or very spicy food.


12. The Power Dump - This is the kind that comes out of your ass so fast, that your ass cheeks get splashed with toilet water.


13. Hydrochloric Acid - The kind of shit, where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your ass, splatter all over the inside of the toilet bowl. While the whole time burning your tender anus.(You'll also find your ass quite tender to wipe)


14. The Liquid Plumber - The kind of shit that is so big, or so much, that when you flush, the toilet get plugged up. You end up with shit all over the floor. (If this shit is one piece, follow the advice of the "Lincoln Log")


15. The Spinal Tap - The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it was coming out sideways.


16. The Anal Child Birth - Similar to the "Lincoln Log" and the "Spinal Tap". The shape of the turd seems to resemble the beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for quite sometime afterwards.


17. Chew Your Food Better - This occurs when those "Doritos's", you ate before bed last night, scrape the walls of you butt hole, until it bleeds.


18. The Rabbit - The kind where you drop those little round pellets, that look like marbles, and make little splashing sounds when they hit the water.


19. Did I eat Beets, or do I have Rectal Cancer - Self explanatory, but if you have any doubts, we suggest you visit your Physician


20. What the Hell Died in There - (Also known as the "Toxic Dump"). Of course you don't warn anyone of the obnoxious bathroom odour. Instead you stand near the door, and watch their faces as they run out gagging and gasping for air.


21. The Snake - Found on occasion, when you've had a really long run, but when you check the bowl, it's all one long turd. Not to be confused with the "Lincoln Log", which is long, but measurably shorter. (Also known as the "The Asp me no questions.")


22. The Sexual Shit-Reserved mainly for members of the masculine sect. Here is a shit that is relished by males, one that is so goooood he actually get a "HARD-ON." Being male I do not know if the same thing happen to the female of the species, they are reluctant to tell me.