Things That Get My Goat

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The English Language

Have you ever noticed how thick some people are? It's true, the Western world is in a complete downward spiral of stupidity. I'm not talking about government (that would take FAR too long), our welfare system (welcome all liggers and ponces), or our foreign policy (a little nuke do you?). I'm talking about our most basic currency, our language. It's barely recognisable (that’s recognizable for those of you that are Yanks … I’m not even going to start deliberating on why you had to ruin a perfectly good language!) anymore! Doesn’t this bother anyone else??

First of all, my pet peeve, the growing number of idiots who cannot force themselves to use YOU'RE and YOUR correctly. As in: "Your so stupid. Take you're stuff and leave." This irritates me to the point of violence. Let's have a quick little lesson: YOU'RE = YOU ARE. YOU ARE stupid = YOU'RE stupid. YOUR = a possessive pronoun, as in your dog, your council house, your lack of intelligence.

Got it? Didn't think so. (Yes, those are both fragmented sentences, but this is my site and I can write as badly as I want to!) I know it's hard to grasp, but try to stay with me.

Here's another gem: the rising number of mental incompetents who cannot distinguish between to and too. For example: "This is to hard!" or "I am to dumb too understand." For the love of God, it’s not that difficult!

Another personal peeve: imbeciles who persist in saying "You shouldn't of done that" instead of "you shouldn't have done that", or would of instead of would've. These brutal assaults on the English language should be punishable by instant fines.. Multiple offences would naturally result in forced sterilisation, thereby going some way to cleansing the gene pool (see "Natural Selection").

For those of that think it ends there:

The confusion between its and it's (as in "Its time to take the dog for a walk. It's bladder is full")
The confusion between they're, their, and there.
Ditto between we're, were and where
Ditto between flower and flour
Ditto between then and than
Ditto between are and our
Ditto between lose and loose
My second all time favourite, the confusion between higher and hire (as in, "the firm had to higher more workers")

Here's one from the UK. Mostly confined to teenagers and to the British equivalent of trailer-park trashis the use of ov to represent of. When I asked one of these people why they didn't use the correct spelling, I was met with a vacant look and told "'cos thats how it sounds." Sadly this sector of society are prolific breeders.

Some excellent examples of English...NOT

1) "He went on vacation to Barbuda."
2) "They aren't the polices."
3) "It's the most amazingist movie."
4) "You got in? You must be hestatic."
5) "Are there any courses that don't inquire essays?"
6) "That lecture had no equivilent meaning for the exam."
7) "I just itchied the scar off."
8) "I want the plate with the lessest rice."
9) "Look for the most not dirty one."

If you can't spot the mistakes in the above sentences do yourself a favour and buy a dictionary and a simple guide to grammar! Otherwise the polices might come and send you to Barbuda.

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