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THE LAST
PETAL OF LIGHT
I used to walk on the rainbow. I used to get drunk with its height, when we were
kissing each other under the blessing of the divine moment. But I didn’t know
how easy I could make a wrong step and slip away, neither did I know how fast I
was going to fall. And here I am now, helplessly looking up, behind, to the peak
of light where you have remained.
I
search back in my memory, for the moment when you last told me “I love you”.
I don’t see that specific moment since then it was only a little part of a
bunch of light and love. But I understand now that, if I knew it would be the
last time, I would have carefully collected your words together, adorning them
with stars.
But now it’s late. I have fallen from the
rainbow and from love. All that was left for me is this petal of light that
grasped on my hair as I was falling. This is the only one that could possibly
return in the light where you still stay, bringing you back a sign from me. And
that is why I now write on it a few lines to you.
You
have never forgiven me anything, no matter how much I would have liked you to
tell me, while wrapping your arms around me, that you love and forgive me; and
now I have to accept my defeat of having to go away, because I can no more carry
with me this guilt. And I just hope that, if it’s for the last time before
leaving your life and memory for good, you will forgive me.
I beg for your forgiveness because I lied to
you. I lied to you the day when I understood that you hurt those whose love you
don’t want, although this love pretends nothing from you. And because I could
not bear your hurt anymore, I had to lie that I stopped loving you, thus winning
the peace to love you in secret, in whisper and in silence, without you knowing
it. And now I dare to say it, because I know that if ever the petal of light
carrying my last letter will ever reach you, I will be already far away, in
another season, and you will not be able to hurt me again, for having loved you
more than you wanted me to.
The last night I dreamed by your side, I laid roses on your forehead.
I left wearing for real your good bye gift, the crowns you have made for
me, out of their thorns.
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