THE ORGANISATION
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Rissa's Office | | You enter the room to see a chaotic scene - heaps of books, mountains of CDs and wobbling towers of dirty dishes surround a desk, at which is slumped a human... or at least, human-shaped... figure, its ash-blonde head resting on a PC keyboard. Every so often, it snores as ZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzZZZZ scrolls across the monitor before it.
Suddenly, there is a growl - you look down. At your feet lies something which looks like a cross between Fluffy from the Harry Potter movies (minus the extra heads), a doormat and a Red Setter. It is lying with all four paws in the air, thrashing them occasionally... its lips roll back to reveal yellowing fangs.
At the sound of the growl, the figure at the desk raises its head and turns, gold-tawny eyes glaring at you... you realise that this must be the legendary figure you have heard so few facts, but so many rumours about - the webmistress.
She's English; American; a Finnish secret agent working under the disguise of a Sicilian-Australian journalist; no, she's secretly a Saiyan; she's not real at all; she's one of Akira Toriyama's aliases...
It seems nobody knows anything solid about her...
She speaks, and you notice that the words flicker onto the monitor as they echo around the room.
"Hi. I'm Rissa." She rubs her eyes sleepily, and glances at a wristwatch, which is strapped around the aerial of a battered-looking portable TV balanced on the corner of the desk. "Guess you're here to see my blog? Well, it ain't here, because the stupid Chikyuu bakas at zblogger.com won't let me host directly. It's out there." She points out of the door. "So go there." |
"Or you could read my fanfics." She indicates a heap of typed manuscripts, covered in coffee rings and scattered with chunks of dog kibble. "I like it at www.fanfiction.net myself. I'm not really a mediaminer sort of person. All my freaky friends hang out at FF." She chuckles. "Tell Chuquita and Hippiechic that Rissa said hi, and she's gonna update real soon." Brushing dust off her clothes, Rissa gets up and begins shoving a path through the debris towards a dirty window. Watching her, you begin to wonder if the figure of legend is really as intimidating as she is said to be... she seems almost human until she turns her back on you, and you catch a glimpse of a tan-furred tail. |
Eventually, she forces open the window and you see a pasture outside. There is the faint sound of a neigh, and the huge dog growls again in his sleep. Rissa tosses a few pony nuts out of the window and shuts it again. "Can't leave that open. The puppy -" You realise, startled, that she is referring to the lupine creature lolling on the floor! "- has a little problem with the horses. Thinks they're his breakfast, actually." |
She ruffles the dog's ears fondly, then turns to you with a malevolent grin - quite an achievement, since most of the other site workers can't even spell it. "Heard the rumours about me, have you? Everyone else seems to have." Her attitude doesn't suggest that she does anything to discourage the aforementioned rumours. "Now I bet you're wondering just who I am... or WHAT I am! If so, go find out!" |
She turns back towards the desk. "Now, have we got anything else interesting around here?" She rummages in desk drawer - there is a large explosion and clouds of smoke hide her. The sound of paper rustling is heard as the smoke clears to reveal Rissa holding a charred sheet of paper in one hand and forcing the drawer shut with the other. Leaning on the drawer handle, she brandishes the paper triumphantly. "Here we are! I told Yukkie to stop booby-trapping that desk, but she won't listen... I mean, who would want to steal this? It's the lyrics to 'The Saga Begins' by Weird Al Yankovic - good old Yankovic! Compared to 'American Pie'. Want a look?" She offers you the sheet of paper. |
"I think that's all I have right now, apart from this old javascript calendar thing. A Vegeta quote for every day of the month! Now, let me see... what's today's quote?" She thinks for a moment, then presses a sequence of buttons on the keyboard behind her. The Prince's voice rings out across the room: |
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She smiles fondly, and you suddenly notice that the room appears to be wallpapered with posters, screenshots, and drawings of Vegeta. There isn't an inch of the original wall showing, apart from the window. "You gotta love that guy. Anyway, I have things to do, pages to code, you know how it is." Yawning, she turns back to the monitor, and within a few moments, her snores join those of the dog.
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