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awww! he's being killed!
pocahontas anonymous
This is for my friend Pocahontas. I couldn't find any pics of him on the 'Net, so I just replaced him with this nifty green guy that I found somewhere.
If you don't know Pocahontas, I will tell you about him. He is short, and he likes to do one thing. That thing is to play Oddworld, which he does alot.
Sometimes he likes to play Malarky, but I don't he knows how to play, 'cause sometimes I go to his house and he wants to play Malarky 'cause his brother sold their Playstation and every time we try to play, we ask him "how?" but he couldn't tell us, no matter how many methods of past-life transgression we tried on him.

Yeah. Pocahontas rocks.
pocahontas speaks
(For this section, I absorbed Pocahontas's soul into my body and now will be speaking as the TRUE POCAHONTAS.)
I want to talk about Oddworld:Abe's Oddesy. It is a very good game, because you pretend to be this green guy with no weapons. All you have are your wits, but he dies alot all the same.
He can die in lots of ways.
For one, his enemies can shoot him, and that happens alot because he has lots of enemies. Or other little green guys can shoot arrows at you if you give them the wrong password. Or you can fall down. I fall down lots. Sometimes, BEES will chase you. Their stings hurt you, and if you can't run away, you make lots of squeaky noises like you're having seizures and die.
My favourite way to die is to have this weird guy with a mask or somethign blow you to bits with his superlightning attack. I wish I was so cool, so I can channel superlightning powers and hit stuff with it.

this happens alot

a pocahontas self-portrait (gee, modernart..)		Sometimes I play paintball so I can shoot things, but I like to rollerblade. I fall alot, and it hurts. I always have lots of bruises on my butt because I have a very bony butt and I fall on it. That hurts.
I can do all these cool tricks on a trampoline too, like a "Pocahontas backflip", which means I can flip backwards and land on my back. Once I dislocated all the disks in my back, so they had to remove my skeletal structure so now I'm just a big pile of jelly, but I don't mind. I like being jelly.
Once I went to my friend's house and I read a girlie magazine about vaginal secretions. Those grey things floating around my picture are all different types of vaginal secretions. I like them, even though I've never seen any, because I am a Catholic schoolboy, which means I never get any.
Someday I will be cool and get some-
(witty closing comments replaced by massive head trauma, a self-inflicted pistol wound when chaneler of Pocahontas could not stand to hear anymore talk of vaginal secretions).
.:the prettiest pocahontas:. .:rainbow steve:. .:home:. what! no more pocahontas?!