Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch!!!
Today we tackle Planet of the Apes 2001. Enough said.
Well "MANIACS! THEY BLEW IT UP! Damn them! Damn them all to HELL!"
Actually it wasn't as bad as all that. Again, like almost all movies, this isn't a thinkpiece. Of course, like all movies that screw with time travel, it really can be. Never have I had such an interesting discussion on temporal physics. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.
Mark Wahlberg plays captain Leo Davidson, a man who follows a chimp into a magnetic storm and ends up on that terrible planet of the apes. Once there, he meets his nemesis in the evil General Thade, played by Tim Roth. Everything ends up in a stunning climax (sort of), followed by a damned confusing ending. It just doesn't make sense.
So that's as far as you're going to get from me in terms of a plot synopsis. Now it's time for the nitty gritty.
The story is, of course, where the movie suffers most. Of course, that might just be because I've seen the original POTA, but the story seems already done, but with a coating of shellack to make it appear new. Of course, it's still entertaining, but check your brain at the door for this one. It's fairly fast paced, filled with reversals of classic lines from the original (such as "Get your paws off me, you damn dirty human!"), and even a cameo from Charlton Heston himself. (He plays Thade's dying father, and his last words are "Damn them... Damn them all to hell...").
The effects were good. Mainly because the apes weren't computer animated (for the most part). The costumes are basically stepped-up versions of the latex face masks and costumes from the original. Which makes a big difference, because the gorillas actually looked like gorillas! A small difference, to be sure, but it really helps out. The monkeys, of course, are able to leap like crazy, which is pretty cool, actually. Scary, too, because a lot of apes can jump like that. Kick all our asses, man! Game over! GAME OVER, MAN!
The acting for the most part was good. The only real exception was the spitting, snarling General Thade. I mean, sometimes a bit of spitting and snarling is good on the part of a bad guy, but christ! He does it all the time! Couple that with the funny-looking approximated ape walk that all the apes do, as well as the fact that he always seems to be staring through his eyebrows and you have some overacting that would make ol' Charlton Heston proud. Like I said before, the ape walk is kinda stupid, but it wouldn't make much sense if they walked like people.
There wasn't too much of a soundtrack, and I didn't notice it much, which made it good. A good movie soundtrack should be subliminal. You shouldn't remember it, but it has to heighten the emotional impact of the movie. This it did. Good stuff. I wouldn't go buy the CD or anything, but it was alright.
So there we go. Exactly what I thought of POTA 2001. I'd give it four and a half out of five momars. Yep, momars.
Moody's gonna add his thoughts on to the end of this later.
Mark Edwards actually DID blow it up. Damn him, damn him all to hell!
