space cows and other crazy things...

Rob's anarchy sheep.

"Story #3
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year now. You all know how couples get after that monumental first year. “How?” you ask. Well you know, lying around in bed picking at each other’s skin imperfections (zits) as well as other things. Now that I’m writing about this subject it sounds like we are definitely decedents of the monkey. You’ve all seen those cute little primates combing through each other hair looking for lice and/or ticks, then eating them. The only thing that separates us from them is that most of us don’t eat our mate’s zits. At least I don’t.

Not to long ago my human girlfriend was surveying my back for something to pick at. She said, “You’ve got the grand daddy of all zits on your shoulder” “Great” I said, “just pick it off and be done with it” So pick, pick, squeeze, squeeze off with your blemish. She told me that it was a bleeder and I should get a Band-Aid brand adhesive strip. I agreed. A few weeks pass and there was my little primate again. Digin’ and pickin’ away on stuff that you need a microscope to see. She told me that the big one on my shoulder was back, so we had a repeat performance of my girlfriend’s idea of minor surgery. I know it sounds like I have an acne problem, but I really don’t. Trust me on that one. Anyhow I was going to see my doctor for some other problem. As some of you know I have had everything from a broken hip to the flesh-eating bacteria, so it was no shock that I was seeing my doctor. My primate of a girl suggested that the doc have a look at that thing on my back. I agreed to bring it to his attention and get it checked out. That afternoon my trusty doctor told me it looks like a wart, but if it will make your significant other happy I’ll cut it off, but it is not necessary. I had him cut it off and send it to the lab. A week later nurse Loretta called me in for a follow up visit. The doctor entered the examination room with a serious look on his face. I’ve known this guy for years, so I knew something was up. “Am I pregnant?” I asked. No Mark you have Invasive Basal Cell Carcinoma involving the deep margin of the biopsy. “What the heck it that?” I asked. You have a mild form of skin cancer. He told me it is not life threatening, but we must watch it closely. Since then he has found three more unidentifiable tumors, but now insists that I should be a little concerned and I must research my families health history at once. My grandmother Ruth passed from a form of cancer, so now I’m very health conscious and aware of everything I do to my body, including too much sun. And that sucks because I live at the beach and surf all summer long.