April 7, 2001

I've been happier, but all in all yesterday was a good day to be petty and happy all at once. I was happy because my neverending paper is getting an A. Despite the fact that I haven't officially handed it in yet. Interesting. But an A on my transcript is a good thing. The petty reason for being happy is that someone I really don't like is going far far away next year. I will have my graduating year without some of the crap I had thrown my way this year. I figure that's got to be a good thing. Besides, I can happy that this person is doing something they always wanted to do.

I drank yesterday in celebration of those two wonderful things, and because yesterday was the last day of classes for the year. Which means I have to pack up and finish the neverending paper. Crap. Post drinking, I went for a walk with a few people, had a bagel at Tim's (I crave carbos when I've been drinking) and came home. Had a chat with some friends and went to bed. Didn't get enough sleep. Today I have that date with Phil. It's going to be... I don't know. I want this to be good, but I don't want to start a relationship. I don't want to feel some kind of connection because I'm afraid of getting anything started two days before I leave. If he wants to start writing me love letters in August, great. Now I have too much other stuff.

Phil. Last night when I was out on the walk, I heard Semisonic's "Chemistry" coming out of one of the bars. I had to sort of sigh... It reminds me of Phil, which is a good thing. But the people I was with have no idea why I think Phil is so great. So what if a good chunk of my feelings has to do with the fact that there's no one in my life right now that I want in that soulmate kind of way. Phil's pretty great and I think even just be friends with him okay. And they don't get that. They just know I email him all the time.

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