May 11, 2001

Yeah, so I sent off the picture. So far, the only response I got was, "get a studded leather collar." I could think about it.

I know, I know. I haven't been updating. I don't know why. I think I was too wrapped up in reading about Templars and trying to be a punk/goth and go, as Phil said, "super glam." Right. That's me. Super glam.

I went out last night, dressed up, and it was cool. We just hung out, got funny looks/checked out, and chatted. We laughed at people we used to know who hadn't changed at all, not even their hair styles, and who were still hanging out with the same people and dating from the same crowd. Blech. Incestuous.

Anyway, I got another one of those crushlink things. It's weird because I've been talking about the secret admirer note I got in grade ten. I always figured it was this guy in my study hall who had his friends tell me that he liked me. One of my friends, whom I didn't think to ask about it at the time, said that the person who sent it told her about it. She said it was a dumb idea then. So she looked at the letter, remembered the handwriting as well as the diction - it started: "Dear ____, Hey baby!" Right. Well, she tells me the guy who liked me had his best friend write the note and put his phone number on it. I finally know who it is. Five years later and I know. Wow.

I find this whole crushlink thing disturbing. Is it Phil playing a joke on me? Or is it that dumb guy from work last summer bugging me again? I'm not 100% sure it was him because I refused to input his address into the system because then he'd think I liked him. Is it someone different this time? Maybe. But what do I need with a second person sending me these damned things? I'm pissed off. I don't need this.

What else? I ran into an old friend from high school in the mall while I was doing mother's day shopping for my dad. It was cool. I just walked into the store to browse and I hear my name. There's the ol' teddy bear, larger than life and just as sweet as ever. It's nice to see people who are genuinely happy to see you. It makes things like this a little funnier and less appropriate in your life:

Dear _______________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply)
1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
10. ___You have a hairy back.
11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
14. ___You still live with your parents.
15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little isconcerting.
16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.
18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely, _________________________________

I could use a way to send this to the guy who sends the crushlink emails. Errr... Number 20 would be perfect. As well as number 6. Yep, that would be the end of the whole fiasco. Unfortunately, I can't send this to them because it's inappropriate and I try not to send that much bad karma out into the world. But I'll put it in my journal. I guess because it's allowed to be this silly.

This gives me an idea for a collab I still have to write. Hmm.... this person would probably want to change that I'm not responding to their emails. Hmm...

When I was in the mall today, I saw David's current (I think) girlfriend. I forgot he'd told me she was working at the coffee stand. Anyway, I was walking around and some guys had checked me out so I was feeling like hot shit. I take that stuff as a compliment most of the time. I saw her. I didn't double take or anything but from the quick glance I took I could tell she was trying to figure out if it was me. I was thinking about my mom's present, and not really paying attention to my surroundings. I am pretty observant, but I don't react to things a lot of the time. It's all that wanting to be Harriet the Spy. Anyway, she must have recognized me. And I tried to call David last night, but he wasn't home. (I've decided I have to give my requisite one visit to him, since I did promise, and it's unlikely I'll see him again until next year, if ever again at all). I wonder what she was thinking. I mean, she's the one who's living with David in his parents' house. She's the one who has to deal with the way he can't seem to get a handle on his life. He overspends, and his goals are always just a little more on the intangible side. I'm glad I'm not with him. I wonder what she thinks about me. I know she knows probably a lot about me. I do talk to David on occasion. She probably knows my brother was sick, and she knows my major. I don't know her major. I don't know anything about *her*. I know things, but I don't know who she is. I doubt she knows who I am. I wonder if she found that little card I gave Dave expressing my love for him before he got rid of it. I have a feeling he probably didn't take it out right away. He carried it around in his wallet until it was practically invisible it was so worn out.

I don't why I wonder so much about these things.

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