I can't believe the stuff about Jeff. I just want someone to be with and I haven't found the right person. I once read that a cancer is meant to always have a crush. I'm really trying to keep the whole thing at bay.
Yesterday, I ran into him outside his residence (I was dropping off CDs for someone to burn for me) and asked him if he was still interested in watching the documentaries I'm watching for my thesis. Unless he was sick like everyone else in the residence. He said he wasn't sick, just busy. And he looked red around the eyes. I wonder if that's because he was probably up all night writing a paper like the rest of them... Hmm... I shouldn't talk. It's not like I've been telling anyone what's been going on with me. It just seems senseless to talk about it, especially at this point. My brother's still in the hospital pending yesterday's set of tests. Who knows? He was supposed to be out yesterday at the earliest and probably today. Poor guy's so bored he actually wanted to talk to me on the phone when I called him. Neither my brother nor my father ever want to talk for more than fifteen minutes, and that's if there's something important going on. And yet I can't get David off the phone when he calls, despite his self-professed dislike of the telephone. Hmm...
So once again I'm getting over this Jeff thing. That's it. I can't do this to myself anymore. It's stupid and he's just a boy. I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'm sick of boys. I need some hybrid of man and boy. The males around here are all boys.
My brother is out of the hospital. My mom's email had "FREEDOM" as a subject line, despite the fact that he's stuck in the house until Monday or something. At least things are looking up. Mom's back to work tomorrow and things are getting back to normal. I'm hoping the poor neglected daughter gets some stuff to soothe her lonely Valentine's Day coming up. Mom better come through.
I don't think I'll get drunk in the campus bar on a pitcher of beer this year. But this year nothing's happening between me and any guy. Last year there was Brian to drink with. I miss having at least someone decent to have a passing crush on. Jeff isn't decent. It makes me feel ridiculous. I should at least be able to be obsessive without feeling like an idiot. Really! What's this world coming to when a girl can't find a guy who's decent enough just to have a passing crush on?