Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me
Sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say it's all because of you
And here I
Go
Losing my
Control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it
To your face it doesn't
Seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things
You mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time
Tell you why
I say it's
Infinitely true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll Stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you
Now it all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
It's time
Tell you why
I say it's
Infinitely true
Say you'll stay
I've been listening to this song... why? Well, I spent the weekend at Jan's. It's weird. Being there is like a constant reminder of David because he and I spent a lot of time there. I slept in a bed he and I used to sleep in (on the sly, of course) and the shower there has a caddy exactly the one in David's mother's shower. I can't get away from it. But it doesn't bother me. I slept in that bed and thought about Jeff. Why? Because I would like to have someone in my life right now to share a bed with and Jay happens to be the closest thing to a love interest I have. I'm not even that interested in him. I was just thinking about whether the relationship would actually work. I wrote to Deirdre and she said I should just look for someone to have sex with (of course, she's flirting with Steve, this guy I was mad about in high school). Would Jeff be interested in a sex only relationship? Probably. But how do I get there? And I get so attached to people without having any kind of definable relationship. Fuck-buddies doesn't seem like that healthy of an alternative. Plus, Jeff could be a virgin. I seem to attract that lot. And I can't just sleep with a virgin. I don't want to fuck him up about sex before he gets a chance to enjoy it. At least David gave me that. I don't want anyone to end up like John: "Sex just screws everything up." which it probably had for him in that one relationship, but the one thing about David that wasn't bad in the end was the sex. Despite everything, I still kind of miss the sex. I guess because I like it.
Sigh... maybe I'll see about Jeff. I do have The Ernie Game to watch for my paper. He seemed interested...
Three days until the mole is gone... eek.
© lily keller 2001
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