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"When my artistic efforts finally pay off, I will use the vast sums of money I recieve doing interviews and selling snapshots and albums to build my Nordic Empire here in Kentucky.  From my Citidel of PURE FARKING EVIL I shall spread pestilence and brutality across the land."

"I spend much of my free time in quiet contemplation of the GREAT SATANIC MYSTERIES of SPACE AND TIME."

"A question I'm frequently asked by the uninitiated is whether Black Metal is 'headbanging music or something'.  Only a Black Metal Warrior with a neck made of IRON can headbang to TROO NORDIC BLACK METAL."

"Once, even I was WEAK.  But I bought a BOWFLEX and a NORDIC TRACK and worked out for a week.  Now I am STRONG.  To demonstrate the superiority of STRENGTH over WEAKNESS, I then wore my TROO BLACK METAL UNIFORM and my BLACK METAL CORPSEPAINT to the Spotsylvania Mall.  To the astonishment of my Black Metal Horde, the girls couldn't stop staring at me.  One doesn't have to be Nordic to have a physique like an East German Body Builder."

"The only weakness allowed to troo black metal warriors is SODOMY and GERMAN BEER.  Accept no weak substitutes.  Let me take this opportunity to mention "Superior" Records, the GREATEST TROO UNDERGROUND BLACK METAL LABEL.  Our SUPREME METAL LINEUP is the most exclusive around.  WE TURN DOWN such pansy mall-metal acts as Wimperor, Mayham, Dimmortal, and other FALSE Nordic acts."

"Torture is more of a cleansing of the soul than a mere physiological reality.  One who has never engaged in sadomasochism while listening to TRUE EXTREME METAL AGRESSION cannot comprehend the deeper mysteries of the time and space continuum, a reality which is visible only to the Black Metal Elite.  Like Naziism, it is a sprititually healthy agony which focuses the mind, destroys weakness, and removes all obstruction to NORDIC STRENGTH.  Like vampirism, the STRONG feed from the WEAK.  Similarly, in the case of SODOMY, something is really screwed up.  Here you see the BLACK SWORD OF THE 13 AMERICAN TROLL CLANS.  This magnificent order of Kentucky hill trolls and BLACK METAL KINGS has banded together to destroy WEAK AMERICAN CHRISTIAN PANSIES."

"No blasphemy is too extreme.  No obscenity too disgusting.  No perversion too debased.  No atrocity too grotesque.  No metal too extreme."

"My SATANIC influences include EVIL metal bands, such as TRUE Mayhem (First 45 seconds of their first demo tape), the Beach Boys (underground satanic recordings), GodVomit (opening riff of "Cannibal Pigs"), TRUE Spinal Tap (pre-MTV sell out),  Harold (pre-sellout corporate monitor days- KILLER CORPSEPAINT!),  and the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon for inspiration in writing lyrics."

"NO TRENDZ.  NO WIMPZ. NO RDIC METAL RULEZ."

"No WEAK shall stand before me!"

"Special thanks to Baron Von Gruntinburg for his timeless and EVIL photography."

"TROO BLACK METAL PHOTOGRAPHY IS AN ART.  THIS SCENE IS ALSO CROWDED BY POSERS, WIMPS, AND FOOLS."

"TOTAL FARKING EVIL."

"Under the bleak FULL WINTER MOON, I sit in quiet contemplation in a local graveyard.  It is moments like these that I gain my greatest inspiration in my descriptions of the sinister activities of trolls and ghouls and soulless beings from evil lake bottoms.  A trick of the lighting reminds me of a joke I once heard in a dream: 'If you were one of 10 doctors stranded on a desert island, which would you prefer: the palm, or the finger?'  I never did quite get it."

"True BLACK METAL HEATHENISM is more than just a fashion show, it is a Nordic expression of STRENGTH OVER WEAK."

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