Episode 5

Spring Training

(March is a time of reflection in modern America. The holy season of Lent is a time between the sports, as there are no major contests; this is supposed to be a time of penance, yet it is well known that the people just go about their normal ways of life. For Britney and the 500, Lent is a time to reset, to calculate the new additions and get ready for the baseball season. It is a time of plotting and planning. Come Opening Day, the people will be ready for whatever the next move may be. There isn't much movement between Valentine's Day and Easter, but one can sense that in a larger sense most of the movement happens during this time. Todd and his gang ready themselves for the new season. As is tradition, the only action going on at this time is the training of the baseball players. The Blue Jays are no exception as we see them at their winter retreat on the island of Cuba, the only non-American-controlled area of the Caribbean. We enter a practice of the new team for this season. Bouchard and Todd are talking to their manager, Klem, a long-time Yankee pitcher and briefly a Blue Jay before taking refuge up north when Britney took root, leaving the closet and his token wife and grown children behind in Texas. His pitching coach, Peattie, who he met with the Yankees, stands with him, as they have done since they moved to Houston together before Britney. They wear uniform numbers that are 1 away from each other; as a knock against Britney, they chose 68 and 69. They scout out the franchise and size up their prospects.)

Bouchard: Oui, fine-looking men you have here.

Klem: Why, Bouchard, I never knew you were like that! (laughs)

Peattie: Easy there! Especially with me around! Besides, where else would the gay athletes go? It was bad enough before Britney when they'd just out you. Now, they'll out you and kill you unless you come here. So we got a large contingent of great athletes.

Todd: What was last year's record, then?

Klem: 82-80.

Todd: How many losses came by weird circumstances?

Klem: Let's just say we only had one win on the road, and that was when our guy had a no-hitter! Mind you, that no-hitter had 8 walks. You can guess what happened.

Todd: Britney was rigging the games. Or at least the umpires, and it was enough to make you lose almost all the time on the road.

Peattie: Ummm, a closer with compassion for the other guys didn't help either.

Todd: And...

Klem: Now we got a new young closer up from the minors, definitely not happy for his fellow man.

Todd: A straight?

Peattie: No, government killed his sister, lover, and his sister's lover. His sister was out of the closet for a while but lived in Florida. She and her lover were inverses. She was a teacher, and he got word that the government was going to target her with phony charges that she was molesting her kids to strengthen their argument for the gay holocaust. We wouldn't let him leave Canada but his lover came down with 4 Mounties. They were caught and all killed publicly. It was a theme night promotion for a minor league club. "Fry the Fags" night drew more than postgame fireworks. And he was pitching that night.

Todd: Trying to drive him to suicide? Nasty bitch for someone who calls herself a tolerant humanitarian. I'm surprised she didn't have them hanged, then print postcards that say "come hang out in Florida" like they did in the 1890s.

Klem: I think they just wanted to piss off everyone in the organization so we'd sell the team and move it back to the States. It's happened before. Treaty prevents assault on a Blue Jay member, but they have their ways around it. But since that happened, he's been throwing over 100 with excellent control. And believe me, with the fire in his eyes, NO ONE is so brainwashed to the point they don't give him the strike zone.

(Todd looks at the pitcher in question, a 6'5" black beast with dreadlocks that don't seem to have been cut in about a year. He does not speak, just leans back and launches a nasty slider that cuts like a buzzsaw through bats. He then cranks his fastball; the radar tops out at 105 mph. The catcher nurses his stinging hand and the closer just smiles briefly. Pettie takes him over to see Todd and he stares at him blankly, not relenting from his iron stare.)

Todd: What's your name, son?

Klem: Roberts. That's all they called him when they sent him up here from the minors. He doesn't say a word. All he's done is broken the hands of three of our catchers and given us enough firewood for the whole offseason.

Todd: If they were straight, I'd hook him up with a friend of mine in New York.

Bouchard: I don't think he's as handy with a firearm.

Klem: Besides, we need a closer... you have enough assassins.

Todd: What about the rest of the team?

Klem: Take a look. The best hitters, the best pitchers, the best-looking- they're all here.

Todd: I figured you would find the biggest bats. (winks)

Klem: Very funny.

Bouchard: I don't think Britney will have the time to make you lose this year.

Klem: We are counting on you for that.

Todd: And we are counting on you to win, you are an important part of the revolution!

Klem: Thank you! Maybe one day we can go back home to Texas in peace with your help.

Todd: I don't think I'd do that even if they weren't brainwashed, but home is home.

(With that they leave. The scene shifts back to New York, where we are taken to 73rd Street and Broadway. There the rainbow flag flies brightly atop a church as it has for years, before even ADAM. This is the Rutgers Building, the well-known and very well-defended refuge of The Disciples of St. Sue. Dee walks into the building with Helen and Whitey. Emily greets them with Barry by her side: these two have led and protected the Disciples ever since their flight from their homes in the Southwest. Whitey just walks up and kisses Barry, and he laughs.)

Barry: You must be Slash's old boyfriend!

Whitey: Why? Cuz I knew your anti-brainwashed test?

Barry: Please. That's common knowledge. I knew you because you really are as bad a kisser as she said you were.

Emily: HEY! Easy.

(Whitey blushes.)

Dee: At least you don't need a stepstool.

Helen: But I'm a SMALL forward!

Dee: Yes, yes, you are. (kisses Helen)

Barry: I've heard a lot about you. You must be William, "don't call him Billy unless you WANT to die".

Emily: And I heard enough about you, let's see, oh, every day for 11 years.

Whitey: No one has called me William for years. Awww... wait, Gina's letters stopped after only 6 years.

Emily: That's 'cause the post office here kinda quit going to New York after that. It got to be too dangerous. Dogs are a hazard, and militants are a hazard: both together, too much for a weak lil channel 1 letter carrier.

Whitey: Ahhhh! Well, I stopped writing after 8 years. I thought she was dead, or worse, under.

Emily: Well, she did dye her hair blonde to mix more with the brainwashed when she went out. But we all do.

Whitey: Understandable. Still, (shudders at the idea of his girlfriend with a dye job) not a pretty sight.

Emily: You're tellin' me? Red to yellow back and forth is really a mess.

Dee: Thank God I'm a natural. (giggles).

Emily: Yes, besides you like blondes.

(Whitey stares at Helen.)

Helen: What? So I'd rather not walk around looking like I'm brainwashed! Trust me, Dee knows I'm blonde where it counts.

(Dee blushes.)

Whitey: (Low whistle) That explains a lot!

(Helen laughs.)

Emily: What brings you here? 'Sides Gina's memory, I mean.

Whitey: Actually, that's what I'm here for. I'm looking to see if you kept her old notes, I think she may have been onto something.

Emily: Naw, she saved the acid for the brainwashed. She just stuck to chocolate. Ohhh, on TO something!

Whitey: Had to bleach this morning?

Emily: You are the biggest wiseass I've met since, well, Gina.

Whitey: Yeah, we weren't the opposites attract type couple.

Emily: Michelle handles the archives. Dee knows the way, 'cause she and Helen make out to her old game tapes all the time. (She leers.)

Helen: You'd be surprised how much of a turn-on a crossover dribble can be in the right hands.

Whitey: Oh, believe me, I know, except that in my day it was the Gray Lady doing the dribbling.

(Whitey is taken down to the archives with Dee and Helen. Michelle, the archivist, greets them.)

Michelle: Hey! Lemme guess, you wanna see Slash's work. Pick a flavor - lemon, lime, or orange.

Whitey: Errr, lemon? She wrote those? Man, she was serious about grossing out the brainwashed.

Michelle: Oh hell, I'll just take you to her wing of the archives. Help yourself. Just watch out for ghosts of muses.

(Whitey is taken to a section of the vault with all purple walls, filled with drawers and drawers of writings and observations. On the hat rack is Whitey's old brown fedora, somewhat worn from the years and suspiciously patched in a couple of spots. Whitey smiles reflectively and puts it on. He sees a picket sign poster of the flesh and blood Britney kissing Madonna in 2003 and laughs.)

Whitey: Well, that's blunt enough to scare the tourists.

(Whitey observes an old laptop sitting on a table in the corner. He laughs.)

Whitey: My god, it IS her! Tanya the ThinkPad. That thing is older than most of the typewriters around here. Guess that's one way to avoid Britney.

(Whitey blows the dust off, opens it up and turns it on. It still works, aside from the slowness and weird noises. He sees a box of disks, matches them to the printouts in the file cabinets, and begins reading the files.)

Whitey: (laughing) You never lost your sense of humor, did you, Gina? Oh my, Natalie and Krista, the sophisticated miniskirt-wearing Channel 1 beauty with the queen of trashy Channel 10 comedy? Whew! I better not let Eva see that one, even if they were in the same unit of the 10 commanders. Hmmm... she was pretty on top of Britney, though. This follows the messaging of the two channels: the Channel 10 poor working their way up and becoming cultured by the upper class, yet still always under them. Hmmm, and then it cracks slowly: Natalie starts drinking brandy, Krista calls it hooch, then they fall for each other and the pretenses fall, and finally on page 23 they go at it. I would have done it on page 25, but that's just me and my weird obsessions.

(Whitey grabs another work, this time a male version with Pete Richardson and a male intern.)

Whitey: Hmmm, she got this bait and switch down pretty easy. Way to pay tribute to the legends, huh?

(Whitey looks at some of the earlier work and realizes the change in pattern. This is not just a coincidence; the old works are 1/10th the size of the later works, and cut straight to the sex and gross out. They were often crude and seemed to be more an order like "flip off!" to the brainwashed. The later works seemed really intent on mixing the messaging, then shocking the people into reading the smut, as if she knew how to hook her audience, and that her writing could be an effective weapon. Whitey scratches his head; he can tell that she was on to something. He looks around and finds her journal, the same purple cloth-wrapped book she carried when he knew her. The pages are new but the binder is the same. He reads on, almost like he could hear her voice.)

"12/10/2017 - Found something interesting today. I had my headphones on while trying to get people to read my stuff. This blonde girl picked up some pages and was interested in my music. I handed her my headphones, thinking nothing of it, but then she starts singing along {badly} with her own set of lyrics- God-fearing lyrics, of course. Oh, Goddess! Guess they're so far gone they can make up their own God-fearing lyrics to any melody they hear. When will it end?"

"12/15/2017 - The same blonde girl was back again. She told me her name was Mandy and asked "if I had any more evidence that Britney was a dyke". I gave her a lemon and she took to it like it was the Gospel. I've had other people come back for more, but normally it's because they're coming to realize "hey, this is me!". This girl seems to be truly concerned. She asked for my radio again and Isabelle sang her some classic Garth. She sang along again, this time to the real lyrics, but just as off-key as before. She even asked me what beer was. If I didn't know better, I'd say I was deprogramming her."

"12/25/2017 - Ah, home again. Merry Christmas! Had to haul out to Jersey to see my lovely brain-dead parents, who, despite their Channel 1 tendencies, still invite Uncle Mike and Uncle Scott to Christmas. Still trying to figure *that* one out. At least it gives me someone I can talk to without losing my mind."

Whitey: (laughing) Oh, I see, her parents went Channel 1, so they just swapped houses with the gay uncles in Jersey. Who said the brainwashed lost all intelligence?

(Whitey continues reading)

"Mom gave me yet another disc of Channel 1 music and Dad pleaded with me to see the light the way they did, and I gave them yet another book of slash and another bottle of vodka and pleaded with them to come back home- you know, just another dysfunctional Stewart Christmas spectacular. This time it was a closer call. This music looked and sounded just like Garth, except the lyrics were God-loving drivel. I took it home this time, for the first time ever. For some reason I think this has something to do with my new friend on the corner. I don't think I'll have much more time to just sit and think it all out- it's all getting crazier and crazier, and if I'm writing, I need to be working. I'll just work it out as I go along."

Whitey: She WAS on to something. (He picks up some of Slash's later works) Yes, she knew something, but... hmmm, (flips through the Diary) the entries stop there- guess she was right about not having time to sit and think. Then she goes back to street patrol, and changes her writing to longer volumes with Christian messaging leading in to the smut. But yet there are no other signs, no other successes. Looks like she wrote it off as a random nut who was going to move to NY anyway. She thought it was the words that were the hook. No, that's why ASHLEE was built, otherwise anyone could just dispel anything. Poor thing, she had the right idea but well the wrong execution. Damn it! If it isn't words, what caused that girl to snap?

(Whitey continues to work on this puzzle, looking through her notes, her slash and her diaries. It's almost like after 12 years, he's talking to her through her work, but he can't understand what she has to say. He then finds Isabelle, her MP3 player loaded with the music of her time, a simpler time, a time of glory and goodness, not God and death. He takes a break with this, and he seems to recall the times together with her: the long subway rides, the long walks, the exchanging of music back when nightmares like this were reserved for their sci-fi hack ramblings. He comes to the song mentioned in her diary, and then he has a realization.)

Whitey: Wait a minute. (flips back in her diary) What is beer... what rhymes with beer? FEAR! Where did she put that CD? (As he searches the archive Michelle walks in.)

Michelle: You must be reading about the time she got Channel 1 music for Christmas and brought it home. Only someone like you would think there was use for that crap. You won't find it, you know. We used it for target practice just like anyone who brings discs home of that crap. Sometimes we steal them and have a target practice party, with prizes and everything. It's really fun, kills the stress.

Whitey: I'm sure it does. Excuse me. I'll be right back.

(Whitey leaves the Refuge and heads toward Times Square. There we see a large bevy of tourists there gawking at the bright lights they see- lights that haven't shone for 12 years. He looks around and steals a radio from one of them who is wearing a cowboy hat and runs back onto the subway. He then goes back to the Refuge, lights up a joint, and turns on the little music-maker. Sure enough, one of the songs on the playlist is entitled "A Friend in High Places".)

Whitey: Could it be? I know even the flesh-and-blood Britney used to do altered covers of old standards, but this? Could this be her answer to erasing the past? This could be a key to the future if it is what I think it is.

(Whitey slips on a pair of headphones and listens.)

"Remember your roots, put on your boots, and make it a family affair. Be the first ones to know, the first ones to grow, to the first words that were ever there" (Here Whitey stops the music.)

Whitey: Oh God! It is! Not to mention terrible. Damn, no wonder Britney waited 10 years to spring this on her kids. I don't care how distorted you may be, bad IS bad!

(Whitey flips through the playlist: a crooner song named "God's Way", a heavy metal song named "Welcome To The Garden", and a rap ditty called "Fight the Faggots", the last complete with a quote from a 500 member replacing the speech by Dr. King.)

Whitey: The hell? It's all... aww shit! It's all based on the standards, of course, that way Britney can erase any holdovers from the past with ease. They were doing that before, but now she can write it with her messages. Damn! But wait a minute.

(Whitey cues up Isabelle, he listens closely to the melody, then turns to the cover produced by Britney's puppets.)

Whitey: They are exact. Wait, in fact, they are samples from the original recordings, in fact. (looks at the puppets listed on the brainwashed person's playlist.) Frankie, The War Flowers, Public Unity, GARTH!!!!!.... She copied the whole thing so there could be no doubt that it's the same thing the older people listened to long ago. Of course! Otherwise they might remember, or even still possess the old music whose message may clash with Britney's messages. Why burn the book when you can rewrite it? Wait a minute... if the copies are exact that explains the journal entry! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

(Helen walks in.)

Helen: Wanna buy a vowel?

Whitey: I found a weakness in Ashlee! I found how she works. I'm sure of it! Well, I didn't... we did.

Helen: We? I've just been getting warm from watching Dee's old games.

Whitey: I mean me and Gina. She found it, I realized what it was. Take a look.

Helen: What the hell? You think that will make a difference?

Whitey: Read the journal.

Helen: Holy crap! You are on to something.

Whitey: She was a smartie, rest her soul. I love her still.

Helen: Necrophilia? And they call us perverts.

Whitey: NOT LIKE THAT! Eww!

Helen: Relax, will ya! (giggles)

Whitey: I need to test this theory. Find Emily for me.

(The two go upstairs and find Emily)

Whitey: Do you guys have a car?

Emily: Why would we need one of those? We're New Yorkers! Well, we are now, but anyway.

Whitey: I need to go behind enemy lines. I gotta test a theory.

Emily: You're crazy. You better be right.

Whitey: I've gone through it twice. Gina was on to it, but she thought it was the words, but it's not, it's the sound patterns themselves.

Emily: What are you talking about?

Whitey: Ashlee!

Emily: What?

Whitey: Read this journal.

Emily: You think that Ashlee works by sampling familiar voices?

Whitey: Something like that.

Emily: 42nd St. by the tunnel, we have an old wreck we used to use. Gina gave it to us. We still use it sometimes if we need to attack Jersey or just to cause wrecks with brainwashed people on the LIE. Keys are in the garage. Kiss the manager, that's the signal.

(Whitey goes to the garage and picks up the keys to an old blue Ford, circa 2001. The CD player is still intact and he hooks up Isabelle to the speaker system. He then drives toward New Jersey and waits until he reaches his old hometown of Morristown, and sets out on his experiment. He cranks up the original "Friends in Low Places" and blasts it out the window. Sure enough, onlookers walk toward his car and start singing the Britney version, then pick up on the actual version playing without any notice or questioning. To them it IS the new version. Whitey laughs and drives around singing along with the large crowd.)

Whitey: Oh baby! It's better than I thought! It's just like Todd, if something contradicts they accept the contradiction as part of the plan! What a flaw! The only reason she's survived is no one's been able to exploit it!

(Whitey laughs even more when people blindly ask him for beer, not even knowing what it is. He writes a note to bring a six-pack next time he tries this and then drives off for home with the windows rolled up)

Whitey: You know what, Gina? The best part of listening to this song without the brainwashed nearby is you get to hear that secret third verse! EEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!

(The scene shifts to two days later. Todd is home and in his bedroom, Eva by his side in her nightgown. They laugh and talk about the past and how they both escaped Britney)

Todd: You know, I never knew your feelings for me.

Eva: You were too busy trying to kill me for being my sister.

Todd: When you escape what I escaped...

Eva: You trust nothing except the constant of death. I was you too once. Not as long or mean as you were, but I was there. She still is in my veins. She still speaks to me, tries to seduce me. But never have I relented.

Todd: Why? You saw her naked like your sister, you should be dead or worse. Bouchard's explanation made little sense- one second you're under, the next you slam the computer over your head and knock yourself out?

Eva: It wasn't that simple. I just said that because how I escaped, I think only one man could understand it.

Todd: Is that why you slept with that man.

Eva: No, there were other reasons. (winks)

(Todd blushes)

Eva: Man, you sure are removed from being a soldier. You blush at a girl? Well, lemme ask you first. Do you still dream about Dee?

Todd: No. That's how I broke out. The computer still tried to use the same icons, but the circuit had been broken. It wasn't as smart as Britney; things were too personal. Everything revolved around that image of Dee, and when something contradicted it, it was water on the wires. I was lucky to have the fire put out before I could explode. Most who that happened to died in one fashion or another. I'm the last one of my unit to still be alive. I killed the only other living member.

Eva: Terrell told me about the one who had you as her image. Did she really think your gun was your putz? That's crazy... even if they are about the same size. (giggles).

Todd: I'm afraid so. Was not my idea to kill her that way, no matter what Terrell said. I just wanted to kill her quick. She put out for me and I saw a chance.

Eva: So, well, you aren't as crazy as everyone says. Only I can see the sanity in that. I once was able to poison an entire army unit with one slice of ham.

Todd: Man, MOSES was that stupid?

Eva: Naahhh, a lil cyanide goes a long way also. But the anti-kosher thing added a certain anti-authority tint to it. Those who really didn't get killed were writhing around as if they did just by saying that it was ham, and that was enough for us to calmly walk by.

(Todd laughs.)

Todd: I'd hate to see what they'd do with a cheeseburger.

Eva: I did that too- once cleared out an entire building by dumping a quart of milk on a chicken. They thought it would cause an explosion, I guess.

Todd: Well, Britney may be blonde but she's a little bit smarter than Moses.

Eva: I know, that's why I turned my sights to her- a new challenge. War is my escape, otherwise I'd be dead like my sister.

Todd: You know, you never answered my question.

Eva: I know, how did I escape? It's just that. I hardly remember myself. But I remember what happened. We were both working on a top secret mission, both spying on the US. She was hacking the master computer with her unit of 10. The other unit of 10 was looking into intelligence. We were told that it was to find out if they were going to occupy the Palestinian lands or give it back. While our countries were friends, we were told that they were worried about the US imposing Christian values. They were more interested in creating a similar, Jewish-based system based on Britney. Our unit was just a decoy for the people. My sister's unit didn't come home for a month and a half. No one knew what happened. Then she came home, or I should say Natalie came home. It was weird. I do remember seeing Britney's core. It was a higher high than even LSD, and I went under right away. I do not remember much, just strong feelings of passion, whispers in English erasing my memories and replacing them with American dreams and American lies. She gave me an American name, Kate, and she still calls to me like that sometimes. It's highly sexual, the way Britney controls. You know that already, but I find it funny how Little Miss Pious seduces her victims like that. But that's how it works. I think it was a fluke how I woke up. My arm came into contact with my sister and it felt like touching a corpse. That shocked me awake, I guess. I don't remember much, just Esther pleading in English, me yelling in Hebrew, and that's when I broke the computer, I think. It's so hard to remember yet so vivid a memory.

Todd: I know what you mean. Tell me something, because you have her in you. I don't. I have her ancestors. If we did destroy Britney, would it matter? Or would her message live on long enough that the population would just rebuild her before any change could happen?

Eva: I think they are too dumb to know how to rebuild her at this point. But I think that over time you can deprogram the messages to where they were... IF you don't exceed 2028, the day Britney's children grow up. They are 12 now; if they get much older it may be impossible. No one will be left to fight. And if they kill the gays, they will be close enough to be 100%. As it is, it is close to being impossible, but it is still possible. I have hope. People still break out for reasons other than homosexuality: death, infertility, unsavory love- they all break the chains. As long as the people have a reason to run, they will run. The reason to run is ending though. So that's why we must act now. Even if we die trying, even if Britney captures us trying, we need to destroy her now. We are the last hope. She's even told me that.

Todd: She's brazen or just that stupid?

Eva: She says that we are junk and I should join the winning side. It's just a futile attempt to get me over to her. I ignore. I need to ignore or I'd die. But I have a lot to live for. You know, it's funny, I was the one who was always trying to be the American, and now I want to burn America to the ground.

Todd: No, you don't. No one wants to do that. Britney is not America, it is America that is dead, and it's America we want to bring back. Some of us still remember the images and ideas of our founding fathers: freedom, love, brotherhood, tolerance, liberty.

Eva: In the face of the atrocity that was always there. I always liked how America did that. If it wasn't for the undercurrent of hate and racism here there would be no Britney, because there would be nothing for her to take root to. Face it, she was able to take over in twelve years because she had half the population as a head start. She only needed to do half the work, so she took half the time.

Todd: True, but there was always a wind of change. And one that could be listened to. And that is my hope. And I would rather have a nation divided than a nation ruled by one person.

Eva: But is that America? "One nation, under God"; "E Pluribus Unum" - From Many, One; "In God we Trust". It's always been like this, they just needed something to take hold. The groundwork has always been there. Now the means arrived.

Todd: But a holocaust is wrong.

Eva: I know our means are just, or I'd be hosting a game show right now. I'm just trying to make a point.

Todd: I know. I've felt the same way- remember, I was on both sides too. But now I am here. And not just because of the gays. "I did not care when they took the Jews because I was not a Jew."

Eva: I know totalitarianism is not anything to let stand, but don't think that America was not waiting for this.

Todd: And it takes a conservative from Nebraska to destroy the new Hitler.

Eva: I know, that's why I love you.

Todd: And I know you tried to stop genocide against a sworn enemy who killed too many of your people. You are truly unique, truly yourself. You may dress with Britney's clothes but you are you. And if you shall fall, you will fall as a leader, not as just another.

Eva: It's not why I did that. I destroyed MOSES because I know Britney killed my sister. I want to kill Britney now because she wants to kill the world. I am an angry woman.

Todd: Anger is the most sincere sanity.

Eva: I know. And one day we will bring another back.

Todd: I think we have already. You will see come Easter, when we launch our next attack. For now, rest, and enjoy the peace that we bought in blood.

(Todd holds Eva as the scene closes.)