Missed Chances

Perhaps they had been doomed from the start. Her previous boyfriend had been a vampire, and Dracula had a certain… something over her. Heck, there was even something about Spike that stopped her from staking him (and he doubted that it was just the chip preventing him from harming humans). Maybe the ‘typical’ boyfriend, the regular Joe Blow, wasn’t enough for her. She said that wasn’t true, she said that she had given him everything she had, heart, body, and soul. But he didn’t feel it. It didn’t feel like she needed him. When her mother was ill and in the hospital, he wanted to be there for her, to help her (and Dawn) through it. But she had shut him out. Perhaps not intentionally, but the result was the same. He would have liked nothing more than to have been there for her, to have her cry on his shoulder when she needed to. Instead, when he commented on how strong she had been, how she hadn’t cried, he found out that she had cried… just not when he could have comforted her.

And to top it off, he had betrayed her, in the worst way possible. He was the one who had paid for a female vampire to drink from him for the thrill. His internal reasoning for his actions made sense to him at the time; but when he voiced it to Buffy, even he had to admit it wasn’t much of an excuse. It was the ultimate cop-out. He really couldn’t blame Buffy for her reaction.

And he couldn’t blame her for not showing up to stop him from leaving. She felt hurt and betrayed; and she said she had given him everything, yet he told her he didn’t feel it. No, their relationship had been dying for a long time, and his actions had just been the final nail in the coffin. He couldn’t blame her for not forgiving him.

The rotors on the helicopter behind him whirred, telling him it was time to leave. With one last, hopeful, look, he climbed into the chopper. His heart breaking, he did not look back as they flew away.

Buffy ran like she had never run before. She knew time was against her, but she also knew that she had to try. She could not believe that she had been so stupid. Xander was right; she had been holding Riley at arms length when she should have let him in. She told Riley that she had given him everything, heart, body, and soul; but the truth was, she had held something back without consciously realising it. It didn’t matter whether it was because she had been burned by Angel or for some other reason, the fact remained that she had held back from him, and he had felt it. He had felt it, and turned to some vampire tramp because of it. And because she had brushed him off with her holier-than-thou attitude, she was going to lose him—unless she could get there in time.

While she was running she didn’t allow herself to think, she just concentrated on running as fast as she possibly could. But she was just that little bit too late. Much to her dismay, the military helicopter had lifted off just moments before she made it to the pad. She could see it rising up; she could see Riley sitting there, staring straight ahead. Repeatedly she called out his name, but as the helicopter kept lifting up, he did not stir. Did not turn to look. Despite her yelling as loud as she could, obviously he could not hear her over the sound of the rotors.

She had lost him. She had held back in their relationship, and she had lost him. No, she thought as she watched the helicopter grow smaller in the distance. She lost him because she had acted like a petulant child instead of trying to work things out.