The Safe Choice

Then the impossible happened. Kara had come to him and asked him, point blank, if he would still divorce Dee if she divorced Anders. At first, Lee could not believe it. Kara had stated previously, emphatically, that she would not get a divorce, that marriage was a sacrament that she would not break (although she was perfectly content to cheat on her husband, a distinction that was lost on Lee).

It was this disbelief thst caused him to lash out at her with the question "What if you pull another 180?" Despite the way he asked it, it was a valid question. Kara had a less than reliable history when it came to matters of the heart. She was a brilliant Viper pilot, but somewhat frakked up outside of the service (to put it mildly). This offer of divorcing Anders was a perfect example of a 180: previously so adamant against getting a divorce, now she was proposing one? Then, of course, there was the 180 that landed them in this mess. That one, drunken night when they finally gave in to what had been building between them, when they finally admitted they were in love. He thought they had made it then, until he woke up alone the next morning and found out from his father that she had married Anders.

That was a betrayal that he had thought he would not get over. It was what prompted him to escalate his relationship with Dee and ultimately marry her; a choice that, in hindsight, probably was not fair to Dee. No one likes being second choice, after all, even if they were not aware of it. And now he was being given the chance to right that mistake. All he had to do was take Kara up on her offer. Sure, it would hurt Dee, something that he was loath to do even now; but surely it would be better for Dee to make a clean break with her, to free her to find someone else?

But could he trust Kara? Could he trust her with his heart? Could he trust that Kara would stand by this conviction, when she had not in the past? If he accepted Kara's offer now and left Dee, there would be no going back if she reneged. He would not be able to go back to Dee and say, "Hey, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. Forgive me?" That would be too much to ask Dee to take. He would be alone, a well-deserved fate if he treated Dee like that.

So Lee made the best choice. The safest choice. He chose to close his heart to Kara, and save his marriage. He did love Dee, after all; he would never have actually married her otherwise. It was not the same as the all-consuming passionate love that he had for Kara. That was a love that was likely to burn out. His love for Dee might not be all-consuming, but it was strong and steady, the type of love that lasts.