Jim entered the quiet loft and felt a fresh wave of pain wash over him. The loft was far too quiet and had been for a year now. It had been a year since Blair had last set foot in the loft and Jim missed his presence desperately.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and flicked on the radio before settling on the couch. As he drank the beer his eyes focused on the photo he kept on the coffee table. It had been taken two years ago and had managed to capture some of the "essence" of Blair. It was Jim's favourite photograph, and he often spent hours staring at it... letting the pain of loss wash over him anew. In the background the radio started playing a slow ballad.

He was beautiful
Beautiful to my eyes

Blair had been beautiful. The combination of long curly hair, gorgeous blue eyes and that full generous mouth had been absolutely breathtaking. On anyone else, it may have looked feminine, but there was no mistaking Blair's masculinity. Jim had always loved looking at Blair. He had often found it hard not to just sit there and stare at him. One time he had zoned out just from looking at his beloved.

From the moment I saw him
Sun filled the sky

From the very first day that he had met Blair, his whole life had brightened. Blair had been the type of person who'd lit up any room he had entered. If, at any time, Jim had been upset, Blair had been able to help cheer him up just by being there. It *was* truly as if the sun had come out whenever he had been around. After they had become lovers, the effect on Jim had heightened.

He was so so beautiful
Beautiful just to hold

Holding Blair was something that Jim had tried to do as often as possible. Even before they had become lovers, he had constantly touched the younger man. It had always felt *right* when he'd been touching his beloved. Blair had always been amazed by how *touchy-feely* Jim was and had loved to snuggle into those strong arms. He had always said that he'd felt safe when Jim was holding him tight. Jim's arms ached to be able to hold Blair again, but he was unable to satisfy that ache.

In my dreams he was springtime
Winter was cold

Having Blair around had been an amazing experience. He had had a way of making you see things you would never normally see. He had been able to make even the most ordinary, everyday activity a real experience. He had always been so full of energy and had made an impact on many lives. Ever since Blair had gone, Jim had felt so alone. He was always cold, and it truly was as if it was permanently winter now. Simon had tried to help cheer Jim up but it hadn't worked. Nothing had held any appeal for him after Blair. All he wanted to do was to be with Blair again. A fresh wave of pain washed through him when he realized that he would never see his beloved again in this lifetime.

How could I tell him
What I so clearly could see
Though I long for him
I never trusted me completely so I never would be free

Jim had fallen for Blair right from the start. At first he'd thought it was just gratitude because of the help the young man had given him with his senses, but as time had passed he'd realized that he was madly in love with him. He hadn't been able to tell Blair though, because he was scared that he would lose him. He'd truly believed that the young man would've been out of the door within five minutes of Jim telling him, and he'd known that he couldn't have born the pain, so he'd kept silent. He had also been worried about how the other people at the station would've treated him if they'd known and that had helped to still his tongue. Ever since his divorce, he hadn't believed that he was capable of a long-term relationship, and he'd known that he'd want Blair forever. He had not been good at expressing himself verbally and to have a successful relationship you needed to communicate. His marriage to Caroline had proved his deficiency there.

Ahh it was so beautiful
Knowing that he cared

Jim hadn't been going to tell Blair how he felt, but after almost losing him to another serial killer, he couldn't stop himself. Jim had arrived at a run-down warehouse to find Blair had been strapped to a hospital bed, and McCarron standing over him with a large, sharp knife. When Jim had seen the blood on Blair's chest, he'd almost lost his control. He'd stepped out with his gun drawn and ordered McCarron to step away from Blair. The only answer he'd been given, was for McCarron to step closer. As he'd gone to cut into Blair again, Jim had fired and watched as he crumpled to the floor. Before the killer had even hit the floor Jim had run over to Blair. There had been a lot of blood, and Jim had been scared that he was going to lose him. As he had worked, he had kept talking to the unconscious man.
"Come on Blair... Stay with me... Don't you *dare* leave me now... I love you, Blair... Come back to me... I need you with me Chief... I love you..."
"Good"
Jim almost hadn't heard the quiet whisper. When he had raised his eyes, he had seen those beautiful blue eyes focused on him. They were so full of love, and Jim had felt as if the sun had risen in the room.
"Just hang in there Chief... The ambulance is just arriving... I love you Chief!"
Blair hadn't had the energy to say anything, but had smiled at Jim before sinking back into unconsciousness. The paramedics had then entered the room and had begun to work quickly on stabilising Blair. They had had to work around Jim because he'd steadfastly refused to let go of Blair's hand.

Blair had recovered quickly, and when he'd come home from the hospital, they'd had a talk about their feelings and decided to give their new relationship a try. Blair had also been in love with Jim for ages but had been scared to tell him.

I will always remember
Moments that we shared

Blair had been a kind and generous lover. He'd always seemed to know just what Jim needed, and had forced Jim to talk about his feelings. Their relationship had grown stronger, and they had been practically inseparable. There'd been a few people at the station who objected to their relationship, but most had supported the two of them. Simon had been particularly supportive and had become a very close friend.

After six months together Jim knew that he'd wanted Blair to be with him forever, and so he'd asked his love to marry him. Blair's response had been so ecstatic that Jim had been surprised when he could still walk the next day! When they had asked Simon to stand up for them, he had been thrilled and had accepted immediately.

The wedding had been the most perfect day that Jim could remember. They had travelled to Hawaii for the ceremony with Simon, Daryl, and Naomi. The weather had been perfect, and Jim had had to swallow the lump in his throat that'd formed as he'd gazed at his beloved. He'd still had trouble sometimes believing that he'd deserved Blair. Of course they did have their fights, but they had only served to strengthen their union.

As the celebrant had performed the ceremony, Jim felt the tears in his eyes and had seen the matching ones in Blair's. As they'd exchanged rings, they'd also felt as if they had exchanged souls. Jim had been truly happy for the first time in his entire life. He'd had Blair... He hadn't needed *anything* else!

Now it's all over
Still the feelings linger on
For my dream keeps returning
Now that he's gone

The blackest day in Jim's life had happened a year ago today. He had been at the station doing some paperwork while waiting for Blair to arrive, and thinking about where he had planned to take his love for dinner. It had been their six month anniversary....not that Jim had needed an excuse to spoil Blair. He had just finished a report when all of his senses suddenly went haywire. He had been blinded by the lights and deafened by all of the conversations in the building. The pain had been excruciating, but not as bad as the pain he'd felt when he'd realized Blair had been in trouble. Jim had shouted and collapsed onto the floor. Just before losing consciousness he'd yelled out one word...
"Blair!"

Simon had come rushing out of his office to find Jim in a crumpled heap on the floor. It had been while waiting for an ambulance to arrive that Simon had heard the devastating news. At the exact moment that Jim's senses had gone haywire, Blair had been involved in a massive car accident. Simon had had no idea how he was going to tell Jim. He'd known his friend would be devastated.

When Jim had come around in the hospital, Simon had told him the tragic news. Blair had been driving to the station when a drunk driver had run a red light and slammed into Blair's car. The momentum of the crash had carried the car into the path of a truck which had then slammed it into a tree. When the rescue vehicles had arrived and freed Blair from the wreckage it was obvious that he hadn't been going to survive. At the hospital they'd tried to revive him, but it had been no good. His death had been recorded at 3:57pm.

As Simon had predicted, Jim had been totally devastated by the news. He'd been placed on a 24hr suicide watch after he'd tried to get Simon's gun. Later that same night Jim had realized that his senses had gone. He hadn't been able to hear anything that any normal person couldn't hear, and his eyesight had been normal. He really hadn't had a chance to test his other senses, but he'd known they had gone and that he'd been glad. He'd known he couldn't handle his senses without Blair to guide him. The pain of losing Blair had been unbearable. He hadn't wanted to live without him... He *couldn't* live without him.

Coming back to the loft had been heartbreaking. Jim would find himself expecting Blair to bounce in at any moment, and when he'd realized that he wouldn't be there ever again, he hadn't wanted to go on. Simon had kept a close eye on him and after a second suicide attempt, he'd forced Jim to promise not to try again. Jim hadn't liked it, but he'd kept up his end of the promise.

Everyone at work had been very supportive, but it had only helped to make Jim more depressed. He had taken a lot more risks at work because he hadn't cared whether he'd lived or not. His arrest record had still been good, but personally he had not been the Jim Ellison that everyone had known when Blair had been alive.

It was now the anniversary of Blair's death, and Simon sent Jim home early. He was worried about his friend. He knew that the only reason Jim was still alive was because of the promise he had extracted from him. Simon despaired of ever seeing his friend truly happy again.

For it was beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful to be loved

Yes it was beautiful to be loved, and Jim would give anything to be with Blair again. He had not been whole ever since he had lost him and knew that no-one could ever begin to fill the hole that he had in his heart. //Blair... How could you have left me?... I *can't* live without you... // As soon as he had thought this he heard a whisper through his mind. //We will be together again soon... //
A strange feeling of peace flooded his body, and he felt joy pouring through him. He knew that he was going to see his Blair again soon. He had *nothing* left to wish for. He took one last look at the photograph he clutched in his hands before smiling and closing his eyes. //I'm coming Blair!// He could only feel a joy beyond words as he noticed that his heart had slowed down. His arms and legs grew heavy and he slumped on the couch. Suddenly he saw his beloved in front of him. They looked into each others eyes before hugging so fiercely that Jim swore they became one. When they drew apart slightly Blair whispered.
"Welcome home Jim... I love you!"

Simon woke with the feeling that something had happened to Jim. He dressed quickly and drove over to the loft. The feeling grew stronger as he let himself into the apartment. Some instinct led him over to the couch where he found him. He felt the tears welling up in his eyes as he realized that he had lost his friend. He knew Jim was happy now... He was with his beloved Blair. The ecstatic smile on his face said it all. //Take care of him Blair... This is what he has wanted for the last year.// Even though he was upset over losing his friend, he knew that this was meant to be. They were together again... As they always should be!

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