it's amazing how just changing the background color of this page makes me feel like i've accomplished so much and updated and moved on and all sorts of good stuff. i should do this more often. but ANYWAYS. i have changed the guestbook again, because i'm finally tired of people reminding me about how there's still questions about writing me letters at gsis and the tonys... and it's a reading comprehension quiz this time, ladies and gentlemen, and the person with the best score gets a prize. (no, the prize is not set yet. it is negotiable and depends on who wins) on your marks, get set, GO!
August 29, 2003 22 25
i see it around me, i see it in everything i could be so much more than this....
i want you to show me the way from crazy
i wanna be so much more than this
no one cares
that song keeps playing in my head, over and over. why?? i feel like i'm trying to tell myself something, and i have no idea what it is.
August 25, 2003 20 07
good lord. i have so much to do. but i keep just sitting and thinking about it, instead of actually accomplishing anything. it's a good thing i can't find my second season of friends tapes or else i'd not even be thinking about it. but anyways. joe changed his mind about sound... no big band music where the lyrics overpower the music... grrr. he told me american pop would be okay. so instead i'm trying to use the four or five edith piaf songs i found, and some richard wagner, and maybe some recognizable classical tunes? i don't know. this whole thing has started to suck muchly. i just don't understand what he wants... he's so vague and it changes so often.
but ANYWAYS. so i haven't said much about school yet. well. it's hard. very hard. but really pretty interesting this year. i didn't learn crap in chem 1 last year, i'm really hoping that ed's sink or swim teaching philosophy works for me. seems to be so far. ms woods is... a trip. she reads us picture books and raves about how we're going to love poetry because we have no other choice and goes on and on about how we shouldn't worry about our grades because we'll get what we earn and she has no problem giving a's, it's just that people rarely earn them... whatever. she is *not* allowed to wreck my gpa, i don't care what i have to do to get a good grade in that class.
i don't really know what to talk about here anymore, because the people that i want to talk about read this and so i don't think i'd be wise to say anything. so i'll continue to talk about sound design and school. man, i sound like i have no life. eh.
so now i'm off to do chem 2 and senter terms and find those videos... wow, i really do have no life.
August 25, 2003 16 08
i'm finding lots of irony in the fact that i've wanted nothing more than to design sound for a mainstage production, and now that i've got the job, joe's made it nigh-on impossible to do it as well as i want to. i'm about to go set up the record player at the playhouse and see if joe approves any of the music i have chosen thus far... if not, i'll be back to the drawing board. and i am *still* in search of a schindler's list-esque piece for the curtain call... i've listened to practically everything chopin ever wrote, and none of it is hitting me right. a cello concerto by schubert was pretty good, but again, not quite. suggestions? i wish i knew more about classical music. i am so uncultured, it's sad.
i'm up to my ears in 40's music. and history terms. but mostly 40's music, and only the music that came BEFORE anne frank died. what the hell did she listen to, anyways? do they HAVE german pop? i can't find any. so we're going with frank sinatra and bing crosby and the big bands, i guess.
so school started and that was mildly exciting for about the first three minutes of my first off-campus lunch (and by "first" i mean "first for which i had permission"). my classes will all be interesting, if impossible, and they're all freezing. orhs is so damn cold. ANYWAYS. tara left today and i'm quite upset about that. it's not really real to me yet, it won't hit me until i go to her house on, say, saturday and let myself in without knocking and wander upstairs... and she's not there. that'll be bad. mary leaves friday, and i'm going to miss her too. most everyone else has already left i guess... it's so strange to not see last year's seniors mixed up with the crowds in the high school. i keep thinking i see people and i get excited... but they've all graduated and gone on to be real people, or at least real-er than a high school student. i want it to be *my* turn...
yeah so i'll go do the history terms and go to bed. wouldn't want to upset kenny dear with the very first assignment. i am so thrilled to have senter again. they tried to give me osbourne and i said oh hell no... and now i have the most enthusiastic teacher in the school again. or if not the most enthusiastic (perhaps that's ms albert) he's certainly the most wordy. he just talks and talks, a constant stream of his consciousness. it's really entertaining. he does say some pretty funny things at times though. i don't think he hears himself when he speaks, or else he'd be laughing. or maybe he is every bit as serious as he appears to be.
and i have successfully distracted myself yet AGAIN from the spanish exploration of america. which, though i dislike the topic, is the chapter at hand. so i go now.
August 13, 2003 23 57
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!!!!!!
i heart david. anyways, in other news, i'm happy. very happy. and calm. and no longer worried about everything all the time. i hope it lasts.
oh and i have to find music for anne frank. what kind of music would go well with a play set during the holocaust? i've looked at movie sountracks from schindler's list and life is beautiful and the pianist, among others, and most have original scores which i am hesitant to take. the pianist, of course, doesn't have an original score, as it uses mostly chopin, but i don't know what joe's going to want - classical (austrian? german?), jewish influence, jewish folk songs, american pop (because i think anne is pretty into the american pop culture thing)... i dunno. lots of choices. i *do* know that i need to walk into the production meeting friday looking damn self-assured, though, because tony'll be sitting there waiting for me to fail, and reggie'll be sitting there waiting to rip me apart if he senses weakness. ahhh, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, or some such nonsense. but if anyone has musical suggestions, *please* email them to me or something. i am not well-versed enough in classical music to know where to look. of course, i don't know yet exactly what he wants but i'll find out on friday, and then the mad scramble begins. i'm doing sound for both 8 jews in an attic and lion witch wardrobe at the same time, and possibly big bad wolf in there too, so this should all be exciting. file-sharing programs are my friend.
east tn reunion saturday! i am excited. but more excited for the nashville one... i don't know if guth's house is ready for us! 23 days, i think!
August 6, 2003 2 44
victory!! i have finally got ALL my gsis pictures up! if anyone wants to see them, they're here, as i'm sure you will all be fascinated by 80 people that you do not know. eh. i'm damn proud of all my html, so i'm posting it anyways. have a look.
August 5, 2003 23 54
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!
August 1, 2003 23 37
wow. i have never been so happy to be just sitting at home, and never considered myself lucky to be able to do so. having your life flash before your eyes does strange things to your priorities, i am finding. i just wish i hadn't had to be so terrified to achieve such positive results. and that it hadn't cost me money. but still, it was a small price to pay. i could have gotten off so very much worse. plus, i've never met so many helpful people at once before. it reaffirmed my faith in humanity. mother says it was just guys stopping to help a girl in a miniskirt, not neccesarily good people, but i'm standing firm in my faith here. like those persistent farmers in that grapes of wrath book. and that turtle, which i'm beginning to like. i'm so very cheerful today, i was even writing jokes in the margins of my summer reading. "hey ms wankerl, why'd the turtle cross the road?" yes yes, i know, i'm pathetic. but at least i'm 1/10 of the way into it, which is a mathematically unmeasurable improvement over the last two days. congratulations, to me.
Aug 1, 2003 2 37
okay. i am ready to grow up and just get along with everyone. and i mean everyone. i really mean it too. i'm going out of my way to be nice to erica. i'm going to go talk to ragan, or at least call her. and ron too, because i really want to get to work on stuff at the high school this year. i haven't blown up at joan when she's ground my last nerve, or at tony either. i was tempted to be spiteful to tara just today, but what's the point? what is the point of hurting someone because they might hurt me, or they accidentally hurt me, or they refuse to hate someone that hurt me? i know that my nature is to be a cynical, abrasive person, and i have no intention of changing that, but i *can* be less difficult and stop holding grudges. and people will continue to think that i'm a bitch and i'm impossible, because i *am* sarcastic and i am definitely not warm and fuzzy to everyone. and that is fine. i don't really like all of them either, but i damn well intend to try.
what began this sudden wealth of rational thought is that i just read a whole bunch of people's online diaries, and laughed and laughed. so many petty things. so many friendships that people are missing out on because they're holding onto... something. a preconcieved notion or a stab of envy or something. so many things that could be resolved by putting aside all gossip and jealousies for one honest conversation. of course, that will never happen, because everyone's so caught up in the drama of it. well, it'll provide me with entertainment anyways. such a waste of energy, guys!
and me? well, i'm going to be fine. there is nothing that could happen that i couldn't live through. i've made it through lots already, not particularly well, but i'm still breathing. sure, not everything's wonderful right now, but how much worse could it be?!? much. much much. i could still be eating that awful memphis cafeteria food. i could have one leg. i could be facing another year of ms girard. i mean, the possibilities are endless, and i think overall, i'm doing pretty well. and i'm still breathing, which is definitely of the utmost importance. so i'll be fine.
