*now* i have the thanksgiving spirit... i am truly thankful to be home. let me give the head count of thanksgiving in augusta:
my family (4) aunts (5) uncles (3) cousins (6) grandparents (2) aunts' boyfriends (2) aunt's boyfriend's tagalongs: children (2) and dog (1) grandparents' neighbors (2, and a walker) aunts ex-neighbors (2) and children (4) random person who's related to someone but not me (1)
sum total of 34, because the dog counts for a person. possibly even two, because he was a marmaduke of a dog, and slobbered all over Everything. Everything. i am not kidding. this dog slobbered, and then he jerked his head around, and all the slobber in a big long stream of spit wrapps once or twice around his nose and then it just stays there...
i am Home!! ::happy dance::
tangent: sound of music tickets are $15!! i haven't watched a show from the audience in the playhouse in such a long time that i didn't even realize. that's such a lot of money... they better have it under control or i'm gonna get up and stomp backstage and move the damn sets for them. can't be worse than h2$. remember... break a leg, not a wall.
I'm not really sure what today is but it's the day after thanksgiving so you do the math, and the computer says it's 7:24PM
so i'm at my aunt's house in augusta georgia visiting many many family members and wishing i were anywhere but here. it's amazing... just like high school... everyone has formed cliques. i didn't know i could feel left out of my own damn family. ::sigh:: two yelling cousins just came in here and interrupted two other cousins watching a stupid show on the disney channel that they've somehow bonded over. i'm feeling adopted. i think i'll go to the neighbor's, next door. they're away for thanksgiving and have given us the run of their [huge] [opulent] [mansion of a] house. it's great to sit back and pretend it's yours.
oh, i went day-after-thanksgiving shopping for the first time in my life. it was lovely. lots of anonymous crowds, lots of crass commercialism. such normalcy is comforting at times. i just had to get out of this house.
i should have posted this yesterday, but i just want to tell everyone in my life how very thankful i am for you all. i love you guys... ::big sappy smile::
and i went *up* a laundry chute yesterday. rock!!!
11/24/02 10:06PM
i'm doing bruce's logic extra credit for him and in return, he's going to dedicate an Entire Day to Me. that means he won't make fun of me, or push me over, or try to blame things on me. i am hugely excited. of course, said day was only promised to take place sometime in the next two years, so by the time it happens i will have forgotten that i was waiting for it. but i get A Day All My Own!
so after being sick for nearly two months, i go to the doctor today. and he says that i have to get my tonsils out if i want to ever be able to talk normally/breathe/swallow/sleep without snoring ever ever again. apparently my mystery disease that *wasn't* mono, strep, the flu, or anything else i was tested for was tonsillitis and now i'm going to be subjected to the awful experience of having a body part ripped out. i mean, it's not like tonsils and adenoids are in any way crucial but i kinda like all my cells and organs and i'm not too happy about the prospect of spending a week on the couch during christmas break. wisdom teeth totally knocked me out, so i can only imagine how lovely *this* is going to be.
but at least i'll be able to breathe without snoring. because right now, i'll be watching a movie with katie or whoever and i'll be really tired. and i'll drift off to sleep but i can still kinda hear what's going on. and i hear katie say "oh god" because i'm snoring, only i can't hear myself. but i hear her and i say "what *is* it?" and she laughs at me. this is repeated at least three times a night until she gets so annoyed with my snoring that she either yells and wakes me up for good or she goes to another room. obviously, other people are around but i annoy katie the most. she'll be so pleased to hear this that i can probably make her feel guilty for taking pleasure in my impending pain, and then i can hit her up for flowers and an icee. happy day!
11/23/02 8:07PM
nostalgia can be the most torturous thing in the world. is there anyone who understands that?
11/22/02 6:06PM
i wish i weren't so confused. I don't know what i want right now, other than to just curl up in a corner and cry because i keep hurting people, and i don't know it because they're too sweet to tell me. If i stop talking, will i stop hurting my friends? i know i'm not tactful but i guess i'm rude and spiteful also. a note to everyone: If i say something that you consider rude, please tell me rather than overanalysing it and then complaining to other people about it!
sorry, i don't mean to whine. there's so many other people with more to complain about than me... like this poor guy. and here, once you're tired of complaining, enjoy mindless stuffed animal fun. my friends find the strangest things online.
11/22/02 ~> Your momma called, she said you suck!
i have become a hockey convert, i think. i'm already planning the next few games i'm going to. and i want to go ice skating with people... any takers?
anyways. hey goalie, who let the ice bears score?! you did!
i'm already talking in terms of "we" and "you" after months of teasing v for doing the same thing. how lovely. and not hypocritical at all...
the crowning moment of the night was when i, trying to get to my seat by going over a row of seats, put my foot too close to the back of the seat and flipped it up, throwing me down and rudely bruising my shins. how graceful i am. it's from all those years of hard work in dance. but yeah, so in addition to the sore throat and nonexistant voice i currently possess, i'm going to be black and blue for rehearsal tomorrow. how exciting.
but hey, i met the cute dipping dots guy. some random girl who's been cheering hockey w/v forever thought he was cute, but wanted to know how old he is before she tried to date him. i, as i am never embarrassed, walked over to him and subtlely obtained this information with the smooth line "hey! you're cute! how old are you?" LOL.
it worked, though. he's 19, and his name is jason and he's at pelisippi for college and oooh is he cute. maybe i can get free ice cream next game. it's worth a shot, anyways.
anyways, to bed i go to dream of paolo and sexy #12. unless i have nightmares of the guy in the orange skull mask who was all painted up but *totally* needed a shirt. ick. i gave serious thought to buying a shirt for him, is how bad it was. now i can't shake the image. disgusting... it's time for me to go now.
11/22/02
hockeyhockeyhockeyhockeyhockeyhockeyhockey!! (to the tune of coffeecoffee...etc. you know of what i speak) v's taking me to a hockey game tonight, my first. and i may get to meet all the hot boys! plus, as of now, november 22nd is a holiday. it is the holiday of Joy Being Permitted To Drive Around Knoxville At Night With A Non-Parental Figure.
i was made very upset today when i realized that when i ask for rides home, i'm no longer riding with people two and three years older than me. now i'm riding with people in my grade. they all have cars and brake for schoolbuses and stuff (or maybe they just have cars). anyways. i'm so not used to this... someone My Own Age in the driver's seat. or obviously, not quite My Own Age since they have a liscence and i do not. and i can't even spell lisence. i think the second one is it. but i'm not going to worry about it. ANYWAYS. i am tangenting. i only meant to say that everyone's growing up and i hadn't noticed. *sigh*
hockeyhockeyhockey... i got the bug, man. and i haven't even stepped foot in the coliseum yet. it's friday, i'm in love!
ouch...
i just spent the last two hours rolling around on the floor with members of my dance company and the famed bruce. i am covered with bruises and my hair is a mess and i have some sort of blister from friction from the marley floor. i will leave you to draw your own conclusions. ::mysterious smile, laughter::
11/21/02, one more time
i *will* have these shirts. all of them. bless james for sending me this site.
feeling the teenage angst today, i am. people are idiots (though if you're reading this i'm probably not referring to you. you hope) and now i'm going to stop wasting my time and go memorize that funeral speech.. the highlight of my english career.
11/21/02, an afterthought
more away message funnies: "Today. As for the Genny there is no here. But while she goes, as for you it is possible to possess the pleasure. Go to the Www.engrish.com."
*yeah* for no one but americans being able to really and truly speak english!! (it's all those damn exceptions to the rule) (jessica~> my apologies for insulting english, which you love too much)
11/21/02
Let me hear three cheers for failing combined studies tests and not caring!!!
seriously, there was nothing more i could have done to study that. i listened in class, i took notes, i even read the damn play!! what more do you want!? it's not *my* fault sparknotes chose this week to act up and not let me go to the shakespeare section. ah well. i gave it a shot. maybe having ms girard again will bring my grade back up a bit.
oh, while we're cheering, gimme three cheers for eva's away message: "Thursday I don't care about jews--it's Friday I'm in love......." (if you don't understand it, you're a jew. if that offends you, you're a jew. so sorry). thank you, eva, for that bit of laugher. that *almost* made my day semi-ok.
but not quite. i'm so frustrated i could just cry. (and no, i wouldn't be crying over a combined studies tests. it's slightly more extensive than that) rather than taking care of any of the things hanging over my head, i think i'm going to go eat ice cream now. how's that for responsible!?!
11/19/02 ~> ninjas are awesome
and by awesome i mean totally sweet
i can't believe i've had a webpage for more than a week and i still haven't in some way referenced this awesome site in some way. i'm not going to go into the power of the ninja just now because that site tells pretty much the basic important things.
but man, ninjas (and matt hayes and graydon) and totally sweet.
11/18/02 ~> there's no such thing as the real world
(just a lie you've got to rise above)
few of you will know what i'm talking about, but i'm in a strange place right now. i have something i thought i wanted, and now all i can see is what's wrong with it. i don't understand why i can never just be happy, with no strings attached. the moment i get anything that i've desired for a length of time, i begin with picking it apart. ten minutes later, i've seen things i never want to see. i like to have an ideal; some might call it an illusion. i tend to idolize things, and name them perfection. and then i find that they aren't perfection. and i don't know what to do... i'm cornered. if i accept it, it breaks me into thousands of pieces, the sudden insecurity that change brings. if i don't accept it, i stay in limbo.
no one really understands any of this, so i don't talk to people about it. i just thought i'd tell anyone whose reading this page that i'm horribly disillusioned and confused.
but at the same time, many many good things are happening (julius caesar not included). i'm just too otherwise-occupied to even enjoy them.
disenchanted. that's the word. that's what i am. i love the word, but i hate it. i don't want to be jaded, but that's where i'm going with this. disenchantment. i can't stop it. i hate it. i want to cry.
11/15/02 ~> I don't suffer from insanity
(i enjoy ever minute of it...)
so, today in the costume shop, somewhere between trying on the pink and white striped highwater bell bottoms and the fluffy pink apron, and then agreeing to wear the black lacy dress with bra straps showing to prom if i go this year, i realized that i have lost sight of normalcy. because dammit, i liked the apron...
but the adam costume was better.
11/14/02 ~> Thursday, I don't care about you..
(why isn't it friday yet?)
you know that monkey, in some cell phone commercial? the one about "A monkey w/ a cold?" yes, no, maybe? that is the cutest thing ever... not particularly smart advertising though because i'm too enthralled by the monkey to even notice the company name. seeing that commercial was the highlight of my day, which began with my batteries dying in the middle of my morning tetris game. i'm an addict, as we all have become, so i had to spend 20 min of class living vicariously through watching eugenio's tetris game. i suppose i could pay attention, but that'd be too confusing. i've never met a woman who apologizes, or has as many reasons to apologize, as phyllis hillis (no kidding.).
following this, i proceeded to get cupcake frosting on my shirt, nearly forget my naimun interview, and spill sodium chloride. oh, and someone stole my lock. but ross gave me a new one. not that anyone really cares about my chem book, though. but man, i want the week to be over...
but first i have to do laundry. dammit...
11/13/02 ~> Take my advice!
(i don't use it anyways)
so, i've been told that i'm impossible to convince and i always have a preset opinion. apparently, i never think anyone else's situations apply to mine therefore i don't take advice. by logical deduction (not mine) i'm disrespectful, reckless and difficult.(that last part is not verbatim but rather summarized for ease of comprehension)
maybe i'm just being difficult and don't realize it, but i don't get it. sometimes people's situations apply to mine but for the most part, they don't. diversity is a beautiful thing, people. not everyone has the same life and i can't accept some advice that other people think is wonderful. that's just how it goes. ::sigh::
and another thing, as bananakoala says, "take my advice, i don't use it anyways." meaning, said people telling me what to do (whose situations don't apply to mine) should perhaps not advise me when they know they do/did/would do the exact same thing... and before you ask, no it does not matter who said this. only that someone/more than one did.
but seriously, am i difficult?
11/12/02 ~> Friends, Romans, Countrymen...
(lend me your ears)
So, i am at a loss as to how combined studies can take a topic like Julius Caesar, which is, after all, a play about someone who is convinced to murder his best friend, and turn it into torturous boredom. what a talent!! i should be reading act II scenes 1 and 2 now but i'm not.
it has just dawned on everyone that rdt (that'd be my dance company) has a show in five weeks. or actually less. and we've only just yesterday found out the castings for the second act. *this* isn't stressful... right. i get to be part of a clockwork machine (and now i know what they me-ean, you're a love machiiine... oh he makes me diizzy... mamma mia moment, my bad). anyways, the machine thing should be interesting. i wonder how we're going to turn five people into something metal and non-animate. i'm just not that creative.
anyways, it's absolute value graphing time... just when i thought i left this behind in alg 2... well, at least it's not something hillis has to *teach* us...
11/11/02 ~> 11 11! wow...
(i'm so easily entertained...)
i just got an im from a friend as follows :
"One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said,
'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.'
Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera..."
it's meant to be funny but it's so true... how many times has someone held out a picture and said "this is me when i was little" when it's perfectly obvious that they were little, as the person in the picture is wearing diapers and playing with duplos. I mean, I say it all the time because i never really thought about it. i'd worry about sounding stupid except i think everyone's so used to it that it doesn't matter. which brings us to another topic... pictures of people when they're older... or maybe i don't want to go there. that's quite a technical science fiction monologue involving lots of confusing time travel. but how cool... if people could see pictures of them when they were older, i bet not so many would get tattoos or pierce their belly buttons. not so cute when you're 60 and flabby; in fact, it's pretty sad. or maybe the word i'm looking for is disgusting. especially when flabby old people feel the urge to show off said belly button ring or lower-back tattoo.
well, quite a tangent i've developed here. i believe it may be time to stop.
oh! oh! i passed my Math Test of Doom today! go me!
11/10/02 ~> The Beginning of the End
(I can already tell this thing is going to be an addiction/the death of me...)
So I've decided that i want a webpage. nothing better than spilling your heart out to the whole world, right? it's actually something of an experiment: I'm telling very few people about it. if you find this page, sign the guestbook and tell me how you got here. (if i told you the url, you damn well better sign it!) maybe i'll eventually show it to lots people, depending on whether or not i feel it's idiotic. I may just keep it here as my semi-secret way to destress. i'll figure it out later. maybe this is just my excuse to learn html. and to type with no worries about caps and punctuation. and somehow, though i love my privacy, i like the idea of an audience. right now, i'm still learning how stuff works. check back often as i add more stuff. like this. but as of now, that is all.
oh, and by the way... the picture, is not me. it's just distracting and i like it.
