so yesterday was another unhappy year anniversary. i'm glad i didn't remember yesterday or else i might have tortured myself about it. but no. i had to remember in the middle of chem class. eh. it's not like i was paying attention anyways. and now i'm going to try to put it out of my head for another year, or a couple of months, or a week or two... or an hour, which is about as good as it usually gets.
on a pleasant note, i did indeed get to hang out with hunter on saturday and his sister and i cultured him a little bit and it was great fun because hunter is a cool cool kid. and this week is shaping up to be really really busy but quite entertaining. so stay tuned.... not that i'll have time to post. but maybe i'll have an interesting away message or two. or something. yeah. it's woods poetry analysis time. oh wait, so funny things that happened in english today:
Nabil ate an entire, huge hamburger ms woods forgot we were taking a quiz, and gave us 30 minutes for a 25 question short answer reading check she used the phrase "baby daddy" we read palms for five minutes
productive day, indeed. i feel like i'm learning. right.
25 October 2003 0042
hunter rocks my world. that's all i got, folks
23 October 2003 16 55
so today's the day.
last night i was remembering things. and i remembered... on her 45th birthday, we were sitting in the old studio, on the floor, in a pile. my grade, and jessica, and ms rosborough. and she said that, the way she looked at it, she wasn't old at all. because she planned on living to be 110, so she wasn't even half done yet.
she was more than half done, and none of us ever knew it.
i want to go home and see her. it hurt so bad that i was back in auburn and i couldn't go see her. this woman raised me in part. she calmed me down and taught me how a ballerina holds flowers and threatened to beat us with wet spaghetti and got so mad the time that we tried on her pointe shoes and then gave in when we wanted them but were too young and ... and .... all those nutcracker parties, and the time she made me try the hot tea and i spilled it everywhere and screamed and screamed, and the time i cried out of shame and frustration and she stopped class because she was so worried about me.... teasing me for dancing in the corner and for biting my lip when i turned, like gwen. gosh. gwen. she never could get my hair into a bun... enough hair for four people, she always said. she said it wasn't fair, and then dodged my shooting bobby pins.
the story about her brother saying "shiiii- iiiit" in front of the minister... but she was always a lady... telling us that dancers don't sweat, they glisten. bruce's studio has been trained to fight that remark, because they're taught to be atheletes. ms rosborough's girls were never athletes. we were tough, we worked hard, but we were ladies. always ladies, always graceful, always slightly above and beyond and unable to be touched by the sweaty masses of inferior athletes. she taught us we were better, and to act like it. with me, anyways, she always made me feel like i meant something... like i *was* somebody, or i could be, or she thought that i would be.
she had such a love for life. it's so hard to believe that she's not here. i hope she knows how much i love her and how much i miss her and what she meant to me... what she meant to all of us.
thanks for the memories, ms. ann. i love you.
14 October 2003 21 10
reggie: joy, you have to go home and face the music me: i don't like this song.
oh no i don't. it sucks. who wants to drive me around for the next... forever?
12 October 2003 19 24
Best Damn Weekend in a really long time. *oh* yeah it was.
Highlights:
my hand is gonna fall off!! .... she's not wearing underwear .... my "half dates" .... tolerance .... our number 5! .... spooning .... man, ben got h-o-t-t .... more garlic bread .... "i kept my promise to jay last night" .... what's eva gonna say? eva's never gonna know .... awwwwwwwwww .... my invisible date .... the scenic route .... "now, if you know THIS band, you're REALLY cool" .... let's make her jealous .... clothes check! .... gosh, with all the butcher paper on the walls, i almost didn't notice it was a cafeteria! .... lost, AGAIN .... hey, she's not wearing underwear .... becca's so CUTE when she's asleep! .... again, and show a little leg .... "i love you" " i love shoes too" .... "okay, i approve, you can date becca" "aww, really? you can date her too!" .... hey, you know what would be funny right now!? .... dude, check this out, she's STILL not wearing underwear .... i'll give you a dollar to go talk to the little people. but only if you hurt them too .... i bet becca'll NEVER see us if we just hide behind this pole .... can i lean out, like, on top of the car and scream? please? aww come on .... lemon peel smiles .... that's not kosher .... hey, do i know those people? .... "i don't know how i want to do my hair/makeup" "I'LL do it!!" .... "man, you're a bad driver" "at least when i drive we stay between the lines" .... hey hey, feel this, she's not wearing underwear .... MY BUTT HAS BEEN TOUCHED SO MUCH TONIGHT .... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar eagle!
9 October 2003 2046
GYPSY SUPERLATIVES!!! (better late than never.)
Most Likely To:
Turn Into a Pyscho: [edited]
Kill the Pyscho (thus saving everyone's sanity AND the world): ME!
Give a Speech and Get Booed Off the Stage: Lucas
Light You On Fire: Roy Edward Pastey Brown III
Be Ready to Be Entertained: Adam W instead
Protect Her Children: Joan W illiams
Turn Into Mr Sheffield: Kyle N esbit
Be Accused (with good reason) of Sexual Assault: Jim H umbert
Want Raspberry Tea: Jennifer W hite
Shake It Up: Pastey
Steal Your Soul: Reggie L aw
8 October 2003 1959
i love bruce. not heart, as ryan pointed out, but love. because i'm being serious and not cutesy, which is not at all my normal state of being. but he is so wonderful. i miss him. that is all.
8 October 2003 1902
fandamntastic day. ms woods read out loud and acted out passages during english, as well as mocking every person in the class. ashley and i found a new retarded phrase to say often. i can derive inverse trig derivatives like... well, like they're really easy. friends is on as soon as commercials are over. rudolph dear and i fought about politics for 50 minutes (stupid conservative!) and i'm going to auburn in TWO (2) days!!!
jennifer trying out for wizard not singing along with the melody (not in an inspirational-quote way, like "march to the beat of your own drum," but just literally ignoring the melody.) random conversations with old TiP pplz and Sam being awesome the ross-and-rachel season of friends getting all green lights on my way to return movies to blockbuster and consequently actually returning them on time when i say funny things like "we have more.... like.... english skills" jeremy spending 15 minutes trying to set my truck clock and refusing to be conquered the shower picture (see above) that i get to wear my prom dress to auburn homecoming next weekend! mark's leather jacket! dominos thin crust pizza (but the square slices deceive me into eating too many of them) that hunter quoted me in his profile (in BOLD!) my little brother's female fan club (he wasn't home so i got to take phone messages all weekend) The Onion opinion polls ("If Iran breaks the deadline, they'll be in direct conflict with the U.N., which is a really big deal if you're not America.")
Things I Slash Heart: (i blatently stole this phrase from a friend of susan's)
people being irrational tara at college :( telling The Story analyzing poetry (can't i just let it be? it's pretty words and phrases and pictures, why beat the life out of it?) high school football games (they were so much cooler when i *wasn't* in high school) the fact that my cell phone rings only about 14.7% of the time the derivatives of the arc-trig functions i don't get to be in new day ever because this was my chance and i quit buying gas (not only is it expensive but it smells bad) papercuts (what were the guys on jackass THINKING?) other people studying for the SAT (makes me worry i might not get a good score by virtue of being me alone) getting those "do you love god? prove it by forwarding this to 200 people" emails pictures of me from the 4th to the 7th grade (gah. long pigtails work for pocahontas but not me) econ in the morning (sigh.....)
aaaaand done.
1 October 2003 2141
This month goes out to the memory of ms rosborough... the first person i ever trusted.
"you dancers DANCE. Dance ms johnsey's dance, dance ms ann's dance and dance my
terra ann's dance. Be beautiful. Try as hard as
you can to be as beautiful as Terra Ann.
Losing her created a huge hole in my heart,
but i will not accept that. I will fill it up with love and memories and joy." (stolen from anais's profile)
no one can ever be as beautiful as her. i would not be the person i am today if i had not had her love and support. she wanted me to be everything and anything i could be. i think sometimes... if she saw me now, would she be happy? i hope so. i cry sometimes thinking of her smile... how i'll never see it again. how i didn't go visit her like i should. how bruce can never be a mother like she was to me. how no one can ever be what she was to me. the only person who has ever loved me the way i wanted to be loved. i can still feel her hugging me if i try... after a show, the triumphant embrace, after a fall, the supportive shoulder. i was lucky to know her.
March 5, 1951-Oct.23,2002. i love you, ms ann. I will not forget.back
