1. i missed several birthdays in the past week. good and bad. that i missed bruce's birthday makes me very sad because it just reaffirms how i'm not a part of that anymore. so i left him a note on a piece of scrap paper, in his chair, and he'll find it in 9 hours, just so i could feel like i participated a bit. i wish i'd done something big for him, like the "big girls" always did. was i ever going to get to be a "big girl"? i got older... they got older... the age limit just moved up and they kept making the cakes and buying the presents and decorating. if i'm at the studio next year, dammit i'm doing something. but the other birthdays i missed... well, i'm glad i forgot one of them. i didn't have the chance to be all melodramatic and get lonely or upset or whatever. so that was good. and i'm going to stop talking about it now so i continue to be not-upset.
2. mother gave my alanis cd back.. the one she took years ago because it was inappropriate.... she's acknowledging i've grown up, at least a little bit. i was really impressed. i haven't touched it, it's still sitting where she put it on my dresser. i've really kind of lost my taste for alanis in the years i've been not-allowed to have my cd, but it's the principle of the thing now... in her eyes, i grew up.
3. i heart katie and jacob. katie sat up at 12 15, just sat straight up on the couch, waking up from a dead sleep, opens her eyes wide and says "where jacob?" and then after i answered her, fell back over asleep again. it was precious. can i get an "awwwwww"? no? okay. yeah you don't care. that's fine. they're still cute.
4. this is a really retarded and pointless entry. sorry bout that. i'm just bored and don't feel like going to bed or reading the crucible yet.
5. i think my new favorite, or possibly second-favorite, piece of classical music is Air on the G-String because one, i'm horribly immature and i laugh every time i say that name and remember the trip to williamsburg, and two, it's just a good piece of music. but come on, that is the best name, EVER. surely you agree. yeah you do.
6. hey... madly.
okay that is all.
Sept 24, 2003 21 36
NEW STUDY:
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer
in waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
the frist and
lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit
porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the
wrod as a wlohe.
Fcuknig amzanig, huh?
Sept 23, 2003 22 00
i could update this thing more often, couldn't i? oh well. today i have for your entertainment one exclamation and two poems. first, the exclamation:
IIII am going to see Thoroughly Modern Millie in nashville in a couple of weeks and i know that is not as exciting to anyone else as it is to me because everyone else has already seen it or doesn't care but i HAVEN'T and i am SO THRILLED because i have not seen a broadway/traveling broadway show since i WENT to broadway and that was toooo long ago. So, that's my happiness for the night.
and now, the first poem. which is not by me. ryan was sending me endless amounts of poetry tonight and he said that this one was good for me before he sent it. and he's quite right... it's me, all over. i was so impressed that he could SEE that, and i like it so much, that i'm going to post it here. i could start, like, a "poem of the week" section but i'm too damn lazy. here 'tis.
Oh, I can smile for you, and tilt my head, And drink your rushing words with eager lips, And paint my mouth for you a fragrant red, And trace your brows with tutored finger-tips. When you rehearse your list of loves to me, Oh, I can laugh and marvel, rapturous-eyed. And you laugh back, nor can you ever see The thousand little deaths my heart has died. And you believe, so well I know my part, That I am gay as morning, light as snow, And all the straining things within my heart You'll never know.
a bit melodramatic i know but it just hit me right. and then the second poem is the loss sonnet that i wrote for combined studies last year. I'm always shy about anything i write, but this one i had to pass out to 64 people and explain it to the class so i'm slightly less hoarding of it. anyways, maggie needed a sonnet today so i dragged this one out and gave it to her, and then read it again and remembered how proud i was of it, and how much i liked it. and therefore i'm going to put it up here. i don't promise that it's good, only that it's the best i could do. at places it's awkward because i had to force it into iambic pentameter, but i think it mostly comes out okay.
Fear of the Unknown
The sun has gone and stolen the last bit Of clarity and security dear. In a new world now, one which is not lit, I'll find no respite from night's terrors here.
Dark clouds and moon's slight sliver selfishly Replaced the bright young sun's enlightening shine; Day's safety is lost irreplaceably From my possession, night's bleak desert's mine.
On edge of unknown, standing, breathing fast, Then, strengthened by the moon's soft silver glow, Step forward to the light of stars of past Who show me things I never knew to know.
So now a lesson I have learned tonight: There's more to dark than just the loss of light.
I wrote it and thought i really was talking about being scared of the dark, being as i was downstairs at four in the morning finishing and it was all creepy and stuff, and then i read it and realized that... no. i wasn't. there's a whole different meaning there. it made me think that maybe english teachers do have a point when they talk about all these underlying themes in books and things. but anyways. no one has to date successfully guessed what the thing is actually about. if you would like to try, sign the guestbook and put it in the space where you can ramble. i *will* make cookies for anyone who knows me well enough to understand, and that *is* a promise. to put it into context for you, i wrote it in late february. if that helps you, then you already know what's going on. seriously, let me know who can figure me out. i'll be much impressed.
so, i think this is enough of an update for one night. anne came and went, and i got rave reviews and didn't quite manage to go insane. i continue to pass all my classes, miraculously somehow. holly anderson told me a funny thing last thursday about which i continue to chuckle. joan and brian and joe just got cast at cbt in the secret garden... yey for them! and i... well, i'm just kinda hanging out, still in denial that the college kids are gone and i'm a jr and my grades and activities matter this year... hoping it'll just all work itself out. it usually does. i have other things to worry about anyways. silly life. it's getting in my way.
Sept 7, 2003 18 13
WHOOOOOOO GSIS!!!! this weekend was beyond awesome. the guths are such saints to put us all up in that wonderful wonderful house. i never did figure out where the dumbwaiter went though. apparently there's still underwear in the freezer or something... but they still said goodbye with a "we'll have to do this again sometime." *yeah* we do, i think we should make it a bimonthly thing. i really enjoyed seeing everyone... though i wish coulton had come, and ben hadn't gotten lost (cut to ben, headbanging to heavy metal with a "welcome to canada" sign in the background), etcetera etcetera. ahhh you guys are great. highlights include schiffy w/his marlboro lights, jumping on melissa's bed this morning, the man-bikini, danny's cool-cool boxers, piling everyone into the shower, guth's winky-face acorns, hunter big pimpin, and crusin in hal's kick-ass minivan... lol.
it feels so weird to be in a house with only three other people, without two day old salsa and a pool table and a sauna, and kids piled on couches and chairs and each other and the floor, and making an ungodly amount of noise. it's strange that no one's talking about ap classes or fighting over political and/or moral beliefs or gossipping in a corner or a back bedroom. or speaking in german/latin/french. or talking about hal's new girlfriend, jill.... *laughs*. i'm kinda lonely, actually. but maaayn... we had an awesome weekend. blanche would have heart attacks. i think i'm going to send her the picture of us in the shower. if that doesn't keel her over dead, nothing will.
anyways, i even miss the guth family *makes tickling motions in air*. again i say, oh how awesome are they. we made NO attempt to be quiet or clean or not obnoxious... we made the door alarm go off at odd hours, and they cooked stacks upon stacks of pancakes. they deserve a medal. and i miss everyone and now i'm just stalling because i don't want to write this english paper. okay, okay, i'll write it. i love you all!
Sept 3, 2003 20 56
i am SO proud of my english paper... i don't think i've ever managed more bs about theme and allusion and symbolism that actually made sense! i mean, mother read it and understood it! could it be that i'm actually writing about a literary device that exists, instead of one made up by wanky? i guess it's possible... hm, a strange possibility, that.
anyways, i am in need of some serious luck right now, so everyone cross your fingers and wish real hard. or pray, if that's your bag. you know, whatever, just so long as i get what i need.
Sept 1, 2003 00 52
so whoever signed my guestbook using my name does not understand the rules of the game. ooh! that rhymed! but anyways. i have guesses as to who the other no-name signees are, but that one i just can't figure out. the only person i can think of wouldn't say "eh." and yes, i obviously have nothing else to do right now or i wouldn't be analyzing the diction of a nameless entry in my guestbook. i am so sad.
right now, i'm covered in pedialyte (both grape AND bubble gum flavored), baby pee, chocolate pudding, pink popsicle, and 7up. my poor uva sweatshirt is in serious need of some laundry detergent and i want a shower so bad but i'd wake everyone up. yeah, i babysat tonight. i always amaze myself with my patience for jake when he cries and cries and cries. he wailed for about half an hour tonight when he woke up with a wet diaper and i just talked to him and refilled his bottle and did the baby dance, over and over. except for the fact that i can't change a diaper for crap, maybe i will be an okay mom. i have no tolerance for ANYTHING that's even slightly annoying, except for jake crying and katie's incessant unintelligible babble. i always expect to want to strangle them, because, as anyone who knows me can testify, i have no patience. with anyone, ever. except little kids. but only when no one else is around - if the parents are in the next room, and i have a crying child, i get embarrassed because i am obviously incompetent in some way. but if it's just me and the kids, it's all good. those kids are so amazing - amazing that jake can figure out how to open a big rubbermaid box, amazing that katie can figure out how to get the freezer open and get a popsicle from the top shelf, and amazing how she understands when i explain that she HAS to eat it in the kitchen, or else jake'll see it and want one and he can't have one because he has to go to sleep. and she didn't budge from the kitchen, even when she got lonely. man, they're great. i'd watch them for free - but don't tell jill, as i'm very pleased with the $30 i made tonight.
in other news, avast, ye scurvy dogs, for Talk Like a Pirate Day is september 19, and it be a beauty! ye lubbers don' know what ye missin'. arrrr darrrrrby's a pirate! ahh, the inevitable gsis connection to anything and everything. anyways, i wonder if mother will buy me this shirt. a "fetchin style for a comely lass" indeed. it's worth begging her, i must say. ooh! ooh! a pirate quiz! now THAT i have to take.
You are The Cap'n!
Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will.
and now i'm going to go take a shower, i don't care if i wake the whole damn house up. i'm sticky and i'm tired and i need large quantities of good hot water. or maybe i'll just go watch the rest of the second season of friends and fall asleep on the couch. yeah, i could do that. i'm so ambitious.
