On His Own


Prelude: in which Mitsuru receives a phone call and complications ensue

~Tuesday morning~
It really was unconscionable of the civics teacher to schedule an exam the Friday before summer break and give his students only three days to prepare for it. Who in their right mind would even think to crack open a book, let alone ingest knowledge from said book, when summer vacation loomed nigh? Unconscionable!

Mitsuru sighed mightily and slammed his civics text shut. He looked up form the table in the center of the room and fixed his gaze on his roommate’s back, willing the other boy to turn around and provide him with some much-needed distraction.

Shinobu, sitting in his customary place by his desk, was studiously working over god only knew what and refused to be accommodating.

Mitsuru sighed loudly again, opened his book then slammed it closed once more.

“Self-pity does not become you,” Shinobu said calmly, not turning from his desk.

Mitsuru scowled.

“Neither does petulance,” Shinobu shuffled a sheaf of papers together then neatly stacked them on top of another pile.

“That does it!” Uncoiling quickly from his position on the floor, Mitsuru snaked his leg around that of Shinobu’s chair and yanked. As his roommate tumbled unceremoniously from his perch, a flurry of papers falling in his wake, Mitsuru pounced. Grabbing Shinobu by the shoulders, Mitsuru pinned his friend to the floor and grinned triumphantly. The entire maneuver had taken all of three seconds.

“Ouch.” Shinobu said tonelessly, although his grey-green eyes narrowed, a dangerous sign.

Mitsuru ignored the indications of his impending doom and continued to apply pressure to his friend’s shoulders. “Now will you pay attention to me?” he asked, laughing to take the menace out of both his words and actions.

Oh, this was too easy, Shinobu thought to himself. He sets himself up for this all the time. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was doing it on purpose. I should be so lucky! Ah, well…it’s time to turn the tables here. And it’s all his damned fault, cheeky bastard!

“Well?” Mitsuru egged on, slightly unnerved now by the other boy’s calculated silence. “Say something, will ya?”

Shinobu let a slow, enigmatic smile creep onto his face. He softened his narrowed glare to a half-lidded sensuous invitation and relaxed his body subtly so now it felt like he more than welcomed Mitsuru’s attack. In a matter of seconds and without uttering a word, the power had shifted in favor of the boy prone on the floor. Mitsuru knew he was heading into dangerous waters and began to release his hold on his friend when Shinobu reached up and grabbed both wrists in an unrelenting hold.

“What do you want me to say?” Shinobu lowered his voice huskily.

Mitsuru suddenly realized that he was straddling his friend and this realization was immediately followed by another: he didn’t want to get up. Flushing in confusion, Mitsuru jerked his hands out of Shinobu’s grasp and hastily scurried back to a safer spot by the bunk beds. Electricity crackled in the air as Shinobu remained spread-eagled on the floor while allowing his head to swivel right and continued his amused observation of an extremely discomfited Mitsuru.

“Oi, Ikeda-sempai! Phone call!”

“I didn’t hear the bell,” Mitsuru frowned, momentarily distracted from the tension in the room as he focused his attention at the blue-haired boy who had materialized in the doorway.

“Ah, you know how lazy the dorm lady gets this close to break. She didn’t want to bother with the intercom and I was headed this way anyway. Well, you have a phone call. Ja!” With a hasty wave and oblivious to the explosive situation he had inadvertently help diffuse, Aoki Kunihisa scuttled off to his room to close up the video arcade for the break.

“Saved by the…” Shinobu began.

“Don’t say it,” Mitsuru growled, nipping the cliché in the bud.

Shinobu laughed silently as he watched his friend stalk off in a huff. Oh, he was too cute when flustered!

****

“So what are your plans for summer vacation, sempai?” Shun asked casually.

“Stay here, as usual,” Shinobu looked at the underclassman curiously. “You know this.”

“Not doing anything special?” Shun was wide-eyed innocence.

“I hadn’t planned on anything…” Shinobu began.

“Not even with Mitsuru-sempai?” Oh, Shun was playing with fire!

Before Shinobu could think of an appropriately cutting retort, Hasukawa stepped in and saved the boy the trouble. “Shun, cut it out, okay? What’s with the third degree? You don’t really want to know what those two will be up to. Nothing good, that’s for sure!”

Shinobu nodded in agreement before he caught the speculative, mischievous twinkle in Shun’s eye. The pink-haired boy had caught the double entendre in Hasukawa’s comment and was waiting to see if Shinobu caught it as well. Damn, that boy is way too perceptive! It’s a good thing he and Hasukawa aren’t going to be around this summer.

“Where is Mitsuru-sempai anyway?” Shun refused to let up.

“He had to take a phone call.” Shinobu refused to give up anything.

“Come on, Shun! Let’s get packing! My first break without my brother or the dorm…I wish it were Friday already!” The excitable redhead was about to sashay in glee out of the room when he abruptly came nose to chest with Mitsuru. “Ah, Mitsuru-sempai…”

Shun and Shinobu looked up in expectation. Whenever Hasukawa and his nemesis came together, it was pretty much a given that no small amount of torture and amusement was sure to ensue. Of course, the fact that Hasukawa was always the recipient of said torture and Mitsuru was always the recipient of said amusement boded ill for the hapless redhead.

Hasukawa cringed, hands over his head, in preparation of the usual swatting. It never came. Without looking at the younger boy, Mitsuru pushed his way into the room with a cold, determined look on his face. Still not speaking, he completely ignored the varying expressions of shock, curiousity and calculation on the three boys’ faces. Grabbing his battered civics book from the floor, Mitsuru launched himself onto the top bunk then drew the bed curtains closed.

“What’s with him?” Hasukawa was about to press his advantage and needle the upperclassman when he received the swatting he had thought he’d escaped from. “Ow, Shun! What the…”

“We’re leaving now!” Shun called out in a too-cheery voice. He yanked at his roommate’s arm and pulled him toward the door. Before the two were completely gone, Shun turned around and gave Shinobu a meaningful look that spoke volumes. For once, Shinobu was grateful of Shun’s perceptiveness. He nodded and closed the door firmly behind the departing boys.

“Mitsuru?”

“I’m studying.”

“Ah.”

Shinobu paused by the top bunk and mused over the best course of action. Mitsuru had been abrupt, almost cold, but anything could have set that off in the infamously quick-tempered boy. A phone call from irritating junior high girls, a chance encounter with the cult leader, his upcoming civics exam, the heat of summer from which the old dorm provided little relief…yes, Shinobu thought, it was too early in the game to worry. I’ll leave him alone. For now.

****

~Thursday morning~
Lunchtime was always a chaotic affair at Greenwood. The residents knew that the good stuff didn’t last very long and the majority of the boys tried to schedule their classes so they’d get out early and have a fighting chance at the choicest food. Hasukawa had not learned this trick yet so was the last boy in the usual quartet to get to the table. He sat down glumly and picked at the soggy daikon. He missed Sumire’s home cooking.

Hasukawa was so immersed in hungry self-pity that it took a while for him to register the unusual silence at the table. Shinobu was always stoic but Shun’s ever-present chatter was absent today. And Mitsuru, who always poked fun at…well…everything about Hasukawa, was a positive monument of solitude. It was all a bit scary.

Cautiously, Hasukawa attempted a test. He relaxed from the crouch over his food tray and left his food, distasteful though it was, exposed to the tender mercies of the predator. The predator didn’t swoop. In point of fact, the predator looked a bit out of sorts today. Hasukawa peered closely at Mitsuru and noticed the faint circles under the boy’s eyes. Further surreptitious investigation revealed a lagging jerkiness in Mitsuru’s normally graceful gestures. The topper, of course, was Mitsuru’s complete lack of interest in Hasukawa. Perversely, instead of feeling relieved from this respite, Hasukawa felt miffed.

“Wha---“ Hasukawa began when a fat piece of tofu was shoved into his mouth by Shun’s chopsticks.

Okay, this is getting ridiculous! Hasukawa fumed. Something was going on. He knew it. In fact, it probably started Tuesday, when Shun had dragged him out of Room 211. So, something to do with Mitsuru and Shinobu. But no one was telling him a thing. So, something to do with…me?

Hasukawa swallowed the tofu hastily, glared at a smiling Shun, then proceeded to open his mouth again to demand answers when a fat wad of rice was deposited in it, courtesy of a non-smiling Shinobu.

Well, at least I’m getting fed decent food, Hasukawa thought grimly as he chewed.

Abruptly, and with a loud scrape of his chair, Mitsuru got up from the table, food tray in hand.

“Mitsuru-sempai?” Hasukawa made sure there were no chopsticks in the near vicinity before he boldly stopped the upperclassman with a hand on the boy’s arm.

“Hai?” Mitsuru’s tone was barely civil.

“I…uh…well…where are you going?” Hasukawa managed to blurt out, unsettled by the iciness directed at him in full force.

“To study.” Mitsuru raised an eyebrow condescendingly, as if the answer were obvious. “ I do have that civics test that all of you seem to have escaped from, seeing as you don’t have the evil civics teacher from hell. I probably need to be left alone.” And with that announcement, he left the cafeteria.

“That’s the most he’s said all day,” Shun observed worriedly.

That’s the most he’s said in two days, Shinobu corrected silently. He watched his friend walk away. He looks tired. Well, he hasn’t been coming in any earlier than four these past two mornings. And, Shinobu continued his internal musings, he probably would have stayed out longer if the sun hasn’t been rising so early. And he’s still shutting me out. I’ll give him one more day. But if he sneaks out again, I may just confront him tonight.

“Shinobu-sempai!” Shun was waving his hand in front of Shinobu’s face to get his attention.

“Hai?” He wasn’t aware of it, but his tone was not so dissimilar from his roommate’s.

But Shun was not as easily flustered as Hasukawa. “What is wrong with Mitsuru-sempai?”

“He’s just angry that he has to take this exam. I wouldn’t worry about it. So are you both packed and ready to go?” Shinobu deflected the interrogation from himself with ease. As Shun chattered on about the beach resort he was dragging Hasukawa to, and as Hasukawa waxed rapturous over the thought of non-dorm food at said resort, Shinobu exhaled inwardly in relief. It wouldn’t do to let on how worried he was slowly becoming over Mitsuru’s current condition. People might start thinking things…

****

~Friday morning~
The lump on the top bunk did not move, not even to stop the persistent ringing of the alarm clock. If anything, the lump curled deeper into a fetal position under the wadded bedding. So it was that Shinobu entered his room, silvery hair damp from the baths, to the sounds of clangor and snores.

“Oi, Mitsuru! It’s eight o’clock. Don’t you have that civics exam today?”

“Shit!”

Mitsuru tumbled out of bed, grabbed his book bag and was about to tear through the door in panic when he was caught abruptly by a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Pajamas?” Shinobu prompted softly.

“Shit!” Mitsuru pulled off his clothes then, clad only in a thin pair of boxers, leapt to the closet to rummage for more suitable attire.

For the past two days, Shinobu had grown increasingly irritated with his roommate’s secrecy. But this irritation did not prevent him from admiring Mitsuru’s lanky, near-naked body. He briefly imagined what it would feel like to splay his hands across those shoulder blades, to lick the hollow of that throat, to knead at the ropy muscles of those arms…

Shinobu snapped himself out of his fantasy, enjoyable though it was. That was another situation he did not want to entertain at the moment. Right now, the matter of Mitsuru’s absorption looked to be coming to a head. Because, in his haste to get dressed, Mitsuru knocked over his hamper and a pair of black jeans and a black shirt came spilling out. Knowing full well that he had Shinobu’s undivided attention, Mitsuru nonchalantly stuffed the dark clothes back into the hamper and snatched at a white shirt and a tie.

Shinobu was no fool. The dirty clothes were testimony to Mitsuru’s midnight rendezvous with god only knew whom, and Shinobu was not about to let a golden opportunity go to waste.

“Want me to do your laundry? I’ve got a load to do myself.” Shinobu reached for his roommate’s hamper. And now it comes. He’s either going to lie about clothes he knows I haven’t seen him wear or he’ll finally confess to all this madness. This had better be good.

“No!” To Shinobu’s chagrin, Mitsuru did neither. The boy stood before the hamper like a bear defending her cub as he hopped into a pair of blue slacks. Mitsuru quickly buttoned up his shirt, threw his tie around his neck and snatched up his hamper. “I got it. Don’t bother.”

“Really, it’s no bother.” Shinobu would not leave his position in front of the door and Mitsuru had to sidestep to try to get around him, hamper firmly clutched to his chest.

“I can do it. I don’t need any favors,” Mitsuru gritted through clenched teeth as Shinobu danced with him, effectively blocking the door.

The two boys glared at each other and it looked like an impasse, with neither one willing to give in, when Hasukawa poked his head around the door.

“Mitsuru-sempai, I thought you had that civics test today. Doesn’t class start in five minutes?”

“Shit!”

With a forcefulness that Shinobu hadn’t counted on, Mitsuru pushed his roommate and himself out the door, leaving the hamper behind. Hasukawa had already fled upon seeing the stormy look on Mitsuru’s face. So no one saw the uncharacteristic look of shock and growing anger on Shinobu’s face as Mitsuru locked the door to Room 211.

“And how am I supposed to finish getting dressed?” Shinobu asked acidly.

“You don’t have class today. You look fine,” Mitsuru glanced at Shinobu’s robe, silently apologized to his friend, then dashed off to class.

Oh, Mitsuru Ikeda, you owe me. You owe me big! Shinobu fumed silently as he let himself into Shun and Hasukawa’s empty room next door. He hoped Mitsuru got home before anyone else did. It really wouldn’t do for anyone to see the state of ignominy that the student council president had gotten himself into.

****

~Saturday morning~
Greenwood was blessedly quiet. The majority of its 200 residents had all scattered to the four corners of Japan to enjoy a much-needed summer vacation and its remaining occupants had chosen their first day of freedom to sleep in. All seemed peaceful and normal.

CRASH! Thump, thump, thump…muffled curse…thump-bang!

“What the hell?” Mitsuru raised his head blearily from his pillow and drew his bed curtains open. He squinted at the glare of the morning sun then focused on the scene of chaos before him.

“Ohayo!” An unusually cheery Shinobu greeted him.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, this?” Shinobu gestured at the boxes, clothes and papers strewn about the room. “We’re re-organizing the room.”

“We?”

Shinobu nodded. “I let you sleep in as long as I deemed necessary, but it’s really time for you to get up now.”

Mitsuru was about to grudgingly accept this when his glance fell on the clock.

“It’s six o’clock!” Mitsuru howled in disbelief.

“The early bird gets the worm.”

“It’s six o’clock in the morning of the first day of break!”

“And your point?”

Mitsuru opened his mouth to begin a scathing tirade when he realized that Shinobu probably didn’t know about his midnight trips. And Mitsuru was not about to get into that, not when he was so close to solving his dilemma. On my own, the boy thought with grim satisfaction.

“Fine. I’m up. What do you want me to do?”

Shinobu was relentless. He had made an extensive list of tasks to accomplish, many of which were pretty petty and unnecessary, in Mitsuru’s opinion. But he willingly lent a hand to every endeavor. Despite the disgustingly early hour he was forced to wake up to – Mitsuru and mornings were not friends – the boy felt magnanimous toward the whole world in general. He was in a good mood, after all.

Not only had he made it just in time to civics class and pretty much aced the exam yesterday, Mitsuru had come home to the welcome sight of the mass exodus of Greenwood residents. Although he was much-loved by all the boys for his quirky good humor and he loved them all in return, Mitsuru sometimes craved privacy and peace, something not often to be had in a boys’ dorm.

Then, upon reaching the second floor, he had been greeted by a robe-clad Shinobu who had somehow managed to explain his attire to the satisfaction of the other boys. Shinobu had acted as if nothing unusual had happened between them so Mitsuru had felt forgiven.

And that night, Mitsuru’s plan had succeeded beautifully and the dilemma that had been uppermost in his mind all week looked to be almost resolved. He needed one more night to tie up loose ends and things could finally go back to normal. He could finally get some sleep. Blessed, blessed sleep!

“Oi, Mitsuru, think fast!” The thought of sleep vanished from the boy’s mind as an unwieldy box hurtled toward his face. With a deft motion that was just a tad bit too slow for Mitsuru but lightning fast for anyone else, the boy managed to deflect the incoming object with a quick block of his arm.

“Was that really necessary?” Mitsuru grumbled in mock anger. His roommate just shrugged.

“Sorry,” Shinobu said in a voice that suggested the exact opposite.

Mitsuru looked at his friend as he sensed the sudden change of temperature in the room. Shinobu looked positively frigid. What did I do now? Mitsuru wondered. I guess he could still be pissed at the whole locked room thing, but I thought we’d resolved that yesterday. And I know I’ve been really secretive lately, but he has his moods too and I don’t see why I have to walk on eggshells around here when I have every right to have a secret of my own now and then. What else could it be? Wait a minute, why am I thinking this? I didn’t do anything wrong! He should be apologizing to me for waking me up so damned early and making me do all this grunt work and…

By this time, Mitsuru had worked himself up into a towering fit of outrage. It didn’t help, of course, that his lack of sleep for the past week had drained him of any self-restraint and common sense. Without thinking twice, Mitsuru picked up a random box and heaved it at his roommate.

Shinobu may have been blessed with extra-sensory perception and an uncanny ability to think two seconds faster than anyone else, but both these talents could not prepare him for the sudden viciousness of Mitsuru’s attack. Yes, they had play-fought many times, even giving each other some serious bruises in the past, but this…this was something new.

Had Shinobu been given time to think things through, he would have reasoned that Mitsuru was tired, was working off fumes. And it really wasn’t fair of him to pile all this work on his roommate after having woken him up so early. Given even more time, Shinobu would have experienced a creeping guilt because he had actually enjoyed making Mitsuru suffer. Yes, it was payback for the secrets and the locked room and the cold shoulder all week, but Shinobu was not a malicious person at heart and what he was doing was a bit over the top.

But Shinobu was not given time and when the box hit him full in the chest and knocked his feet out from under him with its force, he surged up with an equal rage of his own.

“Wrong move, Mitsuru,” Shinobu warned, even as he took a swing at his best friend.

“I don’t think so.” Mitsuru easily evaded the blow and shoved at the other’s chest, toppling him down again.

Mitsuru knew he was stronger physically than his roommate. He also knew, given his proclivity for all things athletic, that he was faster as well. So Mitsuru’s primary goal was to tire Shinobu out without actually hurting him in the process. No matter how angry or confused or irritated he was at his friend, Mitsuru knew he would rather die than hurt Shinobu intentionally.

Why is that, exactly? Shinobu is cold, exasperating, condescending. And that was during his good days! Why do I always feel like I have to protect him?

Shinobu had proven capable of taking care of himself many times, especially with things involving the demon spawn, Nagisa. But there were moments, unguarded moments that only Mitsuru was privy to, when Shinobu’s eyes would unshutter and reveal a vulnerability and need that twanged at Mitsuru’s heartstrings.

No such need in those grey-green eyes now. Instead, sparks of pure menace shot from them as Shinobu got up once more. This time, however, he was not going to underestimate his opponent. He knew Mitsuru was quicker, stronger. But David had beaten Goliath after all, so all it took was timing and patience. And Shinobu was nothing if not patient. An opening, that was all he needed. Ah…now!

Taking advantage of Mitsuru’s hesitation, Shinobu sprang. He butted his head against the taller boy’s chest and succeeded in slamming him into the wall. Once there, Shinobu pinned the other boy still with a knee to his groin and both hands against his shoulders, rendering Mitsuru powerless and at his mercy.

“That’s a dirty move,” Mitsuru gasped, trying to take back some of the air that had been knocked from him.

“Not if you insist on fighting dirty.” Shinobu gasped back, chest heaving from his exertions.

Mitsuru was not stupid. He knew more was being said in that last comment than was apparent. Shinobu lashing out at him because of a thrown box, thrown hard though it was, was not customary Shinobu procedure. This anger and passion came from something else. And before Mitsuru could wonder any more, his friend gave him the answer.

“Won’t you tell me what this week’s been all about?”

And there it was, that naked need and vulnerability lurking in grey-green depths. In a blinding epiphany, Mitsuru saw the hurt and confusion Shinobu was feeling, and all because Mitsuru had kept secrets from him. Mitsuru marveled at this revelation even as he despaired. He couldn’t tell Shinobu what he’d been doing, not now when he was so close to solving it on his own. And the matter didn’t really involve Shinobu anyway; he wasn’t really hurting him by keeping it from him. Was he?

“I can’t, Shin.”

The nickname was Shinobu’s undoing. He would have pressed the issue then and there, he was that angry and frustrated and fed up. But when Mitsuru wailed out his name, that special name that no one else knew about much less used, Shinobu felt his antagonism melt away.

He lowered his knee from Mitsuru’s groin and bowed his head in defeat. He was not going to be an ass. He was going to give Mitsuru the privacy the boy obviously wanted. And he was not going to entertain the feeling of abandonment that teased at his subconscious.

“Shin, I…”

Shinobu looked up in time to see the anguish in his friend’s eyes. So it hurts him to hold back as much as it hurts me to experience it. Ah, Mitsuru, you idiot! Shinobu shifted so his weight was removed from Mitsuru’s shoulders. But rather than removing his hands as well, Shinobu boldly kept them in place and continued looking at his friend, drinking in the tousled, sandy-brown hair, the troubled amethyst eyes. Like a deer caught in headlights, Shinobu thought fondly. He leaned into Mitsuru’s personal space, not too close if one were in a fight. But they weren’t fighting anymore.

The change of mood in the room was palpable. It was the same feeling Mitsuru had experienced earlier in the week, when they had been wrestling, before that damned phone call. Mitsuru had wanted to analyze the mood then but had been sidetracked by other events. Now, however, it was happening again and there was no Aoki and no phone call to distract them.

As their gazes locked, Mitsuru felt his carefully built defenses crumble. He wanted to tell Shinobu everything. And what was “everything”, exactly? Did “everything” include the butterflies in his stomach when he caught Shinobu looking at him? Did “everything” include the pleasure he took in watching Shinobu get dressed in the morning? And the shivers he felt when Shinobu said his name in a certain way? And the disturbing dreams he’d been having, even in the middle of the day, in which Shinobu played a starring role? But most importantly, did “everything” include telling Shinobu that he was not comfortable with these feelings, that they scared him and confused him and he didn’t want to put voice to them because that would make them real and god, he wasn’t ready to deal with them if they were real?

Shinobu had given up on fair play a long time ago. He knew it was underhanded the way he took advantage of Mitsuru’s sudden openness, but he had to know what was going on. What he found in Mitsuru’s mind stunned him.

He’s not thinking of that damned secret; he’s thinking of…me! Granted, I’ve put him in a position and created a scenario where he can’t help but think of me, but this…butterflies? Dreams? And something else. Something beyond the realm of experimentation and lust and hormones and play. Something serious.

Shinobu tried to grasp at it but the thought was so new even to Mitsuru that it was nigh impossible for Shinobu, the intruder, to track down. Still, Shinobu persisted. Because now, this elusive, tantalizing thought was more important than the secret of the week. This thought had to do with him personally.

“Shin, I’m sorry.” Mitsuru moaned as if he were in actual pain. He slid down the wall, broke Shinobu’s hold and with one, last agonized look, the boy bolted from the room.

Oh, Mitsuru, I’m sorry too. But this has gone on for too long. And now there are other issues to be resolved besides your little secret. We’re going to have to talk about this, and if you won’t open up, I guess it’s my move now. This ends tonight, and your little slip-up today has given me an idea…

previous ~ onward


~ koko wa greenwood ~