this is tough love ~ a zac fanfiction
recovery?
Emily Walston crossed her legs behind her huge oak desk. She looked over the case and cleared her throat. Her client's parents sat in front of her, hopeful and waiting for her to say something intelligent, and comforting; wanting her to come up with The Answer.
"Mr. and Mrs. Hanson, I think that Zac felt somewhat intimidated by his two older brothers." She made a note on her file.
"No, " Diana said, almost chuckling, "The boys get along fine. They are each others' best friends."
"What I mean is I think he feels like he's not equal to them in some way."
Diana looked worried.
"I want to talk to Zac first before I come to any conclusions, of course." Dr.Walston continued "Most cases of anorexia are teenage girls, but now we are seeing more and more cases of anorexia in teenage boys. This is due to the fact that the public is now focusing more on what the 'perfect male' should look like, whereas before, all the focus was on the female. I would like to visit with Zac sometime soon. When would be the best time for your family?"
Diana looked at Walker, "Tomorrow?"
He nodded.
Dr. Walston studied her calendar. "Is noon okay with you guys?"
"Sounds good to me." Walker said. All three of them stood up and Dr.Walston shook both of their hands.
"It was a pleasure meeting you."
Outside her office Diana wiped away tears from her eyes.
"Have we ever made Zac feel inferior to Ike or Tay?"
"No." Walker said and hugged her. "This is not our fault."
*****
Zac flipped through the channels on the mini-TV that was hooked-up in the corner of his private hospital room. He was so bored. He looked to the side of his uncomfortable bed. He pressed the nurse-call button.
His favorite nurse, Kelli Singleton, came into the room. Zac loved her short-cropped red hair and deep blue eyes. She was young, and always smiling.
"Yes, Zac?" She said. She opened his curtains allowing light in. "That's much better."
"Can I walk around?" He looked very anxious to get out of the hospital room.
"Have you ate yet?"
He shook his head.
"I think it's best if you eat first. When your parents brought you here last night, you had passed out from lack of food. You scared everyone."
Zac frowned. He had to eat in order to be able to do what he wants. Zac looked at his food tray. The food on it looked worse than the descriptions his cousin used to describe public school food.
"What is that?" He asked.
"Eggs, oatmeal, bacon, toast, and apple slices." Kelli answered.
Zac scrunched his nose. "So, that's what that is?"
"At least you haven't lost your sense of humor." Kelli remarked.
"Who said I was joking?"
*****
Taylor sat alone in Tulsa Hospital's cafe. A cute redhead came walking towards him, smiling.
"Taylor?" She asked.
"Yeah?"
"Hi, I'm Kelli Singleton, Zac's nurse. You can go up and see him now. I was actually hoping you could coax him into eating at least one bite of his breakfast."
"How do I do that?" He asked. He took a sip of his Coke and thought that Zac was lucky to have such a cute nurse.
"You're his big brother. How do you make him do anything?" She smiled.
*****
Isaac had stayed at home with the younger kids the night his parent's took Zac to the hospital. Jessica and Avery were scared when they saw Taylor and Walker carrying a weak Zac out to the family car. Issac explained to them that Zac had been really sick and needed to go to the hospital for a while. Jessica knew what was really wrong with Zac and she was almost angry with him.
Isaac was surfing on the internet when Jessica came up to him.
"I think there's someone outside." She said.
Isaac got up and opened the front door. He was nearly blinded by the flashes of journalists' cameras. Everyone of them shouted out questions all at once.
"Isaac, can you tell us how you feel about your brother's condititon?!"
"Isaac, how long has Zac had this condition?!"
"Is it true, Isaac-"
"No comment!" Isaac shouted over their screams. He slammed the door shut and immediatly called the police.
*****
Taylor cautiously entered Zac's room. There was no telling what kind of mood he was in. Zac looked up when he heard Taylor come in.
"Oh, hey." He said.
"Don't sound so excited." Taylor joked.
"I was just expecting Kelli." Zac leafed through a magazine Kelli brought him from the lobby.
"Oh, yeah," Taylor said with a smile. "Lucky you. She's hot."
Zac broke out into a smile, then blushed.
Taylor pulled up a chair next to Zac's bed. There was a moment of silence between the two. Zac broke the silence.
"I'm sorry. I've ruined everything for everyone. This was supposed to be our resting and peaceful time before our promo tour."
"You, know, "Taylor said "All you have to do is take one little bite of your breakfast, and we can get out of here, finish our vacation, then get back on the road. And you'll feel so much better, Zac."
"I can't." Zac looked uncomfortable.
"Why not?" Taylor asked.
Zac looked at his tray. It looked so disgusting. And just thinking about food made his stomach churn.
"I almost didn't allow this." Zac said indicating to the IV that ran into his hand, pumping nutrients through his body so he didn't die from malnutrition. "But I knew it would hurt Mom, so I left it."
"I wish I could understand why you feel this way. Zac, you are not overweight, if that's what you think. And you have a lot of fans, almost more than me!"
Zac raised an eyebrow at Taylor.
"Hey, I said almost. All of those fans can't be wrong." Taylor looked at Zac, searching for answers.
"I don't know, Taylor. I don't know how to overcome this. All I know is I can't eat. Sort of like a drug addict, who needs his next fix. And everyone is just looking from the outside and they can't understand what it is like."
*****
That night, all of the Hansons, sans Zac, had a quiet dinner together.
Isaac finished his meal, and put his dirty dishes in the sink. "I'm going to visit Zac." He announced.
"Honey, can you take Mackie? You know how close he is with Zac." Diana asked.
Mackie looked up hopefully at Isaac.
"Sure," Isaac got his car keys and a light jacket for himself and Mackie.
"Are you ready to go, Mackers?" Isaac asked.
"Only Zac calls me Mackers." He said matter-of-factly.
"Sorry." Isaac laughed.
When they arrived to Zac's room, Kelli was busy jotting things down on his chart.
"Zac!!" Mackie yelled and charged towards his bed. With Zac's approval, Isaac helped Mackie sit up on the bed with him. The two began talking animatedly.
"Hi, I'm Isaac, and you are?" Isaac looked Kelli up and down.
She smiled, "Kelli."
"Do you have a boyfriend, Kelli?" He asked.
She blushed. "I know you're not hitting on me, Hanson."
"Okay, how about a date?"
"We'll see." She said, putting Zac's chart back in its holder. "Right now my main concern is to get your brother to eat. Even if it is one bite."
Isaac nodded. "I know what you mean."
Mackie, meanwhile, took the brownie off of Zac's tray and was eating it.
"Mmmm, Zac, these brownies have little M&M's in them." Mackie said as he picked out some of the hard shell candies. He pushed them up toward's Zac's mouth.
"Try some." He said so innocently.
"Mackie, I don't think that's such a good idea." Zac said. Mackie shrugged and popped them in his own mouth. A little of the chocolate was left on Zac's lip, and he licked it off. Suddenly, Zac wanted that M&M, but he didn't know if his will was that strong.
"Mackie-"Zac said in a hoarse whisper. "Can I have one now?"
Mackie picked out a few more M&M's for Zac. He pushed them in Zac's mouth, and Zac let them slowly melt. He felt so guilty.
"There's another brownie here if you want it." Mackie said.
"Sure." Zac said. His head was spinning. What am I doing? He thought, I've been doing good so far and now I'm just going to throw that all away?
Isaac and Kelli had been talking and missed Zac's first bite of food since the day of the MTV interview over a week ago.
"This is kind of good." Zac said, after his timid first bite. He took another bite, and another until he'd completely polished off the brownie. His stomach churned and flip flopped. He felt sick. He jumped from the bed, taking his IV with him into his bathroom. No quicker had he ate the brownie, did it come back up. Kelli and Isaac came rushing into the bathroom. Zac was splashing his face with cold water from the sink.
"I ate the brownie." He said. "And it made me sick."
"That's because you haven't had any real food in a long time. You should've ate some of the salisbury steak first, or creamy mashed potatoes." Kelli said, and helped him back to his bed.
"Would you like me to go get you a sandwich from the cafe?" Isaac asked.
"No." Zac said, and rolled over on his side, closing his eyes.
"That might be best." Kelli told him. "I'll go get Zac's doctor, after I write this on his charts."
*****
Diana hung up the phone. "He's eating!!" She shouted happily.
Everyone was happy and wanted more details.
"Isaac just called from the hospital," She said. "He said Zac ate a brownie, which made him sick, so he ate a third of his sandwich!"
*****
Dr.Walston was right on time for her meeting with Zac. She met his parents at the hospital, then went into his room alone.
"Hi, Zac, I'm Dr.Walston, and I wanted to talk to you today." She gave him her best professional smile. Zac sat up in his bed and she took the chair next to his bed.
"I hear you're eating a little now." She said, pulling a yellow legal pad out from her breifcase, and a fountain pen.
"Yeah." He said. "Are you a shrink?"
"I am your therapist, yes."
"I don't need a therapist." Zac said.
"I just want to talk to you, Zac, about what happened."
"And?" He asked. He looked nervously around the room. He studied a corner in the room where the paint had been chipping.
"Tell me in your own words why you did this? Why you quit eating? What was your reason?"
Zac thought. Why had he done this? It seemed a little silly now. He started laughing.
"I didn't like being bigger than my older brothers. Isaac and Taylor were so thin, and I was the chubby one. I only intended on losing a few pounds." He explained.
Dr. Walston listened, made comments ,and wrote down notes.
*****
The next day, Zac's whole family came to visit. It was a Saturday afternoon. Kelli had opened Zac's curtains that morning and the sun streamed through. Zac wished he was outside right now.
"Dr. Walston says you're doing pretty good." Diana said encouragingly. "And Dr. Blevins said you could come home Monday."
"I know. I've already talked to him about it. I'm ready to come home. I'll just miss Kelli not being there to do everything for me except use the bathroom." Zac said and made everyone smile.
"Speaking of Kelli, " Isaac started.
"She's having lunch at the cafe." Zac answered before he could ask.
"Great." Isaac said, "I'll come back later." And Isaac left to go find Kelli.
"How come he gets the cute nurse?" Taylor asked.
"Hell-O!" Zac said, "You're here to see me."
"Oh yeah." Taylor handed Zac a thick manilla enevelope. "From the fans."
Zac gave Taylor a quizzical look, and opened it up.Get well cards spilled out onto his lap.
"They know?" He said, astonished.
"Yeah, " Taylor said, "There was a leak somewhere, and you know the media."
"They know." Zac said, this time happily. "They know, and they care about me."
"Duh." Avery said. "Did you think they wouldn't?"
"Get well soon, Zaccy Pooh." Jessica said in a high pitched voice, her imitation of the fans.
"Hey, Mrs.Backstreet Boy, who sent 20 letters to Brian when he went to the hospital for surgery." He pointed out.
"That was different." She said defensively.
"Uh-huh, you signed each letter, Mrs.Brian Littrel."
Jessica blushed. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry."
"The old Zac is back." Taylor said and everyone agreed.
*****
Isaac approached the table where Kelli was sitting by herself, reading a book, and munching on a trail mix.
"Can I sit here?"
"Sure. How's the little brother?"
"Great. He'll be better when he comes home."
Kelli folded down the corner of the page she was reading.
Isaac nervously cleared his throat.
"So, I was thinking about that date-"
"I'd love to." Kelli said. Isaac let out a sigh of relief.
"That's real great."
Kelli wrote her number on a napkin and gave it to him, "Lunch break is over. Call me."
"Oh, I will." Isaac said. He smiled all the way back to his brother's room.
*****
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