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77- Work in progress - He sat down by the table; the new blue book in front of him, the pen at hand. How should he start? As he had no idea, he thought that it would be nice to have the starting date first, so he painted it to the middle of the first blank page. He stared from his window, the trees outside were waving in the wind. The singing of some Elves came over to his ear; and his heart was aching. Was it respectful to write this story here, in peaceful Rivendell, if this little tale was not peaceful at all? Could he even just dare to write down this tale, the story of his life, or at least a small part of it, after all he had gone through? He decided, after some time, that it would be right to write; that he just had to write it down. Not that he could ever forget what he had gone through, not a single minute of this fateful summer within his life that had already lasted some thousand years. But he felt that he would have to leave an evidence of what had happened. With a quiet sigh he picked up the pen again; and suddenly had the idea where to start; right at the beginning, before the really bad things started. It would be impossible for anyone to understand the story without the...
Prologue
was the first word that escaped from the pen on the second empty page. He tipped his head, painting intricate swirls around the word; not to embellish the letters, but just to have time to think about how it all started.... yes, that was it. And he lowered the pen to the paper and just wrote down the words that came to his mind...
I was not even an adult Elf when this all happened to me. Adult, that is, for the Elves, being about 150 of the human years old; and I was just about a century old. An elven teenager, if you wish. I have learned later that human teenagers do not behave too much different from the way the Elves do when they are still young. Just some kind of ‘hanging around’ with friends, not giving in to ‘foolish’ traditions. Of course,
He smiled to himself...
Sex was included, as well. She-elves and Elves, no matter what, that was the process of being young, of inhaling as much of life as you probably can. I wonder if the twins still remember that fateful summer...? If Arwen remembers? Haldir...? I smile to myself while writing this; these were lucky days. Until that day came, the special day when he entered our friendship in this warm and sticky summer in Mirkwood. He was human. We got to know him in that little hidden tavern on the borders of Mirkwood forest we frequently visited, secretly; if my father had known that we did, he would have locked us up for the rest of the summer. To take Arwen with us was dangerous; as a she-Elf, she was supposed to remain at home, but she did not, and said she would tell my father where we spend our evenings, so we took her with us. Anyway, she was the eldest of us; so why should we have left her at home? To get back to him... A tall man, not much older than maybe thirty of the human years; short dark brown hair with reddish highlights, piercing blue eyes. I have no idea who first talked to him; maybe it was Elrohir; and he brought him to our table. Strange it seems, but he was not even flattered to join the table of the Elves, as all other Humans usually were. Instead, he smiled at each one of us, and his eyes seemed to look into each soul. This was something that I had just experienced from older Elves, but never by a Human. These eyes. They were so...
He struggled for some time to find a matching word...
...gorgeous.
That is the right expression; gorgeous, even if this word seems so human, he thought, and suddenly realized that he never used this word except when thinking about these eyes.
I think this is the first time in my life that I had ever been interested in a human. The slaves my father kept were friendly; the free humans I got to know were, well, wild, but this one here was different. He did not even smell the way other humans did. He smelled... clean. Manly. And something was... different about him. At that time, I just blamed it on the wine that he was so... well, it seemed as if one of the Valar had been extremely gracious to this man. "Where do you come from, stranger?"
Arwen asked. As strange as his attitude was his appearance. He wore a black leather coat; a crushed metallic silken shawl and chains around his neck. The interesting thing about the coat was that I could not see where it started or ended; there were endless buttons, clasps and buckles on it. It looked old, but was as clean as if it just had been washed. The black leather trousers he wore were skin tight; the boots also covered with buckles and straps. The other, human guests of the tavern looked at him in a strange kind of way; almost with fear. A strange Aura came from him; almost black it was; but there was this incredible smile he had; and I guess that none of us would ever thought him to be evil. "And what is your name?" With an almost shy smile he looked down, and the voice was almost coarse when we got to hear the name while he raised his eyes. "Oh, I’m sorry... Bellerophon." Now that was a strange name. I had never heard anything likely. He obviously came from a very distant land. "A wonderful name, my friend," said Elladan and patted his shoulder. Bellerophon raised one of his brows (why did that remind me so much of an Elf?) and grinned to him. "And would the friendly Elves on this table mind to let me know about their names as well? Each of us introduced to him, and when I had introduced myself, he showed a broad grin. "So you are the little Princeling of Mirkwood?" he asked. I must have blushed; the others started to laugh. Damn, I did not know that my name was so well known to the mortals; I had, just as the others, just introduced myself with my first name... "So where have you been, travelling through Middle Earth, Bellerophon? We are anxious to know" Haldir leaned forward. He smiled, then looked at each of us. It was as if he was inhaling our souls with his eyes. His tales of the lands he had traveled through were fantastic; and just as if an old grandfather would tell a fairytale to little children, we heard them. It was late when he said that he had ‘other things to do’ that evening; but promised to come back the next day. And when we were back home, I dreamt all night long about his eyes. The next morning, Elrohir could not resist to tease when I stared at my breakfast, still bound to my dreams. "Legolas, any problems with your breakfast? Maybe missing blue eyes in your bread?" I gave him an angry glare. "No idea what you are talking about." "Come on, your mouth says this but your eyes tell me different. Caring about a human, eh?" Just good that father was not around; he had gone hunting. I grinned; and maybe it was also to get some kind of reaction from Elladan who was sitting next to me, and who I had loved just some days ago in the pool. "Maybe... maybe I just want to see if there are more interesting things about him than just his eyes." I was rewarded; Elladan obviously choked his breakfast and started to cough. "Ah, my brother is also involved," Elrohir laughed. Arwen, usually a very quiet and distant person, spoke, and as this was quite rare, everyone of us looked up and listened. "My dearest Elves," she smiled with the sweetest smile that she could possibly muster, "what makes you think that such a wonderful human should be interested in a male Elf, if he could have the Evening Star?" We all looked at each other; and bawled out. She sat there, at the side of the table, with raised eyebrows, when Haldir finally raised his voice from the common laughter. "It seems," he spoke, still laughing, "that we are all flattered by that special human. Now what about making a bet? Who will get him? And what should be the price for the winner?" "The price of being able to keep him is not enough?" Elladan grinned. "Well, then, what about all other serving the winner and his bait for, let us say, a week?" I smiled. That was a neat idea, and I placed my open hand to the middle of the table. "So it shall be, the winner of the humans heart and body will not only be allowed to keep him all self, but will also be served by the others for a week. Deal?" Haldir placed his hand on mine; the twins joined. Arwen was last, and her blue grey eyes were filled with angry fire. "Deal, my lords," she grinned, "oh, how much I will enjoy you serving me..."
It was time for a new chapter, he thought. The name was already clear, and on a new page he wrote...
Bet & bait
We rode to the tavern in the evening, and everyone of us had taken great effort in looking as good as possible. I quietly giggled to myself what the host of the tavern would think of us if he saw us this way? On entering the tavern, the visitors got calm, and anyone just seemed to stare at us. Probably they had never seen Elves dressed to kill, I grinned to myself. We looked around, but he was not there, so we just sat down at our usual table, and I noticed that the others were obviously as nervous as I was. By Elbereth, I thought, this is not normal. We are Elves, the Humans look up to us. And here we are, five elven teenagers and have sweating hands just because of a human that is not even there. We ordered drinks, and I could see the waitress raising her brows when anyone ordered alcohol, but she did not say anything. Usually, we ordered water as first drinks; alcohol always came later. But this was not a usual evening; and for that, we did not order the usual drinks. The mood was tensed, we just stared at each other. Two hours later, Elladan broke the silence. "What if he does not come tonight?" "Then we will have to watch out for someone else to cool down our passion; I don’t think I could stand being without anyone tonight," Elrohir laughed. They spoke the elven tongue, obviously not to let the humans around know what they were talking about. "I think I would like to care for you, Elrohir," Haldir grinned. Arwen leaned to her other brothers shoulder. "What about the both of us? Do you think you can make up with your sister?" Sure, dear," Elladan murmured, kissing her chin. I stared at the table. The usual couples; almost, I thought. Elladan used to prefer me.... A voice that spoke clearest Sindarin made me raise my head, but obviously was none of the young Elves at the table. "And who will care for you, my Princeling?" A gloved hand touched the back of my head and caressed the hair, playing with my braids. From the corners of my eyes, I realized that all the others heads had rushed up, staring at the person behind me; and when I raised my head and saw Arwens startled expression I could almost guess who stood behind me, and did not know if I should put on a broad smile or leave my head in the tomato red state that I felt burning on my cheeks. "Bellerophon... we almost thought you would not come..." escaped from Elladans lips. He sat down by my side, laying his arm around my shoulders. "I bet you would have regretted if I would not have come, right?" The hand constantly stroke my shoulder. He turned his head to me, still grinning; and I should have been warned, for it was not a warm, but a selfish and arrogant smile he gave to me. "Well, to be honest, I think I would have regretted myself if I would not be here tonight. For then I would not be able to care for this little Princeling, right?" He pulled me close, and pressed his lips to mine. It was not a soft kiss as I was used to from the other Elves, it was demanding, almost violent; and I think this is what I liked most. At the moment his lips touched mine, I had closed my eyes as I was used to; but when his tongue pressed to my teeth, forcing me to open my mouth, I opened my eyes as well. I could see that he was still watching me. It was almost as if he would observe my reaction to his rather harsh kiss. One of his gloved hands stroke my cheek when he stopped kissing me, and he grinned. "How sweet you are, Princeling, I hope I can taste more of that... later." He leaned back and ordered beer for all of us. The others were that surprised that he had to remind them of something that they obviously had forgotten. "Now what was so shocking for you? If I understood that right, you were just about to choose your toys for the night when I entered; and Legolas was left out from your plans. You certainly do not mind me acquiring him? And please... I cannot kiss all of you at once, so... shut your mouths."
How well he remembered these words from him. He smiled to the ceiling, leaning his head far back. It was so... satisfying at that point of time to see the others loose any chance to win the bet. He lowered his head, staring at the lines he had just written. By now, he wished that anyone of the others had chosen him, so that his choice would have fallen on someone else than him. Did he really just think that? Was it not unfair to wish for any one of the others to have to carry this burden?
And they all actually closed their mouths, and shook their heads on the fact that they had forgotten to close them. His kiss still burned on my lips, and I wondered how far this would actually go that evening. Bellerophon grabbed a cards game from his coat. "What about card playing? If we were not here, I would suggest something like strip poker, but, well, I think we would disturb the other guests..." His smile showed that he would not mind to actually do exactly this; but obviously wanted to protect our reputation in the tavern. "How long is your father out, Legolas?" Arwen asked with a strange kind of smile. "Not expected back before next week," I whispered. "Why not change the location then? We could play in your house," grinned Elrohir, and the stress lay on ‘play’ when he spoke. "Now, Princeling. You heard the words of your friends. Should we change the location to get a little more... comfortable?" The leather gloved hand lay on my thigh, and just that simple touch of him warmed up my whole body in a strange way. In a time that I would personally call an absolute record in drinking, we emptied our pints and walked out of the tavern. Walking maybe was the wrong expression; we had started with the alcohol far too early and now had to pay the price by more stumbling than walking. Bellerophon laughed out loud. "So these are the graceful Elves, eh? Come on, friends, gather your posture." He whistled, and a black horse came running towards us; the saddle and bridle made of finest, silver embellished leather. "This is mine, where are yours?" Haldir came from the stables with our horses. "You have to put your horses into stables?" Somehow he was strange, any time he laughed it was quite fun, but there seemed to be no mirth in his laughter. With a single and quick movement, he jumped onto his horse and lend his hand to me. "Will you prefer riding alone, or would you like to try my horse with me?" I wanted to jump behind him; but instead, within the movement, I was caught by him, and before I could realize what happened I found myself sitting on the saddle, with him behind me. "This way I can far better get hold of you, Princeling," he whispered to my ear; and the horse ran off, and even if he did not use the stirrups, it seemed to know the exact way to my home. The sound of other horses followed us, my friends were right behind. His hands stroke over my chest and legs, and his warm breath touched my neck. Even if this feeling was wonderful and sent shivers down my spine, it was so much different from anything that I had expected or ever experienced until then. Together with the others, it was different. I was always the youngest of them, so if I had sex with the Elves, they always were on the receiving end; not letting me get out of certain borders that my youth seemed to oblige to them. Bellerophon was different, and a hard pressure on my back seemed to indicate that he had other plans for me. I did not yet know if I should feel uncomfortable or enjoy it. What the hell had ridden me to invite a total stranger, and a human even, to my fathers house is beyond my understanding today. But after all he was just a mortal, and we were young immortal Elves, so what should happen? Besides that, there were always enough guards and slaves around in the house, so I considered it to be safer than the tavern. Someone looking as good as that could not really be bad, right? I had to learn different.
He looked around in the room. How empty it seemed. Sometimes he wished that Bellerophon had not been like... that. Still, after all these centuries that had passed, he longed somehow for his hands and eyes. The elegant way his leather cloak moved when he walked up the steps of the house for the first time; he would never forget that sight on the first evening at his fathers house. Legolas shook his head. In some kind of way, he still loved Bellerophon. Not for what he did, but for the way he moved and spoke. He felt like talking, to someone who knew Bellerophon, and got up – just to see that the door was opening the same moment. A dark haired Elf entered, and smiled when Legolas looked at him in an asking way. "Elladan," the Elf smiled introducing and bowed. Obviously, Legolas thought to himself, the twin had not forgotten how difficult it was for him to differ between the two, and he was thankful for the simple word that let him know who he was dealing with. "How are you, Legolas?" he said and sat down to one of the chairs, with the clinching sound of his chain maille. "Have no idea... I have to write down some things that I feel... should be written." Legolas poured some of the wine that Elladan had brought with him. The raven haired Elf rose his eyebrows. "What do you have, Legolas? Problems? If Elrohir and I can help, we-" "NO! It is too late. You cannot help any more; just..." He realized that he had raised his voice, and the other Elf looked startled. "Will you not tell me what worries you so, Legolas? If you speak as loud as that, I could almost fear that you are a mortal loosing his temper." Legolas sat down on a different chair and leaned back. "Elladan, do you remember that summer in Mirkwood, when we were young?" The other Elf smiled. "How could I forget that? I think it was the best summer of my life..." He leaned back and smiled. "Remember Arwen and Elrohir? Ah, and there was that mortal, that leather dressed warrior... what was his name... Bella... Bello..." "Bellerophon," Legolas added without any visible expression on his face or in his voice, and hurried to drink the wine to prevent any other comment that could escape his lips. "Yes... that was his name... Bellerophon... the beautiful mortal warrior..." "Beautiful he was, yes, and a warrior, but he was not mortal", Legolas added silently, almost hoping that Elladan would not hear his words; but the other Elf almost dropped his glass when he had finished his sentence. "You are certainly kidding, Legolas? He was a mortal, your memory is playing tricks on you." "No. He was not an Elf, but not a Human either, and he was not mortal." Elladan leaned over to him, with a serious expression. "What do you know, Legolas? Is that what you ‘have to write down’? What happened that summer? I always thought it was the summer you had found your way to the adults, but, well, maybe I am wrong? What was Bellerophon, if not an Elf, but immortal?" Legolas’ eyes filled with tears, when he thought of that dark night in autumn. Bellerophon told him that it was time for him to leave, and then this strange white animal came, and he said to him that... No, it was not yet time for him to think about that. Not yet; the story was just at the beginning. "I honestly have no idea what he was, but he was not an ordinary mortal human, that is fur sure." Elladan reached out for his hands, to offer some comfort to him, but Legolas flinched away from him and got up quite abruptly, went over to the window and dried his tears with his hands. Black hands, leather gloved hands came to his mind... "He was something that should not even exist. He was a Half-God," he added sobbing. "What exactly do you mean by saying ‘Half-God’?" Elladan was obviously surprised. "His mother was a Goddess, his father a mortal Human." "You mean, he was a son of the Valar?" It sounded as if Elladan did not believe his own words as he spoke them. "No, not the Valar. It seems as if there are also different Gods, Gods of the humans. And he was, well, a Half-God. There are also different kinds of civilizations here in Middle Earth, Elladan. Why should there be not different civilizations amongst the Gods?" Elladan laughed. "He simply told you he was a Half-God, and you believed it?" "No, he proved it." Grey eyes under raised eyebrows stared at Legolas. "Proved it? How?" For a brief moment Legolas thought if it would not be easier to abandon the writing and just tell anything to Elladan. He remembered the words that Bellerophon told him. "...Plans change..." No, Bellerophon, he thought. You will not make me change my plans; nevermore. "Just believe me that he proved it. Maybe one day you will read it in this" -he pointed to the table- "book, but you will never hear it from my lips. It is hard to think about it and almost unbearable to write it down, but speaking about it is simply impossible." He saw Elladan sitting in his chair, the head rested on the hand. "What are you talking about, Legolas. What happened to you concerning Bellerophon? I demand to know it, right here and now, for I need to know what causes you such grief." And once, just once Legolas tried to be like him; be like Bellerophon, and straightened his posture. He raised his head, pulled his shoulder back, arched his eyebrows in the most arrogant way that he possibly could muster and lowered his voice while he stared down at Elladan, who was obviously shocked by just the way he looked. He grabbed his chin, and tried to give that arrogant look to him he had once received from these blue eyes, shaking his head on the words he brought out. "Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah... you are in no position to demand anything...." He let go of the arrogant expression, the dark voice and his posture and his hand left Elladans chin, who almost looked as if he had seen a ghost. "You want to know what he did to me? What you just saw was just one example of many, and believe me – it was the most harmless one." Legolas hat gone over to the window, not being able to stand Elladans face any more. It reminded him too much of... himself. "Go now, Elladan; leave the room; I have to write. It is better for you if you do not know about this." Legolas was quite surprised when Elladan in fact stood up and went to the door. He almost smiled to himself, but in a sad way. Yes, he remembered the ‘convincing’ behavior of Bellerophon; but he had never experienced what it was like to be like him. He turned around, and the other Elf still stood in the doorway and seemed to be uncertain if he should really leave. "He did that to you? To us, he seemed so..." "We were drunk, Elladan. Drunk of wine and beer, and drunk from his beauty. And we were young. We could not see. Go now, I will let you know if I need any help." The door closed and he was alone with his thoughts. It was all back, just as if it had been yesterday. What did he write? He sat down at the table. Ah, did not seem to be bad. Well, then let’s start with the good things... A different chapter, he thought, he had to title a new chapter. After short reflection, he turned the page and wrote the words to the next page.....
Poker game
To be honest, I believe that none of us just had a vague idea what ‘Poker’ was. I do instead think that we were just.... curious what it would be like to have this man at home. We all sneaked into the house, or better, we walked in and hid him in the middle. The wardens did not have to know that he was there; his horse was hidden in the woods. Our destination was fathers library, with the fireplace, the big table and rather dark lightning it seemed the perfect place for us. Arwen went over to the kitchen, and brought wine and food. Bellerophon took off his cloak and shawl to expose a leather shirt which was not too different from the cloak. He sat down in a broad chair with was usually fathers’, pulled the table near him and stapled the cards on the table. It took almost an hour until he had explained the rules; and what happened in the hours following was obviously something that my fathers old library had never witnessed before. It ended when the morning already broke; and anyone in the room was naked. One single person made an exception, though; and that was Bellerophon, who still wore all his clothes and whose grin became broader and broader all through the night. Arwen obviously tried to catch his attention all night long; may it be by the way she handed wine to him or the fact that once she accidentally "stumbled" to his lap when walking around the table, and he did not mind touching her some times, but yet, his eyes were still on me. "So", he said, "seems as if there is nothing left for you to loose. Anyway, I have to leave you now; have some business to do." He got up and slowly passed around the table, coming to stand by my side. "Would you want me to come back in the evening?" The question was clearly for me, but anyone except of me answered "YES..."; while I was just sitting there, getting lost in his eyes. These eyes... as if a fire was burning there somewhere deep inside. He smiled and lowered his hand. To my shoulder. "And you, Prince Legolas, would you like me to come back as well?" "Sure", I whispered, "if you like..." He turned around, laughing, and left the room without further notice. Later, I have often thought about how he managed to get out of the house without being seen by any of the guards; but this remained a mystery forever.
...just like many other things that happened..., he thought. That first night in Mirkwood. Never would he forget these eyes. Blue orbs with fire. Damn, he almost could still smell the leather of his glove when he had touched him. For the very first time, he remembered that Bellerophon had always worn these gloves; except of one single occasion. Just once, he had seen the strong hands....
The moment he had left the room seemed to be the signal for anyone to completely loose the posture. Arwen dropped into the arms of Elladan; Haldir to the table, Elrohir back to his chair. And I, well, I felt like dropping to the floor. "He is so... so..." started Arwen. "..different..." added Elrohir. "...strange..." Elladan purred. "...black..." whispered Haldir "...gorgeous..." I ended. "If I should ever have to get married, it would definitely be someone like him", grinned Arwen. "You do not mean this serious, dear? He’s mortal. Father would go berserk if you would get married to a mortal." "Well, it’s still my wedding, not fathers, right? For that, I do not mind if he is upset, as long as I have a husband like him. And, yes, if he would be like that, I would only want to get wed to a mortal."
All of a sudden, Arwens words came to his mind, and he smiled to himself. YES, Elrond was not amused. And yet, she had married her mortal. Well, not the one she had thought of that evening when she carelessly swore to wed a human; but still, she had managed it; and Legolas got to ask himself if she still thought about Bellerophon. Queen of Gondor. He shook his head in amusement; yet had a cold and fearing emotion crawling up his back about how it would have been if Bellerophon had been her King.
"You will not stay in Rivendell forever, with your brothers? We could have fun for eternity...," Elladan tried to seduce her. "No, I want a mortal, THAT mortal." We laughed. Of course we laughed. We had to laugh. An elvish girl, adoring a human. Impossible. Unthinkable. Thinking about it today, I still ask myself if Elrond's children remembered the fact at that moment that their father was Half-Elven. The rest of the just broken day was spent, well, rather lazy in the chambers. Arwen had locked herself in her room; the twins preferred to sleep outside in a tree; Haldir disappeared somewhere I do not remember and I, well, I found myself remaining in the library alone. I sat down in front of the fireplace and stared into the flames. These eyes... they still haunted me. It was as if they were talking to me, even if their owner was absent, even if they were not even there themselves. How could a human have such eyes. In my thinking I lost total control of time. By afternoon, the twins came back to the library. "Are you still here, Legolas?" "Where else could I be," I mumbled back, still sleepy. I suddenly realized that I could not even remember if I got any sleep at all. "This is our chance to beat him out in archery today, brother," Elladan grinned. "What you think is still different to what will really happen," I replied calmly and got up. Did I really sit there all the time since morning? I went to the pool, took a shower beneath the waterfall and returned to my room to dress up properly.
- TBC -
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