Time in between was just a dream.

On Friday, Jessie, Andrew, and I went to Xando. The food was quite good, and the entertainment was amusing--especially the eating of the smores! Last night, I finally saw Pulp Fiction, which, 'cause I am a loser, had never seen before. Quite an interesting movie...

I've been thinking. I've been writing, and promising myself to be better to my diary. I wrote two poems, though I am not sure whether I will put them up any time soon for all to see. Jessie just sent me this mind-shattering forward about our world population, which didn't help my presently pounding headache. I'll try to upload it sometime, perhaps. That is, when I get the time.

This past week, I have become obsessed with three songs: "Higher Than Reason" by Unbelievable Truth, "Cigarettes Will Kill You" by Ben Lee, and "So Happy" by Astropop 3. I got this compilation in early June and pulled it off my CD shelf at the beginning of last week. And I love it, love it, love it. I'm not going to tell you to go listen to it, though, 'cause I know you won't. :) Have a good week, my friends.

I woke up quite groggy from the NyQuil last night and headed towards Wilson High School. I ran into Jarryd, Kimi, and Christina and tried to avoid Daniel, who, as always, was sickly sweet. I was hoping not to have to, but I ended up making up a story for my Writing SAT II. I wish I hadn't been sick; I probably could have done a lot better.

I tried taking a nap after I got home, but Jessie ended calling--which is cool, don't get me wrong. Apparently she's having a great time in Philidelphia though she was called upon at 2:30 for an "emergency."

Peter, his dad, and I went to AU Library around 4 or so. I got the final two books for my term paper. Now, if only I could start researching... Plus, I fell asleep in the library, so you truly get a sense of how sick I am.

I was in the process of doing some work on history and English, but I just wanted to check my e-mail. I realize that no one signs my guestbook anymore. No one loves me! j/k

I'm going to try and make it look like I am getting better so perhaps Andrew can stop by later. Let's pray I can be relatively productive. :)

I added three poems to the Somber Love III page. I am beginning to see why it's depressing there are already three sections in my Somber Love.

Nothing much else to say. I am taking the Writing SAT II's on Saturday. I have a butt-load of work to do this weekend, particularly on my term paper. Yep, it's a bitch.

I am getting sick again, and I am getting pissed. This is one of those stressed-out, I-am-starting-to-think-about-college sickness. I don't like being this constantly stressed out. I need to calm down. I think I am becoming delerious. I need to sleep. Somebody needs to save me from myself.

On Thursday I met with our college counselor. I know I'm not supposed to say this, but it was a nerve-racking experience. Suddenly I have a list of 20 colleges, and now I have to do research--and maintain that GPA. That's all that echos in my head.

I also attended Government Club on Thursday. The topic was affirmative action; I attended because I thought I know what I believed, but I was looking for someone to sway me. The thing is, I like listening to debates, but there's no way I would stand up and make a point, even if some view was completely wrong. In the end, though, I would have voted conservative--and if you have a problem with that, e-mail me, and then we can debate. :)

Today was actually quite exciting. In addition to the fact that I barely have any homework tonight, we didn't do much during classes (except go over the exams), and then we got our class rings. Wow, I cannot believe I possess a class ring; I am getting so old!

I scheduled my first meeting with my college counselor today. Thursday. Oh my goodness, that frightens me so much...

How much do I dread going to school tomorrow? And how much do I hate my term paper already, though I just started taking notecards? And do I love these college forms? {groan} It's going to be a great second semester, I can tell. :-\

I am finally feeling better; I am at about 90% now. Today was a pretty good day, too. I went on a present run, dropping off Michael's gift and stopping by Jeff's. I haven't talked with Jeff in so long, but it was good to hear he was doing well. Andrew also stopped by for two hours, and we watched a comedy special... For Lindsay's birthday, eight of us took her out to Mongolian Barbeque (some pretty hot guys there today, yep) and saw Save the Last Dance. See, I thought that movie was going to be just teeny-bopper style, but I actually give it mega-points for touching on some major, soceital issues. Plus, I shed some tears, so it's gotta be good, right? Right.

Anyway, I can't believe it's only 10:30. Is there hope for going to sleep before midnight? Nah...

GRAND TOTAL: -5
Not all bad. Okay, and I wanted to clarify that negative numbers are not bad, per-se... 0 is about average, neutral, and basically unexciting . Numbers below 0 aren't bad; they are just challenges. And numbers above 0 are plesantly surprising or just genuinely sweet! So, off to the books...

So I am hoping my year doesn't start off the way it did last night. Well, it wasn't bad--actually, not at all. Just too much tension around me. And I am beginning to think my parents were right when they said I've been lagging a little lately. I have so much work to do. Even as I am trying to relax, I am working fast. Exams are in a week.

I added two poems, one to each of the sections. They are not all that good. I am beginning to be concerned that I can no longer write poetry. My head hurts.

Wow, I know this is a wonderful message. I am sorry I am not in a better state right now. But don't worry about me. :)

Yesterday was hell, 'cause all I did was thinking about my stupid history paper, and I got no where. And then Andrew came over and showed me the light. I called my history teacher this morning. He didn't bite, but I cannot say I got much more encouragment. I went to the library for four hours, and I still sort of feel like I am in the dark. Maybe my college sheet should say my weakness is "self-confidence," as my mother suggested. {sigh}

Jessie and I have been trying to figure out New Year's. Peter wants a car, which is actually gorgeous. But he warns I probably won't want to drive with him once he gets it. Lindsay is back, finally, so we talked for a while. And Andrew and I have been busy fufilling awkward suggestions. ;)

I must be off now, before I go nuts. Or before Peter does. He thinks I'm loitering, or something.

Does this suit you, Jessie? See you bright and early tomorrow...

I wrote my final essay for Travel Narrative, which was a dialogue and quite easy to create. My parents also decided we needed the "plan of a plan" for the rest of my life (just kidding--college), so they took out the trusty, red college binder that our school provided us. I also started filling out this packet concerning our acheivements and extra curricular activities, and I am thinking to myself... DAMN! I have none!

Tonight I went to Peter's. We ordered Chinese and watched Shaft, which I think he liked more than I did, though this was his second viewing. It was good seeing him because I hadn't seen him in a while. Andrew came over around 10:30. I had tea, we talked... You know, he has the most beautiful smile.

And then I fell asleep on the couch. Something tells me I should be going now...

I went out to dinner with my parents, which was great, seeing that my stomach was out of sync and all. I finished Christmas shopping (but I have yet to see how CVS treats my pictures) and finished my Oxford application--until my mother realized she hadn't read the brochure yet! Grr...

Anyway, I was thinking about going to sleep before 2am, maybe even midnight! I am feeling quite fatigued. Plus my relatives are coming into town tomorrow, so I cannot be asleep when they show! Haha.

I am working on putting the 2nd quarter Funniest Quotes up on the page. I also created a new regular quotes page, but I need to find some more images. I LOVE HAVING FREE TIME! Winter break! Here I come! (Well, I am quite sick right now; maybe the excitement will have to wait a few days.)

Grr, my history proposal. I know I will be one of those "special" few who need to do the whole thing over during Christmas break.

Winter formal is tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it very much, considering my date still hasn't called me back yet about plans. I wonder if he was ever planning on it... No, I am not bitter.

It was just a rough week. School work. Social life. Challenges, pressures, desires. Again, I can't believe what I was looking forward to is over, and if I did it over, I'd do everything exactly the same way.

Oh, and I added some new poems to both sections.

Have you ever just wanted to... burst? Burst with the truth, a truth that you haven't fully formulated... but you just can't stop thinking about it. And every time you are in the position of saying something, everything becomes less clear. You're insecure. What the hell are you thinking? You are not omnipotent. These dreams are silly and foolish. And, basically, if I were to have said anything last night, it would have come out about as clear as that.

Winter formal plans are a debackle. (Yes, and I started saying "debackle.") Christmas shopping. Peer group tumbleweed and sexuality. Awareness of people, their "potential." It's frightening how well I can predict myself lately.

I said I'd get to sleep early tonight, but I ended up staying on the phone for 2 and a half hours. And then ended up editting my webpage. Hmm...

I can't believe it's December already.

1) It's kinda sad that things are so awkward here in Cambridge. I mean, I have been coming up here every Thanksgiving since I was born, and you'd think by now I'd have a great relationship with my grandparents and all the relatives I've seen since my forever. Well, I don't. And that's partially because I feel different. I don't look like them, talk like them; our lives are completely different, and no one seems to give a damn. So I don't. And I come here every year expecting to be bored and awkward. Well, it was no different. I wish sometimes that things would change, but even my mom says their not caring affected her as she was growing up. I cannot imagine how she feels.

2) This Thanksgiving has definitely meant a lot more to me than usual, despite the normal situation up in Cambridge. This week I've learned how fast things can change, how fast things can be taken away from you. You don't want to regret not doing or saying too much. You have to be honest with yourself and with others. Too much is left undone. I will now make a conscious effort to tell my friends and family how much I love them. It's too bad such a scary incident had to make me aware of all this thankfulness.

3) But, consequently, I am afraid of what all this honestly will bring. Some people, I know, love the fact that I will tell them how much they meant to me. But what will they do with this information? I don't want things to change--though I know they will--but what if they change what they do, how they feel. What if they move on--as they are allowed to do--but then leave me. Should I have said anything at all?

I just want everyone out there to know, in light of this Thanksgiving season, that I love you and appreciate your friendship (and readership, in this case). I begin to wonder why we don't appreciate each other every day.

I added a poem to the somber love section, though I am not quite sure if this should be somber love. I also wrote a novella yesterday, but I doubt I will put it on the internet any time soon.

I added a poem to both of the sections I have of poetry; I found one of the poems in back of one of my notebooks as I was studying, actually. Maybe studying pays off!

Okay, I don't mean to sound like a slacker. Actually, all of my friends would tell you that I am the best closet-slacker if I am insistent on being a slacker at all.

I got my glasses today. Wow, I have never seen so clearly. Everything is so different. It'll take some getting used to, though.

As I was cleaning my room today, I found a subordinate journal that I apparently kept from January to April '98. Needless to say, the entries are quite interesting; they are mostly random thoughts and conclusions I had made. I wish I had continued the journal, though. I probably would have learned a lot more about myself.

Okay, I NEED to go to bed now.

Finally wrote a poem today that I'm proud of. Maybe someone will check it out. I haven't written in a while. There's a science--what will make me write. I dunno. Time to sleep.

Anyway, life is pretty good. Not stressful, per-se, but definitely busy. I basically do all the homework I can during frees and after volleyball practice. I have SAT class on the weekends. I basically only write in my diary every Friday, which is a change for me.

Let's talk about my classes. I've got Travel Narrative first period. It's hard to stay awake, but it's not too complicated. It's just hard to keep up with all the reading. Then I have AP Chem--a major step up from last year. Then AP US History, which is surprisingly my favorite class so far; I just feel so stupid compared to all my intellectual classmates. Then I have Precal, which is my death in a nutshell. The teacher is awful, and the book is even worse. (Sometimes I can't decide.) Then I have Chinese III, which is a joke of a class... until our major test on Wednesday. I have to learn over 100 new characters this weekend, no joke.

It's hard to keep up with my good friends, but I am meeting a lot of new people or getting to know others all over again. It's cool being an upperclassman. I sometimes can't believe I might be out of this place someday.

I added a lot of quotes to my quotes page. They are not exactly sentimental, but... well, what do you expect from me right now? :-\

I can't believe we've only had three days of school; I feel like I've been doing this forever! But it's amazing how much you can get done if you just sit down and do it. Yes, it seems obvious, but there are just some things you don't know until you experience it.

We have a volleyball tournament this weekend. However, we are missing all the seniors, so... this shall be interesting. We always like psyching out the other times early in the season, though. Lauren, Marci, Jessie, Emma, and I are also going to working on a music day skit tomorrow afternoon. On Sunday, I have a four-hour SAT class. Besides all those fun-filled activities, I plan to be studying. Feel free to contact me and disrupt me. :) Hope to be writing again soon!