Suupaa Andy....

The entire ramble cast enters the ramble room. Hiro is carrying a strange concoction that he cooked up at lunch one day.

Hiro: *quietly, to himself* Yes, drink up, foolish mortal. For it is this drink that will bring about your ultimate demise. *snicker*

Hiro: Oh, nothing, just something about an evil Wak Wak. Anyway, I'll give you a dollar if you drink this.

Andy: Well, here goes nothing. *takes glass from Hiro, and swallows the whole thing in one big gulp*

Andy: *frantically* Ahhh! You bastard! Turn me back right now you son of a bitch!

Andy: Oh, well. You win. *Andy accepts the fact that he will have to be purple for the rest of his life*

Andy: *quietly, to himself* Ha, you think you've really won, do you? Well let's just see what you have to say about THIS!

Andy: ANDY'S LIMIT BREAK: FLAMING JEW EMPEROR SUPREME FAHTASS EVIL WAK WAK BREAK!

A large red creature, approximately eight feet tall, steps through the three foot tall portal. He gets stuck around the waist, but eventually manages to squeeze through. He has large black horns protruding from a goat-like head. He is rippling with muscles. Everything about him is demon-like, except that he is wearing a pink tu-tu and a party hat

Yuffie: Apparently, demons from the sixth layer of hell like to cross dress and go to children's birthday parties.

A large tree with legs steps through the portal, followed by two men who appear to be in the midst of an arguement. The tree is of the Wak Wak variety, a species of tree known to live somewhere in the third layer of hell, as well as Southern Asia

Second man, apparently called Hal: No, I don't think so Gene. I think we should just give it a chance. Maybe it's just a misunderstood Wak Wak.

Reno: Heh, sounds like a trick question to me. But, to answer your question, Cid, yes the damn tree did just talk.

Demon: No it isn't. I was summoned here by Hiro; and my minions, Hal, Gene, and Wak Wak were summoned here by me, you fool.

Yuffie: Has anyone noticed that there is a large hole in the side of that Wak Wak tree? And the cheap, paper-like quality of the bark? And the fact that the leaves are made entirely of play-doh and bacon fat? Also, the fact that there is a face sticking out of the hole? Hmm, I see thick glasses, pointy nose, and black unwashed hair. Does that fit the description of anyone we know?

Wak Wak: Ha ha ha. Exactly. It's about time one of you fools finally figured it out! I've been fooling you all along! How stupid you must feel, knowing that all this time I was right under your noses! Hah, ahahahah, gag, cough, weez.

Vincent transforms into Chaos, and Satan Slams Hojo back into the third layer of hell

Tifa: Ummm, Vincent, how did you have a limit break when Hojo didn't even hit you?

Vincent: I don't know, I guess that Supernova Sephiroth did in that last battle all those months ago really pissed me off. I just pretended I was back there and I turned into Chaos.

Hiro's Final Attack-Revive finally kicks in, and in a puff of smoke, Hiro is standing before everyone

Hiro: Andy, I'm disappointed in you. You should know that no one in the world of FF7 ever dies, with the exception of Aeris, Tseng, the Sephiroth Clones, and everyone in Nibelheim and Sector 7. You should also know that I carry around a Final Attack-Revive with me just in case you try that Flaming Jew move on me when I'm not expecting it. *turns to Demon* Well, I don't need you anymore. *snaps fingers, and Demon fades back into the sixth layer of hell*

Demon: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the day after tomorrow, or even the day after that! But I'll get you sometime this week! Just you wait, you'll never expect it mfmfph.

Hiro: Hah, that ought to teach you never to make idle threats. All I had to do was cast silence on you, and it made you shut up! Hah ha hmph! Hmph? Hmph hmph!

Vincent: Wow, Andy actually beat Hiro. Now maybe we can all escape this god-forsaken web site.

The ramble room erupts in cheers, as everyone except for Hiro, Andy, Hal, and Gene try to escape through the one tiny door. Then they notice the figure standing in front of the door

Just then the figure blocking the door steps forward, and Hiro and Andy realize that the Farting Bum is standing in front of them

The Farting Bum pulls out the Stench materia and begins casting a spell. Instantly, the room is enveloped in a terrible smell

FB: It is because I have been ridiculed my whole life. Everyone laughs at me. All because of what HE *points finger at Hiro* did to me in first grade. Now I have come to take my revenge on him, and if it means taking you all down with me, then so be it.

FB: Yes, what can you do about the Farting Bum? Err, dammit! My name's not "Farting Bum"!

Andy makes FB squat over Hiro's face, and Hiro's eyes widen in horror as he realizes what Andy is doing

Yuffie hands out gas masks that she stole from the Underwater Reactor to everyone but Reno

Andy gives the command for the Farting Bum to fire. The Farting Bum charges his ultimate fart attack

The Farting Bum releases the longest fart this world has ever known. It lasts for two minutes and forty-five seconds. Reno is hiding in the corner, hands over his head, as if the world was ending. The Farting Bum is still squatting, but he is obviously exhausted from the ultimate fart attack. Hiro has no head. Everyone but Yuffie removes their gas masks, and immediately puts them back on

Rude: *nudges Reno* Hey buddy, it's over. *nudges Reno harder* Get up man! *pokes Reno in the shoulder, and Reno collapses into a pile of dust.* Oh my god! *glares at FB* You killed Reno!

Andy: Yeah, he also killed Hiro, but nobody seems to have noticed yet that his head is missing.

Andy casts Life2 on the pile of dust in the corner. Reno materializes from the dust and stands up. He glares at Andy

Reno: You...bastard! You were the one manipulating him! You bastard! Hmm...I know just the way to punish you.

Reno: Good. Now that I've got your attention, look what Andy did to Hiro. *points at Hiro's headless cadaver*

Andy runs toward the door. Sephiroth teleports in front of the door and Andy runs into him, falls down, and gets halfway up before he kneels down again and kisses Sephiroth's feet

He pulls out the Masamune and shoves it through Aeris's chest, killing her instantly

Sephiroth: ...or by simply banishing you to a barren planet and summoning Meteor to it.

Suddenly, in a move as quick as lightning, Andy takes the Masamune from Sephiroth and shoves it through his chest

Sephiroth is transported to another dimension where he is repeatedly hacked away at by 26 knights. He finally reappears after about three and a half minutes

A cloud of green is accompanied by the sound of a huge explosion, which envelopes Sephiroth...four times

Sephiroth: Yes, he will. *Clears throat loudly so that Yuffie will turn around and look at him*

Sephiroth: That's better. Yes, it is I Sephiroth. Heh, Andy's gonna have a cow when he realizes that I'm standing right here.

Andy finishes casting the Ultimas. His face is dripping with sweat and he collapses to the floor in exhaustion. Sephiroth slowly walks to where his Masamune is laying on the ground and picks it up

Sephiroth throws Barret a black look. Barret throws Sephiroth an even blacker look, literally

Andy looks to where the voice is coming from and his eyes widen in horror, much as Hiro's eyes before the Farting Bum released his attack

Sephiroth stops dead in his tracks, apporoximately .03 inches from Andy's chest

Hiro: Really? Sweet! Well, you need not avenge me any longer, for my head grew back halfway through your battle with Andy. It was much too entertaining to stop you two, so I let you continue. Now, however, I think that Andy deserves a much better punishment than simply being impaled on your long, hard sword.

Hiro and Sephiroth stop their evil laughter. They gather rope and begin tying Andy up

Andy is sitting in front of a TV, where Sephiroth and Hiro are playing their second favorite game, Mog House: Arcade Edition Gold Plus Turbo, on Playstation. Hiro is kicking Sephiroth's ass

Andy: Well, the first twenty-four times, it looked pretty close. After the fifty-sixth, I thought Sephiroth actually had a chance. But now, the hundred forty-second time, I'm sure that you are the Ultimate Mog House Champion.

~FIN

OK, first off a disclaimer. Neither Andy nor I have anything against Jews. Andy wrote this, and he is Jewish, so he's allowed to say stuff like that. Also, neither of us have anything against black people. They just have that look... you know.... that look they give white people when they act stupid. You know what I'm talking about!! Second off, some explanations. The Wak Wak tree actually is a tree that grows in Southern Asia, and long ago, people used to think that the tree could spontaneously generate human children, as if they were fruits of the tree. I learned about it in my Biology class last year, and when I told Andy, we both cracked up at the name. Then, one day, completely out of the blue, he said "I'm tellin 'ya Hal, it's and EVIL Wak Wak!". Gene appeared later on in the ramble we like to call real life, and it kinda went on from there. As for the fahtass part of Andy's limit break, that's what we call each other a lot. It's pronounced "fuh tah ss". It's just an alternative pronounciation of fatass. Also, about the part where I gave Andy the concoction that turned him purple. Last year, at lunch (in school, obviously) my friends and I would make all kinds of weird, disgusting things, and we'd pay this kid to eat them. He had quite a racket going, as we all did this every day. He could get up to four bucks a day. And one more thing. That part about being impaled on Sephiroth's long, hard sword..... well, Andy was trying to make that sound perverted, even though it wasn't. Oh yeah, if you haven't read the Farting Bum story yet, then please read it here. OK, so now that I got that out of the way, what did you think? Funny and long as hell, ne? Feel free to send any comments to either me or Andy, but please don't flame us about the things I just disclaimed about. That's what the disclaimer is there for, to prevent unnecessary flames. Anyway, stay tuned for the next exciting episode of "The Incessant Ramblings of Hiro and Andy"! Until then, ja!

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