The Michelle Chronicles Part 2
The Chronicles of Michelle: PC Dodo extraordinaire
Part II
Disclaimer: The facts written here in this story are all true, only the names of certain people have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. No line/quote/circumstance/incident has been exaggerated. Everything written here REALLY DID HAPPEN! These stories were originally written as an attempt to ease my mind but in the end has gathered some popularity as the perfect example of what players SHOULD NOT do.
(The first time Michelle earns experience points)
Me: “Okay Michelle, you get 1 automatic XP point just for showing up. You get a learning curve XP point for telling me something you learned.”
Michelle: “I shouldn’t have bothered creating a character with 5 dots in appearance!”
Me: “Um…I meant something your character has learned.”
Michelle: “Ok, my character thinks that all Gangrels are assholes.”
Me: “Well…urm…okay, I’ll give you a point for that.”
(several sessions later)
Michelle: “Hey Marc, I was surfing the net the other day, and I found all these cool Thaumaturgy rituals. I printed them for you.”
Me: “Lovely.”
Michelle: “I highlighted the ones I want.”
Me: (start flipping through reams of paper) “Ritual of creating Garou, (flip) ritual to break the blood bond, (flip) ritual of the…diamond whip?”
Michelle: “I really like that one! Can I have it?”
Me: “You want a whip?”
Michelle: “Yeah!”
Me: “Why?”
Michelle: “It says that I could do aggravated damage with it.”
Me: “Yeah I see that, but why would your character want to be walking around with a whip? I mean you’re not Indianna Jones.”
Michelle: “I don’t care. I want it.”
Me: “Urm well let me review these things first okay?”
Michelle: “Sure. Oh! Did you know that there are people who play vampire on-line!?’
(the very next session)
PC Gangrel: “She does what!?”
Me: “You see her pull out a whip from underneath her blouse.”
PC Gangrel: “You gotta be fucking kidding me!”
Me: “I’m not shitting you man.”
Michelle: (giggle)
PC Gangrel: “Uh….Marc how big is the room our characters are in?”
Me: “It’s not big. It’s barely 10 feet by 10 feet”
PC Gangrel: “I tell the Tremere to put that thing away.”
Michelle: “I ignore him. What do I roll to hit the enemy.”
Me: “Dexterity plus Melee, difficulty 8.”
PC Gangrel: “Can I jump out the window now?”
(the morning after a session about three months later)
PC Malk: “Morning dude! Oh sorry, did I wake you?”
Me: “Mmm. What time is it?”
PC Malk: “It’s 9:30. I’m sorry man, I’ll call you later.”
Me: “No, no, it’s okay. What’s up?”
PC Malk: “I don’t know man. I dropped Michelle home last night, and she was really pissed.”
Me: “She was mad? What’s she mad about?”
PC Malk: “If you were to ask me. I think she is mad about the fact that I dominated her character into telling us where she keeps her secret library.”
Me: “Aw man. That information was bound to slip sooner or later.”
PC Malk: “That’s what I told her, but she doesn’t see it that way. She’s acting like I ran over her dog or something. Listen dude, I don’t want anyone to be mad at me. I mean I am a Malkavian and I do crazy things, but she can’t be mad at me for acting in character! I mean it’s just a game for Christ’s sake!”
Me: “Yeah you’re right.”
PC Malk: “Good. I’m glad you see it that way. I mean it’s not as if we get mad at her for the crazy things she does, like the time she used that whip of hers in that small room and botched the roll.”
Me: “Don’t remind me. We had a pretty good laugh, although PC Gangrel didn’t think it was funny.”
PC Malk: “Exactly. Anyways, I was wondering if you could give Michelle a call. You know, just to see if she’s cool with me, but don’t let her know that I asked you to call. I have a feeling she’ll tell you the truth because you know her better than I.”
Me: “Assuming, that when I eventually achieve full consciousness and I remember this conversation, I’ll give her a ring.”
PC Malk: “Thanks. You da man!”
(several hours later)
Me: “Hi Michelle!”
Michelle: “Hi.”
Me: “How’s it going?”
Michelle: “Ok.”
Me: “Are you sure? You sound kind of down.”
Michelle: “No”
Me: “’No’ you’re not sure? Or ‘No’ you’re not down?”
Michelle: “Yeah.”
Me: “Oooookay. So did you like the game last night?”
Michelle: “It was fine.”
Me: “Well that’s cool. You’re not upset at anything that happened in the game are you?”
Michelle: “Nope.”
Me: “All right. I’m just checking.”
(much later, I call back PC Malkav)
Me: “Hey man!”
PC: “Hey dude! Did you call Michelle?”
Me: “Yup.”
PC Malkav: “And…?”
Me: “She didn’t exactly say anything, but I think she’s pissed.”
PC Malkav: “Aww man! I don’t believe this! Hey listen. I have an idea. Why don’t we all go out to the movies, preferably a comedy. Then afterwards, we can all go to a coffee shop and talk to her.”
Me: “Sounds good to me. I’ll give her a shout.”
PC Malkav: “Great! I’ll call the others, and see if they’re free. You da man!”
*click**dial up Michelle*
Michelle: “Hello?”
Me: “Hey Michelle. It’s Marc again.”
Michelle: “Hi.”
Me: “A bunch of us are going out to the movies. You want to come?”
Michelle: “Sure.”
Me: “Great, I’ll come and get you at the subway station around…say sevenish?”
Michelle: “Okay.”
*click*
(An hour before the movie, PCMalkav calls me back)
PC Malkav: “Hey dude.”
Me: “Hi. How you doing?”
PC Malkav: “Um…not good. I can’t make it to the movies.”
Me: “No biggie. Who else is going to meet me and Michelle at the movies?”
PC Malkav: “Um…no one.”
Me: “I thought you said you were going to call up the gang?”
PC Malkav: “Woops.”
Me: “Aw fuck! Thanks a lot! Do you realize what you have done?! I don’t want to be stuck alone with Michelle!.”
PC Malkav: “I’m sorry man. Why don’t you just call her up and cancel?”
Me: “I can’t! She probably left her house already!”
PC Malkav: “Oh dude…I’m really sorry!”
Me: “You OWE ME! You owe me BIG!!!”
PC Malkav: “I’m really sorry. I’ll buy you a beer, okay?”
Me: “Better make that several pitchers!”
PC Malkav: “Hey. You da man.”
(After the movies, I drop Michelle home. We are both sitting in my car in her parent’s driveway.)
Michelle: “Marc, can I ask you a question?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Michelle: “Do you like me?”
Me: “Yeah sure….I like you.”
Michelle: “No…I mean…do you LIKE me?”
Me: “Urm…I’m not sure what you mean.”
Michelle: “Yes you do!”
Me: “You mean, would I go out with you?”
Michelle: “Yeah.”
Me: “Um…err….ah….yeah…I suppose.”
Michelle: (giggling) “I knew it! When you called me up this afternoon, you were asking me out right? I had a feeling that you liked me.”
Me: “You did?”
Michelle: “Yes, I have a sixth sense about these things. Marc you are so sweet and I like you a lot too.”
Me: “Well…actually Michelle….ah…you see…it’s like this. PC Malkav wanted me to call you to find out if you were upset over being dominated…”
Michelle: “Oh I wasn’t upset over that…”
Me: “You’re not?”
Michelle: “No. I was upset because you only gave me 4 XPs at the end of the last session when everyone else got 5.”
(One week later, just before the next session)
PC Malkav and PC Gangrel: “You have a girlfriend?”
Me: “No! For God’s sakes, work with me people! If Michelle asks you, just tell her that I have a girlfriend and that you guys have met her and all that.”
PC Malkav: “Man, this is too funny!”
Me: “It’s not funny! Considering it’s your fucking fault!”
PC Malkav: “My fault? Why is it my fault!?”
PC Gangrel: “So if we convince Michelle that you do have a girlfriend, will you give us extra acting XPs?”
Me: (Sigh). “Why do I play this game? I get enough horror from my real life.”
Michelle: “Hey guys!”
PC Malkvav and PC Gangrel: “Hi Micheeeeeellllllle!”
Michelle: “Oh Marc, can I speak to you in private for a sec.”
Me: “Uh…yeah…sure.”
PC Malkvav and PC Gangrel: Giggle, giggle, giggle.
(Michelle and I are in a room separate from the main group)
Me: “What’s up?”
Michelle: “I downloaded some more Thaumaturgical rituals from the net.”
Me: “Oh….thank god….I mean….uh….that’s great!….Let me see them.”
(Michelle hands them over to me and I begin flipping through them…)
Me: “Ritual to break the blood bond, (flip) ritual to create garou….Hey! I’ve already seen these!”
Michelle: “You have?”
Me: “Yeah, don’t you remember? I looked at them and I told you that I thought these rituals were too overpowered.”
Michelle: “Awwww! Damn! (pout) I wanted the ritual that breaks the blood bond.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s way too powerful. Look, instead of surfing through the net, why don’t you create rituals on your own?”
Michelle: “I can do that?”
Me: “Sure you can. I have to approve of them of course.”
(One week later)
Michelle: “Hey Marc, I invented my own rituals. You want to see?”
Me: “Yeah sure.”
(Michelle hands over a couple of sheets of paper)
Me: “Hmmm. ’The Blood Bond Breaking Ritual’ .Uh, Michelle, I thought we already discussed this?”
Michelle: “Actually this one is different. The one from the internet was titled ‘The Ritual to Break the Blood Bond’, the one I made is different.”
Me: “Well, from what I am reading, all you did was change the level of the ritual, some of its casting components and the title.”
Michelle: “Yeah. That way it’s different.”
Me: “It’s still the same ritual.”
Michelle: “No it’s not, it’s different.”
Me: “Okay…whatever…I still can’t allow it.”
Michelle: “Awww! I don’t think it’s overpowered, but if you can’t allow it, then I will just have to suffer through your decision. What about the other rituals?”
Me: “Let’s see, ‘Ritual of Scrying’?”
(I study it for a couple of minutes. It’s a level 3 ritual which allows the caster to see into someone’s past and possibly his future, much like crystal ball gazers do. I think it’s a neat ritual.)
Me: “Wow! This is pretty good! A very neat ritual! Lots of role-playing potential here. Well done Michelle.”
Michelle: (giggle) “Thank you.”
READER’S NOTE: Approximately one year later, I found out that Michelle DID NOT write this ritual. She managed to get in touch with some experienced player over the internet who gave her a whole bunch of homemade rituals that Michelle in turn prints up and presents it to me as her own work in the belief that if she says she wrote it, I will let her have it.
(Several sessions later)
Me: “The Prince hands you a crystal flute with some red liquid inside and says, ‘this was extracted from a mortal lick who drank some vintage Bordeaux. If you take the time to swirl the liquid in your mouth you can taste the sweetness of the wine. Consider yourself privileged Tremere. Not many kindred get to sample my private collection’”.
Michelle: “I’m not thirsty.”
Me: “You actually say that?”
Michelle: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay, but I see on your character sheet that you are low on blood. You will have to make a Self-Control roll.”
Michelle: “I got a 6, a 4 and a 1”
Me: “You failed the roll. You instinctively reach out for the flute. Already your character can savor the blood…”
Michelle: “Wait! I failed! I didn’t botch!”
Me: “Yes, I realize that, but you are still going to want to drink the blood.”
Michelle: “I don’t WANT TO! Can’t I burn a Willpower point to resist?”
Me: “Okay Michelle. Allow me to put your fears to rest. I am telling you as your Storyteller, that the blood is safe. I’m just trying to establish mood.”
Michelle: “Okay, but before I drink the blood, I do Taste of Vitae on it.”
Me: “I just told you the blood is safe.”
Michelle: “Well it’s what my character would do.”
Me: “Why?”
Michelle: “Well I’m paranoid about being blood bonded.”
Me: “Alright Michelle, roll your dice.”
Michelle: “Wheeeee! I got 4 successess!”
Me: “Okay, the blood is from a some mortal drunk guy named….John Doe.”
Michelle: “And…?”
Me: “And what?”
Michelle: “I got 4 successes.”
Me: “The rest is not important Michelle.”
Michelle: “Well I got 4 successes, so I should get 4 pieces of information!”
Me: “Fine! His name is John Doe! He’s 25 years old born under the sign of Aquarius, he’s got a high cholesterol count and he recently masturbated into an oily rag! You happy now!?”
Michelle: “Well…that’s not exactly the information I was hoping for but…aw forget it.”
Me: “Okay, now the Prince has seen you perform Taste of Vitae, he looks at you and asks, ‘Is something wrong?’”
Michelle: “Wait! I never said I was going to do it in front of him!”
Me: (sigh)
Michelle: “Okay! Fine! I drink the blood! What do I care! I’m already one step bonded to my Sire anyways! But if he offers me any more, I will refuse and I will burn as much willpower as it takes to do so!”
READER’S NOTE: Later in that same session, Michelle’s character was so low on blood that she descended into the sewers and drained a couple of dozen rats dry and came very close to getting the plague. To this day, Michelle will still refuse blood offered to her in a silver goblet but will willingly drink from rats, bats, winos, pigs, dogs, sheeps, horses, pigeons and other various forms of dirty sources of vitae. Every time she does that I feel like making her lick the bottom of my shoe just to get the point across of how disgusting it is.
(Several sessions later)
Michelle: “What do I have to roll to soak damage?”
Me: “Stamina plus Fortitude at difficulty 6.”
Michelle: “Did you change that rule?”
Me: “No. I never changed that rule. It’s always been Stamina plus Fortitude difficulty 6”
Michelle: “I’m sorry, I can never remember that, since I never get hit.”
Me: “For future reference Michelle, never say that to the Storyteller.”
(later, the group is sent to meet someone in the park)
Me: “Okay everyone, you are all in the park. On the park bench you see an old man, just sitting there by himself”
Michelle “Aura Perception!”
Me: “Perception plus empathy, difficulty 8.”
Michelle: “Damn! No successes.”
Me: “You stare at the man for several minutes, but you don’t see anything. What do you do now?”
Michelle: “I hide.”
Me: “Okay. Off to the side you see a bunch of bushes. Roll your Dexterity + Stealth.”
Michelle: “Damn it! What the hell is wrong with these dice!?”
Me: “The old man looks at you quizzically as you dive into some bushes.”
Michelle: “I wait until he looks away.”
Me: “The old man gets up and starts walking over towards you. In a genteel voice he asks, ‘Miss? Are you all right?’”
Michelle: “Uh…uh…Ooooh, this is so hard! I’m a sitting duck! I cast Movement of the Mind and I fly away!”
Me: “Urm…what about the Masquerade?”
Michelle: “I don’t care, I’m not sticking around.”
Me: “Okay, you fly away.”
PC Gangrel: “Marc, can I do something?”
Me: “Yeah sure.”
PC Gangrel: “As Miss paranoid here is flying away, I walk up behind the old man and tap him on the shoulder.”
Me: “The old man turns around, and looks at you and says ‘Are you the person I am supposed to meet?’”
PC Gangrel: “Yeah.”
Me: “The old man reaches into his coat and hands you a large envelope with the Tremere symbol on it.”
Michelle: “Hey! I fly back!”
Me: “Sorry Michelle, you don’t see what is happening.”
PC Gangrel: “I thank the old man and I start opening the envelope.”
Michelle: “Hey that’s not fair! I’m flying back!”
Me: “Your using OOC info Michelle.”
Michelle has slowly begun to realize that not all NPC strangers are antagonists. Most players are well-advised to realize that not all NPCs are out to get you. Some are there to actually help *gasp!*you.
That's it for now...stay tuned for more!
--The Draconian Garden Gnome
