The Michelle Chronicles Part 3



The Chronicles of Michelle: PC Dodo extraordinaire

Part III

Disclaimer: The facts written here in this story are all true, only the names of certain people have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. No line/quote/circumstance/incident has been exaggerated. Everything written here REALLY DID HAPPEN! Please do not pass judgement on me or try to solve the enigma that is Michelle. These chronicles were written as an example of what players SHOULD NOT do and to ease my mind by letting you all share my pain...

NOTE: At this point it is now about a year and half that Michelle has been playing.

Michelle: "Hey Marc, I got some more rituals that I got off the inter..uh.that I invented."

Me: "Alright let's see. (takes the reams of paper and reads them). 'Ritual to break the blood bond'!? Michelle, how many times do I have to tell you this?!"

Michelle: "Hee hee what? What did I do? Hee hee."

Me: "Michelle, there are trees out there that are probably cursing your name for the amount of printing paper you are wasting!"

Michelle: "Well you can't blame me for trying."

Me: "Michelle, even if I was stoned, drunk and shot up with an anesthetic I would still say no! Now quit trying! You should know better by now!"

Michelle: "Well I'm sorry, but I really don't see what the big deal is, but there is no need to get mad."

Me: "I'm not mad at the fact that you want an overly powerful ritual. I'm mad at the fact that you keep pushing it hoping that maybe one day I'll say 'yes'."

Michelle: "So sue me if I'm persistent. Could you at least look at the other rituals?"

Me: (sigh) "Ritual of Cupid's Bow?"

Michelle: "That's another nifty one. It's like Engaging the Vessel of Transference, except that it gets infused in an arrow which I shoot, and whoever gets struck with it, gets one step blood bonded towards me."

Me: "That's very cute, but why would you want that? Your character is going to start walking around with bows and arrows now?"

Michelle: "Actually I was thinking of a miniature crossbow. You know? The small ones?"

(Thinking that there is no harm in this, since she already has the ritual of Engaging the Vessel of Transference, I allow it. Unfortunately, by the next game, Michelle buys one of those Nerf Bow and Arrow toys and periodically uses it all night, annoying everyone with it. In anger, I yank the toy and keep it locked away in my room. I still have it.

(several sessions later)

Michelle: "I cast Movement of the Mind and fly up in the air."

Me: "There are approximately two dozen mortals about. Are you sure you want to do that?"

Michelle: "Yes."

Me: "You realize you are breaking the Masquerade right?"

Michelle: "I know, but my character isn't worried because she has a plan."

Me: "Okay, you mind telling me what this plan is?"

Michelle: "(giggle). Why? Hee hee. Am I screwing up the Storyteller? Hee hee."

Me: "Trust me Michelle, it would be to your benefit if you tell me what this 'great plan' of yours is?"

Michelle: "Hee hee. Well I'm not telling, hee hee. You are going to have to be patient. (giggle)"

READER'S NOTE: Apparently her big plan was to use Movement of the Mind to do whatever she wanted in full view of about two dozen mortal witnesses. Then, after it was all over, she would fly back down in the middle of them and one by one, dominate them all into forgetting what they saw. The rest of the playing troupe sighed as she rolled her dominate attempts 24 times. I so much wanted to make her pay for this, but the scene was already dragged out and I had to forgo teaching Michelle a lesson. I just told her to not pull that shit again. However, to this day she thinks it is one of the cleverest things she has ever done.

(A session or two later)

Me: "Greetings everyone. I would like to introduce you all to a new player to the group. Her name is Solanna. (turning to Solanna) Solanna, would you mind describing your character?"

Solanna: "My character's features are flawless, almost to the point where it doesn't seem natural. Her skin is fair shade of pale and her hair flows down to gently caresses her shoulders. She is like an angel, except that she appears nervous or antsy."

Michelle: "What clan are you?"

Me: "Are you asking in-character, or out-of-character?"

Michelle: "In-character."

Solanna: "My character doesn't wish to tell you."

Michelle: "In that case, can I have a drop of your blood?"

Solanna: "Hey! Buzz off!"

Michelle: "(Gigggle) She's a Brujah, right? (Giggle)"

Solanna: "Yeah, and you're obviously a Tremere."

Michelle: "Hey! You don't know that, my character never told you what clan I was!"

(Later, the PCs find themselves in a seaside tavern with a bunch of mortal drunken sailors on shore leave)

Me: "As you walk in, the bar just suddenly becomes very quiet."

Michelle: "(giggle). I walk up to one of them and say in a deep voice 'Hi big boy. How's it going?'"

Me: "He ignores you and heads straight for Solanna."

Michelle: "What?! But I have an appearance of 5!"

Solanna: "I have an appearance of 6."

Michelle: "Six!?!?!? (turns to me) How can she have an appearance of 6!?!?!?"

READER'S NOTE: From that point on, any situation involving Michelle's character and Solanna was an exercise in one-upmanship. Whenever, it started, PC Malkav would yell "Cat fight!". We all had a good laugh, but clearly Solanna's presence in the group was a perpetual source of frustration for Michelle. If anyone wants to know why Solanna's appearance is so high, e-mail me. The reason why I don't write it here is because I know Solanna is reading these posts and I don't want her to find out just yet ;o)

(Several sessions and many cat-fights later)

Michelle: "Hey Marc! Hee hee. This is my.urm.my friend Steve.

Steve: "Hey big guy, heh heh. Michelle has told me a lot about you heh heh."

Me: "Uh.pleased to met you Steve."

Michelle: "Hey Marc, I was wondering.hee hee.Do you have room for one more player in you game? (giggle)"

Me: "Why?"

Michelle: "I think it would be great if Steve join us.hee hee."

Steve: "Heh, heh"

Me: "Uh.yeah sure.maybe.uh.say Steve, do you know anything about V:tM?"

Steve: "Oh I'm a fast learner big guy.heh, heh.Michelle here talks a lot about it at work."

Me: (turning to Michelle) "You talk about the game at work?"

Michelle: "Oh yeah.hee, hee.people think I'm weird..hee hee.but I like screwing around with people's minds. Like this one time, I told the receptionist that we actually drink each other's blood.it was like, sooooo funny! You should have seen her face! Hee hee!"

Me: "."

(A couple of days later, Michelle calls me over the phone.)

Michelle: "Hey Marc."

Me: "Oh hi Michelle."

Michelle: "Are we playing this week?"

Me: "Yes we are, I sent everybody an e-mail. Didn't you get it?"

Michelle: "Yes I did, but you weren't clear on whether or not we were playing so I just called to make sure."

Me: "What do you mean 'I wasn't clear'?"

Michelle: "Well all you wrote was 'Game is on unless something unexpected happens'"

Me: "Well, I was just kidding around."

Michelle: "So the game is on?"

Me: "Yes Michelle, the game is ON."

Michelle: "Ok, good, but next time Marc could you be a little bit more clearer in your e-mails?"

Me: "Urm.I'll be more explicit next time."

Michelle: "You'll be more what?"

Me: "Never mind.Uh.is your friend Steve coming?"

Michelle: "Oh yeah! That's the other thing I wanted to tell you about. Do you like him?"

Me: "Well..I only met him once, it's not long enough for me to pass judgment ."

Michelle: "Yeah but do you like him?"

Me: "I just told you. I only met him once."

Michelle: "Well I like him. I like him a lot, and I am pretty sure he likes me."

Me: "Oh..uh.that's great. I'm happy for you."

Michelle: "Thanks, he's really cool , plus he drives a BMW. Oh by the way, Steve wants to know if it's okay to move the game from Friday to Thursday."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Michelle: "Yeah, you see. Steve likes to hit the town Friday nights. When I told him that our game is scheduled for Friday nights, he asked if I could change it to Thursday night."

Me: "And what did you say?"

Michelle: "I told him that it was possible, since I wasn't sure if we were playing this Friday."

Me: "Michelle! First of all, I sent an e-mail notifying everyone that we WERE playing. Everyone understood that e-mail BUT YOU! Second of all, if Steve really REALLY wants to play, he'll have to re-arrange his schedule. I am not rearranging mine."

Michelle: "But Marc, your e-mail wasn't clear."

(Next session. Somehow, Steve managed to rearrange his schedule. Although by the end of this session, I really wish he hadn't.)

Me: "The blood in this room is still fresh. The bodies lay torn asunder, but the real horror of this place is the words scrawled on the wall with the blood of the deceased. It reads."

*BRRRRRRRRIIIING!*

Me: "What the hell is that? That isn't my phone."

*BRRRRRRRRIIIING!*

Steve: "Oh that's my cellular. Sorry big guy."

(he reaches inside his coat pocket and picks up the annoying device.)

Steve: "Hello?.Oh hey Darla!"

Michelle: "Oh! Tell Darla I say 'hey'!"

Steve: "Yeah okay, Michelle says hey.Darla says hey back!.What's that? Oh I'm at friend's house. Well actually he's not my friend, he's a friend of Michelle's. Party? Oh no this isn't a party, we're playing a role-playing game.heh, heh.yeah, we're doing the geek thing tonight. So where are you right now Darla? No kidding! Is Dennis there? Let me talk to him. Dennis! Hi! It's Steve!"

Michelle: "Oh! Tell Dennis I say 'hey'!"

(10 minutes later)

Steve: "Sorry big guy! My friends thought I was meeting them at the club."

Me: "No problem.Say, that's a nice cell phone. Do you mind if I have a look at it?"

READERS NOTE: Steve only lasted a couple of sessions. Ironically, I actually did end up liking this individual, especially when he came up to me at the end of a session and asked me for advice on how to dump Michelle politely. It seems that he was NEVER interested in her and he was all confused as to how Michelle got the notion that he liked her. Steve ended up telling Michelle that she is too smart and that he has a thing against dating girls that are smarter than him. Yeah, yeah, I know, but you have to admit, there is a certain genius behind that ;o)

Michelle: "Marc, I am trying to submit my character for an on-line game, but the Storyteller there says it's too powerful *pout*"

Me: "So what do you want me to do about it?"

Michelle: "Well I don't understand what the big deal is."

Me: "Well what character are you trying to submit to the on-line game?"

Michelle: "The same character I use in your games."

Me: "The same char.!?! Michelle, your Tremere character has about one years worth of XPs, plus she is sixth generation. My games are high powered elder games. Not every Storyteller out there will find your Tremere character suitable for their games. You have to understand that no two V:tM games are alike and no two STs are alike. If you want to play in this on-line game, you will have to abide by their rules."

Michelle: "Well I don't see what the big deal is. My character isn't really that powerful."

Me: "Not that powerful?.You're a sixth generation Tremere!"

READER'S NOTE: I actually got to see some of the e-mail correspondence between Michelle and the ST of the On-line game she was trying to get into. The last e-mail from the ST went something like this;

'.I'm fed up of having you throw my words back in my face Michelle! As far as I am concerned, we are not getting off to a good start. Your character is way too powerful for our games and I have asked you nicely to re-submit your character and I honestly don't give a rat's ass that your storyteller let's you play this character in his games. That's his prerogative. It in now way justifies why I should let you play it in mine! Now either you draw up a new character using the character creation rules that I CLEARLY outlined or else don't bother me ANYMORE!'

READER'S NOTE: I can't say I blame the ST for that game, but Michelle eventually found one of those "unmoderated chat games", which as you will all see later hooked Michelle in. By now Michelle has been playing diligently in my game for two years. The initial animosity she had towards Solanna seemed to have died down.

(Right before the beginning of a session)

Me: "I'm ready to start, but Michelle isn't here. Anybody know where she is?"

PC Toreador: "Didn't you hear? Her Dad had a stroke. Michelle is at the hospital as we speak."

Me: "Oh my God! Is her Dad going to be okay?"

PC Toreador: "I have no idea. The last time I spoke to her, she said . . . "

Michelle: "Hi guys!"

Everyone: "."

Michelle: "What? Why are you all looking at me funny?"

Me: "Michelle, I just heard.is your Dad alright?"

Michelle: "Oh yeah, he's fine. So are playing or what?"

(later)

Me: "The room is old. Drop cloths cover most of the furniture to protect them from the dust. There doesn't seem to be an exit from this room. The only doorway is the one you entered through."

PC Toreador: "Damn it! It will take years to search a palace of this size. Maybe we better split up?"

PC Gangrel: "No! Don't split up! That's every PC's first mistake. If we split up, we'll be alone and defenseless."

Me: "Okay, what do you guys do know?"

Michelle: "I'm going to look for secret doors."

PC Toreador: "Hey that's a good idea, I'll do the same."

PC Gangrel: "Ditto."

Me: "Alright, everyone roll their Perception + Search, difficulty 8."

PC Gangrel: "Fuck! Nothing!"

PC Toreador: "I got two 8's and a 6."

Michelle: "Wheeee! 3, 10, 5, 10, 6, 8, 9, 2!"

PC Gangrel: "Anybody notice that when Michelle rolls her dice, she sticks out her tongue a la Micheal Jordan?"

Michelle: "I do not!"

PC Toreador: "(giggle)Actually I noticed it too. It's kind of cute actually."

Michelle: "Stop making fun of me!"

Me: "Okay, hang on a sec. Everybody, rather than telling me what you rolled, just tell me how many successes you got 8 and above."

PC Gangrel: "Nothin'."

PC Toreador: "Two successes."

Michelle: "3, 10, 5, 10, 6, 8, 9, 2." Me: "Michelle, I don't want to hear the ACTUAL numbers, just tell me how many successes you've achieved."

Michelle: "Urm.is a 6 a success?"

Me: "No. I said it that the difficulty was 8."

Michelle: "Actually no you didn't, but anyways, I got 5 successes."

PC Gangrel: "No you didn't, you got four successes."

Michelle: "Hey! Stop looking at my dice!"

Me: (sighing and reaching over for a pad and paper). "Michelle, why don't you just tell me the numbers on your dice again and I'll figure out how many successes you got."

Michelle: "Oh.urm.hee hee, I just picked them all up..but I know I got two or three 10's."

Me: " Roll again please."

Michelle: "Awww! But I got three 10's!"

PC Toreador: " Marc, does it really matter? I know she got more successes than me. If there is a secret door, I would say she finds it."

PC Gangrel: "I agree."

Me: "Alright then. Fair enough. Michelle, your character notices that behind one of the sofa chairs there are cracks in the wall revealing what looks to be a concealed door."

PC Gangrel: "Finally! I think we're getting closer to our goal. My character goes over to where Michelle is."

Michelle: "Wait!"

PC Gangrel: "What?"

Michelle: "How do you know I found a secret door?"

PC Gangrel: "Well.uh.I'm assuming your character would tell us that you found something?"

Michelle: "Well I'm not telling you anything. That's payback for making fun of the way I roll my dice! So gnah! (she sticks her tongue out at PC Gangrel)"

PC Gangel: "Oh for the love of.Marc, could you PLEASE do something?"

Me: "Michelle, are you sure your character would keep your findings a secret? After all, you are all in this together."

Michelle: "Yes she would keep it a secret because.urm.because...I'm sneaky remember?"

READER'S NOTE: PC Gangrel was absolutely livid (not that I blame him). This particular adventure got grossly sidetracked because of Michelle's unwillingness to share a simple discovery. She claims that she withheld her findings because she was acting in character, but as the above example shows, she did so purely out of spite. This was not the only instance, Michelle habitually withholds information that she discovers from the group. Eventually, even I got so fed up. Now-a-days, whenever a situation calls for the entire group to roll Perception, I would tell Michelle that she finds nothing, no matter what she rolled. Michelle, figures that this is because her Perception skills are not high enough and has since purchased her Perception up to level 5.

(several sessions later)

Michelle: "Marc, my character wants to make a new haven in Paris. Except this time, the haven is going to be made out of concrete."

Me: "It's 1725. Concrete wasn't invented yet."

Michelle: "Yes it was!"

Me: "Uh.no it wasn't."

Michelle: "Oh yeah? Well what did the ancient Romans and the ancient Greeks use, hmmmm?"

Me: "Uh.."

Michelle: "So concrete WAS ALREADY invented. Ha! Ha! I win! I win!"

Me: "I don't know much about ancient Greek and Roman architecture, but I don't think early 18th century Parisians regularly used concrete. "

Michelle: "How do you know?"

Me: "Alright Michelle. If you really want to build your haven out of concrete, I'll do some research and find out if concrete was actually available at the time."

(one week later)

Me: "Okay Michelle, I did some research. I bought a book which states when certain technologies came into being. I even consulted with my old Engineering professor who is one of the foremost material experts in the nation. According to the book AND my old professor, the actual invention of concrete is said to have been rediscovered in the latter half of the 18th century. So while the ancient greeks and the romans are attributed with inventing the stuff, the technology did become lost after the fall of Rome. So I'm afraid, you cannot build your haven out of concrete. At least not yet anyway."

Michelle: "Well if you won't let me, I guess I have no choice, but I just want to say that your information is wrong Marc."

(Several months later, V:tM 3rd edition comes out)

Me: "Hey guys, I just finished reading through the new V:tM book. It's got some rule changes that I like, and it's got some rule changes that I don't like. I'm going to outline some of the rule changes that I would like to implement, write them up and send them to everybody via e-mail. Okay?"

PC Toreador: "That's cool, but do you mind if I flip through the new book?"

Me: "Yeah sure."

(One week later)

Me: "Okay, did everybody get the new rules that I'll be using from now on?"

Michelle: "I didn't get a chance to check my e-mail."

Solanna: "Here. I have a print out."

Michelle: "Oh.thanks."

READER'S NOTE: Michelle didn't bother reading it. She NEVER reads any literature I hand out pertaining to the game, much preferring to have things explained to her.

PC Toreador: "Oh Marc, there is one thing you missed. The book talks about using Temporary and Permanent Willpower. I was wondering if you missed that section, because I really like that rule."

Me: "Well unfortunately I don't. I prefer using the 2nd edition rules when it comes to Willpower because it forces you guys to really think about spending your willpower for automatic successes."

Michelle: "What's that? What's the new rule for Willpower?"

Me: "Well, third edition states that there are instances when one would roll their permanent willpower rating instead of their current willpower, but I'm not going to use that rule. We are going to stick with the old rules for using Willpower."

Michelle: "Ooooh, but the new Willpower rule sounds like so much more fun!"

Me: "Forget about the new Willpower rules! I am NOT using them. Okay?"

Michelle: *pout*

(later in the game)

Me: "You take 7 health levels of bashing damage."

Michelle: "What's bashing?"

Me: "It's damage done by bludgeoning."

Michelle: "Can I dodge?"

Me: "Well you already declared your action."

Michelle: "Okay. What do I roll to soak?"

Me: "Stamina + Fortitude difficulty 6." Michelle: "I got a 6, a 5, a 1 and a 3."

Me: "That means you got no successes."

Michelle: "Can I dodge now?"

Me: "No Michelle. Combat hasn't changed that much. The rules for declaring your actions and dodging remain the same."

Michelle: "Okay, I guess I take the damage."

Me: "Okay, but hold on, because the damage is bashing, it gets divided in two and rounded down."

Michelle: ".?"

Me: "That means you take 3 points of damage, Michelle."

Michelle: "But you said I took 7 points of damage."

Me: "Yes but it's bashing. Bashing damage doesn't affect vampires as much as it affects mortals."

Michelle: "Woa! I'm really confused! I don't like these new rules!"

Me: "Actually, if you read the write up I sent you guys, it makes perfect sense."

Michelle: "Okay.whatever.Can I retaliate now?"

Me: "Yes, you said you wanted to cast lure of flames?"

Michelle: "Yes!"

Me: "Okay, you spend a blood point and roll your willpower."

Michelle: "Am I rolling my permanent or my current Willpower rating?"

READER'S NOTE: I ended up having to scrap the new rules that I was trying to implement. It took Michelle approximately 2 years to get a firm handle on the old rules and I did not feel like waiting another 2 years for her to get a handle on the new ones. However, to this day, whenever I ask Michelle to roll her willpower rating, she still asks if she has to roll her permanent or current willpower.

That's it for now...sorry, I can only post these during my breaks at work, and I get into enough trouble for my internet usage as it is...more later...

--The Draconian Garden Gnome