The Michelle Chronicles Part 6



The Chronicles of Michelle: PC Dodo extraordinaire

Part V (or VI, I can't remember)

Disclaimer: The facts written here in this story are all true, only the names of certain people have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. No line/quote/circumstance/incident has been exaggerated. Everything written here REALLY DID HAPPEN! Also, please don't e-mail me asking for personal info on Michelle (IE "Is she cute?"). I would like to keep her anonymous somewhat.

READER'S NOTE: Here is another example of abuse of OOC info. Check out this next scene. Picture Michelle seeing me come to the table with the big Orange Covered Hunter Book. This is how the very first scene of this session with her went.

Me: "Okay, Michelle. You are in your haven, all by yourself. Your servants have prepared your bed chamber and you are about to crawl into your bed."

Michelle: "Wait!"

Me: "Yes?"

Michelle: "Uh…urm…before going to bed, I'm going to go downstairs and check on my torpored Toreador guest in my secret underground chamber."

READER'S NOTE: Michelle took it upon herself to look after a Toreador elder who was in torpor (probably hoping to secure a boon). The Toreador has been lying in torpor in a secret room in her basement for two months now.

Me: "You go downstairs to check up on him. Lo and behold, he is still there, exactly where you left him. Outside, you hear the first chirping sounds of the morning birds. You say to yourself that you had better go to bed."

Michelle: "Okay. Since it looks like the sun is rising, I'm going to sleep down here."

(Pause)

Me: "Michelle, perhaps you misunderstood. You are in your haven and you are safe. You can still go up to your bedroom and sleep for the day, just like the way your character has done so for the last 100 years."

Michelle: "Well I want to stay down here, with my Toreador friend."

Me: "Okay. May I ask why?"

Michelle: "Because….ah….because…you see…my character wants to cast a ritual on him."

Me: "You could easily cast any ritual you want tomorrow, unstressed and unhindered from lack of sleep and staying up during the day."

Michelle: "But…but…I want to stay down here. That way, tomorrow evening, I won't waste any time in coming down here. I will just wake up and cast my ritual…yeah…that's it"

Me: "(raising an eyebrow) Michelle…what do you think you're trying to pull here?"

Michelle: "Hee hee hee….Nothing….hee hee hee."

Me: "I think your abusing OOC information again Michelle."

Michelle: "No I'm not! My character has a perfectly good reason for sleeping down here!"

Me: "Why are you doing this Michelle? First of all, your character would NOT sleep down here and second of all, you know I frown upon abuse of OOC information."

Michelle: "I am NOT abusing OOC information! My character has a perfectly good reason for staying down here! You said that when it comes to PC actions, you would always give the player the benefit of the doubt."

Me: "(sigh) Alright Michelle. Do you at least get your servants to fix you a cot down here or something?"

Michelle: "No. Hee hee hee. No one knows I am down here."

Me: "Fine."

Michelle: "And remember that this chamber is a secret. No one but me knows it exists."

Me: "FINE!"

READER'S NOTE: At this point, all my players sort of shrunk in their seats as I calmly described how an ally of Michelle came over to her haven during the early morning hours to try and warn Michelle about a powerful being (the Hunter) on the loose running around and destroying havens. The ally tried to convince the servants to wake Michelle up and safely transport her to another location. When the servants went up to the bedroom to find her bedchambers empty. They just shrugged their shoulders and figured Michelle to be gone. I then described how the hunter came over, searched the house and then set fire to it. I described how Michelle lay trapped underneath piles and piles of rubble and debris. Michelle spent the entire session doing nothing except hoping that the other PCs would dig her out.
(after the game was over, I'm alone with Solanna)

Solanna: "Marc, you really should have put her character into torpor."

Me: "You know I was about to, but when I was describing the destruction of her haven and how she was trapped underneath it, Michelle was starting to cry, so I decided to hold back. I think she learned her lesson."

Solanna: "Marc, she was not crying."

Me: "Sure she was! She was biting her lips and she turned her face away from me so that I couldn't see her tears."

Solanna: "Actually Marc, do you remember how you described the collapse of her haven?"

Me: "Yeah."

Solanna: "Do you remember using the word 'concrete'?"

Me: "Maybe…why?"

Solanna: "Do you remember that argument you and Michelle had over the invention of concrete? That's why Michelle was biting her lips and turning her face away from you. She wasn't crying. She was laughing."

(Pause)

Me: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgh!"

(next week)

Michelle: "(talking to the others) Hee hee, and then when Marc described how my haven burned down, he used the word 'concrete'. Hee hee. I guess this means that when I create a new haven, Marc's going to have to let me make it out of concrete…eh Marc? Hee hee."

Me: "(muttering underneath my breath) Assuming you live that long."

Michelle: "What was that? Did you say something Marc?"

Me: "um…nothing…I said…'we should get this game moving along'."

READER'S NOTE: This may or may not mean anything to anybody, but about a year or two ago, I photocopied the Tremere clan book (nobody tell WW 'kay?) so that Michelle can have her own copy for reference. Now those of you who do not have a copy (the first edition I'm talking about), somewhere in there is a partially nude fantasy-ish drawing of a woman holding a dagger. Well recently, I temporarily misplaced my original copy and asked to look at Michelle's copy for a minute to look something up. To my surprise, Michelle took a pencil to the page with the half-naked chick and stenciled a dress over it.

Me: "(snicker) Okay. What's the deal here Michelle? Does fantasy art offend you?"

Michelle: "No…"

Me: "Then why did you draw a dress on this woman?"

Michelle: "Why? I'm not allowed? It's my copy."

Me: "I'm not saying you're NOT allowed Michelle, I'm just wondering why you did it. Considering the hedonistic acts of deprivation, necrophelia, S&M and pseudo pedophilia that your character has performed in my games over the years, why did you cover up this fantasy drawing in the Tremere clan book?"

Michelle: "Why are you so obsessed all of a sudden? Is it because you want to see the girl nude?Hmmm"

Me: "Never mind…"

Michelle: "It is isn't it? Ha ha! Marc is a pervert, Marc is a pervert!"

READER'S NOTE: By now the Chronicles of Michelle are reaching present day, however, if I may be allowed to back-pedal a little bit, I would like to recount the tale of Michelle and the Gazebo. This took place about a year ago. In order for this segment to have any meaning, I suggest you become familiar with the tale of Eric and the Gazebo. It is probably one of the funniest True Life RPG tales ever told. Here it is in brief;

Player: "I sit and watch it for a while, what does it do?"

DM: "Nothing. It's a Gazeebo."

Player: "I cast Detect Evil on it. What do I see?"

DM: "Nothing. It's a Gazeebo."

Player: "I throw a torch at it. What does it do?"

DM: "Nothing! IT'S A GAZEEBO!"

Player: "Ok. I rush and attack it with my sword."

At this point the DM said that the character has angered the Gazeebo gods and they have pummeled his character with a series of lightning bolts killing him.

That being said, I would also like the reader to note that I DID intentionally throw in a gazebo for Michelle to play with. It was like dangling a ball of yarn in front of a cat. Yes, I know it was cruel. Sadly, none of the other players got the joke. It was only after I told them of the tale of Erik and the Gazebo did they appreciated it.

Michelle: "I go to the place with the Secret Chamber."

Me: "Someone has destroyed it."

Michelle: "You mean it's gone!?"

Me: "Yes Michelle, the secret chamber is gone. In it's place is a flattened piece of land, a rock garden and a…..(smiling)…a gazebo."

Michelle: "A gazebo?"

Me: "Yes…a gazebo."

Michelle: "Well what's in made out of?

Me: "Wood."

Michelle: "Okay…wait a minute…This gazebo wasn't here before."

Me: "No. Like a Block Buster Video store, it seemed to have sprang up overnight."

Michelle: "I walk up to it carefully."

Me: "(giggling) Okay, you are now closer to it. Do you walk inside?"

Michelle: "No! I am not walking inside. I don't like this! I turn on my Auspex."

Me: "'Click!' Your auspex is on. It's a nice freshly painted gazebo. It's very romantic looking."

Michelle: "It's not doing anything to me is it?"

Me "(snicker) No Michelle. It's just sitting there minding its own business."

Michelle: "I don't like this! I don't like this one bit. I cast one of my rituals on it."

Me: "(trying extremely hard to contain myself) Okay…Which ritual?"

Michelle: "Sense the supernatural. That way I can tell if it's magical or not."

(Michelle makes the appropriate rolls to cast the ritual)

Michelle: "Well?"

Me: "Nothing. Not only is it a gazebo, but it is an ORDINARY gazebo."

Michelle: "No ,no, no, no, no. Something is fishy here. I'm going to search the Gazebo, but I am not stepping in it. So I am going to cast Movement of the Mind on myself and fly around it…"

Me: "(giggle)"

Solanna: "Michelle, I think Marc is playing with you…"

Michelle: "No! There is something very suspicious here. I can tell by the look in Marc's face that he's hiding something!"

Me: "(laughing)"

Michelle: "You see!? He's laughing! That means there has got to be something with this Gazebo, and I ain't leaving until I find it!"

Me: "(laughing even harder)"

Michelle: "I search for secret doors!"

Me: Hee hee hee hee. Yeah! Sure! Ha ha ha ha. Go right ahead! Hee hee hee."

Michelle: "Alright! I rolled two 10s!"

Me: "You find nothing! NOTHING! Ha ha ha ha ha."

Michelle: "Okay Marc, you are really strange, you know"

Me: "Ha ha ha ha ha. Hee hee hee hee. It's a GAZEBO! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Michelle: "Okay. Is there like a joke here that I am not getting?"

(cont'n)

READER'S NOTE: The following correspondence happened over e-mail. Since all my players have access to e-mail, I send out a global announcement for when and where we are going to play. As with all e-mails, there is a subject line, a list of recipients, etc…

Me (e-mailing everybody): Subject: Vampire Game Hello everyone. We are scheduled to play tomorrow at Solanna's house at our usual time. Anybody who wants a lift, please meet me at Michelle's place after work. We shall all go to Solanna's from there.

PC Toreador (e-mailing everybody): Subject: Re:Vampire Game Hi guys! I'm afraid I won't be able to make it to Michelle's place in time. I'll have to go to the Solanna's place on my own. I'll see you guys then."

Me (e-mailing everybody): Subject: Re:Re:Vampire Game Oh, well since PC Toreador can't make it to Michelle's place, we'll meet at the subway station instead. It's a more central location and we can grab a bite to eat at some of the restaurants nearby.

PC Toreador (e-mailing everybody): Subject: Re:Re:Re: Vampire Game You better check with Michelle. She may only read the first e-mail and mistakenly wait for you at her place.

Me: (e-mailing everybody): Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re: Vampire Game Oh right. Okay, I'll call her later. Michelle, in case you read this, please confirm."

(A day passes in which there was no response from Michelle. I call her.)

Me: "Hi Michelle."

Michelle: "Hi Marc. Are we playing?"

Me: "Yes we are. Did you get the e-mails?"

Michelle: "Yes, but they were very confusing."

Me: "They were confusing?"

Michelle: "Yeah. You and PC Toreador were like sending a billion e-mails to everyone back and forth and I didn't know what the heck was going on."

Me: "Uh…There was like a total of 5 e-mails. Did you at least TRY to sort them out?"

Michelle: "Yeah but it's hard when you have a billion e-mails in your In-box with the same subject line!"

(next week)

Me: (e-mailing everybody): Subject: Vampire Game Hello everyone. This is just a note to remind you all that we are playing tomorrow. If you plan on responding to this e-mail using the 'reply to all' button, please change the subject line so as to not confuse Michelle, thanks.

READER'S NOTE: Everyone but Michelle thought that last e-mail was pretty funny. Michelle says I was very condescending. I had to apologize AGAIN.

Me: "Do you understand the implications Michelle?"

Michelle: "Uh huh."

Me: "You have been afflicted with a mysterious power that causes you to have 10 humanity and an empathy rating of 6. Currently you are more humane than Mother Teresa. Do you understand this?"

Michelle: "I have six dots in empathy?"

Me: "…and 10 humanity. Do you understand?"

Michelle: "Cool! That means I roll eleven dice in my Aura Perception rolls!"

Me: "Yes that's right, but you also have 10 humanity, are you sure you understand this?"

Michelle: "Yeah, yeah, that means I have to be Miss Goody-goody two shoes."

(later)

Solanna: "My character walks up to Michelle's character."

Michelle: "Aura Perception!"

Me: "Okay Michelle, Perception + Empathy difficulty 8.

Michelle: (picks up two fistful of dice and shakes them while sticking out her tongue a la Michael Jordan)

Solanna: "Holy good Christ! That's a lot of dice!"

Michelle: (giggles incessantly followed by a die roll reminiscent of thunder). "Wheeee!"

READER'S NOTE: Approximately 2 sessions passes. Michelle uses Aura Perception on everybody and anybody. Clearly Michelle loves having 6 Empathy and uses it in virtually every single situation. Unfortunately, Michelle's version of a person having 10 humanity means that they get to act like a "cute" 5 year old. The local Tremere got wind that something was wrong with Michelle (Duh…a Tremere with 10 humanity doesn't exactly go unnoticed by the clan).

Michelle: "I use Path of Corruption level 5!"

Me: "You have 10 Humanity…"

Michelle: "So?"

Me: "And you're going to use it on a Tremere elder?"

Michelle: "I don't care. She's being mean to me."

Me: "Michelle. All the Tremere elder said was that they want to take you to the chantry for a 'check-up'."

Michelle: "But I don't wanna go!"

Me: "So you're going to use the level 5 power of Path of Corruption on a fellow clansman who is only being genuinely concerned about you?"

Michelle: "Yes!"

READER'S NOTE: Michelle's character ended up being subdued and her body being staked and transported back to Vienna to an unknown fate. Michelle was not pleased. She was extremely silent when I dropped her home after the session. During the week I contacted Michelle and explained to her that I really don't see a way out for her character. I told her that if she likes, she could create a brand new character. She replied that she would think about it…

(cont'n)

READER'S NOTE: One week passed, and I still had not heard from Michelle. During that week I had numerous words of encouragement from the other players convincing me that I have done the right thing. I've received numerous e-mails and several posts from the fans of the Chronicles of Michelle, all of whom offering me words of encouragement in some form or another.

Forum poster 1: "Man these are too funny. I have a player like this in my group (well she ain't that bad). Keep 'em coming."

Forum poster 2: "I don't believe that any of this is real, but these are too funny. Keep 'em coming."

Forum poster 3: "Marc I think you are a backstabbing bastard who doesn't have the guts to tell Michelle that she's a bitch cow."

Forum poster 4: "Marc, I think you should be more sensitive. Michelle is obviously one lonely soul."

Forum poster 5: "I think there is something going on between Marc and Michelle. I think he likes her. So come on Marc! Spill it!"

Forum poster 6: "Does anyone have the Chronicles of Michelle part VI? It disappeared from the forums before I had a chance to copy it."

READER'S NOTE: I am wondering if I could sell these chronicles. If I do, should some of the proceeds actually go to Michelle? She is the main character after all.

READER'S NOTE: The following excerpt is brand new!

READER'S NOTE: Well it seems Michelle has come around. She has decided to make a Caitiff character. The sheet she wrote up reads as such.

Name: Sendal (Yeah. Uh huh. GOD FORBID that she takes a character that has a normal sounding name.)

Clan: Caitiff

Concept: Thief Extraordinaire ()

Disciplines: Auspex, Celerity and Obfuscate. (Michelle will never ever EVER play a character without Auspex)

Background: I run a bar which I inherited by my father. Then one night, a mysterious man took me and embraced me. In my newly embraced state, he taught me about the vampires and that I have to feed on blood in order to live. He then left me. I never knew who he was, but one day, I will find out…(Anybody who knows about Michelle's hard on for François Villon knows where she is going with this)

READER'S NOTE: Although Michelle's new character had about as much depth as kiddie pool, Michelle seemed to enjoy playing a character that was completely oblivious to Camarilla law and traditions. Every time the word Camarilla came up, Michelle would feign stupidity and say "Cama-what?"

PCToreador: "My Prince, it is my duty and honor to present to you a new kindred to our city."

Me: (Playing the role of the Prince) What is your name?"

Michelle: "Sendal"

Me: "Clan?"

Michelle: "Ah…urm….I have no clan."

Me: "What do you mean 'you have no clan'."

Michelle: "I mean I do not know who my Sire is."

Me: "I see. How unfortunate. Do you know our traditions?"

Michelle: "Urm…yeah, kinda."

Me: "Tell them to me."

READER'S NOTE: Michelle starts rattling off the traditions as if she knows them by heart. I stop her and politely remind her that she has been playing dumb to the Camarilla laws all this time. Michelle now suddenly announces that she was just 'playing dumb' and that she really knows Camarilla law, but has been keeping it a secret. I look at her character sheet.

Me: "You have no levels of Camarilla lore."

Michelle: "So?"

Me: "So how can you claim that your character suddenly knows Camarilla law?"

Michelle: "Uh…urm…aw phooie! I guess I should have bought some Camarilla lore at character creation huh?"

Me: "That would have been the smart thing to do."

Michelle: "Uh…can I like…buy some now?"

Me: "Unfortunately, it's too late."

Michelle: "Well I guess I don't rattle off the Traditions then."

Me: (playing the role of Prince): "You don't know the traditions!?"

Michelle: (acting like an innocent puppy). "No."

Me: (Turning to PC Toreador) "How dare you bring a creature to me that hasn't been properly house trained!?"

PCToreador: "A thousand apologies my Prince. Is there any way I can correct this?"

Me: "Yes you can. Have this person imbibe a drop of your blood and then instruct her of our ways."

PCToreador: "Of course my Prince."

Michelle: "Um…excuse me?"

Me: "Yes?"

Michelle: "I don't want to drink anybody's blood."

Me: "Who said you had a choice in the matter."

Michelle: "That's not fair. Who says I want to join your Camuwilla anyways?"

Me: (I'm still playing the role of the Prince here, but my voice gets progressively louder). "'Not fair' you say? This isn't a country club Miss! There is no fairness here! There is no justice, no mercy, no hope and no choices! The only reason why I let you walk out that door with your innards intact is if you take a drop of PC Toreador's blood which you will do so RIGHT NOW! And then you will thank me for my leniency!"

Michelle: *gulp*

READER'S NOTE: Yeah I admit I was powertripping, but would you believe that after an encounter like that Michelle STILL didn't bother using her experience points to buy up some Camarilla lore?

That's all for now. Gotta talk to my sick girlfriend

--The Draconian Garden Gnome