A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by khara_khang
The opulent dinning hall is quite magnificently charming, and everyone enjoys themselves, mostly due to the effects of alcohol.
"A toast to your bravery. It's been an honor, folks, but I'm far due for some down time back at the Warren."
Some make similar toasts. Others wonder who Warren is.
"Pffft. Oh why was I cursed with this weakness for beer! It's deliciously delightful, and sinfully runs down my rib bones with a wonderful swishing sound," Jack protests, drinking more beer, which runs down inside his robe-covered skeleton to the floor.
"Urrggghh... Didn't you always have that beer-weakness, Jack?" adds Taran, rubbing the foam from his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Hey, what is this! The Spanish Exposition?" asks Jack, beer in hand. He turns to Jax. "Friends forever, Jax?"
"Ok," Jax answers.
"Cross your heart and hope to die?" asks Jack.
"Yup," Jax nods.
"Stick a needle in your eye?" asks Jack.
"Yup," Jax nods again.
"Jam a dagger in your thigh?" asks Jack.
"Yup," Jax nods once again.
"Eat a horse-manure pie?" asks Jack.
Jax gulps. "Yup," he nods with finality.
Eventually the feast ends. Those not passed out leave the castle to go their own ways, some returning to the Blue Frog Tavern.
Chewing on a breath mint, Jay leaves the castle in plenty of time, glancing once more at the dinner invitation in his hand. He strolls down the main Khazan avenue heading for the Royal Palace, stepping lively, his clothes new and freshly ironed. His appearance is clean and well groomed.
"You look familiar, sir," a street vendor beckons to Jay as he passes.
"Sorry buddy, you've got me confused with someone else. Unless you're selling rescue missions to the north, then fog off!" Jay keeps walking, leaving the street vendor confused.
Some time later, a boy blocks Jay's path singing, "Do-do Do Do Do, Do-dee Do-dee Do-dee Do" to the tune of "The Arabian Snake Charmer," and Jay answers, "Well a 'Do-dee Do Do' to you too, pint-sized---oh no, it's you, Shipy." Jay frowns, looking down at the bothersome Hobbit. Shipy smiles up at Jay as only a well-meaning Hobbit can.
Shipy grabs Jay by the wrist, pulls him into the alley, and thrusts an archaic parchment into Jay's hand. "What is the meaning of this?" asks Shipy.
"Whyarreeuumpht... Meaningless! I don't even attempt to find meaning in it. I don't have time to waste on you, miscreant," says Jay, looking at the archaic writing, unable to decipher it, at least not instantly.
City guards with weapons drawn move in from all directions, their eyes gleaming with thoughts of whoop-ass.
"Uh-oh. Time to run, I'm outta here!" Shipy turns and squeezes through a partly open door.
Jay sees his choices at this moment as: cast a spell; fight 40 armed city guards, some with missile weapons and at least one spell-user; stand and be pummeled into submission; or follow Shipy. "Why you little..." says Jay.
A dramatic pause follows....
What do you do?
"A toast to your bravery."
Such as it were.
"Jay, if you survive your date with Death," [Jax] pauses for the ensuing laughter....
Ho ho ho!
"and you still need help with your mission, leave a note for me at the Blue Frog."
"That I will do."
Afterwards, [Kahi] wishes farewell to those who are leaving and reminds Jay that if he does need help with the lions, he would be glad to.
"Thanks."
Chewing on a breath mint, Jay leaves the castle in plenty of time....
What? That was my gift for the Death Goddess! Oh well, I'll come up with something else....
"You look familiar, sir," a street vendor beckons to Jay as he passes.
"Sorry buddy, you've got me confused with someone else. Unless you're selling rescue missions to the north, then fog off!" Jay keeps walking, leaving the street vendor confused.
Obviously, Khara had Jay confused for someone else as well when he wrote this dialogue. Jay takes a look to see if he does recognize the vendor and glances at what he sells. (Might be nice to bring a present to the Death Goddess). If he does not recognize this person, and nothing seems appropriate as a gift, Jay'll simply say, "You seem to be mistaken sir," and continue on his way.
... a boy blocks Jay's path singing, "Do-do Do Do Do, Do-dee Do-dee Do-dee Do" to the tune of "The Arabian Snake Charmer," and Jay answers, "Well a 'Do-dee Do Do' to you too, pint-sized---"
Likewise here. Jay doesn't randomly insult complete strangers on the street---only proven incompetents like Krandor. Jay will simply walk around the boy.
oh no, it's you, Shipy." Jay frowns, looking down at the bothersome Hobbit. Shipy smiles up at Jay as only a well-meaning Hobbit can.
Apparently, you leave me to believe Jay is somehow familiar with this Hobbit person. So be it.
Shipy grabs Jay by the wrist...
Not a fan of being molested by Hobbits, Jay resists with all of his average strength.
... pulls him into the alley...
Oh well.
... and thrusts an archaic parchment into Jay's hand. "What is the meaning of this?" asks Shipy.
""Whyarreeuumpht... Meaningless! I don't even attempt to find meaning in it..." says Jay.
Jay wonders who writes this dialogue. He'll take a quick look at it, trying to figure it out. If he can, he'll tell the Hobbit what it means.
"I don't have time to waste on you, miscreant," says Jay.
Although insulting Shipppy [sic] is appropriate for anyone who has his acquaintance, Jay's in a hurry, and isn't inclined to get in a verbal spat, especially when his speechwriter is having an off-day.
[Jay looks] at the archaic writing, unable to decipher it, at least not instantly.
"Hobbit, you can either bring the parchment to me later to scan more thoroughly, or leave it with me, and I'll return it to you at the Frog when I figure it out."
City guards with weapons drawn move in from all directions...
I thought we were in an alley?
... their eyes gleaming with thoughts of whoop-ass.
Sigh....
"Uh-oh. Time to run, I'm outta here!" Shipy turns and squeezes through a partly open door.
So it wasn't every direction then.... Presumably, he left the parchment in my hand.
Jay sees his choices at this moment as:
Jay comes up with a few other options.
Cast a spell.
The only suitable spell might be Wink-wing, but Jay doesn't have that one in his repertoire. Unfortunately, he didn't receive an answer from any of the other spellcasters when he asked about purchasing spells from them. Spellcasting is out.
Fight 40 armed city guards...
He has no reason to fight city guards...
... some with missile weapons
... regardless of what they are or aren't armed with.
... and at least one spell-user.
... or who is with them.
Stand and be pummeled into submission.
Not a pleasant option.
Or follow Shipy.
Not gonna happen.
"Why you little..." says Jay.
Rather than use this tired cliché on Shippy [sic], Jay instead looks to see who is in charge of these guardsmen.
What do you do?
He exercises option 'Y'. "I surrender. What's this all about?"
Perhaps the bug god was rather mindless and not inclined towards conversation, but Jay is an optimist (even if he doesn't want anyone to know), and figures someone here is reasonable.
(Jack de Crampon returns to the Blue Frog Tavern in this interlude, the inaugural edition of The Saving Throw!)
Obviously, Khara had Jay confused for someone else as well when he wrote this dialogue.
I should have added the RPBP (role-playing by post) warning: "These words are not Jay's words and may or may not have been placed in Jay's mouth without his knowledge or consent and may be hazardous to his health."
Jay wonders who writes this dialogue.
I wonder that myself sometimes.
Jay puts the parchment into his pocket as the guards move in. He exercises his often-used option 'Y'. "I surrender. What's this all about?" Jay asks.
"All right, come out with your hands up, and keep them high above your head where I can see them!" he says, raising his eyebrows from where he stands not 10 feet away from Jay. "Well, random street person, looks like the jig is up!" All eyes are trained on Jay for a tense moment.
"Say what?" Jay responds.
Note: Some liberties were taken in the use of the words "say what."
"Sorry, I just always wanted to say that. You're not a Hobbit. You're free to go. This is official business, so I can't tell you what this is about, but if you hang around here, I am sure we can find something to prosecute you with to the fullest extent of the law. It's your tax dollars at work, you know."
Sergeant Fig waves to his men. "Spread out and search the area. We still have 30 minutes before break time." Grumbling, the soldiers disperse, acting like they are searching to and fro.
"Listen random street person," says Sergeant Fig to Jay after Jay starts walking away. Sergeant Fig follows beside him talking, "Crime is really the main issue today. On the other hand, after all, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn't shoplifted women's clothing? I know I have. I mean, I know it's a crime most normal adolescents go through like two or three times a day. Some youngsters on the other hand are attracted to it by its very illegality. It's like murder---make a thing illegal and it acquires a mystique. Look at arson---I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn't set fire to some great public building? I know I have. The only way to bring the crime figures down is to reduce the number of offenses---get it out into the open---I know I have. Blah blah blah blah blah and blah."
Jay and Sergeant Fig arrive at the main gates of the royal palace. Jay shows his Dinner Invitation to the guard and the guard motions for Jay to enter.
What do you do?
I should have added the RPBP (role-playing by post) warning: "These words are not Jay's words and may or may not have been placed in Jay's mouth without his knowledge or consent and may be hazardous to his health."
Just as long as Jay's got something to complain about.
Jay puts the parchment into his pocket as the guards move in. He exercises his often-used option 'Y'. "I surrender."
Whereas the unyielding oak is blown down by the forces of the hurricane, Jay is like the supple reed, going with the forces exerted, while remaining resolutely rooted to his ground. If that's too poetic, then he's pulling an Ali "rope-a-dope."
"Well, random street person...."
I was going to say something, but then I realized I probably am a random street person. Next time I get a wish, it'll be for a home.
"Say what?" Jay responds.
At least you didn't go with, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
"You're not a Hobbit."
"I should say not."
"... how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn't shoplifted women's clothing? I know I have.... Look at arson---I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn't set fire to some great public building? I know I have."
Jay will, in the strongest possible words, deny having ever set fire to any great public buildings, and refuse to make any comment about women's underwear. What goes on under Wizards' robes stays there.
Jay shows his Dinner Invitation to the guard and the guard motions for Jay to enter.
What do you do?
Go to meet my date, of course.
At least you didn't go with, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
That would have been what the Hobbit said.
Jay rushes off into the palace, leaving Sergeant Fig outside scratching his chin.
Eventually a guard leads Jay into a royal room. Part of the room holds an elegant yet small dining table for two. As Jay enters, his eyes immediately go to Lerotra'hh seated alone, as if waiting for him.
The Death Goddess is silent for a moment. "That was quite some wish you made, Jay: choosing a dinner date with me," she says, running one finger around the top of her glass thereby causing it to make a slight noise. She sits in an overstuffed chair with a glass of blood red wine in her hand. The Queen/Goddess of Khazan is dressed in a red and gold silk dress cut down the front to show ample cleavage and cut up the side to her thigh. Lerotra'hh's ears are pointed like an Elf's, her eyes are a bit cat-like, and if she were standing, she would be just a little shorter than Jay.
"You know Jay, I am often quite misunderstood. People think I am Khazan's 'Most Armed and Dangerous,' but I am not. I am actually quite nice and I rarely knock out, hog-tie, or torture and kill perfect strangers." She smiles in the dramatic pause that follows.
"This is some enchanted evening, isn't it?" Lerotra'hh gives Jay a sidelong glance.
What do you do?
As Jay enters, his eyes immediately go to Lerotra'hh seated alone, as if waiting for him.
One would hope, at least.
[I]f she were standing, she would be just a little shorter than Jay.
She seemed a lot taller the last time I saw her.
"You know Jay, I am often quite misunderstood. People think I am Khazan's 'Most Armed and Dangerous,' but I am not. I am actually quite nice and I rarely knock out, hog-tie, or torture and kill perfect strangers."
Fortunately, Jay is far from perfect, just strange.
"This is some enchanted evening, isn't it?"
Jay shall Detect Magic to determine whether or not it is an enchanted evening. You never now, these days.
What do you do?
I greet the Death Goddess as formally as I know how (without kowtowing), take a seat, compliment her on the fine arrangement of the room, palace, and parking lot beyond, then suddenly realize he's used up all his small talk, leading to a stammering "Nice weather we're having" and "Read any good books lately?" and "How 'bout them Yankees?"
She seemed a lot taller the last time I saw her.
"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
Jay does detect that many things about Lerotra'hh are indeed enchanting, since most of the items she wears are highly magical. Jay happily greets the Death Goddess, takes a seat, compliments her on the room, the palace, and Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n's newly-paved parking lot beyond [a reference to eickeric's character in Goblin Lake, Part Deux --ed.], then stammers into talk of the weather, books and the Yankees. All are small subtleties in Jay's personality that can easily become as annoying to a Death Goddess as cornmeal grinding against two stones.
The actual events of the evening seem lost to Jay as he awakes lying face down in an alley, his memory mostly lost in a swirl not unlike cheap mixed drinks and Krandor insults. Jay's neck hurts, and he is sore from lying on the cobblestone street. His feet are cold, too.
Jay sits up to see a bum seated a few feet away, smiling and looking at his new shoes, which look very much like Jay's.
"Sorry, I thought you were dead," he says, mildly annoyed. "Now that must have been a good night, what with that hickey and all on your neck. I didn't think you would mind really." The bum flexes his toes inside his new shoes.
"What!"
"What is the mind really? Is it just a system of impulses? Or is it something tangible? I know what you're thinking: bums are well-schooled around here, and that we are."
"What? Where am I?" Jay remembers translating the archaic paper he carries in his pocket at some point during the night, but the rest of the night is sketchy at best, like a blurred dream. The paper read:
"And Rahnian defeated the dark legions of under water elves,
defeated them with the blade of her own craft.
The sword was formed of the purest adamant, and shone like the rising sun,
for the people who would own it in the end."
"No matter. What is matter? Never mind!" The bums laughs one of his weird laughs, mutters an unintelligible comment, then stands. "You're in Khazan. This is Hyatt Alley. The Blue Frog Tavern is just around the corner." The Bum wanders off, leaving Jay alone.
From the pulsating pages of Khazan history, from the dark and furious days of the Death Goddess, we bring you to an end of this adventure/story called "Dangerous Creations," which nearly shattered the world---a tale so gripping that they said it could not have been archived (mostly just Erik's [sic] posts). A unique event in Khazan history!
BEWARE OF NEW ADVENTURES!
The End.
Well 60+ GM posts later, Dangerous Creations has ended, and with it, the headaches of Archivist and GM alike. I personally think it started fast, maybe was a little slow in the middle but ended pretty well. My opinion of course, and we lost a few people along the way. As far as Dangerous Creations, it is over, and I will not make any more GM posts for it.
My next adventure, The Pirate Blade of Rahnian, will not start for a while at the BFT. A small part or hint about it can be found in the last GM post.
... and Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n's newly-paved parking lot....
It always warms my heart to see it spelled properly.
All are small subtleties in Jay's personality that can easily become as annoying to a Death Goddess as cornmeal grinding against two stones.
True, they could, but they're more likely to be wildly attractive to the average Death Goddess. Really!
The actual events of the evening seem lost to Jay as he awakes lying face down in an alley....
Welcome to the life of a random street person.
"Sorry, I thought you were dead,"
"A common mistake."
"Now that must have been a good night, what with that hickey and all on your neck. I didn't think you would mind really."
True story: a bum once gave me money.
The bum flexes his toes inside his new shoes.
"Keep the shoes. I'm in a good mood." Besides, they, and the rest of the clothes were gifts from good ol' whoever he was at the end of the adventure.
"What!"
That too.
"What is the mind really? Is it just a system of impulses? Or is it something tangible? I know what you're thinking: bums are well-schooled around here, and that we are."
This is a more appropriate place for Jay to say, "What?"
"What?"
See Khara, I knew you'd get the hang of it!
"You're in Khazan. This is Hyatt Alley. The Blue Frog Tavern is just around the corner."
Well, a promise is a promise, so Jay will go get the rest of his adventuring gear, (he doesn't believe in bringing delving equipment on most dates) and shoes, then go to the Blue Frog Tavern. Once there, he'll give Shippy the paper back and its translation.
... we bring you to an end of this adventure/story called "Dangerous Creations," which nearly shattered the world---a tale so gripping that they said it could not have been archived (mostly just Erik's [sic] posts).
These quips exist only to annoy continuity buffs.
I personally think it started fast, maybe was a little slow in the middle but ended pretty well. My opinion of course...
Do you want opinions, or just expressing yours?
... and we lost a few people along the way.
On the bright side, if super_miles had stayed around, I wouldn't have had the pleasure of insulting Krandor nearly as much. I reserve that privilege to NPCs in most cases.
As far as Dangerous Creations, it is over, and I will not make any more GM posts for it.
Does that mean I get the last word? Hoodey-hoo!
My next adventure, The Pirate Blade of Rahnian, will not start for a while....
Fortunately, that will give Jay time to sober up, ask out the Death Goddess again, and write a note thanking her for her hospitality. (But probably not in that order.)
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