A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by khara_khang
"HE ATE THE KING'S AIDE! She thought I had stolen it, but I straightened everything out and she was gonna take us to the King... but she can't inside of him!!!"
Noisy bug. I wonder if I stuck Hellena between two teeth, could I also catch Felixia? Hmm....
"Sir Toad, I hope you aren't offended that I cannot pronounce your name."
How odd. R.E.S.P.E.C.T., and you know the rest of the song.
"Hellena was the King's Aide---the Goblin King Snorkin, who is to marry our Freaketa...."
Or so she claims. And that goes for both of them.
"Wait! She's still alive! Listen!"
Food should be seen, not heard. Wait---that's bad manners. It shouldn't be seen either.
Chereva pleadingly blinks the luscious lashes framing her large rust-colored eyes.
Disgusting. Eyelashes, blah. I feel like I'll be ill.
<blech>
Well, on the bright side, Hellena is now free.
"...don't let her go. Hellena may be lying."
Too late. What can I say, those batting eyes really make me puke.
I'm hurt, Eric. I'm sensible, just a bit violent.
I'm sorry, Fuzz. You just aren't up to Giant Toad standards.
The easy way to solve the problem is this....
What makes you think I'm on your side?
Hah! You should talk! (That way the Fairy can escape!)
Moot point now. She's free. Nasty, but free.
When Krandor starts to calm down, Blodwydd squirms her way out of the (ahem) dog pile. Picking up her sword from where she dropped it, she kneels down and begins to use sand from the beach to clean the ichor off it, and polish it back to its normal lovely black sheen. As she polishes, she sings to it (badly):
Yoo killa wormy
witta snicker anna snack.
Nowa makya nice'n purty
'nii strap yoo onma back!
Fortunately her singing is interrupted by the fracas surrounding the Fairy and the Toad monster. Responding to Chereva's confused look with a shrug, Blodwydd gets back to her feet and points her sword at the creature:
"G l a r g h j ' n a s l k ' n c d l ' n !"
she says, speaking slowly but with a remarkable lack of discomfort. The Toadlike horror starts slightly at hearing its name. For all its Herculean might and keen intellect, it has failed to realize that it is dealing with a Welshwoman.
"Spitter out!" Blodwydd adds, after taking a moment to catch her breath.
"I've always thought that they really weren't worth eating unless properly breaded first. They're just too small to be good without a nice home-made bread covering."
Felixia glares at Fuzz, "I'll bread something...."
"People, now that we got that over with, let's go! Onto the cave."
What makes you think I'm on your side?
Nothing, but it wouldn't have hurt you if you did it my way anymore than if you did it your way. And besides, you just lost your meal 'cause you didn't ask for my opinion first. That's what you get when you ask a Centaur who flirts too much (not that that's a bad thing, mind you) instead of asking the giant hairy furball who likes to see things suffer in slow and painful ways. Now you're paying the consequences---namely no bite-sized snack 'til you go through the trouble of catching another Fairy.
Stark leans heavily on the his staff, watching the post-battle activity passively while meditating on a patch of sand. At Fuzz's offer of the ring or shirt he says, "Let Felixia and Chereva have a look at those items." He moves to the entrance of the cave.
The Toadlike horror starts slightly at hearing its name.
Mainly out of surprise when it's pronounced correctly.
For all its Herculean might and keen intellect, it has failed to realize that it is dealing with a Welshwoman.
What's that got to do with anything? If humanity itself is considered insignificant, their national boundaries are even less so.
it wouldn't have hurt you if you did it my way anymore than if you did it your way.
You presume too much.
That's what you get when you ask a Centaur....
I didn't ask her anything.
Now you're paying the consequences---namely no bite-sized snack 'til you go through the trouble of catching another Fairy.
Apparently, it wasn't too difficult to do the first time, so there's no reason for me to believe it'll be difficult in the future. It sounds like a lot less aggravation than walking around with a slack jaw for an indeterminant amount of time while a bug pipes directions and information to the rest of you.
What's that got to do with anything?
Well clearly, if she grew up pronouncing words like "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysliogogogoch," the grotesque and nefarious syllabary of some teratological tongue can hardly be counted more than doddle round the corner to the chemist, now can it?
Oh silly me....
When I said "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysliogogogoch," I of course really meant to say "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch."
Yes, Fuzz, you do have enough elven blood to use the axe to its maximum potential. Sorry, Amorth, you did call dibs, but then you died unexpectedly, poor sod.
"Ha'lpmmmmmmmmm!"
Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n flips his tongue out, ejecting the tiny, naked, sticky, phlegm-covered Hellena out of his mouth. Hellena drops to the sand with a light thud. Granules of sand stick to her everywhere. Hellena gasps for breath and trembles in the sand for a few seconds, trying to regain her composure.
"Ugh! Oh you don't know how bad his breath was in there... oh, so ick!"
Freaketa runs to where Hellena fell, where everyone else is gathered. The Goblin princess scoops Hellena up with one hand and examines her.
"Did the big nasty wasty Glarg hurt you, Hellena?" She glares at Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Glarg!" She waves her finger at Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n.
Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n glares back, thinking food should never speak.
"Uhuh... he did."
Felixia scoldingly waves her finger at Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n, but does so well out of tongue range.
"Does this mean I get Amroth's share of the treasure? I'm sure his ghost would agree. Me and him were bestest buddies." The Hobbit lies, but he lies so very well.
Chereva smiles, adjusting her armor on her (very) human torso, and messes up the Hobbit's hair after he speaks.
Karanath takes off his boots and dumps out the water and sand before putting them back on. He grumbles something like, "Dead Fairies tell no tales."
Walking over beside Freaketa, Jamara eyes Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n, wondering what she did to him.
Testing his new axe, Fuzz likes the swing of it.
Blodwydd cleans her sword, admiring it.
Pointing his staff toward the dark entrance, Stark says, "Shouldn't we follow Krandor... and why did he leave his equipment?"
Pointing weakly off toward the dark entrance, Hellena whispers something to Freaketa. Freaketa wipes Hellena clean as best as she can before looking around at everyone.
"It's not that much further. Our journey is almost over." Saying that, Freaketa trudges off toward the dark entrance.
Together, the group (sans Krandor) leaves the beach and heads into the dark entrance. The sight you see is truly breathtaking. A long set of stone stairs leads you over a hundred feet down into a huge cavern somewhat circular and thousands of yards across. A green fungi growing like grass dimly lights the spacious cavern. A slight mist hangs over the cavern, rising from the river, which cuts a path across one portion of the cavern in the distance. Mushrooms grow everywhere in varying sizes, some as tall as trees, many of which are brightly colored. They cover the cavern's landscape like a forest. Pausing only long enough to look around, your group continues down into the cavern, but Krandor is no where to be seen. A wolf's howl can be heard off in the distance.
Krandor enters the dark entrance and looks around (see description above) before trotting down the stairs at a hurried pace. His internal conflict is apparent to anyone who really knows him, but few really do. Krandor was a knight in the royal mounted Khazan army, holding the rank of Captain before the cursed necklace had fallen upon him in such a way he dare not even try to remember. How his life had changed, first trapped in a wolf's body and now trapped in the form of a half-wolf, half-man abomination. No one would believe him were he to tell them of his past; some might even laugh. Krandor shakes the memories from his mind and quickens his pace, leaving the stairs and entering the forest of mushrooms.
Trotting a good distance, Krandor slows and then freezes in place as his nose warns him of company---lots of company. Spear carrying Goblins, possibly fifty or more, come rushing out from everywhere, circling Krandor. He tilts his head back and bays, "Arrrrroooooooooowwwww!" His howl echoes throughout the cavern.
What do you do?
Krandor still can feel the rage of his berserker fury, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows that fighting now would be useless. If the Goblins mean to kill him, they will. If they don't, then by fighting he would be making them kill him. Krandor looks around for a moment, and then curls into a ball on the ground, saying nary a word.
Felixia becomes lost in the natural beauty for a moment, but her head snaps at Krandor's howl. "Krandor!" she pauses, flying up into the air trying to locate him. "We must help him!" she flies off towards him once she has a lock on his location.
Hearing the wolf howl, Blodwydd stops in her tracks.
"Thass gotta be r wolfy!" she exclaims. "We gotta go helpum!"
With that, she takes off at a run through the fabulous fungi forest, heading in the direction of the howl. Seeing the Fairy whip past her, she vectors in and follows Felixia.
As the group reaches the cavern, Stark attempts to detect any magic emanating from the mushrooms. On hearing the wolf howl, he moves at a fast walk where he thinks the sound originated.
"What lurks in these caverns, Hellena? Perhaps you should lead us," says the Wizard, coming to a halt.
"Hmmm, must've applied a little too much English on the eyelashes," she chortles heartily after Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n upchucks Fairy.
Stunned by both the beauty of the cavern, and by Krandor's desperate howl, she balks, pawing the spongy ground agitatedly.
"What lurks in these caverns, Hellena? Perhaps you should lead us."
"Good thinking, Stark. We've had enough surprises for one day. Freaketa, if there's anything you know about this place, now would be a good time to speak up. Hellena, we've got to find Krandor before we can continue. Can you lead us to him?"
Since no one else seems interested in them, Fuzz puts on the bracelet and shirt. He strolls along behind the rest of the group as he puts on his newfound gear and pockets the jewels. When they get to the cave, he lets loose a low whistle and then follows everyone else down.
When Krandor roars, Fuzz watches as everyone [sic] goes running off to try and find him. Leaning close to the ground, he starts to sniff out the Wolf, muttering to himself, "Werewolves have a very distinct smell, so supposedly they can be recognized when in a pack of wolves for their smell, although I've never tried it myself. So it shouldn't be too hard to pick up his trace and follow him."
He begins sniffing at the base of the steps and works his way forward. If he smells no Werewolf, then he's simply going to follow everyone else and keep trying to pick up the Wolf scent.
"Half of us go running off again," Jamara says, spitting in disgust. "Someone always wanna run off. They not know by now, they have just them to blame. Iya not care."
She stands there for a moment, staring in the direction from which the howl seemed to come, then hits the cave wall with her hammer and starts stomping off. "Maybay we go save the furball. Then maybay I kill him!"
Fuzz, you do not have the ability to follow a trail by scent. Since your top half is Elven you would have a normal Elven nose. It's also sometimes nice to ask the GM before adding new abilities to your character. 'Nuff said.
Death and murder gleam in the Goblins' red eyes as they move in on Krandor, spears ready to skewer him. Suddenly their moods change and their spears point away as they all move in close and lift Krandor to his feet, smiling and touching him. The Goblins part and a very different looking Nook appears.
"Hi cub, and I bet you thought old Nook had forgotten about you. After helping save me, I could not forget. Let's take a walk together, shall we, Krandor?" Nook puts his hand on Krandor and leads him away as the Goblins quickly disperse. "Let's see, oh right, now I remember... you have that curse thingy that nasty Vlachos did to you. Well, I can fix that, sonny."
Nook takes two white orbs from his pockets and they slowly float into the air above Krandor. A rainbow of colors issues forth between the orbs and Krandor's wolfman form shifts back into his former human self. Nook smiles and removes the two floating orbs from the air.
"There... much better. Now the curse is gone from the amulet, but you can still change into a wolf or a wolfman if you want. Now where are your friends, Krandor? It's time you meet King Snorkin."
Krandor nods, not knowing quite what to say and somewhat stunned at his new appearance. As the two stand there, with Nook doing all of the talking, Fuzz, Jamara, Felixia, Chereva, Freaketa, Shipy, Stark, Blodwydd, Karanath, and Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n come charging in as if Krandor were in some dire danger. Nook seems surprised to see them arrive so suddenly and looks at each of them in his own weird wizardly way.
"Hi again, delvers! You're just in time to see the King." Seeing their reactions to him, he adds, "It's me, Nook! Oh, and this is Krandor if you don't recognize him." He motions to the handsome human male who is wearing Krandor's clothes.
What do you do?
Chereva, startled, covers her agape mouth with her free hand as she stares at Nook, then at Krandor, amazed at both men's transformation, especially the former man-wolf's. "I---I had no ide---"
Shipy elbows Chereva in a foreleg. "He's just a guy, Cher, close your fly-catcher and quit giving 'im elevator eyes!"
Chereva, embarassed, turns a bright shade of crimson and glares accusingly down at the Hobbit. She jerks her head back up toward Krandor and smiles charmingly.
Freaketa clears her throat loudly. "Lead on, Nook. It's about time."
Actually, if I'm not mistaken, I think that Krandor's CHR wasn't that high. Not that he's ugly or anything; well he's at least better looking than our Glash'Clash'Clucky'Ducky [sic].
"Then let us move onward to meat [sic] the King."
Krandor stands to his full height for the first time in what seems like a millennium. He stretches out his hands, now clawless, and stares at them as if they aren't his own.
"How can this be..." he stutters, "how could he have granted something so important in such a matter of seconds?" He runs his fingers through his shoulder length white hair, oblivious to anyone around him. Without knowing it, Krandor mimics Chereva's open-mouth expression of awe and amazement.
"I'm me again."
"Misser wizzard Nooksir!" cries Blodwydd happily upon seeing him. She runs forward, and looks like she might be about to embrace him, but stops at the last moment and shuffles awkwardly.
"Thangsa gan so verra much furtha neet sword!" she enthuses. "I tryitt onna wormy annit work real good," she adds. She pauses again, fidgets some more, then blurts out, "Wear yer monkey?"
Sorry, Amorth, you did call dibs, but then you died unexpectedly, poor sod.
I knew him, Horatio.
"Ha'lpmmmmmmmmm!"
Very eloquent.
Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n flips his tongue out, ejecting the tiny, naked, sticky, phlegm-covered Hellena out of his mouth.
If that's your interpretation.
...
The once and future Chereva.
...she chortles heartily after Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n upchucks Fairy.
That's my interpretation.
"Ugh! Oh you don't know how bad his breath was in there... oh, so ick!"
I forgot to floss after chewing Vlachos's face off. So sue me.
"Did the big nasty wasty Glarg hurt you, Hellena?"
She meant to say "Herculean nasty wasty."
"You should be ashamed of yourself, Glarg!" She waves her finger at Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n.
Dibs on that finger.
Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n glares back, thinking food should never speak.
Darn, I was hoping to be more inscrutable.
"Uhuh... he did."
Stoolie.
Felixia scoldingly waves her finger at Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n, but does so well out of tongue range.
Smart. Not genius, but smart.
The Hobbit lies, but he lies so very well.
Lies like roadkill.
Karanath takes off his boots and dumps out the water and sand before putting them back on. He grumbles something like, "Dead Fairies tell no tales."
Fairies wear boots.
Testing his new axe, Fuzz likes the swing of it.
Blodwydd cleans her sword, admiring it.
A real love-in.
Pointing weakly off toward the dark entrance, Hellena whispers something to Freaketa.
Yep, definitely has something to hide.
"It's not that much further. Our journey is almost over."
Not far now, my little Smurfs.
Since no one else seems interested in them, Fuzz puts on the bracelet and shirt. He strolls along behind the rest of the group as he puts on his newfound gear and pockets the jewels.
Hmmm.
[Krandor's] internal conflict is apparent to anyone who really knows him, but few really do.
Few really have a desire to.
No one would believe him were he to tell them of his past; some might even laugh.
Ho ho ho!
Krandor still can feel the rage of his berserker fury, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows that fighting now would be useless.
Get outta town! Someone isn't going directly into combat here?
Krandor looks around for a moment, and then curls into a ball on the ground, saying nary a word.
Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.
Mushrooms grow everywhere in varying sizes, some as tall as trees, many of which are brightly colored.
Especially during autumn.
Felixia becomes lost in the natural beauty for a moment, but her head snaps at Krandor's howl.
Better a head than a neck.
Hearing the wolf howl, Blodwydd stops in her tracks.
Travelling in circles again, I see.
Fuzz watches as everyone goes running off to try and find him.
Everyone? Chereva, Stark, Jamara, et al. seem to have stayed back for the nonce.
"Half of us go running off again. Someone always wanna run off. They not know by now, they have just them to blame. Iya not care."
We actually agree, if not see eye to eye. Just how many times is Krandor going to run off alone and find trouble for everyone?
"Maybay we go save the furball. Then maybay I kill him!"
I doubt we'll be so lucky.
It's also sometimes nice to ask the GM before adding new abilities to your character. 'Nuff said.
I did already mention my ability to travel interdimensionally by drawing angles, right? What about my autographed copy of The King in Yellow as equipment?
Suddenly [the Goblins'] moods change and their spears point away as they all move in close and lift Krandor to his feet, smiling....
Krandor, Krandor, Krandor! I need to buy a black wig to get noticed around here!
...and touching him.
Disgusting.
The Goblins part and a very different looking Nook appears.
Mebbe we should've just followed him here, hey Amroth?
"Now where are your friends, Krandor?"
He's also wondering.
He stretches out his hands, now clawless, and stares at them as if they aren't his own.
I'd be willing to carry them until we find the proper owners. Did I ever tell ya 'bout my guy Jay, who had the Elf ear....
"How can this be..." he stutters, "how could he have granted something so important in such a matter of seconds?"
That's what happens when you run everything past focus groups first.
As the two stand there, ...Fuzz, Jamara, Felixia, Chereva, Freaketa, Shipy, Stark, Blodwydd, Karanath, and Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n come charging in as if Krandor were in some dire danger.
I guess we all did come charging in then. Sorry, fuzzy.
Nook seems surprised to see them arrive so suddenly...
So am I.
...and [Nook] looks at each of them in his own weird wizardly way.
That's the same look the Goblins were giving Krandor.
"Hi again, delvers! You're just in time to see the King. It's me, Nook!"
A drunken Toad might say, "It'sh Nook!" But I'm no reshpectibiggle.
...startled, [she] covers her agape mouth with her free hand as she stares at Nook, then at Krandor, amazed at both men's transformation, especially the former wolf-man's. "I---I had no ide---"
She'd have disbelieved Krandor, had he shared his background.
Freaketa clears her throat loudly.
Got a Fairy in there?
"Lead on, Nook. It's about time."
Hear, hear!
He runs his fingers through his shoulder length white hair, oblivious to anyone around him.
Shipppy [sic] picks his pocket. (Just saving hobbit_king the trouble of posting.)
Actually, if I'm not mistaken, I think that Krandor's CHR wasn't that high.
Chevera doesn't have high standards.
Not that he's ugly or anything; well he's at least better looking than our Glash'Clash'Clucky'Ducky [sic].
Only because "Herculean toad Adonis" doesn't have the right ring to it.
"Then let us move onward to meat [sic] the King."
Meat him indeed.
"Misser wizzard Nooksir!" ...[she] fidgets some more, then blurts out, "Wear yer monkey?"
<cough> No comment.
(Calenril's interlude: Mathematician at Heart)
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