A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by khara_khang
"If we live through this, remind me to teach you Poor Baby or Restoration."
Where did you get Restoration? I don't remember seeing it in 5th Edition.
Ermm, does pidgin Wizard speech help? ;)
Nopie!
The Gargoyles hiss overhead, circling as if they were in an old western before the final attack.
All of this part is happening pretty much simultaneously (unless stated otherwise), with the group moving and doing things.
Ebony lunges for Shipy Sr., trying to grab him to throw him into the portal. She believes that the end result will be one less choice for Jax to make, but like all Hobbits, Shipy Sr. is not so easily grabbed, and he turns out to be more than he appeared. Ebony grabs where her eyes tell her that Shipy Sr. stands, but the eyes are not always correct when it comes to magic. Ebony's arms wrap around an image that fades instantly; Shipy Sr.'s true location is actually a few feet away.
"No, no, heifer! Hands off the merchandise less it bite you in the ass," he says, scowling at Ebony.
There is not much else Ebony can do as the wary Shipy Sr. moves farther away from her to stop beside Shipy. Ebony ducks down as a swooping Gargoyle rakes her shoulders and upper body with its claws. It fails in its attempt to carry her away, but succeeds in ripping her breastplate to shreds, tearing it off her body and carrying it away with him as an inedible prize.
Ebony takes 14 hits. Of the 14 incoming hits, Ebony's armor absorbs 5 without damage. The next 9 come off her CON; the first 5 of these destroy her breastplate. Since Ebony chose a breastplate over leather armor, and both cannot absorb damage simultaneously, her leather armor cannot fit under her breastplate and she is currently defenseless until she puts on her leather armor (assuming she is still carrying it). When she does put on her leather armor, she will have 7 hits, including the +1 War/Wiz bonus for a full suit of armor.
Chattering something about Potter metafuzzblustery which no one but the theatrical Skeleton himself understands, Jack jumps into the portal and disappears. As Jack disappears, Jay immediately translates the knowledge that he gained from the book out loud with an emphasis that hell is coming down on whomever carries the sword outside the temple, since the book itself is a fake. It comes as no surprise to most.
"You're not very smart, are you Orc? Now son---he's got a brain. But you, you're a bit of an idiot."
Jax grumbles something Orcish.
"I do not appreciate the lies and trouble you gave us to circumvent---"
"Whoa, whoa son! How long have we known eachother?"
"Approximately all my life, Dad."
"I ever lie to you?"
"Riiiiiiiight. Go away, Dad."
"I am away. I'm on vacation!"
"So what happened?"
"What didn't happen? Look, before we get eaten, son, you do know that the Pirate Blade of Rahnian works differently in the hands of a Hobbit, right? The Balrog is safe within the blade as long as a Hobbit carries it, so you really don't have to leave it here. Please don't leave it here! Wake up!"
"Oh, yeah?" He raises one eyebrow. "Forget it, Dad. It's staying, you're going and you're not getting the blade, but I am sure they will write really great songs about how we tore this place up." He grins.
A few tense moments pass.
Shipy takes the sword of Rahnian from Jax's meaty grip effortlessly. The growing, swirling power it is generating ends the moment it enters the Hobbit's palm. The sword itself seems smaller in Shipy's hand, more suited to its new master. Whether the effect is a trick of the light or of the sword itself, Jax doesn't have time to tell: Shipy suddenly turns away from the group, his back to everyone. The sound of metal rings out as he tosses the weapon into one of the pits.
"Noooooooooooooooooo!"
Shipy stands still,looking over the edge of the pit, as the wing-beats of the swooping Gargoyles buffet him.
"Everybody in the portal. I sure hope you know what you're doing, little buddy."
"Oh I do!" he says with a slight smile shot over his shoulder. "The sword stays where it belongs."
Kazad faces off against Jax, but the two Warriors are not unaware of what is going on around them. Kazad smiles a sly smile and suddenly moves to his right around the Orc. His movement is timed perfectly as Quickly fires a sleepy arrow. The Fairy arrow sinks into Jax's muscular neck, missing its intended target, as Quickly unwisely fired into the moving pair. Quickly hopes the outcome will not be as horrible as the last time he shot someone.
"Frak! You shot me!" he growls, pulling out the arrow.
"Somehow, saying I'm sorry seems so inadequate. Sorryyyy!" Quickly flies into the portal and disappears.
With the sword gone, or at least out of reach, Shipy Sr. taps Kazad on the arm and both of them retreat into the portal, followed by Ebony (bleeding and wounded). Seeing that the Curses Foiled and Rock-A-Bye spells are unnecessary, Jay retreats through the portal, happy that the standoff has apparently ended without a fight.
"You and Taran are my heros. I love you guys. Let's get out of here." Casually, Shipy bends down and picks up the dust-covered backpack on the floor.
"I'm just an ignorant Warrior who believes 'love' means you're willing to fight and die for your fellow living beings."
At that moment a Gargoyle swoops down and snatches Shipy up into its claws. With its momentum from the dive, it is unable to pull up in time and both Shipy and the Gargoyle plunge through the portal. A second Gargoyle snatches the rope from Olvarin's grasp. The grappling hook is jerked upwards, hooking on Olvarin's clothes and catching him like a fish on a hook.
"Ah, Fewmets!"
Grabbing Olvarin's arm like a much bigger fish might do, Jax pulls the Elf free, ripping his clothes apart. With Olvarin in tow, Jax dives sword-first into the portal as it closes behind them.
Between the two points of entrance and exit, the passage through the portal has a dazzling kaleidoscopic effect that confuses and overwhelms the senses. One by one, each member of the group emerges from the other side of the portal, but Jax has something the others don't.
Jax and Olvarin arrive first on the other side. They stagger out into a huge library with a high vaulted ceiling. Jax is just beginning to feel the effects of the paralyzation kicking in. He pushes Olvarin away, and the Elf stumbles back. Jax knows his timing has to be perfect for his plan to work. In the few moments he has left before he freezes up, Jax sheathes his EverSharp™ blade.
A Gargoyle flies out of the portal next, swooping upwards and circling the room, then finding Olvarin as easy prey. Realizing the same thing, Olvarin scrambles for cover under a large wooden desk. Amroth exits next and sees the Gargoyle. Drawing a dagger, Amroth throws it up. It sinks hilt-deep into the creature's throat, causing it to howl in rage before it pulls the dagger out and lets it fall to the floor.
Martek exits next, then Jack, Shipy Sr., Kazad, Ebony, Jay, Quickly, and finally the Gargoyle carrying Shipy. Letting each pass one by one, Jax jumps at Shipy, snatching him from the Gargoyle's claws. The pair falls onto the smooth tiled floor just as Jax's muscles seize up and full paralysis sets in. The portal blinks shut as the two Gargoyles regroup above.
"I know you love me, but you weigh more than a fleazian camel. Get off, Jax!"
"When ya' fishin' for crawdads ya' don't need a club. A toothpick and some dinky rope do just fine." He looks up at the circling Gargoyles. "No time to be sleepin' Jax. Jax... Jax?"
Add dramatic yet quirky Elfman orchestral theme music.
What do you do?
Trusting the Death Goddess is an understatement, as is the fading enchantment placed upon Cambrea by the Death Goddess. Taran opens his eyes after the kiss to see the naked and very beautiful female Elf Cambrea standing in Hilda's place. She is just as beautiful as the last time Taran saw her naked [cf. Lizardmen in Red Water Bay --ed.]. (Elf---the other white meat!).
"Y'know, Taran dear, if your tongue hangs down much further, you'll be drinking swamp water," she repeats a phrase she once heard [Domina said this to Taran in Lizardmen --ed.].
Cambrea doesn't miss a beat. She punches Taran in the stomach and throws an uppercut with her forearm that knocks Taran flat on his back. Instantly, she jumps on him, straddling him. Taran nearly has a mental Orcasm™ at the turn of events.
Cambrea smiles down at him. "Gotta love Orcish foreplay. 'Bout time you kissed me. My hero." Cambrea leans down and kisses Taran deeply.
"Hhhrrrm-mmmm."
(Fade to mood lighting. Proceed with exotic interspecies encounter. Fast-forward 30 minutes.)
What do you do?
Before Hilda changed to Cambrea, the both of you were monsters. The more negative a monster's charisma, the more attractive it is to other monsters. Just my two cents on the subject. <thinks Taran forgets his Orcish heritage sometimes> As Domina once thought [in Lizardmen --ed.], the Dracons are the most un-Orcish Orcs she's ever met. In fact, she wondered whether or not they were raised by a tribe of Elves or Fairies.
[This gentle reminder by the GM launches yet another interlude. This time, it's Sex and T&T! --ed.]
Seeing that everything he's tried has gone utterly to pieces, Quickly decides to be really rash. Ditching the unfortunate bow, he draws sword, goes invisible, and engages the nearest Gargoyle, with the intent of getting any free jabs that he possibly can before engaging the bugger in direct combat.
"You're not very smart, are you Orc? Now son---he's got a brain. But you, you're a bit of an idiot."
Jax grumbles something Orcish.
<censored>
"Frak! You shot me!"
"Somehow, saying I'm sorry seems so inadequate. Sorryyyy!"
<censored>
A second Gargoyle snatches the rope from Olvarin's grasp. The grappling hook is jerked upwards, hooking on Olvarin's clothes and catching him like a fish on a hook.
"Ah, Fewmets!"
<censored>
The pair falls onto the smooth tiled floor just as Jax's muscles seize up and full paralysis sets in.
"I know you love me, but you weigh more than a fleazian camel. Get off, Jax!"
<thoughts censored>
All in all, it just hasn't been a great day for this basic burly medium-sized Orc, but it could have been worse. <Brief cut to steamy scene in Red Water Swamp!>
Evidently Martek operates in Swamp Rat Time, which isn't always synchronous with Delver Standard Time.
Humbug.
The Guardians of Continuity commend your attention to detail!
I'd feel better about it if I hadn't screwed up on the Protective Pentagram earlier....
No PC who may think [Ebony's] apparent belligerence unwarranted has attempted to come to Shipy Sr.'s aid.
Sometimes a Hobbit just needs a good thrashing.
"Now, how do we make sure nobody else decides to trot out of here with the blade?"
"Hopefully, that's a problem that will keep until we regroup."
Where did you get Restoration? I don't remember seeing it in 5th Edition.
It's the same spell, alternate name, I believe.
Game Reason: After his adventure up north, Jay spent a few years in the Khazan School of Wizardry. One of the lessons was on regional variations of spell naming, so a well-educated Wizard could discuss magicks with his contemporaries in the sticks without undue confusion. (We say cola, you say pop.)
OOC Reason: Mainly I said it because I believe Ebony is most familiar with the Corgi edition of the rules, and thus Restoration would be clearer to her. Just trying to make it easy.
Ermm, does pidgin Wizard speech help? ;)
Nopie!
I don't suppose it's a Serpentine dialect then either....
... but like all Hobbits, Shipy Sr. is not so easily grabbed, and he turns out to be more than he appeared.
Not all Hobbits are more than they appear. Some are actually just overfed little twerps.
The sound of metal rings out as he tosses the weapon into one of the pits.
So he went with the closest available version of Mount Doom.
Seeing that the Curses Foiled and Rock-A-Bye spells are unnecessary, Jay retreats through the portal, happy that the standoff has apparently ended without a fight.
Mainly because it would've been exceptionally stupid, given the situation.
What do you do?
Not being certain if Quickly's arrows are poison or magic, he'll presume they're poison and need a Too Bad Toxin to cure, something I don't believe Jay possesses. That being the case, and guessing Olvarin is going to either attempt to cure Jax or himself (if wounded), Jay will attend to Ebony. Poor Baby as much as he can without killing himself (has a bonus for staff and level).
"Gotta love Orcish foreplay. 'Bout time you kissed me. My hero." Cambrea leans down and kisses Taran deeply.
All in all, it just hasn't been a great day for this basic burly medium-sized Orc, but it could have been worse. <Brief cut to steamy scene in Red Water Swamp!>
Yesh. Poor Taran.
Olvarin cringes beneath the heavy wooden desk. "Got to do something... got to do something," his heart tells him. Peeking out, he sees that Jay is already taking care of Ebony's wounds. So the Elf turns his attention to Jax. He isn't terribly far away....
Wriggling out a bit from his cover, and extending his staff to the fullest, he touches Jax and casts Dis-Spell, gambling that the Faerie-induced paralysis is magical rather than mundane.
Ebony looks for any available cover---a spot from which she can cast but not be an easy target---and she mentally adds Shipy Sr. to her black list. She may not have a chance to kick his ass now, but she is sure that in a battle of wits or magic, she would win. And if not, it would sure feel good to try to kick his little ass anyway. She smiles with the thought, and scrambles for cover.
"Gargoyles suck."
In a surprisingly conventional move, Jack draws his rapier and keeps his left hand ready on the hilt of THE DAG---oops, don't want to ruin the surprise!---and waits for the next dive-bomb attack by the beasties.
All his parading around naked, flexing and showing off his muddy hide the last time he was in the Red Water Swamp apparently did not go unnoticed by Cambrea the she-Elf and one time naked co-prisoner of Taran Dracon, Orc adventurer. Or at least, so Taran figures. He did not realize how much of an effect he'd had on her until now! When it comes right down to it, Taran's ego isn't about to protest the generous yet forceful "offer" of love, even if it has come from an Elf and not a mate from his own kindred. But that is not to say that he is helpless to act---at least once he catches his breath from the gut-punch, upper-cut and tackle. He wonders if he even has had the chance to catch his breath? There is something to be said about the endurance of Elves, especially in light of the relatively short lifespan of Orcs. But apparently their long-lasting nature isn't limited to beats of the heart.
This, Taran decides, is acceptable. He has learned to appreciate the company of the less monstrous races of Trollworld, having adventured with Humans, Elves, Leprechauns, Hobbits and Fairies. It isn't exactly the stuff of his Orc dreams, but fate has dealt him an Elf and he is all right with playing out the hand.
"Yeergg!" Taran suddenly blurts, spitting out a lock of blonde Elf-hair that understandably becomes tangled in his face during their wild and unbelievable encounter. One of the hardened strips of his recently discarded battered lamellar armor has jabbed him in the neck. The pain jolts him back to the reality of the present and makes him think of his brother, dead or alive at the hands of a Balrog, and the rest of the adventuring band with whom he set out to capture the Pirate Blade of Rhanian. He motions to Cambrea the source of his discomfort and smirks.
"Heh, hurghm, ughn nughn," he manages to say unintelligibly. His thoughts are a maelstrom of conflict, both of his own situation and how he has dealt with it, and of the dire situation of his friends and family back in the temple. Taran wonders to himself how he manages to get himself into situations like this. Then he remembers that he has the Death Goddess to thank for this particular... situation.
"So, urgh, Cambrea," Taran speaks, attempting to divert Cambrea's attention to practical matters and away from the pursuit of pleasure, or generous offers of thanks for breaking the magic spell, or whatever it is that has bended her affections toward his burly self. "Whatever happened to you? The last time I saw you was when we had attempted to infiltrate that Lizardman base camp...." With this, Taran sits up, confused. It occurs to him that his entire association with her took place in the past---a past that, when he left it, altered the present. What happened to her in the intervening years? How many years has it been anyway?
As best he can, Taran tries to explain his so-called "Lizardman in Red Water Bay" time-traveling adventure and how he returned to a changed present because of the success of the quest. He queries of Cambrea what has happened to her since he last saw her. Her Hilda persona is testament that something wild happened to her, and the fact that he is here is evidence that she also has the Death Goddess to thank, or curse, for her recent state of affairs.
Taran will wait for later, if ever there is a better time, to tell Cambrea about Orc mating traditions, what this means to him, and what this roll in the swamp means to her.
How many years has it been [since Lizardmen in Red Water Bay] anyway?
The Lizardmen in Red Water Bay adventure started and ended in 1314 A.K., but the events in between happened as far back as 1101 A.K. and before. Think Quantum Leap, the TV show. The current year is late 1315 A.K., two years after the fall of Khazan to the forces of Zweetz, as detailed in the official Trollworld Timeline.
The Gargoyles continue to circle overhead and dive down at the party.
All of this part is pretty much happening simultaneously (unless stated otherwise), with the group moving and doing things.
Shipy Sr. walks in front of Martek as the two Gargoyles screech overhead. He then looks at his cohort and gives a low whistle.
"You are always distracting me, old Hobbit."
"Well, then, you are easily distracted, swamp boy."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
"I'm not."
"Oh, really."
"Okay, that's a little distracting."
While Shipy Sr. scans the area for an exit, both Shipy Sr. and Kazad get that feeling of unexplained nervousness again. Kazad taps Shipy Sr. on the shoulder and points to the other side of the chamber.
"Can I do a countdown?"
"Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out."
"Ten!" He takes a step.
"Nine!" Kazad takes a step. "Wizards coming, huh?"
"Yeah, we're out of here," he states, then quietly, "Eightsevensixfivefourthreetwoone."
Shipy Sr. and Kazad turn towards a distant door and flee as fast as they can run. Shipy Sr. breathes an inaudible swear word about Wizards, and then yells back to Martek, "Okay, now you're the expert on Gargoyles! They're all yours! I'm no hors d'oeuvre."
Lilac De Sprite lounges on an open copy of the book Love, Romance and Fairy Happiness as if it were a bed. With one finger innocently perched in the corner of her mouth, she peruses the words and considers eloquent postulations in the book, like, "We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever."
Lilac is lost in daydreams of sunning herself on a lily pad while brightly colored multi-winged dragonflies circle lazily overhead. The sound of a screeching Gargoyle within the otherwise noiseless library causes Lilac to yelp with surprise and bite her finger, then yelp again in pain and anger.
Taking flight, Lilac flies up to a high bookshelf and peeks over it, watching the scene unfold. The only people she immediately recognizes are Jax, lying on the floor unmoving, and Shipy, trying to squirm out from under him like a larvae from a seed pod.
Quickly the Fairy Warrior valiantly draws his Fairy sword and flies up to engage one of the Gargoyles in melee combat. His approach and daring assault do not go unnoticed. Not only do all Gargoyles have the ability to see invisible (something Quickly should already know from a previous encounter), but they are immune to non-magical attacks. Like a quick (or Quickly) game of badminton, the Gargoyle slaps Quickly away, sending him hurdling back downward to crash into a bookshelf. Imaginary tiny birdies circle his head as he lies momentarily stunned on the open pages of the book War and Peace.
Quickly takes 3 hits off his CON and his sword is lost on the floor somewhere.
Jax's paralyzation is beginning to wear off much faster than even he expected, but whether or not it is with the help of Olvarin's spell, he doesn't know. His meaty limbs don't immediately respond to the commands his brain is giving them, so knows he won't be jumping up to tango with the Gargoyles any time soon.
<grumbles something unintelligible>
Jax feels a burning sensation of pain in his shoulder as his symbiont forces its way up out of Jax's green skin, finds an exit from his clothing, drops to the finely tiled floor beside the Hobbit and then changes into a blob of smoldering black goop.
Shipy groans as only a Hobbit can under the heavy body of a porky Orc Warrior. "<Ack!> I'm fine. <Ack!> Get him off me! <Ack!>" Then, spoken quietly with sarcasm as his father exits stage left: "Thanks Dad! I can always count on you for help."
Jay moves closer to attend to the wounded Ebony but before any healing spells can be applied and before she can move for cover, one of the Gargoyles swoops in and snatches Ebony from the floor. Each of its feet grip Ebony's wrists. The Gargoyle circles inside the library before crashing through a tall finely crafted stained glass window near the domed ceiling and disappears into the darkness outside with its prey.
It is almost a nightmare as Ebony is lifted up and away, and then crashes through the window outside into the darkness and the pouring rain. The Gargoyle's wings carry them across the roof tops high above the ground. Without warning the Gargoyle releases Ebony from its grip and the wounded Warrior-Wizard falls to whatever fate awaits her below. Luckily the fall isn't that far and she lands on her feet on a very steep incline of a stone slated roof.
The strong wind and the pouring rain don't help as her feet slip out from underneath her. With a thud, she falls flat and slides down the slate roof while her fingers scrape against the stone roofing in a futile attempt to grasp anything to arrest her fall. Sliding twenty feet down the roof, Ebony grabs the gutter as she goes over the edge. For a few tense moments she dangles there, her muscles straining to hold her weight, and only her grip on the gutter holding her from falling to her death. Looking down some forty feet below, she sees Kazad and Shipy Sr. standing in an alley and looking back up at her in the darkness and the rain.
"Are you... all right up there, heifer?" he shouts, scratching his chin.
The gutter holding Ebony breaks loose from the building, swings down about thirty feet and then snapped back, flipping Ebony the remaining ten feet onto the alley below. Ebony lands on her back, knocking the wind out of her. Rolling onto her side, she gasps for breath, bleeding from numerous cuts and bruises, the pouring rain soaking her to the bone.
Ebony takes 2 hits directly off her CON.
"Ah, I'm fine... I've got a, uh... I've got a hard... skull... I just think that I'll, uh...."
Shipy Sr. walks closer and taps her with his boot. Kazad is nowhere to be seen.
[Another group is born:
At the screeching of the Gargoyles, the tall Bela Oxmyx steps out from behind a bookcase in the spell research section of the library and raises one hand. His lips silently recite ancient memorized words of power. His sharp Elven features concentrate as his fist radiates an orange light. He closes his eyes and then opens them again as his fist begins to shimmer. His mind repeats an old Elven proverb, "I control many roads. I simply chose another road where I am not contained."
The spell Blasting Power fires from Bela's fist, catching the remaining Gargoyle in mid-flight and dropping it to the floor like a wounded pigeon falling from the air. The Gargoyle falls onto an antique table, smashing it to pieces. Immediately, the Gargoyle leaps to its feet as Amroth, Jack, and Martek circle around it with swords drawn.
The Wizard Grutoss scowls at the destructive path and at the sight of the Gargoyle within the library. "Not in the library!" he shouts.
The wizard's black and gold trimmed robes flow around him as he moves, as if they were alive. After a few strides, Grutoss stops and speaks a spell. The Gargoyle strikes a final overly dramatic pose and then turns to stone, creating a horrific looking statue. Luckily, it is in the goth section of the library.
"My god, I am glad you're here Grutoss.... Okay, we'll need ten kegs of beer, a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie," and a regulation two-story panty-raid ladder."
Grutoss scowls.
What do you do?
Taran interrupts their interlude with a question:
"Whatever happened to you? The last time I saw you was when we had attempted to infiltrate that Lizardman base camp...."
Cambrea sits up. "For an Orc, you seem to babble a lot. Let me guess, you hit your head?" She checks Taran head for bumps.
"You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life."
Cambrea slaps Taran. "No!"
Taran rubs his face. "What was that for?" But just then, Taran's tattoo starts to glow and a portal opens just outside the entrance, cutting their conversation short.
What do you do?
Since Taran helped to change the future by changing the past in Lizardmen, it is likely that he erased his former encounter with Cambrea in the current timeline. Think about it. When Cralthor's death was averted by you and Martek, the Lizardmen in Red Water Bay never tried to invade Khazan, and thus Cambrea was never sent by Lerotra'hh to infiltrate the opposing camps of Ralathor and Baron Volroth. In fact, in the current timeline, she ran afoul of the Death Goddess in an entirely unrelated matter about which you know nothing!
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