| Back Before The War |
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*Back Before The War*
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[Author Note: Song By Reba McEntire.] She walked into the office, her blue eyes filled with tears and her heels clicking on the marble flooring. The sound was echoing in the large empty room; just like her heart seemed to echo in her chest. He was giving up, giving in and she couldn’t stop him.
There he sat, his face filled with pain and regret, yet she knew he would be stubborn and go through with this…
She knew her Luis.
“Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald,” his lawyer offered a weak smile. She nodded, taking a seat beside Luis where her own lawyer sat. How had it come down to this?
My name in bold print Yours right besides it On this document “Shall we begin?” his lawyer asked, motioning to the final documents before him. This was their seventh meeting in the last three weeks, each time offering them another document that was debated. However, this time was final. Sheridan picked up the paper and looked it over, seeing her name there as Respondent: Sheridan Lopez-Fitzgerald. She traced the typed letters and then looked up at Luis, her eyes again filling with tears. Why was he doing this? What had gone wrong? His eyes met hers only for a moment before he looked away again and cleared his throat. He was being so weak! Why!? Damn him!
Too many angry words So much we didn't say So much we never heard She surveyed the table, looking for one person that understood how she felt… Nothing! There sat the four most prestigious lawyers in Harmony and yet none of them had a heart that was made of anything but stone. This is what caused it to get this far. It wasn’t just their angry words and occasional arguments that grew worse day by day. It was the fact that he had gone to a lawyer before talking to her. Of course this would develop into a divorce! What lawyer WOULDN’T press the issue? But the arguments had been part of it. The bitterness over the late hours he worked or the times she went out without him because he seemed so busy. They fought over what schools to send their children to and what pets to buy for the house. Roses became a war and there was a terrible strain on their relationship when Sheridan had multiple miscarriages and couldn’t seem to become pregnant. Every little comment became a fight, a constant battle of hurled insults that would end up developing into slamming doors and nights alone… How had it gotten that far? How had thirteen years of marriage brought them here? “Can…can I have a moment alone with Luis?” she asked, her voice was so soft they had to lean closer to hear it. The lawyers then whispered among themselves before Luis finally rolled his eyes and groaned. “Go away, give us a moment please.” They scurried away, all six grabbing their papers and slinking out of the room with a huff. They were alone.
When I was all that you were living for Back before the war
“How did this happen?” she asked, motioning to the room. “How did we get here?” “I honestly don’t know, Sher, but we agreed…” “No, you demanded and I simply became to tired of your tirades to argue with you any longer, Luis! You left me without a choice…” “I had to work!” he raised his voice. “You worked too much!” she cried. “We had a family to take care of!!” he stood, his chair flying backwards and falling with a crash. She jumped up as well, glaring at him. “I OFFERED to help!” Her eyes teared and she left the table, walking to the window and staring out at the town. “Do you remember when you proposed?” “Of course I do,” he grumbled. “Do you remember telling me the music would never stop…that you never wanted it to?” she asked, choking on the lump in her throat. “Well do you?” “Yes, Sheridan, I remember.” “Has the music stopped?” “Yes.” She nodded sadly, the tears finally falling out of control. “I thought I was everything to you.” “You were…you still are, but I can’t live like this, Sheridan. The kids deserve better…” “They deserve a complete family,” she sniffled. “Bring the leaches back, let’s get this over with.”
The shattered trust This empty house When nothing really mattered but us Back before we climbed too high He walked away to retrieve the lawyers while her eyes bore into his back. It seemed so long again since he actually showed that he cared about her, that he wanted to be with her forever. What had happened to “’til death do you part”? Loving, honoring and obeying seemed to be a thing of the past, the distant past, and she couldn’t understand why. Well, she knew partly why. Luis had destroyed all her trust in him and in love. He said he was working late and she would find him at the bar with his friends. Luis had vowed that he would cherish her, treat her as the angel he claimed she was. But then their first child came along, Anthony Martin, and he had become the light of his father’s life while Sheridan took a back seat to his son and his work. But there had been a time when it was just the two of them, spending their days together, making love whenever they wanted. They lived life on his pay, sending some to his mother to support his remaining siblings. Then again… Things change… And they both wanted more out of life. They wanted a family and more money than his small paycheck… A decent house with a yard… And more time together than a day off here and there.
Your dreams were mine Back before we fell so out of touch Back before the war
All their hopes and dreams that they had discussed each night as they snuggled close in bed had become nightmares when they had to live on a budget. She hadn’t expected him to refuse the use of her money in everything or for him to turn around and tell her she couldn’t get a job and help support them. Then Anthony came and they needed her to work, but still he refused, taking on a second job and cutting back on time with friends… And family… Especially her. Suddenly the dream of ten children became the dream of two and the house became a small two-bedroom apartment. The walls seemed to close in on them and instead of talking or snuggling; he watched sports and drank beer. The walls of communication they had built fell apart and she found herself sleeping in the nursery with Anthony and not in the arms of her husband. “Are you ready now, Mrs…” “Spare me,” she cut his lawyer off. “We’re wasting time…time I could be spending with our…my children.” “Yes ma’am,” his lawyer cleared his throat. She didn’t notice Luis’ saddened eyes when she amended her choice of words to say “my” children and not theirs. He hadn’t realized that her words could be so cruel, even just that one little slip… But she hadn’t slipped and they both knew that too.
Trailing down the hall Tiny footsteps God how I miss it all
He had been spending the last few months with his mother, leaving Sheridan and the children in the house. It was funny, but even at Pilar’s he could hear the pitter-patter of his children’s bare feet running down the hardwood halls, their giggles filling the air. He could almost hear his Emmy, his precious four-year-old, as she chased her older brother, “Antnee, give back my dolly!” And his Anthony, their eight-year-old, would be laughing wickedly as he headed for his room and slammed the door shut to both of them. He was a monster sometimes, but he was Luis’ son and there was no denying it. Was he supposed to miss them this much? Yes he was and ironically he missed his wife even more. He missed the woman he married all those years ago, the one that met his every demand without question… Then again he hadn’t appreciated that either because it wasn’t the woman he had fallen in love with. Damn it! This was too confusing! Too hard!
As who's right and who's to blame How could we fly so high To be shot down in flames
He wanted to blame her; she wanted to blame him, but it was more than that. Their love had flickered out despite their battle to keep it alive. He stopped saying I love you as often as he once had, she stopped saying how much she needed him to be there. Both stopped eating dinner together and kissing had become something they did once a week when they had time to make love. They didn’t even share a bed towards the end… It all just died and fighting to keep it together, even for the children, was becoming too draining. They had aimed for the moon and didn’t even make it past the clouds. The papers slid closer to Sheridan and she began to read them over, his eyes watching as she flipped page by page, checking with her lawyer to see if this or that was what they agreed on. Sometimes she just turned the page without even looking, her eyes filling with tears. Sporadically she was trace his name or the name of one of their kids, her eyes closing as some silent memory played in her head. He shook his head and looked away, wishing he could have one more moment with her.
When you were all that I was living for Back before the war Leaning closer he whispered, “Do you remember when you told me that you couldn’t live your life without me, Sheridan?” “That was a long time ago,” she replied, passing the papers to him. “Your turn to read them…” “Do you still think you can’t live your life without me?” he asked, his voice begging to know that she still needed him in her life. “No, I don’t think that. I haven’t had you around enough TO think that,” she glared at him, shoving the papers under his nose. “Read them! I need to get back to Emily!” He took the papers, his sad, cold brown eyes meeting hers. “Fine,” he growled, his eyes boring into hers. The contact didn’t last long as he turned his attention to the final divorce papers in front of him and began reading. In response, she looked away, her gaze falling on the church across the street. The same place they had been married years before, the place where both of their children had been baptized… The last place she would see as their divorce papers were signed.
The shattered trust This empty house When nothing really mattered but us Back before we climbed too high She could see the park where they used to go on Saturdays to watch the other children play; the same part they took Anthony too when they walked his stroller in the warm summer sun or picnicked in the spring along side the lake. But that was years ago; before Luis had started making excuses when it came to family time. It was before he had come home, changed out of his uniform and sat on the couch with Anthony in his lap and ignoring her… Or worse before he came home, grabbed a beer and ignored both children. How many times had Emily Rose cried herself to sleep because Daddy hadn’t told her a story or given her a kiss goodnight? How many times had Anthony gone to baseball and hit a home run, only to see his father wasn’t in the stands after promising he would be. All the broken promises and tears that were shed never made him realize the pain he caused them and only solidified her belief that men were scum and that she should have never trusted him. He was a two faced as the losers that had used her, though this time he was worse… He had hurt their children too!
Your dreams were mine Back before we fell so out of touch Back before the war His mind wasn’t focusing on the legal documents in front of him, but instead on the thought of his children waking up every morning without his being there or going to bed every night without his kiss. He thought about his promises to make Sheridan’s life better than it had been in the past, to show her the love her father and brother had denied her. Had he done that? Glancing over at her he realize he hadn’t. If anything, he had made her colder and bitterer than before. She was no longer the hopeless romantic he had fallen for, a woman that just needed someone to gently pull her from her world of sorrow and pain. Now she was a permanent resident on the planet of grief and he had put here there. What happened to their dreams? The roses they planted that would become a yearly event? The promise to grow old together and tour Spain again on their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary? Had their dreams been too big? Had they asked for too much? He didn’t think so…but what did he know? He had given up on her… On them…
I guess this is where we sign Strange how your signature So closely matches mine
“When you’re done, Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald, just sign there,” his lawyer nodded to the papers. “Simple as that.” He didn’t bother reading the remaining pages, merely flipped to the end and scribbled his name on the line. There it was in black and white, the final nail in the coffin of his marriage. One more signature and it would be over for both of them. With a sigh, he shoved the pages over to her and looked away. “Here.” She looked his signature over one time: Petitioner: Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald. His name was so neatly scrolled on the paper that she had to wonder if he realized just how important the papers were. “Tell me not to do this,” she begged him. “Tell me there’s still hope.” But he simply shook his head. “Just sign it, Sher. Save yourself the heartache.” Sheridan nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat to reply, “Too late.” She carefully added her name there, her hand shaking as she wrote and tears blurring her eyes. “Ironic how much our signatures look alike,” she whispered, wiping away a tear. She pushed the papers back at her lawyer. “That’s it,” her lawyer replied, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “You’ll be all right?” She nodded and grabbed her purse. “I better get to my children…” she started out of the room. Pausing halfway she turned back to Luis and took off her engagement ring… His grandmother’s ring. Would ever come to this Avoiding each other's eyes Still craving your tenderness She never would have believed that their wedding vows would be destroyed with a few pieces of paper and her name written in black ink. She took a deep breath as she pulled her engagement ring from her finger and placed a kiss on it. Without looking into his eyes, she lifted his hand and gently placed the simple gold band into his palm. Swallowing hard, she closed his hand over the ring and sniffled. “I don’t have the…the right to keep this any longer,” she whispered, wishing he would pull her into his arms and kiss her, waking her from this nightmare. “Sheridan…no…” Her hands fell from his and she nodded. “It…it belongs with you, not me,” she turned on her heels, hurrying away. He followed her closely, trying to catch up. “Sheridan! Wait!” She kept walking, the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Sheridan!”
When love was all that we were living for Back before the war She turned to face him. “What? Why are you making this harder than it has to be?” He caught up to her, slightly out of breath. “I’m sorry this happened…” “Me too,” she replied, looking up at him. “If it makes any difference, I still love you…” “Oh yea, that means a world of difference…” she grumbled, hitting the button for the elevator. “It means a lot to know that somewhere in your heart of stone is a tiny ounce of love for me!” He sighed, grabbing her arm and spinning her to face him. Placing his lips roughly against hers he gave her a kiss that was anything but gentle… But it did convey his love for her and when she pulled away she did only one thing… Slap him! “You’re a bastard,” she growled, walking away and heading for the door to the stairs. “I hate you! I’ll always hate you for what you’re doing to us!” With that she was gone and he was alone, looking at the place she had just left. His cheek stung from her hand hitting him and yet it didn’t even compare to the amount of pain in his heart. He really did love her and he remember what it was like to spend his life living just for her and their love… Surviving on love alone… But that was a long time ago. That was before they had fought every night… Back before the war that had destroyed them. “I love you,” he whispered. “I’ll always love you.” The ding of the elevator snapped him back into reality and he climbed in. Maybe in another time and place they could have a chance again… But for now this is how it had to be… Because for once he couldn’t make things better.
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