They walk into the Book Café, heading for the counter to quickly order their usual before taking a seat at the little table. I don’t take their order, someone else does, and off they go, their hands held and his lips on hers the second they sit at the table. He used to hate that, used to tell me that public displays of affection were extremely embarrassing. Not surprising that things have changed now that he’s with her.

And he’s everywhere I look, from the Youth Center to here in the Book Café. I can’t find a way around him and yet I don’t want to…

Because I love him…

He leaves her side, coming over to me with that bright smile on his face. The smile I fell in love with years ago but have personally seen little of recently. I know right away what he’s going to do. He’ll bring up old times, order another cup of coffee or something to eat, but never once will he ask how I feel. He doesn’t do that because he doesn’t care. He only loves his fiancée…

His Sheridan!

He never did break up with me, never told me it was over. In fact, before she arrived he gave me hope that there was a chance for us and now…

Well now I know the truth, there never really was a chance for us.

Does that change how I feel? No! And it never will. I need closure from this situation and I know that it will never be…

Because he’ll never offer it...

“Hey, Beth,” he tosses me that smile and I sigh. The old feelings I have for him resurface and I find myself fighting the urge to cry. I hate looking at him because I he makes my heart beat faster and my muscles tense. “How are you?” he asks awkwardly. He seems more nervous than I am, which is odd considering I’m the one left out in the cold. Sometimes I wonder if he’ll ever acknowledge that I’m not happy.

Obviously he won’t.

“Fine, what can I get for you, Luis?”

“Got any blueberry muffins?” he asks, looking away to scan the counter and the food items there. He’s avoiding me and I can tell. “If not it’s ok…”

“I’ll have Chad go check.”

He nods. “So, how have you been? Haven’t seen you lately…”

I look at him as if he has two heads. Hasn’t seen me lately? Has he honestly ventured away from Sheridan long enough to notice if anyone is around? I’m not afraid of him; not afraid of anything anymore. But I am tired of hurting, tired of crying myself to sleep when he isn’t around. I wish there was a way to go back to the days where Luis and I were just friends, just two people that had been together since grade school, that knew every bump, every bruise…every secret.

We never should have started dating. I’d admit that. In fact, when we did start dating it felt weird being together. We had been best friends. The three amigos! Hank, Beth and Luis! Everyone knew where one of us was; the other wouldn’t be far behind. But now…

Hell, now you couldn’t find us in the same room.

Hank was some big shot now, finally getting his act in gear to join the police force. He was away at training camp, trying to give it his all…

He left me too.

And Luis…well we all knew about his relationship with Harmony’s own royalty. Sheridan Crane was definitely Luis’ soul mate; even I couldn’t deny that. But did he have to leave me? Did he have to forget I existed? I can’t look at him anymore, so I turn to find Chad.

I start shaking, fighting off the tears that are welling in my eyes. He doesn’t care; he never did and I hate him for that! I do!

“Beth…sometime soon…I could really use a talk…”

He could use a talk? What about me? I spin, the shaking so bad that my entire body just quivers. My heart his pounding; I’m sure everyone in the Café can see it. I can’t stop what’s going on with my body and I pray that I can sneak it pass him. This is bad…

This is terrible…

This is just like the day he first kissed me when we were fifteen. The way he leaned in slowly after looking into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity. He kissed me gently and awkwardly, just like the first kiss of many girls and boys…

I shook then, cried even, but now it’s different. Now it’s more like the night he told me he couldn’t be with me anymore.

“For my family’s sake, Beth, I have to put our relationship on the back burner. Mama can’t handle Miguel and Theresa. She’s trying, but she needs help. I’m going to get a job instead of going to school and maybe someday we can be married…pick up where we left off…”

Someday never came for me and I guess I should have known it wouldn’t. He never had that light in his eyes when he looked at me. It faded away. It was never replaced, just gone, and it didn’t come back until Sheridan returned. We all thought it was anger and hate for a time, but it became harder and harder to deny that it wasn’t…

That it was love.

“Sure, a talk,” I nod, looking at him. He seems so far off now and I trace his sight line right back to her. She’s giggling and waving, blowing him kisses. Oddly enough, I’m not angry with her. How could she help it? Luis was a good-looking guy and he wasn’t with me when she showed up. But Luis, oh yes I was furious with him. What happened to picking up where we left off? “You seem distracted…”

“I’m ok. I just think I have some things to clear up with you before Sheridan and I get married next week.”

“Ne…next week?” I must look shocked because I certainly feel that way. How come I didn’t know about their upcoming nuptials? Did I really mean that little to him now? I read his body language; he’s tense and upset. I can tell that this is all an act, as calm as his outside seems he’s still as nervous as can be. He’s waiting to see if I’m going to cry…

I won’t give him that satisfaction.

“Congratulations. I hope you’ll let me know about the ceremony, I’d love to be there.”

He nods. He was always such a terrible actor.

“Something wrong?”

“I didn’t expect you to take this so well…”

“What did you think, Luis? That I was going to hold on to your broken promises and dreams? Someday isn’t going to come for me and I’ve got to let go of that because otherwise we’d both be miserable.” A tear rolls down my cheek and I angrily brush it away. “You thought I’d wait forever?”

“Well…” he offers me a slight smile and a shrug of his shoulders…

And there I go again. My resolve to settle this once and for all is fading with just one look into his deep brown eyes and just the slightest touch from the hand that suddenly grabs mine. I look down. There was a time when even this little contact would have made me happy, would have given me more hope than I should have been allowed…

Not now…

Not ever again.

I jerk my hand from his. “I’ve been waiting for you for ten years, Luis. You’re the one that ended us unofficially…now it’s my turn to call it off all together. I never should have been stupid enough to think you were coming back! I never should have turned down dates because I was waiting for you. God, do you know how pathetic I’ve been? I’ve been spending my life living in memories! Hell I live with a cat that I named LOFITZ!” I scream, rolling my eyes. “I kept my prom queen crown! Pictures from homecoming! I must have looked like the biggest ass in Harmony…”

“Is any of this sinking into your head, Luis? Anything at all?”

“No one asked you to wait,” he replies calmly, just shrugging his shoulders as if everything is okay.

But that innocent act is killing me and I feel my cheeks burn from the rage I am feeling. My body tenses and I stare right into his eyes. “How can you be such a bastard?” I shake my head. “You were the one that said it would be just a few years and then we’d be together again. I loved you with my whole heart! I would have given up ANYTHING to have you in my life again. I waited because I believed you when you said you’d come back and pick up where you left off! You LIED to me! I’m not the one that had the problem Luis, because I didn’t lead someone on for ten years…I didn’t date her when I had a little extra money and I didn’t give her the impression that things were going back to the way they were…”

“I didn’t…”

“Didn’t what? Know? Mean it??? Well guess what THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU DID IT! Ignorance is not an excuse! Neither is non-intent!”

He freezes and I know that everything I’ve been feeling for the past ten-or-so years is clearly written on my face. Every heartache, every tear, dances in my eyes as if I was reliving them now. I’m shaking, crying and laughing all at once. He looks shocked and all I can do is laugh. Laugh at how stupid he looks, at how silly this sounds…

Just like a poorly written plot in a soap opera!

I shake my head, wiping a tear from my cheek. “Muffins are on the house…because you deserve them after this.”

And he just walks away.

“Luis, I want you to meet Beth Wallace…her mom and dad live down the street,” Pilar patted her five-year-old son’s head. “Be good.”

“But Mooooom! She’s a girl!!!” he groaned, looking at Hank for help. “You know, like THERESA!”

“Yes, she’s a girl, but she likes to play in the dirt,” Beth smiled, pulling on her overalls. “I like sandboxes…”

“And tree houses?” Hank asked. When his friend shot him a look he shrugged. “What? She’s got one! I’ve seen it!”

“She’s still a she!” Luis replied, crossing his arms in a huff. “No girls allowed.”

“Says who?” Beth replied defiantly, crossing her arms too.

“Says me!” Luis got in her face.

Beth spun the baseball cap on her head so it was backwards and leaned closer. “Let me play or I’ll slug you!”

“Yea right!” he laughed.

And she did…

She slugged him so hard he had a black eye for a week.

“From the moment I saw you I knew it wouldn’t work, Lopez-Fitzgerald. May you and Sheridan be blessed with five like you,” I sigh and go back to work. Finally it’s over and I was able to call it off…

To make him see that it killed me to go through the last ten years without him…

Finally I was able to close the doors on that part of my life and now I could move on…

Because I plan on moving on…

Luis wasn’t the only one that found his soul mate.

I found mine too and when Brian walked through the door, I smiled and waved at him. He waved back.

Casting a glance at Luis, I laughed…

I’d never have to lose control again…