| She Never Stopped Loving Him |
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*She Never Stopped Loving Him*
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But she quit that~~ The kids still crawled into bed with her. They still listened raptly as she wove them fairy tales that thrilled them. But one important person was missing. The house was different. It wasn't the same. She finally stopped asking, screaming "Why?" in her mind. She'd drive herself crazy if she didn't let go of the dream that he'd come back, and they'd all be snuggled together in this big, empty bed again. She had the children to think of. To live for. She wasn't much good to them living in a dream world.
And she meant that~~ She did it for them, she reminded herself as such simple things as brushing their long golden curls nearly brought her to tears. He'd loved those blond curls. Said they were beautiful. Just like their mother's. Said it in such a voice filled with love, her tears threatened to spill over every time she picked up a brush.
Now it's not that she don't know the way~~ They made Alex that night almost six years ago. And Serena and Gabriela two years later, she thought as her throat clogged with tears. L.J. was the last baby she'd make with him in that house. The last baby she'd make with anyone. The memories were too painful without him there to share them. Too haunting. She lived with Mama now. They took care of the kids together. She stopped driving past their old home. It hurt too much to see the new family.
But she never stopped loving him~~ ~~There's a place deep in her soul, a place she'd always hold Only for him~~ Maybe not yet. But eventually. That's what he would have wanted, she assured her. She knows she has the best intentions, but really she doesn't believe there to be anyone else out there for her. No one else but him. He was her soulmate. Mama of all people should understand that. Her heart would never belong to another.
~~And she stopped wakin' up every night That she'd feel whole again without feeling his arms wrapped tightly around her. The bed was so empty. She missed him so much. But she rarely woke up in the middle of the night reaching, searching for his strong, loving, comforting arms anymore. The cold place where his warm body should be wasn't a constant source of tears anymore. For that small blessing, she was thankful.
She never stopped lovin' him~~ She never got to tell him he was right. The baby she carried was another boy. Another fine son he'd wished for but hadn't dared lay voice to his desire. There were so many things she still wanted to share as they cuddled together just enjoying each other. So many things she never got to say.
And the snow is awfully deep for December She walks right up to him, she can't quite find the words But they're in there So she stops and says "Since you've been gone I have thought about how life must go on"~~ Clearing her throat, she begins, wiping carelessly at the tears that stream down her cheeks as she talks. "Luis," she chokes, "it's nearly Christmas. You should see the kids. They're so excited. Oh, they still miss you. They'll probably always miss you. Just like me. And L.J. I tell him stories about his daddy everyday. How much you loved him. How much you looked forward to meeting him. How you're watching over him. He's so little, Luis, but I swear he smiles every time I mention your name. He knows his daddy," she said smiling through her tears. "We all miss you, Luis. They finally caught the guy that shot you. Funny. When I looked into his scared green eyes, I didn't feel the hatred I expected. I felt sorry for the man. He had no one to love him. Me and the kids, we have Mama, Theresa, Miguel, all our friends. Most importantly, we have you. And I know we'll see you again. I'll always love you, Luis," she said as she kissed her fingertips and touched his stone. "Always."
Then left him alone But she never stopped lovin' him~~ The End
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