The funeral like music ended as Sheridan took the final step towards her vegetable of a future husband. Whoever said the loss of one sense cause the others to become sharper obviously had never met Antonio. If possible, the loss of his sight had only dulled the function of his brain. For a moment she looked over at the better brother, the one with eyesight and intelligence, and wished she hadn’t been so stupid to let him go. Now Beth was reaping the benefits and from the way she made it sound even the night before the wedding was full of excitement for the couple. And Sheridan knew what pre-honeymoon sex with Luis was like. She groaned quiet audibly.

Antonio groped around for Sheridan’s hand, managing to grab her chest and behind instead. When she squeaked, Antonio chuckled. “I guess that wasn’t your hand, huh?”

She pushed his hand away from her, finally catching the offending appendage between hers own and digging her nails into it, satisfied by his flinching. “Here, Antonio,” she grumbled, “let me help you.”

Antonio smiled brightly, a dazed and distracted look in his unseeing eyes. Obviously the pain she inflicted was no longer bothering him; no sense, no feeling, right? “See, that’s why I want to marry you! You are such a kind, decent loving…”

“Gag me,” Kay rolled her eyes and everyone in the church snickered. Antonio’s sweetness was worse than two-dozen Hershey bars with a ton of sugar on top: cavity city!

Beth batted her overdone eyes and leaned closer to Luis, practically throwing herself over him. Luis stepped backwards and she fell to the floor, getting back up and trying to look indifferent to the embarrassing fall. “I’m so happy we’re finally getting married. It’s only taken the better part of my life to get you to finally live up to a commitment you made to me in high school. But I knew you would and even though I had to intentionally break you and Sheridan…um I mean even through you and Sheridan broke up and you were hurt I know this is for the best. Look how happy she is!”

Luis grimaced, looking over at his former fiancée. If anything, she looked nauseous. “Yea, great, isn’t it?” he watched Sheridan, wishing she would give a hint that she didn’t want this farce of a wedding to continue any more than he did.

Father Lonigan stepped forward, knocking over the lectern as he passed by. The lectern acted like the first in a set of dominoes and continued to knock down floral arrangements and statues that had been adorning the front of the church. A great smashing sound was the final accident piece when the statue of Joseph crashed down atop the prayer candles in the corner of the church. “Are we all present?” he asked.

“Yes,” Hank sighed, rolling his eyes when Beth tripped over her train in attempt to turn around and face the priest. He rather wished she had landed on the floor again like the welcome mat that she was.

Father Lonigan opened his Bible and wedding book, the dust from both flying off and fluttering to the ground like snowflakes in the winter. The brides, grooms and wedding parties started coughing and sneezing madly. “Let us begin,” he started the opening prayer, which sounded a lot like the Our Father, ironically this was the only prayer he knew. When he finished he looked in Luis’ direction and asked. “Sheridan, do you take Ant…”

“The other way, Padre,” Hank told Father Lonigan, meaning that Sheridan was clear on the other side of the altar.

“Oh,” he was about to recite the vow again when he realized something. “You know, I skipped a part,” he started flipping through his book as if he could actually read the tiny print. “Right. With the thought that marriage is meant to be a lasting union of heart, mind and soul, I ask if there are any objections to the weddings about to commence.”

Looking at Antonio as the silent church waited for the weddings to continue, Sheridan felt her stomach churn and nearly vomited on his faux leather shoes. She wasn’t going to be able to handle this anymore! It wasn’t possible for her to marry this…this…thing! “I can’t handle it anymore!” Sheridan screamed, spiking the flowers she carried to the floor like the touchdown ball at a football game. She stamped her feet like a spoil child and TC waited to see the dance that should have followed. “I cannot marry Antonio! I just can’t!”

“Well I object too than!” Mrs. Wallace called out, thankful one of the brides came to their senses. She was starting to have her doubts about these women. “My Bethy is a bitch with a capitol B! She can’t marry Luis!”

“Well I object to her objection!” Beth argued, huffing. No one was going to take away her chance at happiness. “She’s an old bat and wouldn’t know a good match if it burnt her in the ass!”

“Hey! I object to her objecting that objection!” Gwen crossed her arms, trusting Beth about as much as she liked Theresa. She’d rather see both drown than save their lives. “That old bat is a hell of a lot more intelligent that that ho Luis is settling for.”

“Hell, while they’re at it, I want to object too,” Luis shrugged, joining in. Who was he to break a trend? “I really don’t want to marry Beth.”

Father Lonigan blinked stupidly. “Well, that’s the last time I ask this question at a wedding,” he ripped the page from the book and crumpled it up, throwing it over his shoulder. “Now, Sheridan, why can’t you marry Antonio?”

Sheridan looked at him like he was an idiot. “Why? You know why! Because I’m in love with Luis and damn it I refuse to marry chuck steak when I can have prime rib!”

Luis smiled; being a man that appreciated a fine steak he didn’t mind being called prime rib. “I have to agree with her there, Father, except Antonio is more like a carrot,” he winked at his true love. “An overcooked one.”

“I am not a carrot,” Antonio pouted. “I’m at least a green bean.”

“A veggie is a veggie,” Luis and Sheridan both said at the same time.

“Well I have an idea,” Hank smiled, turning to the organist and asking her to play a special song. Nodding to Miguel, who pulled a fiddle from thin air, he continued, “We’ll have ourselves a square dance and whomever you land with is the one you marry today.”

“Sounds like a plan,” the brides and grooms agreed.

Kay shook her head; what could she possibly expect from a town that had consumed tomato soup cake on a regular basis? Hoedown was just one step above Hicksville, right?

The music started and Hank started calling out the steps. “Bow to your partner forward and back,” he clapped his hands to the beat. The brides and grooms all followed his commands. “Circle twice to the left,” he was unceasing in his shouting over the growing applause in the church. “Now everybody do-si-do!”

Somehow in the mid of a wide arc during the do-si-do, Antonio and Luis switched places. Antonio tripped, knocking Beth to the floor and landing atop her.

“Wow, M&Ms on an ironing board is a major understatement for you sweetie,” Antonio laughed, inadvertently feeling Beth up. She just grumbled.

In the mean time, Sheridan grabbed Luis arm and pulled him towards her. She clung to him with an iron grip, refusing to let anyone pry her off until she finished her vows with her true love. No one was stopping her this time, not even Pilar who was making the sign of the cross at warp speed. Her arm looked about ready to fall off.

“STOP!” Hank cried now that everyone was much better matched. He was starting to get tired of clapping anyway. “You may begin the wedding now, Father. Luis and Sheridan are right where they belong.”

Father Lonigan smiled and started the wedding…

“So are there any objections?”

The End

Disclaimer: This story in is in no way meant to infringe upon the rights belonging to , NBC, or any entity thereof. All rights to Passions and any related content, including characters used, belong to "Outpost Farms Production Inc", James E. Reilly, and NBC.
This story is the property of the author. Copyright 2003. Nothing may be reprinted in whole or in part without the written permission of the author.
Objection!- Copyright © 2003 - All Rights Reserved.