| I Will Remember You |
| Home
============
I Will Remember You |
[Author's Note: Song by Sarah McLachlin] I walk along the pathway to our place, the place where I used to hide the letters beneath the rock that summer. I don’t know why I’m here, but I haven’t anywhere else in the world to go. It is official; I am no longer Mrs. Julian Crane… I should be happy, I know that, but I’m not. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t his wife, one of the most powerful women in the world. What will I do now? Where will I go? Who will I have in my life? I’ve lost Sam, not that I ever really had him. After all, he has been married to Grace for some twenty years. He won’t ever be back in my life. Then I lost Ethan. I never should have kept his paternity a secret. He had a right to know his real father and Sam had a right to know his son. I ruined everything. But now Julian had taken the last thing I had: my name. I am no one again.
Will you remember me? Sinking onto a nearby bench, my eyes start to tear and I just stare at the rocks where our memories once lay. I can remember everything about Sam, every moment we spent together and every word in every letter I ever received. I can remember the day I met him. The day I overexerted my body and cramped up in the deadly ocean waves. He saved my life, pulling me from the treacherous water and giving me mouth-to-mouth until I started breathing again. But does he ever remember these things? Does he ever remember me on his own?
Weep not for the memories I start to cry, oblivious to the light footsteps nearing me. I am lost in the memories of a man I could never have again, a man I had lost because of my own stupidity. I had let the Cranes and my father allow me to be duped into marrying a man that I never wanted to be with, that never wanted to be with me. I let them play the family card, and they had played it well. What did I have for it? Some twenty odd years of misery, children I never see and one friend: Pilar. I was a spectator at my own game of life, never a player. Before I can sink lower into my misery, I hear his voice. I must be hallucinating. He must be with Grace. When I don’t react, he places his hand on my shoulder. I know it’s Sam. I can sense it. “Ivy?” he whispers, sliding into the seat beside me. His voice is so soft…so gentle. It’s like we were never apart. “Sam? What are you doing here?” I ask him, digging into my purse for a tissue. He can’t see me like this. “I felt drawn here tonight…” I look up and my eyes meet his. “Why?”
I let them slip away from us when things got bad “Memories…I needed to remember a few things,” his blue eyes sparkle with unshed tears. “I wanted to remember the good times I’ve had in my life…” “What’s wrong?” “Grace has another husband…David. They plan on leaving in the morning,” he looks away. “Do you remember when I would meet you outside of the sorority house so we could go on our dates? I would meet you in that beat up old car…” “And it smelled like the pizza you delivered from time to time,” I smile. “You would play our song when I got in.” “You would kiss me on the cheek and then we’d drive off before we were spotted…” “And have dinner on the beach in candle light…” “What happened to memories like that?” he asks me, looking into my eyes. “I don’t know,” I look away. “I think they were replaced with memories of bitterness and indecision.”
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one “I remembered the first time I saw you,” he says, staring at the rocks again. “You were with some of your friends from college, walking along the beach in a sinful blue bathing suit. The sunlight caught your hair and you looked like an angel. I knew then that I wanted to be with you…and then I found out who you were.” I smile, looking over at him. He turns his head and our eyes meet again.
Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories I had seen him before that day he saved my life. Harmony was a small town after all. He had been playing baseball with Pilar’s boys and his little brother at the park. I knew he was going to be a wonderful father just by the way he showed Hank how to hold a bat. “I’ll always remember how you saved my life…” “I’ll always remember everything we had…” Had…past tense. I look away again, tears blurring my vision. I shouldn’t be crying, but how can I not? I love him; I never stopped and would never stop. My shoulders begin to shake from the sobs I am trying to hold back… And then I feel his hands on my shoulders and he turns me to him.
Standing on the edge of something much too deep I collapse against his chest, my tears wetting his shirt. I’m so tired suddenly. Facing reality is too hard and I feel so alone, even with him here. No one will save me from this fiasco. It was like standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon and preparing to step off. I was facing an endless abyss of loneliness and all I would have were memories of him and our love… But memories can’t keep you warm at night.
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard He tilts my face up so he can look into my eyes and when he does, my heart speeds up. There, clear as day, is love…utter and complete love and it’s for me! Until this moment neither of us could proclaim the depth of our love; we were both attached to someone else. Now we can finally admit it and yet, we can’t. It’s begging to be released, for the words to finally be said, but neither of us do. In fact, neither of us need to. It’s in our eyes…our hearts…our souls.
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose The feelings I am having scare me. I had lost him once and I know I can’t bear to lose him again. If I had to, I would hold on to the memories of a time long since gone and let him go again. All I had was my past, the errors I made and the poor choices that led me to a life of lies and deceit. I had been alone for years and I could do it again… But he lowers his head to mine and our lips meet in a gentle caress. Slowly, his lips move against mine, stirring up emotions I haven’t felt since the last time we were together on my wedding night all those years ago.
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light The darkness I had been living in moments before was brightened in just seconds. His kiss is like the dawn after a week of storms and darkened skies. His kiss, his love, brighten everything and I know now that I will survive because I have a reason to… I have Sam. Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories He pulls away and smiles at me, a smile all too reminiscent of the one he bestowed upon me the night we first made love. Sam presses his forehead to mine, our gazes never breaking and whispers, “I realized one thing tonight, Ivy.” “What’s that?” I ask, my lips not far from his. “That I never stopped loving you…that my heart was yours and always will be. I love you.” “I love you too, Sam, so very much,” I reply. “What about Grace?” “She belongs with David and I belong with you…it’s how it should have been…” We kiss again and I can think of nothing but my love for this man. I won’t ever cry over the past again because I have Sam now. It may have taken us over twenty years to return to each other, but all that matters is that we’re together now. We’ll make up for the past by having a future together. A future that looks better and better by the second!
|