“MIDNIGHT RAID LEAVES HUNDREDS DEAD- OFFICIALS SAY BATTLE NOT YET WON!” Specs yelled. Okay so dey fumigated some rats…dis town sure has enough a dem. He sold a few papes to some businessmen and was just rearranging his papers when a small figure ran into him and knocked them both over.
Linnea was running…she was going to be late again. Of all the mornings to be late…it’ll be my third time this week… Her thoughts were interrupted when she ran into someone on the sidewalk and sent them both sprawling to the ground.
Specs’ papers went flying and as he picked himself up he looked at who had knocked him over. It was a girl…a very pretty girl. He grabbed her arm to help her up and in that instant their eyes locked. He found himself looking into the prettiest brown eyes he’d ever seen. Before he could say anything she mumbled something about being late and ran off again in the direction of the nearest mill. He watched as she flew in the front door just as the morning bell sounded. Shaking his head and chuckling a little he began to pick up his papers and reorganize them. Just as he finished he noticed something shiny lying on the ground. Bending down he realized that it was a locket attached to a broken piece of string. He picked it up and looked at it more closely. The front was inscribed with little flowers and vines typical of any locket and the back was blank. Opening it he found that one side held a small mirror and the other a picture of a girl. It was an old photograph but the eyes were the same…it was the girl who had run into him. Well I’ll just have ta wait for them ta break for lunch and then I’ll give it back ta her… Specs thought. He tucked the locket away in his pocket and returned to selling his papes. All day the thought of seeing the girl again filled him with a strange kind of warm feeling and the closer it got to noon, the more Specs was excited about seeing her again.
Linnea ran up the stairs and took her place at her looms right as the bell sounded. Breathing a sigh of relief she began to set up her looms for the day. Being one of the slower girls she only ran two looms while most girls had three or four. It wasn’t that she wasn’t capable of running more, but her health had deteriorated to the point that it wasn’t worth the effort. But Linnea didn’t mind…she still made enough money to eat and sleep at the boarding house and that was all she needed. Once her looms were going she took a moment to take a deep breath and relax. As it always did, her hand unconsciously made its way to where her locket hung. It was an old habit that Linnea wasn’t even aware of any more. However today her hand didn’t find the little silver locket. Frantically she searched her dress pockets but to no avail. She sighed dejectedly. That had been her only possession and her only memory of her mother. The rest of the day went slowly and Linnea felt more tired than usual when the lunch bell rang. She slowly followed the other girls out of the spinning room and down the stairs. They were all chatting gaily but she had always been painfully shy and so had not made any friends. She had been content to know that her mother’s picture hung around her neck. But now…Linnea sighed as she stepped out into the warm sunshine.
Specs had waited impatiently for noon to come. He’d sold all of his papers by eleven and had wondered what to do with the extra hour. On a flash of inspiration he went into a general store and bought some thin gray ribbon for the girl’s locket since the string had broken. The girls were leaving the mill in a huge crowd, chatting and laughing as they found places on the grass to eat or made their way to a nearby restaurant. I’ll nevah find her in dis crowd… Specs thought. Just as he was about to give up he saw a lone figure exit the mill the girl had gone into earlier. As she looked around he caught a glimpse of her face and realized that it was the girl he was looking for. She was heading in his direction so he stayed where he was.
Linnea walked slowly towards the doctor’s office. Today was her monthly appointment and she dreaded it. Always the same thing…the same yellow medicine that didn’t work and the same warning to leave the mill. And today of all days! She fought back tears as thoughts of her mother’s locket broke unbidden into her train of thought. A voice beside her startled her.
“Excuse me, miss?”
Linnea looked up to see the boy she had run into that morning. She could feel a bright blush rising to her cheeks. He was one of the newsies…lots of the mill girls went with newsies so she knew who they were. In fact, she knew most of them by sight though the boys didn’t even know she existed. She watched from the windows as the girls said goodbye after their dates and wished she had a boy to go with. But then she remembered that that required speaking to a boy and fear drove all daydreams from her head. But this boy was holding something out to her.
“You dropped dis when you ran…uh…well, dis mornin’.” He held out the locket and as soon as she saw what it was her eyes grew huge and she couldn’t move for a moment. He took her surprise as confusion about the new string and so he started explaining.
“Ya see da string broke and I guess dat’s why it fell so I had a bit a money and t’ought dat a new string might be nice so I hope ya don’t mind.” Specs looked at the girl, puzzled because she hadn’t moved since seeing the locket. Then without warning her arms were around his neck and she was nearly choking him she hugged him so hard. As quickly as she had begun she let go and took the locket from his hand. A fierce and burning blush crept up her neck and face as she realized that she had just thrown herself at a complete stranger. It was all she could do to meet his gaze and stammer her thanks.
“Thank you…I…I appreciate it very much…I…” Linnea couldn’t think of words to express her gratitude. More than anything she was amazed that someone would return the locket. She well knew the feeling of starvation and the locket would have brought enough food for months…Suddenly she realized what time it was and moved to go. She couldn’t miss her doctor’s appointment.
“Wait!” Specs called. He too was blushing a bit and fidgeting. “I was thinkin’…if you want maybe we could go ta lunch tagether or somethin’? I mean, I know I don’t know ya but I…well, I’d kinda like ta.” Had he actually said that? Specs didn’t really believe that had come out of his mouth. Usually asking girls to lunch was not a problem for him, and here he was stuttering like an idiot.
“No!” the answer came before she could think. All she was thinking about was her appointment…instantly she saw the shock on his face and started. “Oh! I mean, I have to go somewhere…but…not that I don’t want to go…and…”
He stopped her hurried excuse. “How about dinna?”
“I’d…I’d like that.” She smiled shyly.
“Ok. I’ll meet ya here at six, ok?”
“Ok.” Then Linnea ran to the doctor’s and tore up the stairs. She didn’t stop until she was safely in the waiting room. There she sat down and wiped the tears of joy and nervousness from her cheeks. The locket! She still had it...and she also had a date. She beamed from ear to ear and had her best appointment ever, with no admonition except to return in a month.
Specs stood on the sidewalk grinning to himself. Then he made his way to Tibby’s for lunch with the rest of the newsies and found himself getting teased about his daydreaming.
“What’s a matta Specs? Ya look like you’se just been named king a da woild.” Race joked.
“Well dat’s sure how I feel.” And that’s all Specs would say.
Linnea and Specs went out to dinner that night and both were surprised at how much fun they had. Linnea’s shyness all but disappeared under Specs’ gentle gaze and kind conversation. Never had she felt so instantly comfortable around someone, especially not a guy. Likewise, Specs was astounded by this girl. She’d been so shy that morning, and even a bit of that night. But slowly the shyness melted away and beneath he found a fascinating girl with a laugh that sent his heart soaring. The lamplight reflected off of her dark brown hair and shone in her eyes. After dinner Specs walked Linnea back to her boarding house. He stopped a few blocks away and stood under a streetlamp, thinking that he never wanted her to go inside. He was about to speak when all of a sudden she started coughing. And kept coughing. She put out her hand and leaned on him for support. He rubbed her back and looked at her with the concern plain in his face.
“Hey Linnea…you’se ok?”
Slowly the coughing subsided and she straightened, her eyes glistening with unshed tears that gave away her lie when she smiled weakly and said
“Yeah…I just have a little cold.”
“Oh…well…I don’t want ta make ya sick so I guess you’se betta get home. Um…Linnea?”
“Call me Lin…not many people use my full name.”
Specs smiled. “Well, Lin, I had a great time tanight and I was wonderin’ if maybe you’se might want ta do dis again sometime?”
The smile she gave him made him want to keep her by his side forever and when she said, “I’d love to. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun in a long time.” he nearly suggested it. They walked the rest of the way to her boarding house in silence, and halfway there Specs cautiously took her hand. She looked up at him and moved in closer so that they were walking with their arms overlapping. At her door he said
“I’ll see ya tamorrow?”
“Yeah. G’night Specs.”
He lifted her hand to his lips and made an exaggerated bow that made her giggle. “G’night Lin.”
Each day for the next few weeks they saw each other every day. If they didn’t go to dinner they took a walk in the park or just sat on a bench and talked. Linnea told Specs about the locket and why she had been so glad to have it back and he told her about being a newsie. She explained that the picture in the locket was not of her, but of her mother. She’d loved her mother with all her heart but she’d died two years before, and Linnea had been at the mills ever since. She’d never known her father. One day he had a book of Byron’s poetry in his pocket and she wanted to hear some. From then on they read Byron together and then moved on to any other poetry. It wasn’t uncommon for Linnea to have a scrap of paper with a line of poetry on it and for Specs to quote her the whole poem. Despite all the time they spent together, Linnea never met any of the other newsies. Every time Specs mentioned going to Tibby’s for dinner or stopping by the Lodging House to say hello, all color drained from her face and he could read the fear in her eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to gather her courage enough to meet thirty other boys…it just wasn’t in her. He talked about her constantly at the Lodging House, and the guys began to tease him about his “shadow” girlfriend. They all began referring to her as Shadow and Specs told Linnea, who laughed and said it probably was a good fit. The kiss on the back of the hand became a tradition with Specs and Linnea and that was how they ended each night.
Specs worried about Lin more than she knew. The truth was, her cough had not gotten better since they’d met, and he believed that it was getting worse. The attacks came more often now and lasted longer. But she always just smiled weakly and said she was fine. What she would never admit to him was that she felt worse than she ever had before and she was dreading her next doctor’s appointment.
Linnea sat, stunned, on the bench in front of her boarding house. The bell signaling the end of lunch sounded, but she didn’t hear it. Nor did she hear the housemother asking if she was all right. She heard nothing except the blood rushing in her ears and the doctor’s voice sounding over and over like a broken record in her head. Linnea…you’re dying. Maybe six months…not longer…you’re dying…you’re dying…you’re dying… She made a small noise in the back of her throat as she choked back a sob. He’d explained that the sickness in her lungs had worsened and that it was past the point of being cured. She was dying. She didn’t realize until he shook her shoulder that Specs was standing in front of her. She looked around and noticed that it was dark.
“Lin? Lin what’s the matter?”
“Oh! Nothing I…was just…thinking. Specs, let’s go to the Lodging House. I…I want to meet your friends.” She said in a rush before she lost the nerve. He looked at her strangely but then smiled.
“Shoa! Dey’ll be so glad ta meet ya…what made ya change yer mind?”
“I don’t know…I just thought that I should before…before too much longer.” Specs put his arm around her waist and held her close. They walked to the Lodging House in silence, Linnea trying to push down the rising panic she was feeling and Specs wondering what had caused the sudden change of heart. At the door he turned to her.
“Ya shoa ya want ta? ‘Cause ya don’t hafta.”
“I’m sure. Let’s go.”
They walked up the stairs to the bunkroom and Linnea could hear the laughter of a lot of boys joking around and having a good time. She took a deep breath as she and Specs entered the room. Out of habit, she hung behind a little bit and used Specs as sort of a shield. Specs smiled reassuringly at her and she forced a smile back. Then a slim boy with frighteningly direct blue eyes and a cane shouted above the crowd.
“Heya Specs who’s da shadow? Or is dat de actual Shadow?” all the boys turned to look at her and she felt her face redden.
“Dis is Linnea…but you alls know her as Shadow. Lin dat one dere is Spot Conlon. And over dere’s Jack, Blink, Crutchy, Racetrack…” Specs pointed to each boy in turn, and each one nodded a greeting. The only other girl there, Annalesa, came over to her after the introductions were finished.
“Linnea, isn’t it? I’m Annalesa.”
“Nice to meet you.” The two girls hit it off immediately and were from then on great friends. Linnea didn’t really get to know many of the other newsies very well, with the exception of Jack, Crutchy and Spot. Naturally, being friends with Annalesa entailed being friends with Jack, who Linnea found to be quite kind. Crutchy sensed in her a weakness, and although it wasn’t visible as his limp was, they bonded over their less than healthy condition. Strangely enough, the only other newsie Linnea got close to was Spot. The normally tough Brooklyn leader’s eyes became less icy around her and he never showed his more threatening side when she was around.
The fear Linnea had felt earlier began to fade away as she was swept away on the current of warmth and happiness that was the Lodging House. She became so enthralled with the joking of the boys that she almost forgot she was dying.
They neared Linnea’s boarding house in silence. She’d been quite talkative most of the way home, but then she’d had a coughing fit and hadn’t said a word since. She was concentrating on nothing but keeping the tears she felt pricking her eyes from rolling down her cheeks until Specs was gone. All she wanted in the world was to have him hold her and make everything ok, but she knew he couldn’t do that. Not this time. They reached her door and she mumbled a goodbye while looking at the ground. She turned to go inside but Specs caught her arm.
“Lin…what’s wrong?” She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She took a deep breath and managed to whisper to him.
“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” He caught her chin and gently brought her face up so she was looking at him. With the last scrap of composure she had she choked out her explanation.
“The doctor…I’m dying Specs.” Then the tears came freely and she leaned on him for support, every ounce of strength she had being devoted to her grief. He held her tightly, his mind racing. Linnea was dying? He’d known she was sick but…people didn’t stay sick forever. Dying. She couldn’t be…then his mind went blank of everything except a painful numbness that took over his body and froze his heart. They stood there for a long time, until Linnea’s sobs had subsided into small hiccups. Specs led her to one of the benches near the building and they sat down. He pushed a stray strand of hair out of her face and said
“Lin…Lin it’ll be ok. I love ya, no matta what. And…I’se known ya were sick for a long time. And if dis is how it goes, dis is how it goes. I’se not eva gonna leave ya, you undastand?” his voice faltered and he whispered “Say somethin’ Lin…please?” Her eyes were still bright with tears as she looked at him and tried desperately to smile.
“I love you too.” Neither knew who moved first but suddenly their lips were touching and in the midst of the immense pain they were both feeling, the first kiss Linnea and Specs shared was filled with only love and warmth.
Linnea and Specs decided that she should quit working in the mills and come live with the newsies. Linnea couldn’t help but see the irony in the situation…she had finally quit the mill but now it wouldn’t do her any good. Since she was often very tired, the newsies fixed up the small room next to the bunkroom for her. It held only a bed, a desk, and a small dresser, but it was plenty for Linnea. She and Annalesa spent countless hours giggling on her bed, and oftentimes the other newsies came to her for advice. Her room was a sort of sanctuary for everyone…it was the one quiet place they could go and be assured a caring person with a kind heart to listen.
Linnea sometimes went out with the guys to sell papes but it usually made her too tired, so she simply stayed at the Lodging House and cleaned up or read some of Specs’ books. She would mark favorite poems and they would read them together on the roof as the sun set. Ever since she’d found out that she was dying, Linnea had looked on everything differently. She often dragged Specs to Central Park to watch the people, because she said that to truly have lived, you have to understand how everyone else lives, too. She also went to Brooklyn whenever she felt up to it because she liked crossing the bridge.
Another thing that was different was that Linnea had begun to have strange dreams. Every couple of nights she would dream the same dream. In it, she was walking down a white hallway that ended in shadows. At first that was all. Then as she had the dream more and more, she began to see a thick black line ahead of her. When she walked she seemed not to move…she never got closer to the line. However, every time she had the dream the line was closer than the time before. It didn’t take Linnea long to realize that the line was death.
After a particularly good day, Specs and Linnea were walking through Central Park towards Tibby’s for dinner. Suddenly Specs stopped. He’d been acting rather strangely all day but she hadn’t questioned him about it. He turned to her and with no preamble asked
“Linnea, aren’t you scared?” She replied as if it was the most natural question in the world.
“No…not anymore. I was but…” she hesitated to tell him about the dream. “But I have you, and being scared just made me miserable, so no, I’m not.” Specs shook his head.
“Lin, I’m terrified. I’m scared for you…and I’m scared for me. I don’t want to find out what it’s like to not have you here. I…” she cut him off by placing a finger on his lips. She pointed to the long shadows the late afternoon sun was casting.
“Do you see our shadows?” he nodded. “Watch.” She stepped in front of him so that the only shadow visible was his. “My shadow is still in there…you just can’t see it. That’s like me, Specs. No matter where I go, I’ll still be here. As long as the sun shines my shadow will be here with yours. So I guess the nickname fits, huh?” His answer was a kiss that left her knees weak and her heart filled to bursting with love.
