CRZ's Massacre Report
By Christopher Robin Zimmerman
MY TWO CENTS: Eh, I dunno what to say. I forgot, and stuff.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "Fear the mullet!!"
TONIGHT: Lightning against Slydog!! Daniels against Lawless!! Credible against Recoil!! Josh Storm against EX!! Whoo hoo, another episode of Massacre, oh my!!
THIS WEEK'S MIAMI VICE GUEST STAR: For some reason they didn't air it this week. Damnit, I think it's been cancelled and I'm the only guy who doesn't know about it.
We are live from the illustrious UNKNOWN arena in some UNKNOWN city as the only thing that's known is the BOW Thursday Night Massacre is on the air!! And before we get to the first match, I shall be off to the 7-11 to pick up a pack of smokes. Okay, back. Lets get on with the show.
LIGHTNING(w/ Carmen) vs SLYDOG - Slydog is sporting some wack lookin boots for some reason. Maybe the pair he had got stolen. Lock up in the ring. Lightning with a full arm dragged twist into a headlock. Slydog shoves him off into the ropes and Lightning shoulderblocks him. Lightning on the otherside. Slydog goes for a clothesline. Lightning ducks and bodyslams him. Lightning with an armdrag. Lightning goes for a backtoss but Slydog kicks in the midsection and goes for a Stunner. Lightning pushes him to the outside of the ring. Slydog complains about hair being pulled and Lightning just laughs at him. Slydog back in the ring. Slydog charges but Lightning drop toeholds him and floats over into a headlock. Slydog counters into an armbar. Small mat sequence leads to Lightning floating out of a headscissors for a 2 count. Both get back up, Slydog punches away. Slydog punches Lightning into the corner and starts drilling him with chops that echo through the arena. Lightning grabs Slydog and puts him in the corner. One chop, Slydog flys on his ass. Lightning hits a broncobuster(just hitting him once with it not jumping up and down like a fag though) and pulls him out for a 2 count. Lightning with a russian legsweep and he goes to the top rope. Swandive splash for another 2 count. Slydog counters a whip into the corner and goes for a german suplex. Lightning counters with a rollup attempt but instead of pinning he slaps on a wicked half crab. Slydog makes it to the ropes. Slydog gouges the eyes and goes for another stunner but Lightning shoves off the attempt again. Lightning goes for a superkick but Slydog catches the leg. Lightning hits an enziguri. Lightning starts to warm up the band, but Cain Hunt starts running down to the ring. Slydog gets up, and Lightning takes his head off with the Lightning Strike. 1, 2, Cain pulls Lightning out of the ring. The referee calls for the bell as Lightning wins by DQ. (8:01 DQ - **1/2) Cain goes for a piledriver on Lightning, but Carmen jumps on top of Cain. Carmen gets backed into the ringpost for her troubles as she gets laid out. Before Lightning can do anything about it, Cain and Slydog hightail to the backstage area. Lightning checks on Carmen.
Commercial break.
As we get back, Josh Storm arrives at the arena. Breeanna walks up to ask Storm a few questions. "Josh Storm, tonight you face EX in the main event. Do you have anything to say about this?" "I do, yes I do. This whole thing is a bowl of dog crap. I shouldn't even be here tonight. Tonight was my night off, and now Chris York. Yeah, York. He shoves this in front of me. Well, I sure hope he likes what I have going down for him tonight." Storm walks away as we go back to the ring.
JUSTIN LAWLESS vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS(w/ the Good Book) for the BOW Bloody Title - This is, in fact, The Fallen Angel's BOW ring debut. For the BOW Bloody Title. Who booked this crap? Either way, should be a good match. As Daniels takes off his robe, Lawless clotheslines him from behind. Lawless chops away and finishes with a back bodydrop. Daniels finally gets unglued, only to get superkicked for his troubles. 2 count. Cigarette number 2 kicks in as Lawless gets a breather with an ankle lock. Daniels rolls through and grabs Lawless by the leg, but Lawless punches him with a right. Snap suplex for a 2. Lawless goes for an enziguri but Daniels ducks and floats into an STF. Lawless to the ropes. Side backbreaker on Lawless for another 2. Daniels with a headlock. Lawless shoves him into the ropes. Daniels floats over an attempted Samoan Drop and hits an UGLY dragon suplex that almost broke Justin's neck. Owch. Daniels covers for a 2. Falling reverse DDT on Lawless. Daniels up top hits a moonsault for another 2. Lawless gets propped on the middle rope. Daniels goes off the ropes and flys out of the ring after Lawless moved out of the way. Daniels moves out of the way after an attempted dive from Lawless. Lawless lands on his feet, catches a kick, and hits a dragon screw legwhip. Daniels tossed in the ring for a 2. Lawbreaker countered by Daniels into a northern lights suplex. Daniels locks in a sleeper hold. Lawless counters the sleeper with a sitdown jawbreaker. Lawless covers for a 2. Lawless to the top rope. Daniels runs up and dropkicks Lawless. Lawless crashes to the floor. Daniels runs the ropes and flys over with a twisting suicide dive. Daniels tosses Lawless back in for a 2 count. Daniels goes for Last Rites. Lawless walks the turnbuckle and flips over Daniels. Lawless takes Daniels over with an inverted suplex into a wicked stunner. Lawless with the gordbuster. Daniels is stunned and Lawless hits the Lawbreaker. 1, 2, Daniels with the foot on the ropes!! Lawless can't believe it. Lawless picks up Daniels and goes for it again. Daniels kicks Lawless in the groin and hits Last Rites!! Daniels is still hurting from the Lawbreaker though and can't cover. Daniels slowly covers Lawless. 1, 2, Lawless kicks out!! Daniels floats an attempted German Suplex into a victory roll. 1, 2, Lawless counters the roll for another 2. Daniels rolls over again. Both of them eventually roll to the outside after about a billion cover attempts. Daniels with a right. Lawless returns with a vicious chop that echoed through the entire place. Lawless wails away. Right, right, right, right, left, chop. Lawless kicks to the midsection and snap suplexes Daniels over the guardrail. Daniels' back snapped on the guardrail in an ugly shot and he's not gettin up after that. Lawless beats the 10 count as the ref calls for the bell. Lawless wins by countout as Daniels is slow to get back up. (10:45 Countout - ***1/4)
Commercial break.
JUSTIN CREDIBLE vs RECOIL - Major heel heat for Aldo...er, Justin as the match starts off(I really didn't mean to say Aldo it slipped out). Slow feeling out process as Justin breaks up an attempted tieup. Justin stalling for more time. Recoil runs towards Justin in the corner but the ref breaks him off. Justin cheap shots Recoil and punches away. Justin suplexes Recoil and headlocks him. Recoil back up but Justin takes him down with a hand full of hair. Recoil finally breaks out with a back suplex. Recoil punches away. Right, right, left, kick to the midsection. Recoil finishes with a kneelift. Recoil runs off the ropes and hits a bulldog for a 2. Recoil throws Justin into the corner and clotheslines him. Recoil throws him off again and hits another clothesline. Recoil goes for it again but runs into a boot to the head. Justin covers with his feet on the ropes for 2. Justin takes him over to the turnbuckle and sets him up for a superplex. Recoil counters with a tornado DDT attempt. Justin drops down and Recoil's head gets planted into the turnbuckle. Recoil stumbles out and Justin hits a superkick. 1, 2, 3, Justin wins. Nothin special, match was just "there". (4:56 Pinfall - *)
Storm is seen in the backstage area walking. EX, shockingly, is WALKING also. Both of them are making their way down the ring. Main event is next!!
Commercial break.
JOSH STORM vs EX(w/ Crystal) - Storm gets in the ring as EX looks on. Storm struts to the middle of the ring and...lays down!? BLARGH (0:12 Pinfall - DUD)...So much for the promised main event, what a crock of shit. EX walks out of the ring kinda pissed and confused at the same time that he didn't really "beat" Storm. EX walks to the back as Storm grabs the microphone. "First I lose the KFC Hardcore Title, then I lose the Bloody Title. To add to that, the Triple Threat is out of the picture. And now while I'm on vacation, I get set up in a match with EX that I had NO time to prepare for. You know something, ever since I've been here I've been the best damn thing going in the BOW. Tell me otherwise and I'll shove the facts right in your face. I've been set up by failure. Not by York, not by Ary Moreno, not even by Lars Douglas. But by that power swinging piece of crap, Enforcer!! Enforcer, I've had your number ever since I've been here. Our last match at the D-Day Pay Per View, you were flatout LUCKY to walk away the champion. You've been using your swing backstage to cover up the fact that you are not as good as you think you are. Loyalty will get you places, oh yes it will. Instead of wrestling for the titles, I'm shoved down to fightning your little brother EX. I don't think so. My name is Josh Storm, I'm a 3 time Hardcore Champion. I'm a 2 time Bloody Champion. One reign lasting for fourty four days. FOURTY FOUR DAYS!! Enforcer, I respect what you've done here. If it wasn't for you, I would've never hit the scene here in Bloody Online Wrestling. But that's it, and nothing more. But if you think that you can do it to me like you've been doing, think again. Breaking away from Lawless and Lightning just so you can fight your "friends" instead of fighting the Natural. Simon, Douglas, you fell for the propaganda and in the end it's gonna bite you in the ass. You did something Josh Storm would not do. And once I settle this thing with Enforcer, you guys are next. And York, if you think that you're gonna set me up for failure also, forget it. I'll just do what you do, give the guy the cheap win. As in, not WORK. You tell people out here that you have no reason to win because you've done it all. It's not even that, it's to cover up the fact that you just don't have what it TAKES anymore. Face the facts York, you don't got what it takes. Enforcer, York, Douglas, Simon, whoever. You all are going down, bottom line. Get the camera out of my face, this interview is over."
End of Show.
June 7, 2001
WrestleLine/Wrestlemaniacs
