The SmarK Rant for Thursday Night Massacre
By Scott Keith
- CRZ couldn't make it today for the same reason why most people don't bother rp'ing. Cause they don't feel like it. I was bored, so I figured what the hell. Oh yeah, for those bitching about no interview segments in between matches, bite me. They'll be back on board next week, but right now I'm too tired to care.
- Live at the Fleet Center in Boston.
- Your hosts are Chico and Manic.
- Opening Match: Shawn Michaels vs Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Roberts is lookin drunk, as usual. Jake goes for the blind charge, and Michaels simply moves out of the way. HBK jabs away at Roberts, but Jake low blows HBK. Jake attempts to wrestle a little bit, but can't so he gouges out HBK's eyes. DDT is blocked by HBK, as is Sweet Chin Music by Roberts. Roberts charges, but HBK tosses him to the outside. Shawn tries to follow Roberts to the outside, but the referee pulls him back. Hogan runs down and chairs Jake in the head. Amazingly Hogan's legs didn't die as he ran to the back. The referee then goes to ten as HBK wins by countout at 3:12. Match was about oh, 3:11 too long. DUD
- Ozz McKean vs Big Bossman. McKean chops away, and Bossman no sells. Well either that or he's TRYING to sell but has no clue how to. Bossman pounds away, and goes for a resthold. McKean powers out, but Bossman pulls the hair and goes for the headlock again. Match, moving, soo, slow. McKean punches away and hits a dropkick. Once again, Bossman acts like he's been hit by a brush of fresh air. McKean clotheslines Bossman. Some more stalling occurs, right before Bossman hits the Bossman Slam out of nowhere. The referee counts the pin as Bossman wins by pinfall at 3:53. Apparently this was McKean's last BOW match, as he was working on a pay per appearence deal. I'm sure he'll be happy now that he's not being dragged down by guys like the Bossman. DUD
- Steve Corino vs Hulk Hogan. Old School versus Just Plain Old. Is this the renaisannce of heroes of wrestling?? We all know how well THAT crap turned out to be. Anyway, Corino starts off by letting himself play the human punching bag for Hogan. Corino ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Hogan in the knee. Corino goes for a leglock, which of course, won't work on the Orange Goblin. Hogan actually sells a chopblock to the knee, which bumps this match up to *. Corino works the knee some more, while Hogan resorts to his usual brilliant selling("oh god, oh jesus!!"). Hogan gets back up and mounts a comeback, but Corino goes to the corner and lowblows him while Hogan falls like a ton of bricks. Superkick connects, but Hogan hulks up. Hogan hits the LEGDROP of DOOM, which gets a one count. Remember when the legdrop WASN'T a joke?? Hogan flips out and inadvertently nails the referee. Hogan goes to the outside and grabs a chair. All is good until Jake Roberts comes out with his Jim Beam bottle. Roberts staggers in, jacks Hogan in the head, and hightails out. Corino covers as the referee staggers over. Corino wins by pinfall at 5:46. Match of the night thus far, which isn't saying much. *1/4
- BOW Tag Team Title match: The Dudley Boyz vs Hells Henchman. D-Von starts against Xnakstarr. Both brawl for a little bit, which D-Von gaining advantage. Xnakstarr boots D-Von in the head, and tags in Ryzing. Ryzing whips D-Von to the turnbuckle and goes for a blindcharge. D-Von sidesteps, and tags in Bubba Ray. Bubba slams Ryzing and goes for the GODDAMN second rope senton that never connects. Ryzing covers for a 2 count. Ryzing goes for a victory roll, which gets countered. Wazzup headbutt connects from D-Von, as Xnakstarr runs in and charges him. Bubba hits the full nelson bomb for a 2, but Xnakstarr breaks up the count. D-Von tosses Xnakstarr to the outside. Ryzing gets up, gets 3D'ed, and gets pinned at 4:00. Went through the motions, minus a few things. *1/4
- Main Event, BOW Cruiserweight Title match: Rob Van Dam v. Tajiri. Nice response for Tajiri, even more so for RVD. Some non-wrestling(flips and stuff) to start wows the crowd. Rob points at himself and gets kicked in the face as a reward, but he comes back with a slingshot legdrop for two. RVD goes for a springboard dropkick, but Tajiri hits a handspring that sends Rob crashing to the floor. Back in, as Rob sidekicks Tajiri in the head. Rob goes up and gets crotched, and Tajiri baseball slides in his face and gets two. Handspring is caught by RVD, but Tajiri turns it into a german suplex for two. Tajiri locks the tarantula, but Fonzie intervenes. Regal knocks him on his ass, which causes the referee to go blind as he tries to get Regal off of Fonzie. Corino runs in trys to chairshot Tajiri, but gets the chair taken away. Rob hits the Vandaminator, for a two count. Split-legged moonsault gets two, and ***** Frog Splash finishes at 5:48. Nice match, but could of been better(and longer). The stupid interference kinda killed it somewhat too. **
- The Bottom Line: BOW comes off of a good Pay Per View with Recoil capturing the world title, yet he's not on the next show at all. The Heroes of Wrestling crap is kinda stupid, but then again the fans dig the interviews from Jake and Hogan so what the hell do I know?? RVD vs Tajiri, given some time, can be an even bigger feud. With the Enforcer crew out on vacation(to go along with the departures of Raven, McKean, and Brimstone), York and Lars better elevate some more stars other than RVD if they wanna build up for a strong August Pay Per View. Michaels seems to be in line for one, while Corino is still kind of a sideshow. With his good Pay Per View match with Tajiri though, hopefully this is a sign that he'll get pushed too. Then there's Tajiri...Christ, where did the establishment go(Enforcer, Triple H, Josh Storm, DX, Douglas, etc..)?? Politics suck, and I'm out.
August 2, 2001
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
