| Welcome To The Hellmouth | The Harvest | The Witch |
| Teacher's Pet | Never Kill A Boy On The First Date | The Pack |
| Angel | I, Robot -- You, Jane | The Puppet Show |
| Nightmares | Invisible Girl | Prophecy Girl |
Xander: Yeah. You know, I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math.
Xander: Xander. Is, is me. Hi.
Cordelia: Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.
Xander: Oh, me and Buffy go waaay back, old friends, very close. Then there's that period of estrangement where I think we were both growing as people, but now here we are, like old times, I'm quite moved.
Jesse: Is it me, or are you turning into a bibbling idiot?
Xander: No, it's, uh, it's not you.
Xander: The only thing I can think is that you're building a really little fence.
Buffy: Hah, no, um, a-a-actually it was for self-defense. Everyone has them in L.A. Pepper spray is just so passe'.
Buffy: Gee, everyone wants to know about me. How keen.
Buffy: Well, were there any marks?
Cordelia: Morbid much! I didn't ask!
Buffy: First of all, I'm a Vampire Slayer. And secondly, I'm retired.
Buffy: Yeah, I'm going to a club.
Joyce: Oh. Will there be boys there?
Buffy: No, Mom. It's a nun club.
Buffy: From now on I am only going to hang out with the living. I mean, lively. People.
Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!
Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy: How come?
Willow: He stole my Barbie. (Buffy looks confused) Oh, we were five.
Buffy: I *really* didn't like him!
Cordelia: Oh, yay, it's my stalker.
Cordelia: God! What is your childhood trauma?!
Cordelia: Excuse me, I have to call *everyone* I have *ever* met, right now.
Xander: We're talking about Willow, right? Scorin' at the Bronze, work it girl...
Buffy: Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!
Xander: Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a *talk* with vampires in it.
Buffy: I looked around, but soon as they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom!
Giles: So, all the city plans are just, uh, open to the public?
Buffy: God! I am so mentally challenged!
Giles: That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Buffy: No! No, I'm... just admiring the fence. You know, this is quality fence work.
Xander: Yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
Willow: She's not a psycho. You don't even know her.
Giles: We're too late!
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Giles Do you ignore everything I say as a, as a rule?
Willow: Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!
Xander: Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
Buffy: Jeepers!
Xander: That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff!
Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Xander: (in a low voice) Wave 'Hi' to the nice little witch!
Buffy: The test was positive! She's our Sabrina.
Buffy: Macho, macho, man! I want to be a macho man. Macho... Oh, hey, juice! (grabs the glass and drinks) Mm... Quality juice. Not from concentrate!
Buffy: She's a witchy!
Xander: I got her! I got her! Cut her head off!
Cordelia: Hey, I'm really sorry you guys got bumped back to alternate. (reconsiders) Hold it, wait... No I'm not!
Xander: Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff!
Angel: I didn't pay attention.
Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
Xander: So there's something else out there? Besides Silverwareman? Oh, this is fun, we're on Monster Island.
Buffy: Yes, I lied, I'm a bad person, let's move on.
Cordelia: It was... let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost, like, seven and a half ounces? Way swifter than that so-called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know?
Xander: Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Well, actually it's LaVelle, and I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life.
Giles:Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one, one assumes it is entirely legal?
Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh... I mean, he's probably...
Buffy: In the vid library. There're no books, but it's dark and musty, you'll feel right at home, go!
Buffy: Ooo, two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to score!
Giles: Buffy, while the mere fact of you wanting to check out a book would be grounds for a national holiday, I think we should focus on the problem at hand.
Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Willow: What are you talking about?
Giles: Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm a Slayer. Ask me how!'
Xander: Oh, hey, here's something. A nice comfy overcoat and a ski cap! The earflaps will bring out your eyes!
Buffy: That's Owen!..... That's Giles.
Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time.
Xander: Buffy, this isn't just about looking at a bunch of animals. This is about not being in class!
Buffy: Okay, now what?
Buffy:Something's going on. Something weird.
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Course, you'll have to kill him.
Buffy: I cannot believe that you, of all people, are trying to Scully me.
Willow: Oh, my God, Xander! What happened?
Giles: They, uh... ate him.
Willow: How are you feeling?
Willow: You only ate the pig.
Cordelia: Ouch! Please get your extreme oafishness off my two-hundred-dollar shoes!
Xander: Y'know, hey, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker!
Joyce: That's sweet! (suspiciously) What'd you do?
Buffy: Angel?
Xander: He spent the night? In your room? In your bed?
Buffy: What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?
Willow: (to Giles) How is it you always know this stuff? You always know what's going on. I never know what's going on.
Xander: You're in love with a vampire?! What, are you outta your mind?!
Xander: Now I'm sayin' something. You saw him naked?
Buffy: Huh! Two hundred and forty. Well, he said he was older.
Darla: Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is?
Ms. Calendar: Oh, I know, our ways are strange to you, but soon you will join us in the 20th century.
Buffy: Okay, that's it, you have a secret, and that's not allowed.
Buffy: So, you've been seeing a guy, and you don't know what he looks like? Okay, this is a puzzle. No, wait, I'm good at these. Does it involve a midget and a block of ice?
Xander: But you're gonna be missin' out. I'm plannin' to be witty. I'm gonna make fun of all the people who won't talk to me.
Xander: I mean, sure he says he's a high school student, but I can say I'm a high school student.
Buffy: Whoa! You're the Late Girl.
Xander: What, I can't have information sometimes?
Ms. Calendar: You're here again? Kids really dig the library, don't cha?
Ms. Calendar: (exasperated) You're a snob!
Buffy: Tell me the truth: how's my hair?
Giles: Uh... You don't seem exactly surprised by... Who are you?
Buffy: Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I've moved here turned out to be a vampire.
Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
Xander: I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this!
Xander: Oh, man! I hate this school.
Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! (gets looks from them all) It's not, though.
Cordelia: It's just such a tragedy for me. Emma was, like, my best friend.
Cordelia: All I can think is, it coulda been me!
Xander: Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we woulda had another organ donor.
Giles: Oh! I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh...
Buffy: Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit, 'cause that's how stupid I feel saying this...
Cordelia: Looks like someone digs you. That's adorable. You and the dummy could tour in the freak show!
Willow: Once again I'm banished to the demon section of the card catalog.
Buffy: This means that whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain.
Cordelia: Hello? Doofus! You're in my light.
Willow: I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies, and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you: for crawling across your face in the middle of the night. Ewww! How do they not ruffle you?
Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!
Xander: It's funny if you're me.
Buffy: What history test?
Cordelia: You don't know where class is, do you?
Willow: Xander! What happened to your...?!
Buffy: What, am I knowledge girl now? Explanations are your terrain.
Xander: Alright! Someone else's loss is my chocolatey goodness.
Willow: Excuse me, when did they put a cemetery in across the street?
Xander: Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
The Harvest
Xander: They can fly?
Buffy: They can drive.
Willow: Um, well, i-in a way. I sort of stumbled onto them when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system.
Xander: Someone's been naughty.
Buffy: Welcome to the New World.
Cordelia: Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist?
Buffy: I didn't know I was gonna get grounded!
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: The Earth is doomed!
The Witch
Buffy: No, I believe that's your trick.
Willow: Oh, great. I'm a guy.
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
Teacher's Pet
Willow: You think he's buff?
Xander: He's a very attractive man! How come *that* never came up?
Buffy: To somebody with a big fork?
Angel: He's coming.
Buffy: The Fork Guy?
Willow: ...gonna die!
Never Kill A Boy On The First Date
Buffy: (gives him a stern look) Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the *laying* go? (gets another look from Buffy) No, I don't mean that either.
Giles: What are *you* talking about?
Buffy and Willow: Boys!
Giles: Yes, well, I'm talking about trouble.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Giles: We need to talk.
Buffy: Buffy's not home.
The Pack
Xander: You took a bath.
Buffy: Yeah, I-I often do, I'm actually known for it.
Willow: What're you gonna do?
Buffy: Talk to the expert on weird.
Buffy: I hit him.
Willow: With what?
Buffy: A desk.
Buffy: They ate Principal Flutie?
Xander: Like somebody hit me with a desk.
Xander: I ate a pig?
Angel
Buffy: Can't a daughter just be concerned about her mother?
Angel: Hmm?
Buffy: Do you snore?
Buffy: Not *in* my bed, *by* my bed.
Xander: Duh! I mean, guys'll do anything to impress a girl. I-I once drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath.
Willow: It was pretty impressive. Although later there was an ick factor.
Giles: Well, you weren't here from midnight until six researching it.
Willow: No, I was sleeping.
Cordelia: What?!
Xander: (to Cordelia) Not vampire... (to Buffy) How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates 'em!
Buffy: Bad hair on top of that outfit?
I, Robot -- You, Jane
Willow: Why not?
Buffy: 'Cause... there's a rule.
Buffy: You are.
Xander: Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room?
Willow: I overslept.
Buffy: Till fifth period?
Buffy: We're literary!
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
Giles: (incredulous) I am no such thing.
Xander: It's great! It's your best hair ever!
Ms. Calendar: I teach computer science at the local high school.
Giles: A profession that hardly lends itself to the casting of bones.
Ms. Calendar: Wrong and wrong, snobby.
Xander: Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant praying mantis?
Willow: That's true.
Xander: Yeah, that's life on the Hellmouth.
Buffy: Let's face it: none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship.
The Puppet Show
Xander: Emily.
Xander: We can dream.
Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair? Ohmigod! (quickly leaves)
Giles: (to himself) Xander was right. It worked like a charm.
Xander: In other words, I'm safe!
Nightmares
Xander: Wendell, what is wrong with you? Don't you know that she is the center of the universe, and the rest of us merely revolve around her?
Cordelia: Why don't you revolve yourselves out of my light?
Cordelia: The one we're having in fourth period right now.
Buffy: There's a history test? Nobody told me there was a history test!
Buffy: Uh...
Cordelia: Hardly a shocker. You've cut history just about every time we've had it.
Buffy: Well, I was there the first day. I think.
Xander: I-I-I dunno! I was, uh, dressed a minute ago!
Xander: And when did they make it night over there?
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick, I need help.
