Xander: You're Amish! You can't fight back... 'cause you're Amish! I mock you with my ice cream cone, Amish guy!
Xander: I'm sorry, I can't help myself. Your nose looks so tasty.
Xander: Yo! G-man! What's up?
Buffy: You're the Watcher. I just work here.
Giles: Yes, I-I must consult my books.
Willow: Cibo Matto? They're playing?
Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? (gets looks from the others and concedes) She's possessed.
Willow: I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Snyder: There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Angel: I'm not gonna fight you.
Jenny: Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat: the stains.
Giles: What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard.
Buffy: Behold my success.
Buffy: It takes more than that to get rid of me.
Buffy: Yeah. You just say, 'Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing.'
Cordelia: Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please?
Cordelia: Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word 'corpse' in it?
Willow: Love makes you do the wacky.
Buffy: I think anybody who cuts dead girls into little pieces does not get the benefit of any doubt.
Cordelia: I just wanted to tell you if there was anything that I could ever do to...
Snyder: Well, it is quite a match between you two. On the one hand, Buffy hasn't stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel. On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building.
Willow: She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her.
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.
Buffy: Well, I think they'll all agree that I always bring a pen to class, ready to absorb the knowledge.
Buffy: What can you really tell about a person from a test score?
Xander: And while I'm whittling, I plan to whistle a jaunty tune.
Sheila: Did you really burn down a school building one time?
Buffy: La vache... doit me... touche... de la... jeudi. Was it wrong? Should I use the plural?
Xander: Okay, that's it. I'm puttin' a collar with a little bell on that guy.
Buffy: Uh, lemonade. I made it fresh and everything.
Spike: (sing-song) Someone's in the ceeeeeiling!
Xander: I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy.
Jenny: Well, another wonderful fun-filled evening.
Angel: I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not.
Xander: Hold on a sec. So, this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man. With man parts. This is a terrible idea.
Willow: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years.
Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone.
Giles: FINE! Go.
Willow: So, Ampata. You're a girl.
Devon: What does a girl have to do to impress you?
Ampata: You are strange.
Buffy: Hey! Look at us! We came up with a plan. A good plan.
Buffy: No! Bad plan. I have other plans. Dance plans. (gets a stern look from Giles) Canceled plans.
Cordelia: Get punchy. You! Fruit drinky!
Buffy: Come on! Can't you put your foot down?
Cordelia: You'll go to college someday, Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many exciting places.
Xander: Boy, what a long day.
Xander: I hate these guys. Whatever they want just falls into their laps. Don't you hate these guys?
Angel: You're sixteen years old. I'm two hundred and forty-one.
Cordelia: Oh, Buffy, it's like we're sisters! With really different hair.
Buffy: Angel showed up. He could smell it.
Giles: Yes, good idea, yes. She'll patrol, and, and we'll reconvene...
Buffy: Well, say it.
Xander: Buffy's lying, Buffy's going to frat parties... That's not askew, that's cockeyed.
Willow: Oh! Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have. Angel, how do you shave?
Cordelia: You guys. I just... hate you guys! The weirdest things always happen when you're around!
Buffy: I told one lie, I had one drink.
Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? (notices Angel) Hey, man, how you doin'?
Angel: Buffy.
Buffy: Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but I recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight.
Xander: Those wacky vampires! That's why I love 'em! They just keep you guessing!
Xander: I'm gonna do what any man would do about it, somethin' damn manly.
Buffy: You're beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun.
Buffy: You know, there's this place you can go, right, and you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right, and the pictures tell a story.
Xander: Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex.
Willow: But this just isn't me.
Xander: Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!
Cordelia: Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to-show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna be there?
Buffy: (screaming) A DEMON! A DEMON! A DEMON!
Xander: She's never seen a car?
Willow: She couldn't've dressed up like Xena?
Willow: Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.
Xander: She must be right. We must have some kind of amnesia.
Xander: Give it up, Cordy. You're never gonna get between those two. Believe me, I know.
Xander: Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing somethin' wrong, I wanna know. 'Cause it gives me a happy!
Xander: Aw, you just need cheering up. And I know just the thing! (does a wild move) Crazed dance party at the Bronze!
Ford: I'd love to! But if you guys already had plans... Would I be imposing?
Xander: (sarcastically) This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?
Xander: He's Buffy's beau. Her special friend.
Angel: Nice to meet you.
Willow: See, you made him do that thing where he's gone.
Buffy: Um... uh, there was a, a cat. A cat here, and, um, then there was a-another cat... and they fought. The cats. And... then they left.
Angel: I want you to track someone down. On the 'Net.
Willow: (jumpy) I-I-I'm gonna do work in the computer lab on school work that I have, so I cannot hang just now. Hi, Ford.
Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.
Giles: Uh, honestly, I, I've always, I've always been interested in, in, uh, monster trucks.
Drusilla: I'll give you a seed if you sing.
Xander: Angel was in your bedroom?
Giles: Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?
Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
Xander: Ooo, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever!
Cordelia: Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday, now I have to read some computer book... There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books?
Xander: Y'know, computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a big comeback.
Cordelia: No, he seemed perfectly normal yesterday when I saw him talking to the police.
Giles: Is everyone alright?
Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find?
Cordelia: What about me? I care about Giles.
Willow: HEY! We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it! And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!
Angel: Buffy! You scared me.
Buffy: Uh, we're having this thing at school.
Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
Cordelia: Oh, here I am. 'Personal shopper or motivational speaker.' Neato!
Oz: Canape'?
Giles: It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance. Most commonly a finger or some other body part from a saint.
Willow: Goody! Research party!
Buffy: Well, you have to admit, I kinda lack in the book area. I mean, you guys are the brains, I'd only be here for moral support anyway.
Buffy: Try it!
Giles: Well, maybe Buffy unplugged the phone.
Cordelia: I can't even believe you. You dragged me out of bed for a ride? What am I, mass transportation?
Xander: C'mon, Cordelia. You wanna be a member of the Scooby Gang you gotta be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then.
Kendra: Identify yourself!
Kendra: She died?
Buffy: I don't take orders. I do things my way.
Kendra: I study because it is required. The Slayer handbook insists on it.
Giles: After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that, uh, the handbook would be of no use in your case.
Xander: Then go! I'm not stopping ya!
Oz: I'm not really a computer person, you know. Or a work of any kind person.
Oz: I, uh, I'm shot! Y'know. Wow! It's odd! And painful.
Xander: I knew this 'I'm the only one, I'm the only one' thing was just an attention-getter.
Buffy: You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?
Buffy: Angel. He's Drusilla's sire.
Xander: Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him.
Buffy: I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend!
Giles: Is everything alright?
Cordelia: I know what it means, *dorkhead*.
Kendra: You tink he might help us?
Oz: So, I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going, 'Hey, man, where are *my* pants? I have my hippo dignity!'And you know the monkey's just, (with a French accent) 'I mock you with my monkey pants!' And there's a big coup in the zoo.
Xander: How *is* Angel? Pretend I care.
Buffy: What? I kill vampires, that's my job.
Willow: He's a clean clown! (gets stares from the others) I have my own fun.
Cordelia: They're gonna know!
Xander: Look, I'm not gonna tell, they're not gonna know. Not your friends, not my friends. You wanna go to the utility closet and make out?
Giles: The guilt, it-it's, it's pretty hard to bear, and it won't go away soon.
Xander: This is evidence! This is real evidence that Ted was some kind of a crook! Buffy's cleared! Willow, you are the best human ever! I adore you! Well, that's the cookies talkin', but you rock!
Cordelia: Feels like home. If it's the fifties and you're a psycho.
Cordelia: But we need evidence!
Giles: I think I'm alright.
Joyce: Do you wanna rent a movie tonight?
Buffy: Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.
Joyce: It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy.
Joyce: A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?
Xander: We're repulsed by each other, we, we hide from our friends...
Buffy: Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Buffy: I can't do this! I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke.
Xander: Which is another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
Cordelia: Mr. Whitmore didn't show today.
Buffy: My egg! It went... It went postal on me! The thing hatched, and it, it sprung this creepy-crawly thing, and it attacked me!
Buffy: Great. You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy... is like a day without sunshine.
Xander: Can I just say Gyughhh!
Buffy: Me? Why do *I* have to dissect it?
Willow: Did I really hit you?
Angel: Not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
Willow: Carpe diem. You told me that once.
Oz: Practice. See, our band's kinda moving towards this new sound where... we suck, so... practice.
Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting.
Xander: You're cooking?
Giles: Now remember: discretion is the better part of valor.
Giles: If Drusilla is alive, i-i-it could be a fairly... cataclysmic state of affairs.
Giles: No, you won't. We're having a party tonight.
Buffy: Every time I see you, you're stealing something. You really should speak with someone about this klepto issue.
Oz: Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?
Xander: I mean, what kind of a future would she've really had with him? She's got 2 jobs -- Denny's waitress by day, Slayer by night -- and Angel's always in front of the TV with a big blood belly, and he's dreamin' of the glory days when Buffy still thought this whole creature of the night routine was a big turnon.
Giles: No vampires transporting boxes?
Cordelia: And do what? Besides be afraid and die.
Drusilla: I'm naming all the stars.
Drusilla: Angel.
Drusilla: Psst. We're going to destroy the world. Want to come?
Xander: Say 'hi' for me.
Cordelia: I know. You were too busy rushing off to die for your beloved Buffy. You'd never die for me.
Angelus: It's what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies?
Angelus: Dream on, schoolgirl.
Cordelia: This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer is a
Cordelia: Hi. I'm not a soldier. (to Xander) Right?
Xander: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.
Oz: So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot?
Judge: What's that do?
Cordelia: Pieces? We get the pieces. Our job sucks!
Oz: Uh... (points) Arm.
Angelus: You can't do it. You can't kill me.
Willow: What cha looking at?
Buffy: What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?
Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Willow: You mean, like bunnies and stuff? No, don't tell me.
Giles: I, I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon.
Cordelia: I think you splashed on just a little too much 'Obsession For Dorks'.
Willow: Don't forget, you're supposed to be a meek little girlie-girl like the rest of us.
Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: But while we hang here doing nothing, there's a human werewolf walking around out there, probably making fun of us.
Buffy: Anybody besides Larry fit our werewolf profile?
Willow: I'll see you guys later. Cordelia asked me to look over her history homework before class. I think that means I might have to *do* it.
Xander: Buffy, you can't blame yourself for every death that happens in Sunnydale. If it weren't for you people'd be lined up five deep waitin' to get themselves buried. Willow would be Robbie the Robot's love slave, I wouldn't even have a head.
Willow: Well, welcome to the world! Things happen. Don't you think I'm going through a lot?
Willow: I'm sorry about how all this ended up. With me shooting you and all.
Xander: When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia?
Xander: I wish dating was like slaying: you know, simple, direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss.
Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
Angelus: I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Cordelia: Xander... Thank you. It's beautiful... I wanna break up.
Xander: I have a plan: we use me as bait.
Xander: Th-that's it! This has gotta stop. It's time for me to act like a man. And hide.
Xander: Buff, for the love of God, don't open that raincoat.
Xander: Can you focus for a minute? You just turned Buffy into a rat.
Giles: We have to catch the Buffy rat.
Oz: That kinda hurt.
Cordelia: Why has everyone gone insane?
Cordelia: If we die in here I'm gonna kick your ass! I mean it!
Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
Xander: You remember, huh?
Cordelia: Oh, God, what have I done? They're never gonna speak to me again!
Cordelia: Oh, God! I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into my car whenever he wants.
Xander: Excuse me, but have you ever heard of knocking?
Giles: He-he-he's just trying to provoke you. Uh, to taunt you, to, to goad you into, uh, some mishap of some sort.
Giles: You mustn't let Angel get to you. No matter how provocative his behavior may become.
Buffy: Hey, sorry about your fish.
Spike: I won't have you feeding me like a child, Dru.
Xander: Well, good morning, ladies. And what did you two do last night?
Giles: I-I found a ritual to revoke the invitation to vampires.
Willow: Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go over to Xander's house just to watch 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' every year.
Cordelia: Willow, are you aware that there are no fish in your aquarium?
Willow: It went fine until Angel showed up and told Buffy's mom that he and Buffy had... Well, you know, that they had... you know. You do know, right?
Willow: Look, all his weapons are gone.
Spike: Are you insane?! We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in the friends' beds.
Spike: I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!
Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes!.... I gotta get me a life!
Cordelia: We're all concerned about how gross you look.
Angelus: Uh-oh. This does *not* look good for our heroine.
Xander: Take a walk, overbite.
Xander: The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better!
Buffy: (to Xander) Shhh! (points at him) Hospital zone. No singing.
Willow: Buffy's not here for cosmetic surgery.
Willow: It's my way of saying, 'get well soon'.
Willow: Do you want me to go real fast? (gets a look from Giles) Not that I would.
Cordelia: But you do know that you saw death.
Cordelia: This is what happens when you're compassionate towards sick people. They take advantage of you.
Xander: Could you make just a little more with the touchy-gropey?
Cordelia: What do you mean 'clean'?
Buffy: 'Cause I'm not well. Uh, I feel all oogy.
Xander: (chuckles) No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, uh, and diagnosed me with
Cordelia: Wait, what does this one do? (points to another)
Willow: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll kill you in an instant.
Willow: (frantically) Frogs! Frogs! Get 'em off of me!Oh, my God, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help!
Xander: He's dead right? I mean, I heard something snap.
Xander: No, there's another bag hidden behind the raisins.
Ben: Oh, oh, hey, hey, no, don't, don't worry about it...
Buffy: I'm telling you, something weird is going on.
Willow: Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?
Spike: It's paradise. Big windows, lovely gardens. It'll be perfect when we want the sunlight to kill us.
Buffy: What do we know?
Xander: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a ghost.
Xander: Your dreams are getting wicked accurate, Buff. You wouldn't happen to see me coming across some big cash? Or possibly knowing the love of a woman? In a full body sense?
Cordelia: I hope you guys aren't going to the Sadie Hawkins Dance tonight, 'cause I'm organizing a boycott. Do you realize that the girls have to ask the guys? And pay and everything?
Cordelia: Perfect. I'm gonna be scarred and swollen. Why didn't they just kill me?
Willow: I made us all scapulas.
Cordelia: Hey. If Sunnydale High School shuts down forever, do we automatically graduate?
Willow: Everything seems normal. Not a snake, not a wasp.
Spike: You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated.
Cordelia: Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
Xander: That is wrong, a big, fat, spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to *earn* our D's.
Buffy: So something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Buffy: This doesn't make any sense.
Xander: Too much research. Need beverage.
Xander: Well, it was dark! And the thing went through the window so quick, and I was a... little shocked when I saw it, and...
Cordelia: God, this is so sad. We're never gonna win the state championship. I think I've lost all will to cheerlead.
Buffy: And raise the possibility that someone brought forth this sea monster from whence it came to exact that revenge. (thinks about what she said) 'From whence it came'? (to Giles) I'm spending *way* too much time around you.
Xander: Who would hate the swim team that much, though? (gets looks from Buffy and Cordelia) Besides me, I mean.
Xander: What about me? What can I do?
Gage: This me-and-my-shadow act? It's getting old. What do you want from me?
Gage: Oh. Was that the thing that killed Cameron?
Cordelia: Get out of here before someone sees you impersonating a member of the swim team!
Xander: I figured I can keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can't.
Xander: But is steroid abuse usually linked with, 'hey, I'm a fish'?
Buffy: Giles loaded up the tranquilizer gun. We're going fishing.
Cordelia: You, you, you. What about me? It's one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the creature from the Blue Lagoon.
Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs: that I did it with the entire swim team.
Cordelia: I want you to know that you've really proven yourself to me. And you don't have to join the new team next year if you don't want. I'd be just as happy if you played football.
When She Was Bad
Giles: Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that.
Xander: Oh, eight minutes and thirty-three seconds, pay up. I called ten minutes before you'd consult your books about something.
Xander: No, Willow, they're gonna be clog dancing.
Willow: Cibo Matto can clog dance? Oh, sarcasm, right.
Giles: Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?
Giles: No, actually that would be one of the five.
Buffy: Come on! Kick my ass!
Cordelia: I hear ya!
Buffy: Would it have cable?
Some Assembly Required
You make noise when you walk. You stomp or... yodel.
Giles: (sarcastically) Oh, thank you, Cyrano.
Xander: Do you mind? We're talking here. (Cordelia is taken aback and leaves).... So where were we?
Willow: Wondering why we never get dates.
Xander: Yeah, so why do you think that is?
School Hard
Buffy: W-well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said i-it coulda been mice.
Snyder: Mice.
Buffy: M-mice that were smoking?
Xander: You're bad to the bone.
Willow: I'm a rebel.
Joyce: Whether or not she's ever going out with her friends again.
Buffy: Oh, that.
Buffy: Well, not actually one time.
Willow: No. But you said, 'The cow should touch me from Thursday.'
Buffy: Maybe that's what I was feeling.
Willow: And you said it wrong.
Buffy: Oh, je stink.
Willow: How much sugar did you use?
Buffy: Sugar?
Giles: Uh, yes. You know, um, I will understand if you decide to start avoiding me.
Xander: A-and if he bit me, what then?
Angel: We would've known he bought it.
Inca Mummy Girl
Willow: What about the beautiful melding of two cultures?
Xander: There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself.
Xander: The important thing is *you* believe that.
Buffy: Yay! I win.
Giles: I'll just go and introduce my shoulder to a, an icepack.
Ampata: Yes. For many years now.
Oz: Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to 'A Summer Place'. I can't discuss it here.
Xander: Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away.
Giles: It is down.
Buffy: One of these days you're gonna have to get a grownup car.
Reptile Boy
Willow: And you skipped three classes.
Xander: Yeah, and, of course, *they* flew by.
Willow: Yeah, with their charmed lives and their movie star good looks and more money than you can count? I'm hating.
Buffy: I've done the math.
Xander: The blood? There's a guy you wanna party with.
Buffy: Uh, hello? She's standing right here? And she's not available.
Xander: I'm not gonna say it.
Willow: You lied to Giles.
Xander: 'Cause she will.
Willow: Askew means cockeyed.
Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake.
Buffy: Angel.
Xander: (in a deep voice) Xander!
Halloween
Buffy: And that's the point. Look, Halloween is the night that not you *is* you, but not *you*. Y'know?
Oz: Yeah, y'know, he's just going by 'Devon' now.
Willow: That's not a demon. It's a car.
Buffy: What does it want?
Xander: Is this woman insane?
Willow: She's from the past.
Xander: And you're a ghost.
Willow: Yes! Now let's get inside.
Xander: I just want you to know that I'm taking a lot on faith here.
Cordelia: That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?
Buffy: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often!
Lie To Me
Buffy: I dunno.
Xander: Very calm dance party at the Bronze? Moping at the Bronze.
Xander: No, only in the literal sense.
Ford: He's not in school, right? He looks older than her.
Xander: You're not wrong.
Ford: Whoa! Cold hands!
Xander: You're not wrong.
Ford: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire.
Buffy: What? Whating a what?
Willow: Oh! Great! I'm so the 'Net girl.
Ford: Morning.
Buffy: Okay, Will, fess up.
Willow: What?
Buffy: Are you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this.
Angel: Could you *not* call me that?
Buffy: You took him to monster trucks?
Jenny: I thought it would be a change!
Spike: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one.
Willow: Ours is a forbidden love.
The Dark Age
Buffy: It's not noise! It's music!
Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
Buffy: I'm aerobicising! I must have a beat!
Giles: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.
Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier.'
Willow: And the abacus.
Xander: Yeah, you know, you don't see enough abaci.
Buffy: And you waited till now to tell us this because...?
Cordelia: I didn't think it was important.
Xander: We understand. It wasn't about you.
Cordelia: Super! (proud of herself) I kicked a guy!
Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?
Buffy: Uh, work with Xander.
Cordelia: Well, when I say 'care', I, I mean...
Buffy: Cordelia...
What's My Line? (part 1)
Buffy: Now you know what it feels like, Stealth Guy.
Angel: Career week?
Buffy: How did you know?
Angel: I lurk.
Buffy: Right. Well, then you know it's a whole week of 'what's my line', only... I don't get to play.
Angel: Yeah. I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.
Xander: Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?
Buffy: Note to self: religion: freaky.
Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.
Xander: That's untrue, Buffy, you totally contribute. You go for snacks!
Oz: (confused) Try what?
Buffy: Uh... I-I'm sorry.
Oz: Still not clear what I'm supposed to try.
Buffy: Nothing. God, I'm... sorry.
Xander: No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone.
Cordelia: Oh, right, 'cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweakos will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented homeless man.
What's My Line (part 2)
Buffy: Back off, pink ranger! This is my friend.
Buffy: Just a little.
Kendra: No wonder you died.
Willow: There's a Slayer handbook?
Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Buffy: Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? Wha-what's wrong with my case?
Cordelia: I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!
Xander: Not just any girl. You're special.
Willow: They why'd they select you?
Oz: Oh, I sorta test well. Y'know, which is cool. E-except that it leads to jobs.
Xander: Man, that guy got major neck in his day!
Buffy: Yeah, it's okay. Kendra killed the bad lamp.
Xander: Dorkhead! You slash me with your words!
Buffy: I tink we might make him!
Willow: The monkey is French?
Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?
Ted
Giles: Well, true, true, although you don't usually beat them into quite such a bloody pulp beforehand.
Xander: Know what?
Cordelia: Please! It's too traumatic for me to even say it!
Xander: That we kissed?
Cordelia: Uhhh!
Cordelia: God! Is that all you ever think about? Okay.
Cordelia: I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time?
Giles: Yes. Do let us bring that up as often as possible.
Xander: We got it.
Willow: What's in there?
Xander: His first four wives.
Jenny: No, you're just in shock.
Giles: No, no, really, I, uh, I don't think it went in too deep. The... advantages of layers of tweed. Better than kevlar.
Buffy: Sounds like fun.
Joyce: Just nothing with horror in it. Or romance. Or men.
Buffy: I guess we're 'Thelma and Louise'ing it again.
Willow: Not any big ones.
Buffy: Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
Willow: I just wanna learn stuff.
Cordelia: Like how to build your own serial killer?
Bad Eggs
Buffy: But I looked good in it.
Joyce: You looked like a streetwalker.
Buffy: But a thin streetwalker. That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?
Buffy: Saving the world from vampires?
Joyce: I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head.
Cordelia: Well, I should hope so! Please!
Xander: All in all this is not what I'd call a big self-esteem booster.
Cordelia: Tell me about it! Just look at you! And those clothes. Where did you get those shoes?!
Xander: I think the word you're searching for is 'absent'.
Willow: Tardy people show.
Buffy: Right.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that Dreidel song.
Willow: You boiled your young?
Buffy: That news is of the past.
Cordelia: He's missing? Presumed dead?
Giles: Presumed by whom?
Cordelia: Well, me!
Buffy: I see your 'Gyughhh!' and raise you a Nyaghhh!
Xander: Uh, because you're the Slayer?
Buffy: And I slayed! My work here is done.
Xander: Oh, no, I almost *ate* one of those things. I think I've fulfilled my gross-out quota for the decade.
Xander: You knocked me out.
Cordelia: Did *I* hit you?
Xander: Yes, everyone hit me.
Cordelia: Good. Well, I don't mean 'good' because I hit you, but I didn't wanna be left out.
Surprise
Buffy: I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
Angel: See my point?
Buffy: 'Fish of the day'?
Willow: Not carp. Carpe. It means 'seize the day.'
Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
Willow: Oh! I can't!
Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
Cordelia: Well, I'm chips and dips girl.
Xander: Horrors! All that opening and stirring.
Cordelia: And shopping and carrying.
Xander: You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?
Xander: Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'we'd be in trouble'?
Xander: Looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny.
Willow: You've thought way too much about this.
Innocence
Xander: No, but a four-hundred-pound wino offered to wash my hair.
Xander: Well, nobody's asking you to go, Cordelia. If the vampires need grooming tips we'll give you a call.
Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day.
Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back.
Xander: No, I might die *from* you. Does that get me any points?
basket case... I'd say we've hit bottom.
Xander: I have a plan.
Cordelia: Oh, no, here's a lower place.
Willow: Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun.
Buffy: Give me time.
Phases
Oz: This cheerleading trophy. It's like its eyes follow you wherever you go. I like it.
Willow: At last count, all of them. Maybe more.
Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing. They all get an 'F' in Willow.
Willow: But I want Oz to get an 'A', and, oh, one of those gold stars.
Buffy: Meow!
Oz: Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves.
Buffy: He needs to get a pet.
Buffy: Spoil my fun.
Xander: On behalf of my gender, hey.
Giles: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.
Willow: (with a hint of sarcasm) The way werewolves always do.
Willow: There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior, run-ins with authorities, about a screenful of violent incidents.
Buffy: Okay, most of those were not my fault. Somebody else started 'em. I was just standing up for myself.
Xander: Wow, those two gals are hanging out a lot together. This would be a good time to panic.
Oz: Not like me.
Willow: Oh, what, so now you're special? You're special boy... With chains and stuff. Why do you have chains and stuff?
Oz: It's okay. I'm, I'm sorry I almost ate you.
Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered
Buffy: I'm sorry. But never.
Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Xander: Okay, not quite the reaction I was looking for.
Buffy: You mean make Angel come after you?
Xander: No, I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble at 'cause it would be more fun than *my* life.
Xander: Kinda?! What was that for?
Oz: I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about *you*. Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to... hit you.
Xander: Insane? Is it so impossible for you to believe that other women find me attractive?
Cordelia: The only way you could get girls to want you would be witchcraft.
Oz: But you're not a rat. So call it an upside.
Buffy: Oh, yeah. I remember coming on to you, I remember begging you to undress me... And then a sudden need for cheese.
Xander: Oh, sure, they are. If it helps, whenever we're around them you and I can fight a lot.
Cordelia: You promise?
Xander: You can pretty much count on it.
Passion
Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas.
Jonathon: We're supposed to get some books. On Stalin.
Xander: Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?
Giles: This is a school library, Xander.
Xander: The (sing-song) nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah approach to battle?
Giles: Yes, Xander, once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to its simplest possible form.
Buffy: So what you're basically saying is, 'just ignore him, and maybe he'll go away'?
Giles: Yes. Precisely.
Xander: Hey, how come Buffy doesn't get a snotty 'once again you boil it down to the simplest form' thing?... Watcher's pet.
Willow: Oh, it's okay. We hadn't really had time to bond yet. Although for the first time I'm glad my parents didn't let me have a puppy.
Angelus: Why not? She already bathes you, carries you around and changes you like a child.
Willow: We had kind of a 'pajama party sleepover with weapons' thing.
Xander: Oh. And I don't suppose either of you had the presence of mind to locate a camera to capture the moment.
Cordelia: Oh, thank goodness. I actually had to talk my grandmother into switching cars with me last night.
Buffy: I see your point.
Willow: Although it is worthwhile to see him do the Snoopy Dance.
Giles: Oh, yes. Yes. Sorry.
Willow: Oh, good, 'cause I just realized that being a librarian and all, you maybe didn't know.
Cordelia: But I thought he kept his weapons at the library.
Xander: No, those are his, uh, everyday weapons. These were his good weapons. The ones he, uh, breaks out when company comes to visit.
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack.
Angelus: Don't worry, roller boy. I've got everything under control.
Killed by Death
Cordelia: No, but while she's in here, she might as well get that thing done.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means *nothing* to me.
Willow: Did it have an hourglass?
Cordelia: Jealous?
Xander: What do you mean 'was'?
Xander: Increased ooginess. That's a danger signal.
stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: (to Xander) Wrong? Why? (to Buffy) How did *you* play doctor?
Giles: (frustrated) It asks endless questions of those with whom it's
supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything.
Buffy: Oh. They really should put that on the label.
Buffy: That would be his neck.
Xander: You're not gonna yak on me, are ya?
Joyce: (sighs) I'm on it. (leaves)
Xander: (to Buffy) Your mom's tryin' to Bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about?
I Only Have Eyes for You
Buffy: No, no, you seem like a really great guy, it's me. I-I'm not seeing anybody. Ever again, actually.
Ben: Oh. That's, that's too bad.
Xander: Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto?
Xander: You're just a big bucket of funny, Will.
Angelus: If you don't like it, Spike, hit the stairs and go.
Xander: Dog spit is cleaner than human.
Buffy: Besides that?
Xander: Okay, so we can flip the ghost over when it turns a nice golden brown?
Willow: Scapula, not spatula. Um, you wear it around your neck for protection.
Cordelia: You expect me to wear this? It smells like grandpa breath.
Xander: But why? What does he want? (thinks about Cordelia's question) Actually, that's an interesting point.
Cordelia: Yep. School can open again tomorrow.
Xander: Explain to me again how that's a good thing.
Cordelia: I'm drawing a blank.
Go Fish
Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!
Willow: Like an Oreo Cookie. Well, except for, you know, without the chocolatey *cookie* goodness.
Xander: Yeah. The skin's the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol? (Giles gives her a look) You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh.
Cordelia: Go ahead. Say it. You ran like a woman.
Xander: Hey, if you saw this thing, you'd run like a woman, too.
Xander: Raise your hand if you feel her pain.
Cordelia: Well, you could go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man.
Buffy: Well, um... It's a little embarrassing. You see, I'm a swim groupie.
Gage: Aha.
Buffy: Oh, yeah. You know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby.
Buffy: No. That was something else.
Gage: S-something else?
Buffy: Yeah. Unfortunately, we have a lot of something elses in this town.
Xander: I don't do impersonations. I tried out for the team last night.
Willow: When you're nude? I-I meant to say 'changing'.
Xander: Black Lagoon. The creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields. And thank you *so* much for your support!
