I Still Think My Favorite Band Can Kick Your Favorite Band's Ass, LOL
This Is Some Funny Shit
#1
God is tired of man thinking more highly of himself than he ought to,
and he's especially upset now that man is messing with DNA and
cloning. So he comes down to earth just as there's a Scientist's
Convention going on.
After the last speaker speaks, God walks up to the podium and
introduces himself - "Hello, I am God. Yes, I am real, and I am sick
of you all trying to play Me. I am the Creator and you need to stay
out of my business."
One of the scientists stands up and says, "Well, I tell you what, God.
Let's go outside, and if I can make a man, you leave us alone. If I
can't, we'll stop."
God agrees and they go outside. God spits in the dirt and starts
molding a man out of the mud. The scientist also bends down and takes
a handful of dirt.
"Wait!" God says, "Get your own dirt!"
#2
A police officer pulls a guy in a sports car over for speeding and has
the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the
owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was
quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's
a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said
there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you
told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
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