Five-Minute "Counterpoint"
Prax: Do you have any telepaths?
Janeway: Nope. Go fish.
Prax: I think you're cheating.
Kashyk: Coffee, captain?
Janeway: Is this a trick question?
Prax: If you're not a telepath, then what's with all that stuff on your head?
Seven: How else do you expect me to get Radio Free Talaxia?
Kashyk: The computer says you have four telepaths.
Janeway: They're dead.
Kashyk: How convenient.
Prax: They're clean, sir.
Kashyk: Bye Captain. I suggest you wait until we're out of range before you re-energize those telepaths in your cargo bay.
Janeway: Hmm...wonder if he knows our plan?
Harry: Energize!
Seven: Are you sure you know how to use that thing? I don't think that telepath had two heads before.
Janeway: How long till we can finally offload these telepaths?
Tuvok: Another few days. We might be dead by then.
Janeway: Oh well.
Neelix: And then Flotter said...
Telepath Kid: Yeah, yeah, we know the story. And you won't make much of a security officer with all those deep psychological disorders.
Kashyk: No, seriously, I'm defecting.
Janeway: Yeah, right.
Kashyk: I saw a telepath kid once and it made me sad.
Janeway: Oh. Well, that's different. We'd better tell you all our secrets now.
Telepath: We know someone who can help us find the wormhole.
Janeway: Remember, you're on a Federation ship now. We'll have to do this in a strictly moral way.
Tuvok: I say we bribe him.
Torat: I don't know anything about a wormhole!
Kashyk: Just as I thought -- you're a moron.
Torat: No, wait! Did I say "don't know anything"? I meant "do know everything"!
Janeway: Rats! Even after two days, and even with Torat's information, we still can't find a wormhole! Oh wait, there's one.
Kashyk: And that ends that. Let's kiss now.
Janeway: That'll be more dramatic just before the climax.
Kashyk: Okay. Let's generate some more sexual tension instead.
Chakotay: Uh oh! I think they've found us!
Janeway: We're almost at the wormhole. Let's continue so we can come frustratingly close to success.
Kashyk: I've got a better idea: send me back so I can betray you.
Janeway: Works for me. Let's kiss.
Prax: Do you have any telepaths?
Chakotay: No, but we have Grey Poupon.
Kashyk: How's the plan going?
Janeway: Not bad. How's the betrayal going?
Kashyk: Nicely. Prax, get the telepaths!
Janeway: What? You're betraying me! How could you?
Kashyk: Well, here's the wormhole. Let's blow it up.
Tuvok: BOOM!
Kashyk: What the--! There's no wormhole after all! You just said "BOOM," didn't you?
Tuvok: Seemed logical.
Prax: Sir, all we have down here are vegetables! And our scientists seriously doubt that they're telepathic vegetables.
Kashyk: Well, you win this one, Captain.
Prax: Can I please kill them all?
Kashyk: The crew, or the vegetables?
Prax: The crew.
Kashyk: Nah, UPN would kill us. Let's let them get away.
Janeway: Sorry, Kashyk. Farewell.
Kashyk: Aw, can't we at least kiss again? Pleeeease?
Janeway: Oh, buzz off.
(Voyager leaves Devore space at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
Previous fiver: Timeless
Next fiver: Dark Frontier
Back to the Episodes page
Haven't seen the episode? Jim Wright's synopsis should get you up to speed.
DISCLAIMER: An awful lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intention isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. Don't sue.
