Teaser: (Same as last time.)

Scene One: (Black screen.)

NARRATOR: And now the conclusion... (Fade in to picture of FBI HQ. For once, we get a caption: "OCTOBER 16, 1998. FBI HEADQUARTERS." It's MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! And, just for the record, it's three days after Chris Carter's, and in that case, Mulder's!! Fate, or what!!!! Anyway, back to the plot: Scully is once again making her way to Mulder's office.)

SCULLY: (she attempts to open the door - it's locked.) Mulder, it's me. Let me in.

MULDER: (VO) Just a second. (We hear various sounds and complaints of pain being emitted from inside.)

SCULLY: What are you doing in there? (Don't you just wanna yell "Wouldn't YOU like to know!" There is another cry of pain, perhaps a muffled half-expletive.) I’ve been trying to call you all morning.

MULDER: (VO) I turned my phone off.

SCULLY: Why?

MULDER: (VO) Because. (There is a last almighty thud. Finally, we hear the door being unlocked. Mulder sticks his head round the door, while his partner curiously peers through the gap, unsuccesfully.) Before you go in, shut your eyes. (Scully sighs impatiently, then does so. He leads her inside by the hand [hooray!]. Then he shuts and locks the door.) Open them. (She does. The office is actually tidy!!!!!!!!! She looks around with an expression of absolute terror, unlocks the door and goes out, closing it again. There is a silent pause, until she comes back in again, and shuts the door behind her, looking slightly less terrified than she did before.) What the Hell was that?

SCULLY: Well, I just needed to check it was still your name on this door. Luckily, it was.

MULDER: Why wouldn't it be?

SCULLY: (she looks around again) I just thought there was no way this was our office. I'm still not quite sure if it is!

MULDER: Ahem. (He indicates his "I WANT TO BELIEVE" poster.)

SCULLY: OK, but. . .how do I put this nicely? I can see the walls, the desk, the floor, the ROOM.

MULDER: This is surprise number one.

SCULLY: Oh, there can't be more. A girl can only take so much at seven in the morning! (Mulder gives her a 'let's-see-if-you-can-guess-what-else-I-changed' look. Scully moves to examine a wall, then the desk, before returning to the centre of the room.) Let me guess - you finally worked out what a filing cabinet is used for!

MULDER: Didn’t you notice what was on the door?

SCULLY: No.

MULDER: Go and check. (She goes out once more, followed by the camera and Mulder. On the door is a brand new plaque with her name on it. Aww.)

SCULLY: That is so... (she ponders what the heck to say to him.) unexpected.

MULDER: Have you learned nothing from working with me? Expect the unexpected at all times and ye shall never go far wrong. (They go back inside.)

SCULLY: Anything else?

MULDER: Well, actually...

SCULLY: MORE? Isn’t it a little early for Christmas?

MULDER: (he smiles) You remember that photo I said I'd replace?

SCULLY: (sitting in a chair, without having to clear it first!!) Yes.

MULDER: Well, Langly suggested this: (he hands her a photo. It's of them. Two episodes ago. When they're playing a trick on Frohike. Get my drift?! Scully looks amazed.)

SCULLY: Where did he get this?

MULDER: Langly just happened to have Frohike's camera to hand when we. . .you know. and so, here it is. He had, strangely enough, only one photo left on the film.

SCULLY: I don't think I want to know what was on the rest of it!

MULDER: Anyway, Langly says he'll get Frohike to make prints. Then he'll probably send them to all our friends, and family. And not forgetting Skinner.

SCULLY: What provoked him this time.

MULDER: He needs $100, and I can't give it to him.

SCULLY: I believe the term is blackmail. So, you need $100, and you don't have it, even though you always manage to have $20 to give to some weirdo with a UFO photo or something.

MULDER: That's unfair! I'm a very charitable person!

SCULLY: So, pay him yourself! What makes you think I'm going to give that paranoid freak any money?

MULDER: Would another movie trip tempt you?

SCULLY: The other term which springs instantly to mind here is the other b-word - bribery!! No.

MULDER: Definitely?

SCULLY: NO. End of subject! It's your own fault. Only you could be broke this close to Hallowe'en - how're you going to buy candies for all the kiddies? (Mulder 'laughs' in mock humour.) I dread to think what you've spent all that money on. (there is a pause as she has a sudden realisation of the night before. She dismisses it instantly, and they get on with trying to solve the case.)

MULDER: I take it you came here to find out about this new theory I worked out.

SCULLY: However did you guess? (Her voice just oozes sarcasm at this point.) Let’s have it.

MULDER: OK, imagine this: two people. Another person arrives. The first person sees this new person as he/she really is. The other person perceives him/her differently - as a friend or a relative.

SCULLY: Uh-huh. (first she looks thoughtful, then shakes her head, completely confused!) Run that by me again.

MULDER: OK. Imagine if, say, Skinner were to walk in right now.

SCULLY: Yeah. . .

MULDER: So, you see Skinner, but I see. . .er. . .Deep Throat. In this example we already know it's Skinner. But what if we didn't.

SCULLY: Sure.

MULDER: You think it's stupid.

SCULLY: No, I think. . .it's. . .well, it's. . . It's so bizarre it could almost be true!! That's a detailed theory even for you, Mulder!

MULDER: For once I have proof. Skinner says that guy we arrested is his twin brother, but you and I both can see that he looks nothing like him.

SCULLY: And when Holly dropped off those notes from Danny yesterday, I could have sworn she was Phoebe (or Fowley!) when I first opened the door.

MULDER: And that woman we interviewed: she said that her friend Michelle saw her brother, but the guy that Angela saw looks nothing like Michael Jameson. I think that's enough to support the theory for the moment.

SCULLY: And it should even be enough to keep 'Frank'* in protective custody for a while. (* she indicates inverted commas at this point.)

MULDER: Um. . .not true. Skinner released him on account of the fact that he was a relative.

SCULLY: (Scully is really in a sarcastic mood these past few episodes. It hasn't changed a bit since the latest episodal crossover!!!) Well that was clever! What do we do now?

MULDER: Hand in the theory we've got, I suppose!

SCULLY: OK, fine.

MULDER: That sounds like you don't agree.

SCULLY: Look at it this way - Skinner has just released our prime suspect. What makes you think he'll believe another of your weird theories. He'll be even more suspicious if I can actually back it up the first time round! It's scientifically impossible, and you know it!

MULDER: (he goes into 'official mode', like in "Fearful Symmetry", when their prime witness is a gorilla named Sophie!!!!) But, agent Scully, it's the only theory we've got. I say we use it.

SCULLY: Whatever.

MULDER: What do you mean, "Whatever"?

SCULLY: (she's surprised that he actually reacted to her famous "Sure, fine, whatever!" line, and shrugs, thinking of a suitable answer!) Do you have anything more plausible?

MULDER: Well, Danny gave me a lead to follow up. If you're willing to go with me.

SCULLY: I might as well, I've got nothing better to do today! (exeunt. Ooh, we're going into Latin, now! They leave, in better English, Mulder first. Before shutting the door after her, Scully takes one final look around the office, shakes her head, then turns off the light and leaves.)

Scene Two: (A man, the killer, is sitting in a big chair, listening to Mulder and Scully's office conversation via a bug!)

KILLER: So, they have a lead, do they. This could cause problems. (He starts to think up a plan. When he's though of one, he starts to laugh. Loud. My inspiration is from Tim Burton's "Nightmare Before Christmas" movie, two lines by Jack: "Eureka! I've got it!" and "And they call him Sandy Claws. He he he!!" A bit of a strange inspiration, I know, but it was the only link I could make between my two favourite things!!! The other link between the two is in script number 5.)

Scene Three: (This must be the first time, for a while, anyway, that our heroes have got into a case this early on. But, actually, they've been trying to solve it for two episodes now, and got nowhere. Maybe this will be a little more successful! Mulder and Scully approach a darkened building in their car. This is their lead from Danny. They get out of the car.)

MULDER: This is the place.

SCULLY: This is your lead?

MULDER: Apparently, yes! Are you OK going in there? You're not still freaked out from last night, I hope.

SCULLY: (she looks at him as if to say: "I'm-a-big-person-now. I-can-look-after-myself!" She checks the ammo clip of her gun, like in the Scully/Bambi/entomologist bit in "War Of The Coprophages".) Let's go.(They enter the building. What a surprise - no lights, and, for once, no light-switch readily visible! They switch on their faithful torches and proceed to the nearest room. Mulder indicates 1...2...3...before smashing the unlocked door in. Unlocked you say? Of course - he doesn't bother to check, and runs in a few feet, followed very gracefully by Scully sauntering in and looking around, gun in hand. The room's empty, as you've probably gathered, but they decide to look around anyway, as yuhdoo. Scully goes to an open window; a bat flies in, which then lands on a nearby table. She sneaks up quietly behind it, then grabs it with both hands and takes it to Mulder. [Why?]) I got another suspect.

MULDER: I think it'll have a tough time answering our questions. (they go to the window. Scully lets it go.)

SCULLY: Live long and prosper, little rodent! (Notice this isn't actually the title of the episode, just a very clever [NOT] way of putting in the title. As she lets it go, Scully makes a Star Trek salute, revealing for the first or second time her weird science-fiction-y side. [If she even has one - maybe she’s been around Mulder too long!] As they watch it fly away, another man appears in the doorway. They hear him approach at the same time, give quick sideways glances to each other, then whirl round in opposite directions to face him, guns at the ready. The man looks exactly like Deep Throat to them. To us, he's the killer seen earlier.)

SCULLY: It can't be. . .can it?

MULDER: Don't worry, I see it too.

KILLER AS DT: Mr. Mulder, Miss. Scully, please put your guns down. There's no need to be alarmed.

SCULLY: But you're dead! (subtle, isn't she!) I saw you get shot. I heard your dying words.

KILLER AS DT: I am not at all dead, apparently. (As you can SO obviously tell, I can’t remember how Deep Throat speaks! By the way, did you know that he appeared in Star Trek:Voyager once!? No? Well, now you do!)

MULDER: But how? I saw your funeral.

KILLER AS DT: That wasn't me, Mr. Mulder. That was merely a, let us say, spare body that needed to be put out of its misery.

MULDER: They murdered someone?

KILLER AS DT: No, no, no. Euthanasia; far more humane. I am still alive and well, and ready to give you information.

SCULLY: That still doesn't explain the fatal chest wound you had.

KILLER AS DT: Ah, yes. That. Well, after you left me, having, I presume, decided to let my 'employers' take care of my remains, a man I think you know of came to help me. His name was Jeremiah Smith, now sadly deceased. You see, I was not dead when you left me, I was just unconscious.* There's a big difference. Jeremiah came along and healed me. And here I am. Right in front of you. (* Remember, we never actually SAW Scully try to find Deep Throat's pulse, except when he was obviously still alive, in "The Erlenmeyer Flask"! She just presumed he was dead, which isn't the point of basic first aid at all!!)

MULDER: I don't believe you.

SCULLY: Nor do I.

MULDER: Convince us.

KILLER AS DT: If you won't believe my words, at least believe your own eyes. Now, follow me. (Mulder and Scully, finally convinced [that was easy!], reholster their weapons and follow 'Deep Throat'. They reach a corridor full of mysterious doors. 'Deep Throat' stops by one of them.) Before we enter, I need to be sure we won't get separated. It can be very dangerous in here - you never know who may be wandering around in the dark. (Before they can talk, he seizes their wrists and handcuffs them together - Scully's right wrist and Mulder's left. He seemingly morphs into his true form. Then he drags them into the room - it's small, four walls, one bare lightbulb with no switch, one window, one door. One exit. The only unusual feature, though is four strange pipe-like objects protruding, one from each wall. They are shaped like upside-down 'L'-shapes, and are attached to the walls and floor. Mulder and Scully are pushed to the floor by the far wall. There, Scully is uncuffed. Her relief is very short-lived, however, as she is recuffed around the pole, so they are both trapped)

MULDER:: What is going on here?

KILLER AS HIMSELF: I'll leave you two to work it out. Isn't that what FBI agents are meant to do? Hope you have a nice stay; my place is, I think you'll find, extremely comfortable! (He goes, shutting the door and locking it for safety. Mulder and Scully discuss their situation. Scully is still as sarcastic as ever.)

SCULLY: This is fun.

MULDER: He must be the killer. It figures. Why else would we be in this situation? He must've bugged the office.

SCULLY: So he knew we were going to arrive before we did?

MULDER: Exactly. Well, it fits my theory. You and I both saw Deep Throat out there. We both heard Deep Throat.

SCULLY: This is an old building, Mulder. The acoustics aren't that good, and it's dark - even the lightbulb in here is dim, and it's only a small room. That guy we saw, and heard, is the same guy who just locked us in here. It was a trick of the light.

MULDER: You are just so determined not to believe. But one day, I will prove the existence of extra-terrestrials, and you will have to admit that you believe.

SCULLY: That day, Mulder, will never come.

MULDER: How do you know?

SCULLY: Because there is nothing out there. How many times do they have to prove it to you?

MULDER: Too many.

SCULLY: Precisely. There are no aliens, no abductions, no flying saucers. Just huge lies.

MULDER: Lies which give people implants, make them lose time, make them remember small grey men and cigar-shaped crafts? Lies which take eight year old girls... (Scully interrupts before he starts warbling about Samantha.)

SCULLY: Lies which do just that and much more. But if you're only continuing to uncover the conspiracy piece by tedious piece to prove it to me, then I think you've taken it a little too far. Most people only manage to show us sceptics a blurry photo and a vague memory of a short, possibly grey person with big eyes!

MULDER: So you wouldn't want a video of the Roswell autopsy for your birthday, then? (Scully shakes her head.) Damn. (Scully sniggers, then looks at him as if to tell him to shut up. He takes the hint, and they both sit in silence for a while. We get the impression that they'll be there for some time. Blackout.)

SCULLY: I just realised - it's always your leads that get us into trouble. Why is that?

MULDER: I don't know. I guess I just tempt fate.

SCULLY: Evidently. You met me, for God's sake.

MULDER: Meaning?

SCULLY: Surely you'd prefer a partner that believed, or, at least, wanted to. Like, if you'll pardon the example, Alex Krycek.

MULDER: Well, yes, I would. But then life would be so boring...

SCULLY: You said I was boring once.

MULDER: I have never said you were boring, Scully.

SCULLY: You have, actually. When you asked if I could be anybody else for a day, and I said myself, you said I was boring.

MULDER: Did I?

SCULLY: Yes. Then I suggested Eleanor Roosevelt, and you said. . .

MULDER: No, you can't be a dead person.

SCULLY: Why the Hell not?

MULDER: Because. (pause) I didn't mean to imply you were boring. Just that you could have been more original with your choice. Anyway, I was going to say life would be so boring if you agreed with everything I said. I think that's why the cases get solved so quickly - you being rational.

SCULLY: Thank you. I guess you really must tempt fate, after all.

MULDER: You're insinuating something, now, aren't you?

SCULLY: Such as?

MULDER: Fate brought us together, for example.

SCULLY: A few years ago, you suggested that we'd been friends together in numerous other lives, in most of which, I recall, I was dead or dying. Now it's only fate. You have a weird psyche.

MULDER: Thanks. (They look around their prison. Scully looks out of the window. It's now getting lighter - it's dawn, but there are still a few dopey bats flying around. Scully suddenly starts talking a load of nonsense.)

SCULLY: Bats.

MULDER: Pardon?

SCULLY: Outside. The bats.

MULDER: Congratulations, Scully, you win the "Name That Animal" contest!

SCULLY: Ha ha. I was just thinking - bats are nothing more than mice with wings, if you think about it. If you removed the fleshy part of a bat's wing, and rearranged it a little, you'd have a mouse.

MULDER: So you're saying that bats are simply a load of mice involved in a genetic experiment gone wrong?

SCULLY: No. It just reminded me of a time when my mom was cleaning, and a mouse came scuttling across the floor. Before I knew what was going on, she was up on a chair. She had to get Melissa and me to catch it and get rid of it. She was absolutely terrified of mice. Melissa was 10 and I was 8-and-a-half. I think she's got over it now.

MULDER: I've often wondered whether you had any weird phobias.

SCULLY: Like you, you mean? The FBI agent who's afraid of bugs.

MULDER: Not afraid of them, I just hate them. So, do you?

SCULLY: Well, actually yes. It's a fear I never conquered.

MULDER: What is it?

SCULLY: You'll think it's silly.

MULDER: Excuse me? You're talking to the person who won't even go near a cockroach OR a candle!!! (I THINK he's being funny, but you never can tell with Mulder!) Tell me.

SCULLY: (There is a slight pause while she considers whether to tell him or not. Those of you who have seen "One Breath" will know that the young Dana Scully was "deathly afraid of snakes". Scully lowers her head, and says quietly:) Snakes. (Mulder nods knowingly - he remembered his heart-to-heart with Maggie ages ago, when Scully was comatose. Blackout.)

Scene Four: (Blackin - Mulder and Scully, still handcuffed, obviously! "4 HOURS LATER".)

MULDER: Best of twenty?

SCULLY: Mulder, if I have to play scissors-paper-stone one more time, I'll go insane.

MULDER: I'm just trying to pass the time.

SCULLY: How long have we been here now?

MULDER: (looking at his watch, which happens to be, typically, on his left wrist. He takes Scully's hand with him, much to her annoyance.) Just under four hours. (To prove he can read the captions at the bottom of the screen!)

SCULLY: Where do you think the killer has gone?

MULDER: He's bound to be somewhere in this building. I suggest we be careful what we say, as he's no doubt listening to our every word. (How right Mulder is! The killer is back in the big chair again. He is listening in. He chuckles to himself. Back in the Mulder/Scully room, Scully goes to speak, but freezes in terror. She stares at the opposite wall, where a huge python [called Monty!!!!!] is slithering its way into the room via a window. She backs further against the wall, as Mulder finally realises what she was so afraid of. He unholsters his gun slowly, but before he can shoot, Scully stops him, having a flashback of when she shot at a snake with her brothers. Mulder lowers his gun, as the snake approaches Scully. She huddles up closer to the wall - think of "Eastenders" 's Joe Wicks! - and buries her head in Mulder's shoulder. The killer, who is projecting this image, hasn't heard any screams or shots fired, so makes the snake vanish, in annoyance. God, this guy is really like a spoilt brat, isn't he? Mulder calms Scully down.) It was another hoax. It's gone.

SCULLY: But that's impossible.

MULDER: Maybe, but it's more proof of my theory. If the snake was a hoax, maybe these handcuffs are too, or the pole. (They try many ingenious ways of seeing if the handcuffs are fake, all to no avail. Scully leans her head against the wall.)

SCULLY: We're never going to get out of this. (she has her right hand on the pole)

MULDER: Scully, we've got out of worse situations than a pair of handcuffs. (he puts his hand over hers.) We'll get through this. (Blackout.)

Scene Five: (Blackin - Mulder and Scully asleep, no longer hand over hand. But, Scully is using Mulder's shoulder as a pillow, and he her head - try to visualise![?] It's dark again. This has got to be the longest time they've ever been trapped, and so simply with handcuffs, without food! The killer enters the room, and they wake up.)

KILLER: Hey, kids, wake up. Now, I'm afraid I'm going to have to separate you two. You see, I went out to get you some food, but my comrade in crime informed me that you were getting a little too, let us say, friendly than you should have been. He said you were holding hands. That's very naughty. I play by FBI standard rules, you see.

MULDER: But how did he know?

KILLER: He knows all and sees all. Unfortunately, he doesn't hear all, which is why we need the bug. And I'm afraid, since you've annoyed me, that I'm not going to give you the snacks I picked up at McDonalds! (he holds up two huge McDonalds take-away bags.) I would have given it to you, but then I also realised that Ms. Scully here hates junk food. Too messy. (He uncuffs Scully, again, and cuffs Mulder to the pole, keeping a firm grip on Scully's wrist. Then he finds another pair of handcuffs to attach a protesting Scully to the pole on the opposite side of the room.) So, if you're hungry, there's plenty of mice and rats wandering around, as I'm sure you discovered. (At which point, bang on cue, a rather too clean looking mouse runs along the floor. They ignore it, deciding to let the poor creature live.) Ah, there you see - plenty of vermin. Now I'd best be off, so toodle pip! (he leaves, taking a huge bite out of one of the burgers from the bags.)

MULDER: Once again, we're too close to the truth. We have to find the bug.

SCULLY: Where could it be; there's obviously no cameras here.

MULDER: What about the lightbulb. (Scully looks up)

SCULLY: Do you want to shoot it, or shall I?

MULDER: I would, but my shooting hand is cuffed. And you're a better shot anyway. (Scully nods in gratitude, and unholsters her gun. Before we see her squeeze the trigger, we jump to the killer rushing quickly back to his chair, burger in hand, ketchup to his elbows [that's McDonalds for you!!!!], just in time to hear a shot fired, and the sound die rather painfully with a loud crackling sound and a little explosion!. Meanwhile, Mulder and Scully are in total darkness, until Mulder finds a torch, and switches it on. Scully also finds hers, and they shine the torch beams on each other - aww. The killer has his hands clasped together.)

KILLER: Finally. Now the fun begins! (Mulder and Scully are still in total darkness, apart from the torches. Suddenly, we hear the door burst open. Mulder and Scully shine their torches on the killer, who has a pistol.) I've decided. One of you must die, while the other will aid me in my quest.

MULDER&SCULLY: Kill me!!! (they look at each other. Mulder gives her a strange look, which says: "You-don't-have-to-die-for-me", while Scully gives him one of her best ever "You'd-really-die-for-me-wouldn't-you?" looks! Just as their torch batteries die, daylight seeps over the window sill - think about "Darkness Falls".)

KILLER: I didn't say anything about either of you two choosing, did I? I'm the one who chooses. But how? And who? You're both so valuable to the FBI. A medical doctor is always of use to me, however, so you, Miss. Scully will be my helper. (We get images in our minds of Scully being called upon to attend to the killer's 'patients'. What fun!)

'SCULLY: (defiantly) Never.

KILLER: Always, actually. And that means, Mr. Mulder, that you will die. (he points the gun at Mulder.)

SCULLY: NO!!

MULDER: I don't care if you kill me or not. But, for your own conscience's sake, don't make her watch.

KILLER: (Mock tears:) Oh. ([sniff]) Young love. Isn't that sweet. (He looks at Scully, who looks at Mulder. At this point both of them are standing up and straining to reach each other, but not quite succeeding, by an agonising 4 centimetres, making them resemble dogs on leashes! Hmm. She gives him her famous "I-love-you-so-much-don't-leave-me." look. Mulder looks back at her with a "I-have-to-it's-for-our-own-good" look. Mulder and Scully use these infamous 'looks' as a type of code, which only themselves and the audience understand, ie Chris Carter doesn't [hopefully!]!. The killer looks sincere.) She watches. (he releases the safety catch.)

SCULLY: We can sort this out rationally. Nobody needs to die.

KILLER: On the contrary, Miss. Scully, he needs to die.

SCULLY: Why? What has he done to you? What have we done to you, to make you want to kill one of us, and keep the other to cover your tracks. Why not just kill both of us?

MULDER: Scully, this is suicidal.

SCULLY: Exactly. (She gives him a "Mulder,-work-with-me-here" look, but he doesn't understand.)

MULDER: If one of us needs to die, one of us it shall be.

SCULLY: No, Mulder. Nobody's going to die. As you said - we'll get through this.

KILLER: No, you won't. Well, you will, Scully, but your partner over there - he definitely won't.

MULDER: Scully, you can't dissuade this guy. He's a psycho.

SCULLY: Mulder, we've dealt with worse psychos than this one. Help me out here. You're the one who's meant to be able to deal with guys like this. (in desperation, she adds:) Aren't you?

KILLER: You know - she's right, Mr. Mulder. You are meant to be able to dissuade me. (he lowers the gun.) So, go ahead - give me your best shot.

MULDER: (thinking carefully of a suitably clever answer) If you shoot either of us, how're you going to cover your tracks. We know these bullets are loaded with explosives. So, if you shoot me, the building will explode, killing all of us. Even if you get out, this is a pretty packed area, and people might notice if say, the tallest building in the street were to explode. Don't you think? (All through this little speech, possibly the longest yet, Mulder keeps nodding and winking at Scully, [no, NOT like that!!!] who finally gets the hint. She carefully unholsters her gun, aims and fires at the killer. She hits him in the arm. Now, he's annoyed - he turns around, randomly shoots two bullets, in the general direction of Mulder and Scully, who both dodge very deftly, then turns to Mulder again, pointing the gun at him.)

KILLER: You know you shouldn't have done that. You can't stop me now.

SCULLY: Can't I? (she fires again, this time killing him. Kind of. As he painfully, slowly and very melodramatically dies, she examines the bullets in the wall, to see if she can hear ticking. The killer, with a final agonising grunt, dies horribly, and the handcuffs vanish. The 4 centimetre gap is bridged as they clasp each other's hands gratefully and firmly.) I think we should get out of here. I hear ticking again. (Still with linked hands, they run out as fast as they can, for once with nobody leading - it's a joint effort. If you've read "Whirwind", read the bit at the end when they're running from the whirlwind, because it's explained a lot better. Once outside, they hide behind their car, just as the whole building explodes. Bricks and dust fly everywhere, but Mulder, Scully and the car are all unscathed. They peer over the edge of the car boot, look at each other in relief, and get back into the car, driving away slowly. It's morning.)

MULDER: (VO) Lucky guessing again, huh?

SCULLY: Yep. What do you want this time.

MULDER: (VO) To ask you something.

SCULLY: What is it with you and early morning calls? Can't it wait till the morning?

MULDER: (VO) I suppose. See you in the Library at seven.

SCULLY: OK. Bye. (She replaces the reciever and attempts to sleep without having the dream again. She isn't successful!)

Scene Seven: (Scully enters the Library bang on seven. She walks to a particular shelf, and pretends to be interested in a book, which she removes from the shelf. As she does so, Mulder removes a book from the same place on the other side, and they catch sight of each other. They replace the books, Scully goes around to meet him, and they leave.)

SCULLY: So, what was so important that you needed to bring me out here at seven in the morning?

MULDER: I just wanted to talk.

SCULLY: In the middle of the street? Why can't you ever want to talk someplace warm, preferably indoors?

MULDER: Sorry. I know some where a little warmer. Follow me. (Scully is getting a little sick of being dragged around, but follows him anyway. The warmer place is actually a park bench. Why is that warmer, you say? Well, I'm not saying, but the words 'body temperature' are hints.)

SCULLY: I belive I said 'indoors'. What is it that you want to talk to me about?

MULDER: Just stuff.

SCULLY: Stuff?

MULDER: We haven't really talked much lately.

SCULLY: Mulder, we talked yesterday, not that we had much else to do, and this is scaring me. Why do you want to talk? (Mulder shrugs) Well, I guess you ought to know that I'm going to a wedding this afternoon.

MULDER: And you didn't invite me? I’m hurt that you thought I wouldn’t want to see your big day...

SCULLY: (she gives him 'that' look again. I don't think it warrants an explanation really!) Not mine! It's my friend Ellen's. She feels Trent needs a dad.

MULDER: Trent? Why do I know that name?

SCULLY: My godson. Anyway, she's invited me, so my morning is anything but free. (Long pause. It starts to rain. Scully, ever efficient,. is equipped for any weather. She opens that ever-famous FBI-issue industrial strength umbrella, and manages to prop it up somehow over them. Mulder edges closer, for keeping dry purposes only. Or is it. . .?

MULDER: Just out of interest, has Trent got a godfather?

SCULLY: No. Why?

MULDER: Doesn't matter.

SCULLY: No, tell me why you asked.

MULDER: Well, if he did, the person would need to be. . .COULD be your. . .um. . 'marital partner'.

SCULLY: (patronisingly. Well kind of!) Yes, that might work. What is this leading to?

MULDER: I was wondering. . .

SCULLY: (sotto) Uh-oh.

MULDER: Who is your type?

SCULLY: Well, I guess. . .I really haven't the faintest idea.

MULDER: Somebody completely unlike James Albert! (she tries to remember where she's heard those names. As it finally twigs, a look that says "How-could-you-EVER-think-that!" appears on her face.) Perhaps sombody like Pendrell.

SCULLY: Mulder, please. Pendrell was sweet, but he was such a dork.

MULDER: Sombody taller. . . (Scully finally realises what this is going to lead to, and gets up.)

SCULLY: That's what I like about you, Mulder - you're so subtle! I have got to leave now, or I'll be late. (She holds out her hand for the car keys. Mulder hands them over. As he drops them into her hand, their hands hesitate, almost touching, until Scully jerks her hand away.) Mulder, stop it. You’re really starting to bug me, now.

MULDER: Sorry.

SCULLY: If you really want to talk then we’ll talk, but I don’t have the time right at this moment, and frankly I’m not in the mood. It’s early in the morning, I’m tired and grouchy and I don’t need you asking me things.

MULDER: Fine, I'll meet you later - nine o' clock?

SCULLLY: I'll see you there.

MULDER: Where's there?

SCULLY: Why don't you just follow me? It's what I'd expect of you lately!

MULDER: I promise I won't follow you! (She folds her arms as if not really believing him, so Mulder uses his famous line:) Scout's honour.

SCULLY: That office building across the street. Ellen works there, and she wanted all her work friends to be present, to get a more untraditional feel. Now, I’ve really got to go. Bye. (She leaves, taking the umbrella. Mulder gets up and leaves in the opposite direction.)

SCULLY: Of course. So, where are we going now in the mystery voyage?

MULDER: Wait and see. You caught the bouquet, I notice.

SCULLY: Nice of you to notice. I think Ellen threw it at me anyway.

MULDER: Maybe she's trying to tell you something!

SCULLY: Can we not start that conversation yet, please.

MULDER: OK, but I need to ask you something.

SCULLY: Oh no!

MULDER: What?

SCULLY: I've left my bag in there. Wait a second.

MULDER: That is so not you. (And that line is so not Mulder! More like Chandler Bing from "F-R-I-E-N-D-S". Scully walks back up the corridor they are in as fast as she can. She's determined not to let the dream come true. Mulder follows her. When back in the hall, she is approached on either side. From the doorway, by Mulder, and from the other side - wait for it.......ROB!!!! The same 'Scully-in-love' expression as last time appears on her face. She finds her bag.)

SCULLY: Rob! What are you doing here?

ROB: Ellen's my friend, too! Aren't you going to introduce me? I presume this is your partner.

SCULLY: Yes. This is agent Fox Mulder. Mulder, this is Rob.

MULDER: Pleased to meet you! (He shakes hands a little too enthusiastically. Rob notices the forced grin and chumminess.)

ROB:(to Scully) Is he always like this?

SCULLY: I'm afraid so! Shouldn't you be joining the other guests?

ROB: I s'pose I'd better, really, seeing as I'm making a speech. And someone needs a lift. Here: my card. (he gives her a very snazzy business card. He ignores Mulder as he leaves, possibly because Mulder moves out of the way very 'graciously', sitting by the previously seen computer. He messes with the keys.)

MULDER: Nice guy. Bad haircut.

SCULLY: What is wrong with you today? You seem to be jealous of any male who comes within a yard of me!

MULDER: Jealous? Moi? Of course not. But I think you could do better than him, that's all.

SCULLY: (shows him the card, which he looks at in disgust.) You see this - this is subtle!

MULDER: (Imagine Mulder's classic "You never draw my bath!" line from "Revelations", and you'll get the right idea for the next line!) I can be subtle, too.

SCULLY: Erm, cinema trips? Midnight phonecalls? And what about all that stuff this morning?

MULDER: When you put it that way, I see what you mean. (He notices something on the computer.)

SCULLY: Now, I think I deserve to go to dinner with Rob. And...what are you doing?

MULDER: (he gets up from the computer, making sure the screensaver is the same colour, font, etc it was before.) They spelt 'change' wrong! What were you saying?

SCULLY: I said, I am going to dinner with Rob, whether you like it or not. (She storms out, dropping the bouquet at Mulder's feet. [This is almost a reference to "F-R-I-E-N-D-S", when Rachel Green dumped her fiancé at the altar!] He taps it idly with his foot, looking at the floor.)

Scene Nine: (Scully and Rob, in a very expensive looking restaurant. Scully is much more tastefully dressed this time.)

SCULLY: Well, this is very nice. (She looks at the menu.) Expensive, but very nice.

ROB: We're getting free food, though - I own the place.

SCULLY: Remind me to come here more often.

ROB: I don't know whether I should mention this, but your partner seemed a little....

SCULLY: Jealous? (Rob gives an "Ah-that's-the-word!" look.) No, he's just a little over-protective, that's all. There was a bit of a strange incident we both got caught up in yesterday.

ROB: I don't think I want to know!

SCULLY: Nothing like that! We were both. . .sort of. . .about to get shot. Well, Mulder was, until I shot the shooter. (Rob looks a little surprised!) I do that a lot.

ROB: And after all that he still calls you by your surname.

SCULLY: What the Hell does that have to do with anything? He calls me Scully because I respect his feelings enough not to use his first name.

ROB: I can see why.

SCULLY: And if I respect him enough, then he returns that respect by using my surname. And I also don't think your comment was justified.

ROB: Sorry.

SCULLY: Besides which, we're work partners. And friends too, but it's all a matter of respect.

ROB: Respect? Oh, come on, Dana, I've seen the way he looks at you! (Another "Rain King" reference!)

SCULLY: What are you talking about? (Rob looks at her exasperatedly. If she hasn’t noticed then there’s really no point trying to force it. He also suddenly realises "Why am I forcing her onto HIM?" and backtracks.)

ROB: Doesn't matter. Forget I mentioned it!

SCULLY: Forgotten! (They continue eating, as she is getting a little worried - everyone has noticed their strange behaviour except her, when a terrorist suddenly enters - the previous killer's "comrade in crime"! He randomly shoots around the room. As we hear people screaming frantically, cut to:)

MULDER: Phoebe! What are you doing here? (This is by no means pleasantly stated!)

PHOEBE: Is that any way to treat an old acquaintance?

MULDER: Yes, if that old acquaintance happens to be you!

PHOEBE: Cruel. Where's the delightful agent Scully? I'd have thought she'd have moved in by now!

MULDER: Apparantly not. Now, why are you here?

PHOEBE: Do you remember that man called Cecil L'Ively? The pyrokinetic? He taught me a new trick when I went to visit him.

MULDER: You visited a pyrokinetic?

PHOEBE: Yes. Anyway, he taught me a few tricks of the trade. I was in town and I thought I'd come to show you some of them! For example: (she sets her finger alight - old British Gas ads time! Mulder is not impressed. He sits down.)

MULDER: I always knew you were fire itself, Phoebe! Now go away, please! (Phoebe extinguishes her fingers. Mulder ignores her. He's watching the news, as usual. The report is about a restaurant terrorist attack - where Scully is! He gets up, turns off the TV grabs his coat and:) Bye, Phoebe. Duty calls. (He gets to the door, stops, turns around and says:) Try not to burn anything too much, will you. It all cost me, as you English say, a fair 'bob'! (he leaves, shutting the door behind him. Phoebe looks around with a positively evil look on her face. So what else is new?)

MULDER: Are you all right? I heard the news report just now, and I got here as quickly as I could.

SCULLY: Mulder, I'm fine. But I get a strange suspicion that Rob won't speak to me again.

MULDER: Why?

SCULLY: I ducked. (A cop hurries towards Mulder and Scully.)

COP: Mr. Mulder? (Mulder nods.) We've just got news that your appartment has burned down. All your stuff is destroyed. I'm sorry, but nobody was able to alert the fire crew in time. (The cop walks off.)

MULDER: Scully. . . ?

SCULLY: No way! You are not, repeat NOT moving in with me.

MULDER: It's only temporary.

SCULLY: No!

MULDER: One week? (He gives her his best pathetic expression)

SCULLY: (gives in) OK, one week. Then out. (they proceed down the corridor. When he's sure nobody's looking, Mulder ushers Scully to a wall.)

MULDER: I still haven't asked you that important question.

SCULLY: Is it anything to do with extra-terrestrials, poltergeists, or anything to do with the paranormal. (Mulder shakes his head.) OK, so it's nothing to do with an X-File we might have possibly solved over the years. (Mulder shakes his head.)

MULDER: What on Earth did you think I was going to ask you?

SCULLY: That's just it, I have no idea. (Naturally, she's lying. She does know, because the dream is gnawing away at the back of her mind saying "Yes! Say yes!". Scully knows better than to trust her instincts. If she'd trusted them in the earlier Seasons, for example in "Pilot", who knows what might have happened. I mean, we'd nave never got to Season Five without them..... Anyway...)

MULDER: Look, do you want me to ask you or not?

SCULLY: You say this is important?

MULDER: Yes.

SCULLY: But it's not to do with work?

MULDER: No.

SCULLY: Hmm...is it really, incredibly important? Is it life saving?

MULDER: It could be life-changing. I don't know about life-saving, though. You never know.

SCULLY: OK, then. Enlighten me on your question. (There is a pause. Mulder is in the spotlight and doesn't like it. There's nobody else around, so he just compromises:)

MULDER: There's a present to go with it.

SCULLY: Do I want it?

MULDER: I hope so. (her worst fears are realised as Mulder gives her a box. She opens it, although she already knows the contents of it. Without even looking inside she automatically says:)

SCULLY: Mulder, why? (They're near a lift, the doors open, so they enter. They are the only people in the lift. Ooh! I don’t know why this is relevant, by the way - I just felt like saying "Ooh!"

MULDER: You know why!

SCULLY: Take it back. Please. For your own sake.

MULDER: Not until you give me an answer I can believe.

SCULLY: No - that's my answer. (they've reached the bottom floor. They leave the lift, go out of the building, under yellow "POLICE-LINE-DO-NOT-CROSS" tape and stand outside Mulder's car.)

MULDER: I don't believe you mean that.

SCULLY: Did you really expect me to say 'yes'?

MULDER: I don't know.

SCULLY: You are crossing a very thin line here, Mulder.

MULDER: I know that. I’ve given this a LOT of thought, and I really think that...

SCULLY: Just stop talking.

MULDER: Why?

SCULLY: (Stuck for words.) Because you’re not making this any easier, and I don’t need a huge decision like this hanging over my head at the moment.

MULDER: So you’re undecided?

SCULLY: No. I... my answer is NO.

MULDER: Won't you reconsider? Just think about it? Please?

SCULLY: I’m not even going to consider it at all. It’s preposterous.

MULDER: What’s preposterous about it?

SCULLY: (After giving him a look that says "DUH!") Do you want me to list all of the answers to that last question, or will one do? I mean, are you out of your mind?

MULDER: Not at all. I’ve never felt more in control actually. (There is an awkward pause. He’s definitly serious and she really doesn’t know what to think any more. He offers a different choice.) Okay, here’s a thought. How about, if you promise me sincerely that you’ll think it over and weigh out all of your options, I won’t ask you again until you’ve come to a decision, but if you say no straight out, I’ll bug you about it forever until you give in and say yes!

SCULLY: (When offered this compromise, she has to accept his conditions. Also she almost feels sorry for him because of his determinism.) All right, I'll think about it. But don't expect any miracles. I won’t change my mind. (he looks as though he’s about to protest. She interrupts.) BUT, I’ll think about it. I promise. (They enter the car. Mulder drives off, appropriately into moonlight, just to make this ending incredibly tacky.)