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alt.convictions
From: carter@teleport.com (Chris Carter) Subject: [NO SPOILERS] Babylon 5
vs. The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight "We now return to
the Ten O'Clock News, with anchorman Brian Pinhead." In tonight's
entertainment segment our focus is on the popular science fiction TV show,
Babylon 5. Sources inside Warner Brothers have verified that dramatic
changes are being made in what was to be a soon-to-be-aired episode, due
to infighting between the show's creator, J. Michael Straczynski, and Ben
Edlund, creator of 'The Tick,' who was hired to co-write the upcoming
episode with Straczynski, as well as direct. The episode, originally
titled, 'Things That Make You Go Boom... Today!', was renamed to the less
suggestive 'Convictions' after a creative disagreement between the two
writers caused Straczynski to allegedly use his position as Executive
Producer to force Edlund off the project. Airing of 'Convictions' will be
delayed for several weeks as the episode must be almost entirely reshot
and edited, using a new script written exclusively by Straczynski. This
station has obtained a videotape of the original version of this episode,
which was produced using a script penned primarily by Mr. Edlund. The
Prime Time Entertainment Network has kindly granted this station
permission to broadcast some select scenes from the tape, which should
offer valuable insight into Edlund's attempted contribution to the
unfolding story arc of Babylon 5. .. [pre-credits establishing scene -- An
Earth transport is shown entering the main docking bay. Passengers
disembark and are queried by security personnel. A small clock displays
the current time in the lower left corner of the screen, 1630 hours EST
(Earth Standard Time).] Guard: Sir, may I see your identicard, please?
Unidentified Human male: And so he says to me, "Yeah baby, you're the
man with a jumpgate in your..."
uh, sure officer...
Guard
: Well Mr. 'Bomber', your ID checks out. Replacement electrician, eh? Mr.
'Bomber': Yeah baby, just a parttime electrician. I mean, don't cut the
red wire, baby! Better red than dead! Haaaahahahahahahahaha...!!! Guard:
Uh, right. Well, you can go about your business, Mr 'Bomber'.
[Mr. 'Bomber' takes his card and shuffles off toward the zocalo, still
mumbling to himself. -- pan back to the guard] Guard: Hmmm... Maybe I
ought to report that guy to the Chief.
Naah...
Ma'am, may I see your... [zoom out -- musical cue -- fade to black] ..
[somewhere in DownBelow -- time displayed on screen, 2017 hours EST]
Ambassador Mollari: So you're clear on the plan now, my *good* *dear*
friend, Mr. 'Bomber'? Don't activate the bombs until *after* I leave the
council chamber, eh...? Mr. 'Bomber': Oooh yeah, baby, we're gonna make
the ultimate conference call. Kiss your bulkheads goodbye, space cadets!
Mollari: Good, so long as we understand one another, yes...? And I almost
forgot, here is your payment. Mr. 'Bomber':
And so he says to me, "You wanna buy Guy Fawkes Day, huh?" And I
say, "Penny for a Guy? You better believe it, you bunch of Jack
Palance wannabees! Hey parliament, conquer this!!!" Mollari: Of
course, Mr. 'Bomber'. And good day to you. Mr. 'Bomber': Keep playin' with
fire, Londo! You dunno how much fire you're playin' with!
Haaaahahahahahahahaha...!!! .. [Babylon 5 council chambers -- An emergency
meeting of the Advisory Council is in session. -- time displayed on
screen, 2358 hours EST] Sheridan: Londo's been in the head a helluva long
time now; nearly ten minutes. Delenn: That's not unusual for a Centauri, I
understand. [sound of PPG firing -- Mr. 'Bomber' bursts into the council
chambers with a PPG in one hand and a device in the other, on which he's
flipping a switch. The seats belonging to the ambassadors of the three of
the four major species start chirping.] Mr. 'Bomber': Two minutes to
Midnight, baby! Two minutes 'til you all suck vacuum! Long live
Rock'n'Roll! You have all become victims of The Evil Midnight Bomber What
Bombs At Midnight! Haaaahahahahahahahaha...!!! [Sheridan tries to draw a
PPG he doesn't carry with him to council, then links to Garibaldi. Ivanova
bursts into the room through an entrance opposite the Evil Midnight
Bomber, jerks off one of her shoes, throws, and hits the maniacally
laughing Bomber in the head, knocking him senseless. Garibaldi appears
from the entrance behind the Bomber, scoops up the device the Bomber was
holding and examines it.] Garibaldi: Captain, this thing won't disarm the
bombs. We've got to get them off the station before they blow. And
according to this, we've only got a minute thirty left. Sheridan
: I need a bag or something.
Velcro. This guy's pretty slick. Delenn: Here.
[Sheridan puts the bombs in the bit of robe, secures the bundle, and runs
for the nearest airlock. Once at an airlock, Sheridan tosses the bundle
inside, closes the inner pressure door, and opens the outer pressure door
without depressurizing the chamber, causing the cluster of bombs to be
violently ejected from the airlock.] Sheridan: Whew! Just in time.
[exterior of station -- The bag with the bombs floats away from the
station rapidly. Several hundred yards from the station, the bag hits some
debris recognizable as a cute teddy bear in a baseball uniform. The bear
is carried along with the bombs for a few more seconds; then, the bombs
explode. No bear remains can be seen once the blast dissipates.] .. Once
again, our thanks to the Prime Time Entertainment Network for allowing us
to play those scenes for you. Babylon 5 can be seen in The City every
Thursday night at eight o'clock p.m., on this station. In other
entertainment news, romance novel cover-model Fabio is arrested outside of
one of Hollywood's hippest restaurants, 'Spago.' The charge:
"Flagrant display of pectorals," according to Police Chief
Darryl Bates. More on the bust after these commercial messages.
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