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Subject: FROM JMS: THE SPOO FAQ Sb: #Spoo! Fm: J. Michael Straczynski
71016,1644 Spoo is/are (the plural of spoo is spoo) small, white, pasty,
mealy critters, rather worm-like, and generally regarded as the ugliest
animals in the known galaxy by just about every sentient species capable
of star flight, with the possible exception of the Pak'ma'ra, who would
simply recommend a more rigorous program of exercise. They are also
generally considered the most delicious food in all of known space,
regardless of the individual's biology, almost regardless of species,
except for the Pak'ma'ra, who like the flavor but generally won't say so
simply to be contrary. Spoo are raised on ranches on worlds with a damp,
moist, somewhat chilly climate so that their skin can acquire just the
right shade of paleness. Spoo travel in herds, if moving a total of six
inches in any given direction in the course of a given year can actually
be considered moving. They stay in herds ostensibly for mutual protection,
but the reality is that if they weren't propped up against one another,
most of them would simply fall down. They do not howl, bark, moo, purr,
yap, squeak or speak. Mainly, they sigh. Herds of sighing spoo can
reportedly induce unparalleled bouts of depression, which is why most spoo
ranchers wear earmuffs even when it's only mildly cold, damp, wet and
dreary outside. If there is any life-or-death struggle for dominance
within the spoo herd, it has not yet been detected by modern science. Spoo
ranching is one of the least regarded professions known. Little or no
skill is required, once you've got a planet with the right climate. You
bring in two hundred spoo, plop them down in the middle of your ranch, and
go back to the nearby house. Soon you've got more. When it comes time to
cull out the ones ready for market (the softest, mealiest, palest, most
forlorn-looking spoo of the pack), little physical effort is required
since they're incapable of rapid movement without falling over (see
above). They do not resist, fight, or whine; they only sigh more loudly.
When spoo harvest time comes, the air is full of the sound of whacking and
sighing, whacking and sighing. Even an experienced spoo rancher can only
harvest for brief periods of a time, due to the increased volume of
sighing, which even the sound of whacking cannot altogether erase. (also
see above) Some have simply gone mad. Spoo are the only creatures of which
the Interstellar Animal Rights Protection League says, simply, "Kill
'em." Fresh spoo (served at an optimum temperature of 62-degrees) is
served in cubed sections, so that they bear as little resemblances as
possible to the animal from which they have just been sliced. Spoo is
usually served alongside a Chablis, or a white zinfandel. Further
information on the care, feeding, eating and whacking of spoo can be found
in the second edition of the Interstellar Guide to Fine Dining.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ jms Back
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