Welcome to the page where you can learn to speak like your hero, the one and only PIKESTAFF.

What do you mean, I'm not your hero? Then you're being forced into this, do you hear? This is a requirement. It's called, "Pikestaff's Accent 101." It is a prerequesite for becoming cool. Notice that I cannot spell. At least, I don't think I can...

And now, on to the class!

Rules for Speaking Pikestaff Silverfur's Dialect:

• If the letter A appears before a voiced glottal stop, it is pronounced [e]. (As in, "ray" without the R.) THIS RULE IS VERY IMPORTANT. Examples would include bag, dragon, wagon, and magnet, which according to this rule are now pronounced "bay-g", "dray-gon", "way-gon", and "may-gnet." To pronounce these words as they are transcribed in the dictionary is UNACCEPTABLE.

• Carbonated drinks, such as Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Root Beer, and Sprite are known as POP. Occasionally you may be able to get away with "Soda Pop" although this is not the recommended form. Simply "Pop" is the correct term. "Soft Drink" is not acceptable. "Soda" is not acceptable. "Coke" or "Cola" is not acceptable unless you are referring to the specific drink that is Coca-Cola. "Fizzy Drink" is acceptable only if you live in New Zealand.

• The word "Couplethree" is a Butte thing and is not acceptable while you are in my head. Got it?

• The letter or phoneme "r" is NEVER put into a word like "Wash." Thus, the state of Washington is NOT the state of "Warshington," you do NOT "Warsh your clothes" and the White House is NOT in "Warshington D.C." "Garsh" for "Gosh" is allowed only if your name is Goofy.

• Words such as "thingy," "deal," "thing-a-ma-jig," "thing-a-ma-bobber," "doodle-jig," and "doohickey" are perfectly acceptable. You may only use "Lookin'-like-thing" if you are from Indiana.

• The phoneme [t] is NOT pronounced in the word "often." It is pronounced, [afIn], and NOT [aftIn].

• It is To-may-to, not To-mah-to, and Po-tay-to, not Po-tah-to. The alternate pronunciations are okay only if you are singing the song.

• Using the word "drug" as a past tense of "drag" is okay. See, this avoids the inevitable conflict of certain un-perfect individuals giving you dirty looks when you say "dray-gged". Example, "I drug him out into the street" is grammatically correct in my world. So get used to it. Similarly, "drunk" can also be used as a past tense for "drink" instead of "drank," however both are acceptable.

• The word "über" is used as a prefix for something that is very very admirable or extreme. You should put a dash inbetween it and the word you are emphasizing.

• "A-boat" may be a North Dakota/Rez/Canada thing but here the preferred form is "a-bowt." Likewise, you should not say "sore-y", unless you have proof that you were born in Canada, in which case I'll let you get away with it.

• "Prob'ly" is an acceptable form of "Probably." "Comft-er-ble" is an acceptable pronunciation of "comfortable."

• Aluminum is NOT pronounced "al-you-min-ee-um" because there is no extra [i] in the word. Iron is pronounced either as "I-yern" or "I-ern," but NOT "I-run" or something similar. I know the R is there, but it is like the [t] in often. If you have a problem with it realize that it is a Pikestaff thing and get over it. "Irony" is a special word and I will accept "I-yern-ee", "I-ern-ee", and even "I-run-ee".

• It is "Periodic Table", and not "Periodic Chart."

• It is "HONClBrIF" and not "BrINClHoF".

• A Mosquito Hawk is not a dragonfly. It is one of those big huge guy mosquitos that have big long wings and are scary-looking, but do not bite. That is what a Mosquito Hawk is in my dimension.

• There is an ever-so-slight difference between the pronunciation of the words "taught" and "tot" or "caught" and "cot." They do not sound totally and completely different, but they do not sound exactly the same. The best way I can describe it to the non-initiated is to put more of a longish "aw", with more of a rounded mouth, in "taught" instead of just the standard [a] in "tot."

HOPEFULLY, you do realize that this is merely a "list-in-progress" and I could likely go on and on and on, but because a.) I figure you are throughly bored unless you are very strange or b.) Will never pay attention to any of this anyway, then I'm done for now. SO THERE. Happy "bayg"-ing!