Morpheus:
Morpheus was the bally old gel who first told me that I was The One. He called me up on my cell phone and told me so one wonderful day while I was in the midst of battling an evil rat-type blighter who was trying to take over Redwall. Know how I beat him? TOUGH! I'm not telling. And if you really want to know, then go back to the main page and go to one of the story links. Anyhow, I listen to Morpheus's advice everyday, which he freely gives to me. "Pikestaff," he said, "I'm sure you feel a little like Alice right now. Tumbling down the rabbit hole..." "Yeah," I said, "Actually, I feel like that every day. In the Wonderful World of Pikestaff everything is a bit like Wonderland, wot wot?" And doncha' just love my alliteration??

Jackie Chan
That's right, folks. He's the guy who taught me all my moves. Do you know what he told me the other day? "You owe me a new Beach Boys Classic CD!" So, I gave him one. And from that day on we've been the best of bally buddies. I am currently training to enter the J-Team... so I can hang around with that big fat sumo wrestler guy. He's my friend too, and he also happens to be my personal bodyguard. I just call him up when I need him. What's that you say? You don't believe me? ...where's my phone...

Wolverine
The fat sumo wrestler guy is only one of my personal bodyguards. The other one is Wolverine. He introduced me to that splendid Xavier gel and made me an official X-Man. Er, X-Hare... I guess... and do you know why? Cause I'm really a MUTANT! Guess what I can turn into?? A spoon!!! Isn't that exciting!!! Wolverine is the guy who's always giving me hints on how to use my powers. That is why you don't want to get into a fight with me. Okay, peeps??

Invader Zim
Together, we are going to take over the world. Zim and I see all and know all. Which brings us to our next entry in my phone book...

Q
Q just so happens to be omniscient, so if he catches you doing any funny stuff... even when you think that nobeast is watching... he will show up when you least expect it and turn your world upside down in ways that even I am not mean enough to do. Bottom Line: If you see a website with the title, "ThE WoRlD AcCoRdInG To Q", then take my advice and stay far away...

Ethan Hunt
THE LIST IS IN THE OPEN! Heh heh heh, it's my other saying. And guess who taught it to me? No, not Regis Philbin. And no, not George Harrison either. It was good old Ethan Hunt, the Mission:Impossible blighter who saves the world in his spare time. I actually spend a lot of time hanging out with him. "You who don't have a conscience," he says. And, what, moi?? Just because I like trapping poor innocent Redwall-type people in my turbulant world doesn't make me that evil, now, does it? Oh, and by the way... THEY'RE DEAD, THEY'RE ALL DEAD!!

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