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SØREN'S PHOTO PAGE

Welcome to Søren's Photos

Featured on this page you will find a collection of photos of Søren from his baby book.

We have few photos of Søren where he can actually be seen in detail. We took what we could while he was alive, but in most of those his face is covered by tape and tubes and it is impossible to get a good look at him.

Once it was decided that treatment would stop for Søren, we knew that we wanted lots of photos of him with us. We were so tired and bewildered, torn between wanting photos and wanting to spend uninterrupted time with him. Thankfully, Søren's nurse Trish picked up our camera and just started clicking, taking many lovely candid photos of us together as a family. We felt worried about film failing or getting lost at the printers so we used both the polaroid and our 35mm. The hospital had a video camera too and Trish stood quietly by filming as much as she could of us together.

If it wasn't for the efforts of the staff and Trish, we would not have the photos that we have. Every hospital should have a staff member available who is confident with a camera. How I wish that we could have had a digital camera so as to get tight close portraits of his beautiful face. There is so much value in a good photograph.

Bedrest

These three photos show me on bedrest at various times with Søren.

The first one is me and my belly - we had made it almost 2 weeks on bedrest and were feeling pretty happy. Søren was moving alot and we felt confident to let down our guard a bit with some smiles.

The second one was taken on one of the beautiful sunday's that we spent in the Labour ward. Our midwife took me out for some air and a change of scenary.

The third one is of Danielle washing my hair while on bedrest. I was not allowed out of bed at all, no bathroom privileges, nothing. At this point I had been confined to bed for two weeks in Trendelenburg position (head down). You can see how much fluid retention I was experiencing.

Danielle was kind enough to take the time to wash my hair and help me to feel more presentable. I was on the phone to my good friend Linda during this. I'm so thankful for phone calls from friends like Linda. They kept my spirits up.

Søren's First Photographs

These are the first two photographs I saw of Søren. I remember waking up after the emergency c-section and hearing Kieron say, "We have a boy!" He was so excited.

Then he presented me with these photos. I thought Søren was the smallest baby I had ever seen and I was quite concerned about all the equipment. But he was living and he was beautiful. Even through the tape and tubes, I could see that. My heart was and is so full of love and pride for Søren.

Seeing Søren

Once I was fully awake and physically comfortable, Bev and Kieron wheeled me down to the Newborn Care Centre on my bed so that I could see Søren. I was very happy to finally see him, but it was also upsetting. I could see that he was not well, but I couldn't get close enough to touch him or hold his hand. It seemed that miles separated us rather than a few feet.

Søren's Few Days

This top photo is one of our favourite photos of Søren, although it is a bit blurry. I see his concentration and spirit in this photo.

Søren's Last Day

Because of the severity of infection, Søren's body began to shut down. Potentially some of the things that could happen to him as he declined could be horrible and painful. We didn't want him to suffer.

After second opinions we agreed to withdraw treatment and remove Søren from the ventilator. To take the step towards death is the most agonizing moment a parent can have with their child. Withdrawing treatment for Søren meant his certain death.

Our doctors and nurses organized space and time for us to spend several quiet hours with him.

We held him, talked to him,
told him how proud we were and how much we loved him.

These photos are from this time together.

Søren's Death

We were asked to wait in another room while they prepared Søren for removal from the ventilator. In retrospect, I wish we had stayed with him. I wanted to be part of everything that happened for him. When we returned, he was dressed in a beautiful cardigan, boots and nappy. They removed the ventilation and quickly scooped him up to place him in Kieron's arms. Within minutes he died, peacefully and quietly.

We then took Søren to a private room to bath and dress him. I was too weak to stand for long at the bath so I watched as Kieron bathed Søren. I really like the photographs from this time. This one below, is the only photo we have of Søren's back. It's the only time we saw it.

Søren's Last Photos

We spent some time with Søren's body over the next few days as I recovered from the c-section.

My parents arrived by the weekend. We then had Søren's funeral the following week. We invited a close group of friends to join us at the hospital where we held his funeral. We had arranged for Søren's body to undergo a post-mortem exam that day, after which he would be free to take to the crematorium in the following days.

Unfortunately the funeral home we chose to help us with arrangements was very cruel. They would not let us accompany Søren's body to the crematorium after the exam, saying it would cost us $1,200 dollars to do so. We had both anticipated being able to take him there ourselves, that is what we thought we had arranged. When we called the funeral home, the secretary said, "Well you'll just have to say your little prayers at home." I still fume when remembering this cruel and indifferent remark.

Søren's beautiful face.

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